Author Note: My fourth and probably last Angel story for now!! Finished season five the other day, watched the last episode with my dad and, of course, i cried when Wesley died!! I even think my dad was getting all teary XD But anyway, it's Angel again, seems fitting XD
Back ground: Set in season five, the episode called 'Power Play'. Everyone thinks Angel's been corrupted by the power that Wolfram & Hart offer but in reality he's just pretending, because he needs the senior partners and The Circle of the Black Thorn (a group of the biggest and baddest evil around) to believe it so that he can get into their ranks and get the inside info on them. So he can kill them all and take on the senior partners.
The quotes are mainly from Angel himself, or said to him, you can kinda tell if he heard the words said or not, because he usually comments on them if he has. If not he just talks lol so yeah =)
A thank you to my beta and awesome best friend, Lord Jellyfish!! You rock, dunno what i'd do without your awesomeness and ninja skills XD
On with the show...
Disclaimer: I do not own Angel or any of the characters!!
Angel's POV
Heroes don't accept the world the way it is. They fight it.
Never thought I'd say this, but Lindsey's right.
Since coming here, to Wolfram & Hart, we've all changed.
We've stopped fighting it.
Stopped trying to change the world, and instead we've just started to accept it.
But that isn't what heroes do.
Heroes keep on fighting; keep on trying to change things.
They don't sit in their big, fancy 30th floor office, signing checks and getting evil demons and criminals off on charges they are so obviously guilty of.
They're out on the streets, rescuing the girl, helping the helpless, fighting the good fight…
You're a hero.
That word!
You're my hero!
I used to be a hero.
Or at least I tried to be.
If getting stabbed and beaten to a bloody pulp countless times makes me a hero, then yeah, I most certainly was.
But it wasn't just that.
I did those things for a reason, all in the line of duty!
I got stabbed and beaten to save someone.
To make the world a better place by getting rid of one evil thing at a time, by saving one life at a time.
Though if I could save a couple of hundred at a time that'd be even better!
Now though, I still get stabbed and beaten, but the purpose, the reason seems to be gone, or… more like I've lost it, misplaced it somehow.
And I need to find it again before I can be called a hero.
What business are we in, Angel?
I know what business we used to be in, that's easy.
But since we came here it got… confusing.
It used to be so simple.
Good vs. Evil.
Heroes and Villains.
All we used to have to worry about was how to kill the most recent demon or big bad we came up against…
Now we seem to be working with most of them or representing them!
And I can't kill any of them!
At least, I'm not supposed to.
Bad for business.
But it'd be so much easier if it was that simple again.
It's the game that matters. Get to the top, be the best, have the most. Win.
It's always been about the winning.
How could it not be?
You have to win the war so that you can save the day!
You have to beat the demons and the monsters or they'll take over and destroy everything.
You have to crush evil or it'll crush the good, crush you!
There's nothing else for it.
You have to win.
Or else you'll lose.
And I have so much to lose.
You wanna know the truth? None of it makes a difference.
That's not true.
Not true at all.
I've never believed that and I never will.
Everything we do makes a difference, everything helps.
All the little things.
All the vampires we stake, demons we kill, people we save.
It all makes a difference.
You can't do anything but save the world one person at a time.
There is one thing in this business, in this apocalypse, that we call a world that matters: Power. Power tips the scale, power sets the course. And until I have real power… I have nothing.
And how to get this power…
Get to the top.
Be the best.
Have the most.
Win.
That's how.
It's the only way.
I wish it weren't. I wish it didn't have to be like this.
But I can wish all I like; it's not going to change anything, not unless I get that power.
Maybe then I can change things.
I can't worry about that. That small stuff.
It is the small stuff that counts though.
It all adds up.
I'm sorry, Wes. I really am.
I still care about it, about the small stuff.
About all those statistics, the people out there being killed, having their lives destroyed.
Of course I care.
But I can't show it, I have to pretend I don't.
To get that power.
The power that could help me save all those people, change those statistics once and for all.
It doesn't make any sense. Angel never cared about power.
Well, he's never had any to care about, has he? Not real power… And just like that he's king of the mountain. It's quite a view from up there.
I need that power.
Because now, maybe I stand a chance.
Maybe I can make a real difference.
I can do more than just fight with that power.
I can win with it.
I can save all those people.
People like Doyle and Cordy and Fred.
You're the most amazing man I've ever met.
I'm not even a man, not really.
Just a demon.
Okay, a demon with a soul!
But a demon nonetheless.
She doesn't have a clue about half the things I've done.
All the pain and terror and death I caused as Angelus.
I'm trying to make up for it now, trying so damn hard!
But there's nothing amazing about me.
I'm just trying to make up for everything I've done.
It's selfish, really.
Evil's not the point. Power is.
Everyone has evil in them, just like everyone has good in them.
Well, most people anyway.
The point is, you can choose.
You can be evil, or you can be good.
It's all about will and power.
Angel dedicated his life to helping others. Not because he had to, but because it was a path he'd chosen.
Everyone has their own path; you just have to find it.
It takes time and you have to have faith, keep believing that there's someone out there helping you along, guiding you.
The Powers That Be are pretty much responsible for that and I had a guide.
Two in fact.
Doyle first and then Cordy.
They both did so much more than guide me.
They believed in me too.
Cordelia gave you her visions.
She put me on the path, showed me where the real powers are.
I owe her so much.
More than I could ever repay.
I'd have given up a long time ago if it wasn't for her.
She was always there, someone I could count on.
She was always straight with me, always told me exactly how it was.
You always knew where you stood with Cordelia, she was someone you could rely on to say the right thing to keep you positive or give you a kick when you needed it.
Especially the latter!
She gave everything she had and so much more.
She became part demon for me!
Just so that she could keep the visions, keep on fighting and trying to make the world a better place.
That was just the kind of person she was.
The kind of person I fell in love with.
Then Fred died… so I decided to use it. To make her death matter!
I've lost them both.
Cordy first and then Fred.
I needed them, more than almost anything.
And yet, I couldn't protect them, couldn't save them.
I know I deserve to be punished for all the things I've done, but I wish they'd punish me for it and leave my friends alone!
They haven't done anything.
They're innocent in all this.
No one more so than Fred and Cordelia.
Yet the innocent are always the ones that suffer.
The powerful control everything. Except our will.
That's the one thing that is truly ours.
Our weapon against them.
We can choose.
Choose what we believe in, what we fight for, what side we're on.
It might not seem like much, but all it takes is for someone to decide, someone to be sure of what they want, what they're fighting for.
You just have to be sure.
Ten to one, we're gone when the smoke clears.They will do everything in their power to destroy us… We can't bring down the senior partners, but for one bright shiny moment we can show them that they don't own us.
We're going for the biggest of the big bads this time.
The senior partners.
They're the ones running everything, giving the orders, making the plans.
So it's them I have to go for.
We don't stand a chance of beating them, destroying them completely, but we're sure as hell gonna do some major damage!
Shake them up so much that they won't be forgetting us in a hurry.
But…
I can't do it without you.
I need them.
My team.
My friends.
I've always needed them, now more than ever.
I can't do it all by myself, I wish I could.
I wish I could protect them from it, save them, so they don't have to fight.
I don't want to lose any more of them.
Three down already and the real fight's only just begun.
Think about what I'm asking you to do. Think about what I'm asking you to give up.
Everything.
Everything they have, everything they could have...
I need them to trust me completely, be willing to give their lives!
Not for me.
For the cause, the mission…
For the good fight.
Burn the house down while we're still in it.
Somethin' like that.
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Author Note: So what'd ya'll think? I really like all the quotes i used, in all four stories. I actually wrote the stories around them 'cos i liked 'em so much XD so yeah... lemmie know!! Review, message me, favourite or all of the above =) heh in a bit guys