our goal is to make the worst, edgiest, and most disturbing fanfiction on this whole site.
we've listened to buyers market by peter sotos a good 30 times, so we know how to write things like these now. also we've listened to whitehouse's full discography, and pinkerton by weezer. this is still incomplete. we had to publish this on 9/11, and we were planning on finishing it but forgot to. thank you rivers cuomo
there will be more coming soon
god help us
WARNING: Rape, Pedophilia, Torture, Psychological horror, Gore, Nazi propaganda, Racism, The Alt-Right, Death Grips nightcore remixes, Infowars, Pizzagate, Overwatch, Ska Dubstep Fusion, Jews
DEAR READER: THANK YOU FOR TAKING TIME OUT OF YOUR LIFE TO READ THIS NEO NAZI TERRORIST MANUAL. YOU ARE NOW ON A LIST AND YOUR LIFE IS RUINED; YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL TONIGHT. HAVE A NICE DAY.
THE BBB
BIGGIE'S BOOMBASTIC BROTHEL
~PART ONE: EROTIC RAPE FANFIC WITH RIGHT WING POLITICAL COMMENTARY~
DECEMBER 19, THE YEAR 2070. ALEX JONES IS REPORTING ABOUT THE CENSORSHIP OF SAID "FAKE NEWS" AND HOW GLOBALIST JEWS ARE TRYING TO BLOCK THE TRUTH THAT IS INFOWARS. THIS IS 2 YEARS AFTER THE "CUCK REVIVAL", WHEN GOD REVIVED MANY POPULAR CRACKHEAD LEFTIST CUCKS. 21 SAVAGE, HIRO HAMADA, SAM HYDE, AND THE REST OF THE BIG HERO 666 CREW, INCLUDING HIRO'S BROTHER, TADASHI. THESE FUCKING LOSERS, AFTER GETTING A SECOND CHANCE, DECIDED TO USE THAT SECOND CHANCE AND BE FUCKING DUMBASSES AND COMPLETELY SCREW THEIR LIVES UP. 21 SAVAGE IS NOW A JEW THANKS TO NEW TECHNOLOGY, ABLE TO MAKE ANYONE ANY RACE WITH ONE SIMPLE CLICK. SAM HYDE IS WITH HIS GAY ALIEN VR YAOI BOYFRIEND, AS HOMOSEXUALITY IS NOW THE ONLY LEGAL SEXUALITY, AND ALL STRAIGHT PEOPLE GET THROWN INTO THE ANTI ALT-RIGHT FIRE PIT, LOCATED IN NUUK, GREENLAND. THE UNDERTALE SCHOOL SHOOTER KID IS A NEW HYBRID FORM OF WIGGER AND HIPSTER, KNOWN AS A WIPSTER. WIPSTERS ARE SAVVY, THEY KNOW HOW TO USE THE INTERNET, THEY HAVE DECENT TASTE, BUT THEY'RE OBSESSED WITH HIP-HOP.
2070. BLOCKS OF COMPACTED TRASH REPLACED THE DOLLAR BILL. A NEW GOLD RUSH HAS HAPPENED BECAUSE OF THIS AND EVERYONE IS NOW RICH. ELDERLY PEOPLE AND DISABLED PEOPLE ARE GENOCIDED BY EMPEROR KANYE. FACEBOOK IS USED AS A BIRTH CERTIFICATE. ALL MEN AND WOMEN OPT TO GET THEIR DICKS AND PUSSIES REPLACED WITH CLOACAE. THE WORLD IS AT PEACE. WELL, MOSTLY AT PEACE. HIRO HAMADA, A.K.A. YUNG CUCK BOI, AS HE'S KNOWN BY ON SOUNDCLOUD AND TWITTER, WAS FUCKING KIDNAPPED BY A DIRTY JEW. HIRO HAS BEEN HELD CAPTIVE IN BUZZFEED'S SECRET SEX DUNGEON FOR THE PAST YEAR, OWNED BY NO OTHER THAN JOE "BLOCKHEAD" (((BERNSTEIN))). (ECHOES, "((()))" ARE USED TO TELL THE READER IF A PERSON IS JEWISH.) IT'S NOVEMBER 2069. 14 YEAR OLD HIRO HAMADA IS SKATING DOWN THE STREET, BACK TO HIS HOME AFTER GOING TO AN ILLEGAL BOT FIGHT TO GET FREE SATIVA WEED, EVEN THOUGH HE PROMISED HE WOULD NEVER DO THIS DUMB SHIT THAT CAN GET HIM ARRESTED EVER AGAIN. SINCE HIS BROTHER IS DEAD THO, HE NOW DOES AS MUCH ILLEGAL BOT FIGHTING/HACKING INTO GOVERNMENT EMAIL WIKILEAKS SHIT AS POSSIBLE CAUSE HE IS IN DENIAL THAT HE IS A NERD LONER THAT WILL PROBABLY NEVER GET A GIRLFRIEND, SO HE DOES ILLEGAL SHIT TO REASSURE HIMSELF THAT HE IS NOT A PUSSY LOSER. HE HAS SKULLCANDY EARPHONES IN AND HE'S LISTENING TO JAMES FERRARO. THE ONLY CLOTHING HE WEARS IS EITHER THRASHER, REVENGE, FTP, OR BAPE. HALFWAY TO HIS HOUSE, HE SEES A MIDDLE AGED JEW STARING AT HIM. HIRO CAN CLEARLY SEE THIS PERSON WORKS AT BUZZFEED. "THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT?" HIRO SAYS. THE JEW REPLIES "I'M TRYNA SEE THAT BOIPUSSY IF URS". THIS CONFIRMS WHAT HIRO WAS THINKING BEFORE. THIS GUY DEFINITELY WORKS AT BUZZFEED. HIRO THEN REALIZES THAT THE JEW ISN'T DISABLED, AND REALIZES THAT HE'S AN ARMED PEDOPHILE SEX OFFENDER. HE REPLIES "I CAN SEE YOU'RE NOT DISABLED IN ANY WAY, UNLIKE MOST BUZZFEED WORKERS. WELL, I'M FUCKED. I CAN ONLY BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF DISABLED PEOPLE. RAPISTS AND JEWS ON THE OTHER HAND, THAT'S A DIFFERENT STORY. I'VE COMPLETELY FUCKED MYSELF OVER HERE. HOLY SHIT. I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF AFTER THIS." THE JEW POINTS A FAKE NERF GUN AT HIRO AND SAYS "MY PLAN WAS TO SNEAK BEHIND YOU AND THREATEN YOU BY SAYING ""OY VEY! ANTISEMITE! NEVER FORGET THE SIX GORILLION! I MYSELF WAS GASSED TWO MILLION TIMES!"", BUT YOU'VE MADE MY JOB MUCH EASIER, GET IN THE VAN." THE VAN WAS COLORED RED WITH THE BUZZFEED LOGO ON BOTH SIDES. HIRO, AFTER CONTEMPLATING ALL HIS LIFE DECISIONS, REPLIES, "OH FUCK, A BUZZFEED VAN? I'M PART OF THE ALT-RIGHT, SORRY. SOMEONE ON TWITTER TOLD ME THAT I AM CAUSE I LAUGHED AT A MILLIONDOLLAREXTREME VIDEO." THE JEW GIVES AN ANGRY LOOK AT THE EDGY 14 YEAR OLD THEN PROCEEDS TO FIRST PUNCH HIM IN THE FUCKING HEAD WITH THE FAKE GUN, THEN KICK HIM WHILE HE'S ON THE GROUND IN A FETAL POSITION AND BREAK HIS RIBS, THEN KICK HIM IN THE HEAD UNTIL HE BEGINS BLEEDING, AND BREAK BOTH HIS LEGS SO THAT HE CAN'T WALK. HIRO, AFTER CRYING LIKE A BITCH FOR 10 MINUTES, SAYS WHILE SOBBING, "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ABOUT? JESUS FUCK, WHAT DO YOU WANT?" THE JEW REPLIES "HERE'S THE DEAL. YOU'RE GONNA BECOME A LEFT WINGER AND I WILL FORCE YOU TO WATCH CNN WITH ME, ALSO, I'M INTO CUCKOLDING AND BDSM." HIRO REALIZES THAT HE IS COMPLETELY FUCKED AND WILL BE TURNED INTO THE GENERIC LGBT PRIDE HARDCORE LEFT WINGER. "FUCK, DO I ALSO HAVE TO PROTEST AGAINST EMPEROR KANYE? YES? FUCK MAN I'D RATHER JUST GET RAPED, AT LEAST IF I'M JUST A FUCK DOLL, EVEN THOUGH I'M PROBABLY GONNA GET TURNED INTO A TRAP, I'LL NOT BE A ROBOT THAT WATCHES CNN 24/7 AND I'LL STILL BE A PROUD CONSERVATIVE." THE JEW REPLIES "NO, I'LL DO WHATEVER I HAVE TO TO FORCE YOU INTO THE LIBERAL JEW LIFESTYLE. ALSO, THANKS FOR THE FORCED CROSSDRESSING IDEA. I'LL BE SURE TO PUT THAT INTO ACTION VERY SOON." "SIRI, WHAT'S THE NEAREST COSTUME STORE FROM HERE? NO, ONES THAT ALLOW JEWS. THERE ARE NONE IN THIS TOWN? FUCK." HIRO, AFTER HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS FOR A GOOD 2 MINUTES, THEN LOOKS UP AT THE JEW. "WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR NAME?" THE JEW STARES AT HIRO'S BLEEDING FACE FOR 10 SECONDS BEFORE SAYING "THE NAME'S JOE. (((JOE BERNSTEIN)))."
THEY DRIVE TO THE BUZZFEED HQ AND HIRO GETS THROWN INTO HIS CELL, WHICH IS JUST MY FRIEND ELLIOTT'S ROOM. A BUNCH OF WEEB KATANA SHIT AND ANIME BODY PILLOWS. THE WALLS ARE RIDDEN WITH HENTAI POSTERS AND THE BED IS ALSO ANIME THEMED. THIS IS HONESTLY WORSE THAN WHAT HIRO EXPECTED. HIRO JUST EXPECTED TO BE PLACED IN SORT OF A PRISON CELL WITH NO LIGHTS, NOT THIS GAY SHIT. (((BERNSTEIN))) SAYS CALMLY "I'M GONNA LOOK FOR A COSTUME STORE AND LOOK FOR A GOOD TRAP OUTFIT FOR YOU. THE DOOR IS METAL AND HAS LIKE 5 LOCKS ON IT SO THERE IS NO WAY YOU CAN ESCAPE. IS THERE A CERTAIN OUTFIT YOU'D LIKE TO WEAR?" HIRO THOUGHT ABOUT IT FOR A COUPLE SECONDS AND REPLIED "JUST GET A VANELLOPE VON SCHWEETZ COSPLAY COSTUME IF YOU CAN FIND ONE. MAN THAT HOE IS FUCKING LIT I WANNA EAT THAT CANDY PUSSY ONE DAY." THE MAN NODDED, LEFT AND CLOSED THE METAL DOOR.