Someone told me that my fics couldn't get any weirder without becoming crack fics. Here goes nothing. RANMA/Sailor Moon/Godzilla(Cameo)/others? crossover fanfiction. Disclaimer: read previous sentence. Warning: This is rated M. I promise it won't scar your mind if you're younger than that cut off, but if for some reason it does, please block this sentence out of your memory.
Chapter One:
Totally uncalled for violence. Every fiancee was crazier and more possessive than the last. Honestly, its not like she meant to impregnate herself... Her face paled. Sometime during her very active and violence-filled stay in Nerima her mind had crafted a few often-used grief forms. The fill in the blank format allowed them to be completed even while fighting. Unfortunately, her little habit had just reminded her of her very unfortunate condition. Her displeasure in this moment was further aggravated by the sharp stones pressing into her back. 'Alright,' she thought, 'time to find out where I am.' One finger twitched. 'Any time now.' Maybe in a few minutes. Inter-dimensional travel was a real bitch. At least, she thought it was a different dimension. She'd traveled through time and space before but this trip definitely had an extra little kick to it. The three meter drop at the end of it probably didn't help.
Some people might view this situation as highly distressing. Ranma didn't deny she was rather annoyed, but she was doing her best to think of this whole thing as a new opportunity. After all, now there was no more fiancees, no more Ryoga, no more lazy pandas eating her food... One eye cracked open upon hearing a very loud, familiar snore. 'No, frakking, way.' She'd know that stupid panda anywhere. What were the chances of landing in a parallel dimension right next to her good for nothing father? Who knows, maybe he got sent through with her somehow? She turned her head to the right and saw an empty sleeping roll. She reached out a hand cautiously. If this was after Jusenkyo in this universe then her counterpart could be some poisonous snake or something – probably wouldn't be good to startle it, in her opinion.
'Ash?' The black and slightly greasy flakes sifted through her fingers. 'Please don't tell me he spontaneously combusted when I landed here. Something tells me that accidentally killing your counterpart is really bad karma.' "Achoo!" The ashes scattered into the wind, a few landing on her cheek. 'O frikk on a stick, I just sneezed into my own remains!' Rerunning her mental dialogue it occurred to her that she was starting to sound like Elliot from Scrubs. 'No more television for me.' She scrunched her face briefly. 'Unless it's manly television.' She eyed the sleeping roll. 'No, I couldn't." Except for the ashes it looked very comfortable. Far more comfortable, at least, then her current resting place. Sighing, she carefully scooted over and crept inside. 'I really hope God doesn't smite me right now.' She stared up at the night sky for a few minutes before closing her eyes.
"Shiraaaak!" The lightning smashed down from the sky to be deflected at the last moment by Ranma's ki-covered hand.
"Son of a b-!" A sign smacked her in the head, wielded by the still sleeping Genma. [Quiet!], it read. 'I can already tell this universe is gonna be a pain in the a-,' her thought was interrupted as a tree branch fell on her head. Ranma didn't even bother pushing it off.
)Morning(
"Ranma, have you gained weight?" Genma yelled towards the currently flying martial artist. "No soup for you!"
Ranma reined in the impulse to kill the fat man. It being a different universe meant it didn't quite count as patricide, right? 'Now how to break the news that I'm pregnant?' At least her counterpart had also been cursed to turn into a girl from the way Genma had recognized her. Her face really hadn't changed much in the five years since Jusenkyo. Her slowed aging from her ki training would be nice in the long run, she supposed, but it did make it hard to be taken seriously at times. So be it, it would hardly be the first time she'd masqueraded as a sixteen year old.
A near invisible cushion of ki softened her fall. Normally she would just drop into a roll, after all it wasn't as if a little fifteen foot fall would hurt her. Unfortunately, her baby was another matter. She had wondered for awhile now whether it was normal to feel the baby's limbs and how it felt as if it were her own body. Well, it was inside her, but she suspected this level of connection was unnatural. The growth rate was somewhat abnormal as well. Unfortunately, Nabiki had learned that pictures of a pregnant Ranma-chan simply didn't sell as well. To get back at him she'd told Doctor Tofu that the engagement had been moved to Kasumi. The glasses-wearing maniac kept (accidentally) giving her arsenic pills disguised as pain relievers ever since. With her main source of medical advice gone homicidal she'd been hard pressed to find any usable information. God forbid she ever talk to one of her fiancees about it.
"Shiraaak!" The lightning bounced off her hand before splitting a tree in half. 'Mother F-' She spotted Genma swallowing soup at a breakneck pace. Surfing a wave of ki she plopped down right beside him and struggled to even the race. Her baggy Chinese clothes just barely disguised the curvature of her stomach. 'I wonder when he's going to catch me using these ki-techniques. Good thing he's an idiot.'
One thing could be said for the road they traveled over the next few hours: It had no dust. A steady downpour had been their companion ever since breakfast. Ranma was once again feeling hungry and the smell of wet panda wafting from in front of her did nothing to improve her mood. "Oye, Pops, where the heck are we going anyways?" The sign popped up a second later. [Amazons]. 'O bloody 'ell, no way am I getting that purple c-cat after me again.' "Listen, Pops, I don't think-" He was gone. The rain had cleared, allowing Ranma a perfect view of impending doom. 'Well, it's too late to stop him now so I might as well get a meal out of it.' Once again riding a wave of ki rather that stressing her stomach with running she arrived at the banquet table shortly after her replacement father.
Ten pounds of food later Shampoo made her appearance. "Aiyaah! Outsiders eat prize, Shampoo kill!"
Just then a large green man-thing landed from the sky, breaking the table with a two-hand hamfist. "Hulk smash!" With that the creature leapt away into the distance.
"See? It would have been ruined anyways, so no harm done, right?"
Cologne took this opportunity to add her two cents. "Food was for the winner. You must fight the champion of our village or suffer the consequences of your actions."
"Err, I'm not really in the fighting mood at the moment," said Ranma, dodging a paw-swipe from her father for refusing a challenge. "I don't suppose there's any other way of working this out?" Her hand unconsciously protected her stomach.
Cologne's eyes narrowed at the bump beneath the shirt, mouth tipping in a frown. Her ki tendrils were rebuffed by the slowly swirling energy within the redheaded girl, preventing her from being sure, but... "Are you perhaps p-."
"Pops we need to go!" Astonished amazons gaped at Cologne as she struggled to free herself from the web of ki covering her mouth. Ranma hurriedly snatched Genma by the scruff of his neck and jumped into the air, waves of ki pushing outwards in a cone below her as she continued to rise into the air. Five hundred feet up she let herself fall, Genma still dangling from her tiny hand.
[What are you doing boy!]
"Quiet!" she yelled, ignoring the fact that signs do not speak. "I need to concentrate." Spears skimmed Genma's belly as wings of ki swept out twenty feet to either side of Ranma's shoulder blades, snapping the two of them onto a horizontal path away from the village. "Victory! Twenty feet from the ground even carrying your fat a-," she was interrupted by a most disturbing sight. "Pops, is that Godzilla being fought by a team of magical girls in the distance?"
Fin.
Well, how was that for chapter one! Please, don't flame me unless you have a sense of humor. I fully realize that this story is fairly crackish. Writing the newest chapter of my claymore piece was getting me down so I thought I'd write something fun. Ranma is 21 years old if you were still guessing. Btw, things that someone (not me I think, too busy) should write:
A Ranma/Konatsu pairing. Honestly there's like six Ranma/Mousse pairings and quite frankly he's a sack of... well, you get the picture. Konatsu deserves a chance.
Ranma actually meets Drizzt in a Forgotten Realms crossover for once? Or at the very least takes his place amongst the Drow.
I swear, buckets and buckets of fics where the spirit of the spring talks to/merges/possesses Ranma and not once to my knowledge does an accident happen where Ranma ends up controlling the girl form and the spirit the boy form.
A giant ball of – eh, nm, I'll prolly throw that idea into the mix for this story.