Canada's diary
Monday, 9th of February 2015
Welcome, dear reader. My name is Canada or Matthew Williams.
Canada is that huge country above America. I don't understand how anybody could fucking miss it. But they do.
So obviously, I am not a landmass if I am writing this. No, I am the human personification of Canada. I am a slightly mystical being. I represent the stereotypes and beliefs of the people of Canada. There are others like me. There is a personification for almost every nation in the world.
Being what I am, I have a job in the government. My job is to assist the prime minister in making decisions. I know better than anybody what is right for the country.
So a few more things about me: I have a talking baby polar bear named Kumajiro or Kumejijo or something. More on him later.
My favourite food is pancakes with maple syrup and strawberries. There have been days where I have eaten pancakes for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Finally, I have a jackass twin brother named Alfred. He is America.
Eh, well now that you have gotten to know me, we can move on to the interesting thing that happened to me last night. I was going to bed. It was around 22:30 o'clock. I was facing the wall with my eyes closed and Kuma was curled up at my feet. That's when I start to hear a gurgling noise. It is like somebody snorting some snot back while holding water in their mouth. It sounded like it was outside my door. Then the noise grew closer and sounded like it was beside my bed. I had that feeling like somebody was staring at the back of my neck. I did not open my eyes to turn around and check. I had just been reading a ghost story earlier that day so my reaction to this strange occurance was to say: "Hello Ghost. Kindly stop your gurgling noise and leave. I am trying to sleep." And you know, the gurgling noise stopped and the weird staring feeling went away. That was the truly scary part.
Well, until tomorrow, goodbye.