Disclaimer:All of the characters are the property of Dick Wolf. I thank him, the writers, the directors and all the great actors who brought them "to life" for our benefit. Any "liberties" I have taken with them stems from my fond admiration (and a few personal quirks I will seek "help" for).
AN: This story is not set within the accepted "canon" for the characters as it is only officially portrayed by the TV series. So I get to "fool around" with them in ways in which they've never been seen, stretching that to the limit and suspending the "reality" that is "fiction" to start with…now there's a contradiction in terms!!!
(And yeah Goren I know the proper word for that is oxymoron…and stop doing that…the neighbours might see and call the cops)
It's perfectly normal for long-term partners to enjoy a little harmless role-playing…
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
Bobby Goren was seated in a chair by the fire when there was a knock at the door.
"Is that you Little Red Riding Hood?" he asked in a slightly high-pitched voice.
"Oh yes Grandma Goren" came the very coquettish reply
"Then step inside my dear" Bobby encouraged "I've been so looking forward to your visit"
The door opened and his partner Alex Eames didn't so much step through as insinuate herself round the frame, in a style would have made a pole dancer envious. She was wearing a strapless, red satin dress looked like it had been sprayed on rather than zipped up.
"My, my Little Red Riding Hood" said Bobby "What a grown up girl you are these days. Not so little any more"
"Thank you Granny Goren" Eames said huskily "And what big brown eyes you have"
"All the better to see you with my dear" he purred "They also come in useful at crime scenes to spot small, but significant clues and to observe the sub-conscious body language of suspects when I interview them"
His partner's hands slid down her hips and upper thighs as she breathed "And goodness what big hands you have Granny Goren"
"All the better to touch you with my dear" Bobby growled "And to help turn over dead bodies, emphasise points I wish to make during exposition and distract the attention of people I'm speaking to"
Eames slid into the chair facing him as the dress slid about twelve inches up her legs "And my, my Grandma Goren what big feet you have"
"All the better to chase after you with" Bobby murmured "Though my penis is really the size of a shrivelled pickle and not always certain to…" he trailed off into a moment of silence, before looking at Eames, and removing the gold pince-nez spectacles and the blue rinsed wig.
"Who did this Little Red Riding Hood?" he muttered "What…who…gave Elliot Stabler the job of writing our script?"
"I have no idea Granny Goren" she lied nervously
Bobby stood up, tossed aside the sheets of paper along with his bib-apron and strode "stage left" at the IPP auditorium.
"Granny…I mean Bobby" Eames said "Where are you going?"
Bobby reached to his left hip and there was a sound of the double click of an automatic pistol "To show that jealous fool Stabler the size of my weapon and that I know what to do with it"
"But Bobby!" she called after him "What about the show for the "Police Widows and Orphans Fund"?
"Call Mrs Stabler" Bobby snapped as he reached the door "Tell her not to buy tickets. She and the kids are about to become beneficiaries". It slammed shut behind him.
Eames began to chew her fingernail. This had not worked out as she planned when she persuaded Elliot to submit that version of the script. She was totally convinced Bobby would just go automatically into one of his infamous, practical demonstrations of how things really were, if only to prove Stabler wrong. She removed her cell phone from her cleavage. Better give Elliot a call and warn him the big, bad wolf was looking for him.
AN I realise this is yet another disappointment for the more mucky minded members of our little community