*** Ok. Reminder, this is not J.R.R. Tolkien's true work. It's just a
rendition of his stuff. They are his characters (except for a few) and so,
he takes credit- although they probably sound really out of character.
Enjoy! Oh! Review, if you want, but I doubt it...****
THE BEGINNING
"Well, Aragorn, you realize I am going to do everything in my power to keep you from marrying my daughter."
Elrond stood facing Aragorn with an unnervingly smug smile on his face. Aragorn could tell that the elf-lord had something up his sleeve, or he wouldn't be grinning like a shark.
"You cannot separate us, there is nothing you can do to drive us apart", Aragorn replied boldly, though he felt rather uneasy.
"Oh, I think I've found a way," said the elf, "Four of them to be exact." Grinning more broadly than ever, Elrond turned to the doorway and called to a servant, "Bring those young oddities to me." The servant left and returned several minutes later followed by four of the strangest looking girls Aragorn had ever seen.
The first in line had wavy brown hair that fell to her waist, bangs down to her chin, flashing green-blue eyes, and a wide smile. She wore a checkered flannel shirt, green pants, and black running shoes. She was closely pursued by a shorter girl with bushy brown hair and grayed blue eyes with an almost maniacal glint. She wore a T-shirt with a picture of a dragon on the front, and was grinning almost victoriously. The third girl wore a big blue t-shirt, midnight electric blue rolled up pants, blue stockings with white stars, and blue canvas shoes and was of medium height, had very short brown hair, sparkling brown eyes, a stubborn chin, and seemed to be far more interested in the mural on the opposite wall than watching where she was going. Consequently, she tripped over a table leg and had to be helped to her feet by the fourth girl—a short, dark-haired, dark-eyed, girl who had the darkest skin Aragorn had ever seen. She wore a long sleeve black shirt, a pair of comfortable jeans and a pair of black leather heeled boots.
"Good afternoon young ladies," Elrond greeted them, "I was just telling my friend here about you."
Immediately, there was a squeal of delight from the females as the dark- haired one shouted "Look! It's him!" and was chorused with a "CHHAAAA!!!" from the one with the dragon shirt.
Aragorn, speechless upon the sight of the girls, could still not quite remove his eyes from them. These girls (Aragorn thought the eldest couldn't be more than 16) were so... so... Alien.
"I'm sorry girls," began Elrond, "but I can't seem to recall your names. If you would be so kind...?"
The long-haired girl went first.
"My name is Laura-Mae, but you may call me whatever you want." Then the second girl spoke.
"I'm Renee, but Lady Spoon and Sheep are ok." The third girl stated flatly:
"Well, my name is Emily or Pam, or Claire, or Robin, but you can make something up if you don't like any of those." The fourth girl stared at the other three almost expectantly, then muttered:
"Gurpreet, Giblet, or Guppy."
Aragorn glared at Elrond; he had a pretty good idea of what was coming. The elf leaned over and whispered to Aragorn in Elvish- "Just to complicate you life further, these four delinquents will be accompanying you."
As the elf leaned away, smirking to himself, Aragorn swore bitterly under his breath. He didn't think the rest of the company was going to like this.
Was he ever right. Gimli looked disgusted when Aragorn told them of the additions, and soon everyone was unhappy. Between Boromir's constant complaining, and the hobbit's plots on how to annoy the heck out of the girls, Aragorn couldn't tell which was worse. Even the normally stoic elf failed to hide his malcontent.
When the company's journey began, nobody spoke, they just stole curious looks at the four strangers. Legolas soon decided to attempt conversation.
"From whence did you come?" he asked calmly.
"We're from Canada, eh!", shouted a grinning Renee.
"Where is that?" he asked once again.
"North of the United States."
"Where is that?"
"North of Mexico."
"Where is that?"
"West of Africa."
"Where is that?"
"South of Europe."
"Where is that?"
"West of China."
"Where is that?"
"South-East of Russia"
Legolas gave up soon after that. After several hours of quiet marching, though there were the few moments that made the males uncomfortable when the girl's spoke of bathrooms, he tried again.
"How did you come to Middle-Earth?" he asked cautiously, knowing what to expect this time.
This time, Emily answered.
"Word of advice for you; Bed sheets are not for parachutes."
"Well, if you hadn't flooded the pool..." began Laura-Mae.
"That wasn't my fault," countered Emily.
"Sure it wasn't," vouched Giblet, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
"You're all just jealous because I accomplish so much more than you do," stated Emily flatly. Renee tilted her head, deciding after a moment to put in her two cents worth.
"Baa?"
This started an Argument between the girls. The original members of the fellowship edged away from them as they fought, halfway between afraid and just plain freaked out. Finally, Gandalf got sick of their quarrelling and told them all to shut up (of course, being a wizard, he worded it more eloquently than that...), and none of them thought it wise to disobey the wizard. After all, his staff likely made a pretty good head pounding stick.
The first part of the journey was uneventful, save for the times when the one referred to as Renee would scream "What do you do with a drunken sailor?!" and the other strangers would break into chorus, always finishing with some strange dance they called the 'Time Warp.' There was also the fact that Laura-Mae was forced to wear a pair of Boromir's clothing as she fell into the mud and had stupidly forgotten to pack the extra pair that Elrond had given her. Of course, there was the time that Legolas slipped on some moss and fell onto Emily. Perhaps it was his clumsiness, or perhaps it was the fact that Giblet had eagerly shoved him out of her path between her and Merry, who was carefully sneaking into his pack for food.
"Nice job," Emily had said, "like dropping a damn piano!"
"What is a piano?" Legolas had asked, and quickly regretted mentioning it.
The company soon discovered that these girls swore. A lot. Emily in particular seemed to have a larger variety of cuss-words and lewd expressions than the elves had songs and poems. This seemed to cause Legolas much distress as elves by nature were very conservative. Eventually, the company got used to it though, even the elf learned to tune out. That is of course, until he tried to put himself on the same level as Emily when she was teasing him about his apparent conservativeness.
What happened was Legolas decided to repeat the phrase "Suck my dick" which he had heard earlier that day from Giblet, and Emily proceeded to tell him to "Drop his pants", to which, he'd blushed tomato red right to the roots of his golden hair.
All in all, Emily seemed to be really getting to the elf. Aragorn knew for a fact that the rest of the company had bets that the elf would snap within the week. The girls, however, insisted that Emily would try to put Legolas through as much hell as possible before she let him have a nervous breakdown.
After a few weeks of hiking, endless songs, and cruel intentions, it became apparent that Legolas wasn't the only original company member teetering on the edge of insanity. Laura-Mae was greatly enjoying a set of twisted mind games she was putting Boromir through. She would take things of his and just when he swore he couldn't find them, Laura-Mae would return the items and Boromir would find them just where he'd left them. She also subjected him to hard to follow conversations, filled with sexual innuendos and perverted riddles.
Yep, Boromir was in rough shape all right, but nowhere near as rough as Legolas. Soon came something that made Gandalf's job even more difficult. It came in the form of a young girl, with black hair and a purple knitting bag (named Sven) on the back of a merchant's cart.
The company was sitting beside the road when a small vendor's cart appeared, pulled by 2 mules. The Merchant seemed to be selling an assortment of rubber ducks in florescent colors, as well as in black. Not only that, but he seemed to be selling water balloon condoms. The girls laughed when they saw the blank looks on the fellowship's faces as the group regarded the condoms with wonderment. The girl sitting on the tailgate began waving avidly and the four oddities, staring at her, waved back. The merchant noticed this exchange of greetings and offered to sell her.
"That won't be necessary," said Laura-Mae, "She's one of us".
Giblet, turning her attention from the conversation with Merry, spoke next.
"Yeah," she said, "This is Laura."
Aragorn, turning from Laura-Mae to the new Laura, looked confused.
"You are both named Laura? Really now."
"We are both Laura, and Laura-Mae," said the girl with the bag named Sven.
Silence fell upon him as he and Gandalf surveyed the scene. Boromir was having another conversation with Laura-Mae, Emily was standing in front of Legolas (so close that their chests almost touched) wearing an angelic smile while the elf's face sport a look of being badly shaken. Giblet was having a thumb-war with Merry and Renee, handcuffed to Pippin as part of something she'd called a "social science experiment", quickly yelled "Sephiroth!" and made Pip plug his ears. And to top it all off, now Laura was speaking to Frodo with a strange glint in her eye. Gandalf crossed to Aragorn and muttered "Lord Elrond must really hate your guts."
"He must", agreed Aragorn. Gandalf secretly thought that if the elf-lord wanted to make the man's life a hell, he might've at least waited until only Aragorn would suffer.
The original company's morale went steadily downhill after that. Boromir was soon trying to find hidden meanings in everything said, and Legolas jumped at any small noise that was created. The girls found this amusing and created their own noises until they became aware that he was on the verge of tears (Can you say "Extreme Breakdown ahead?").
Giblet could now outtalk any of the hobbits, when Renee started singing or tried to put her headphones on him, Pippin would start bawling and it would take half an hour to calm him down. The only two people that seemed in good spirits were Laura and Frodo. They would go off for hours at a time during resting time and on many occasions, were adjusting their clothing when they returned. (Think Sam was jealous? Oh yeah...)
It was soon after this that a bunch of evil crows flew overhead and Gandalf said that they'd have to go over the mountain because Sauron would know where they were now. Of course, it didn't help matters that Giblet had chased the birds screaming "Here Birdie birdie, here birdie birdie!" at the top of her lungs.
THE BEGINNING
"Well, Aragorn, you realize I am going to do everything in my power to keep you from marrying my daughter."
Elrond stood facing Aragorn with an unnervingly smug smile on his face. Aragorn could tell that the elf-lord had something up his sleeve, or he wouldn't be grinning like a shark.
"You cannot separate us, there is nothing you can do to drive us apart", Aragorn replied boldly, though he felt rather uneasy.
"Oh, I think I've found a way," said the elf, "Four of them to be exact." Grinning more broadly than ever, Elrond turned to the doorway and called to a servant, "Bring those young oddities to me." The servant left and returned several minutes later followed by four of the strangest looking girls Aragorn had ever seen.
The first in line had wavy brown hair that fell to her waist, bangs down to her chin, flashing green-blue eyes, and a wide smile. She wore a checkered flannel shirt, green pants, and black running shoes. She was closely pursued by a shorter girl with bushy brown hair and grayed blue eyes with an almost maniacal glint. She wore a T-shirt with a picture of a dragon on the front, and was grinning almost victoriously. The third girl wore a big blue t-shirt, midnight electric blue rolled up pants, blue stockings with white stars, and blue canvas shoes and was of medium height, had very short brown hair, sparkling brown eyes, a stubborn chin, and seemed to be far more interested in the mural on the opposite wall than watching where she was going. Consequently, she tripped over a table leg and had to be helped to her feet by the fourth girl—a short, dark-haired, dark-eyed, girl who had the darkest skin Aragorn had ever seen. She wore a long sleeve black shirt, a pair of comfortable jeans and a pair of black leather heeled boots.
"Good afternoon young ladies," Elrond greeted them, "I was just telling my friend here about you."
Immediately, there was a squeal of delight from the females as the dark- haired one shouted "Look! It's him!" and was chorused with a "CHHAAAA!!!" from the one with the dragon shirt.
Aragorn, speechless upon the sight of the girls, could still not quite remove his eyes from them. These girls (Aragorn thought the eldest couldn't be more than 16) were so... so... Alien.
"I'm sorry girls," began Elrond, "but I can't seem to recall your names. If you would be so kind...?"
The long-haired girl went first.
"My name is Laura-Mae, but you may call me whatever you want." Then the second girl spoke.
"I'm Renee, but Lady Spoon and Sheep are ok." The third girl stated flatly:
"Well, my name is Emily or Pam, or Claire, or Robin, but you can make something up if you don't like any of those." The fourth girl stared at the other three almost expectantly, then muttered:
"Gurpreet, Giblet, or Guppy."
Aragorn glared at Elrond; he had a pretty good idea of what was coming. The elf leaned over and whispered to Aragorn in Elvish- "Just to complicate you life further, these four delinquents will be accompanying you."
As the elf leaned away, smirking to himself, Aragorn swore bitterly under his breath. He didn't think the rest of the company was going to like this.
Was he ever right. Gimli looked disgusted when Aragorn told them of the additions, and soon everyone was unhappy. Between Boromir's constant complaining, and the hobbit's plots on how to annoy the heck out of the girls, Aragorn couldn't tell which was worse. Even the normally stoic elf failed to hide his malcontent.
When the company's journey began, nobody spoke, they just stole curious looks at the four strangers. Legolas soon decided to attempt conversation.
"From whence did you come?" he asked calmly.
"We're from Canada, eh!", shouted a grinning Renee.
"Where is that?" he asked once again.
"North of the United States."
"Where is that?"
"North of Mexico."
"Where is that?"
"West of Africa."
"Where is that?"
"South of Europe."
"Where is that?"
"West of China."
"Where is that?"
"South-East of Russia"
Legolas gave up soon after that. After several hours of quiet marching, though there were the few moments that made the males uncomfortable when the girl's spoke of bathrooms, he tried again.
"How did you come to Middle-Earth?" he asked cautiously, knowing what to expect this time.
This time, Emily answered.
"Word of advice for you; Bed sheets are not for parachutes."
"Well, if you hadn't flooded the pool..." began Laura-Mae.
"That wasn't my fault," countered Emily.
"Sure it wasn't," vouched Giblet, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
"You're all just jealous because I accomplish so much more than you do," stated Emily flatly. Renee tilted her head, deciding after a moment to put in her two cents worth.
"Baa?"
This started an Argument between the girls. The original members of the fellowship edged away from them as they fought, halfway between afraid and just plain freaked out. Finally, Gandalf got sick of their quarrelling and told them all to shut up (of course, being a wizard, he worded it more eloquently than that...), and none of them thought it wise to disobey the wizard. After all, his staff likely made a pretty good head pounding stick.
The first part of the journey was uneventful, save for the times when the one referred to as Renee would scream "What do you do with a drunken sailor?!" and the other strangers would break into chorus, always finishing with some strange dance they called the 'Time Warp.' There was also the fact that Laura-Mae was forced to wear a pair of Boromir's clothing as she fell into the mud and had stupidly forgotten to pack the extra pair that Elrond had given her. Of course, there was the time that Legolas slipped on some moss and fell onto Emily. Perhaps it was his clumsiness, or perhaps it was the fact that Giblet had eagerly shoved him out of her path between her and Merry, who was carefully sneaking into his pack for food.
"Nice job," Emily had said, "like dropping a damn piano!"
"What is a piano?" Legolas had asked, and quickly regretted mentioning it.
The company soon discovered that these girls swore. A lot. Emily in particular seemed to have a larger variety of cuss-words and lewd expressions than the elves had songs and poems. This seemed to cause Legolas much distress as elves by nature were very conservative. Eventually, the company got used to it though, even the elf learned to tune out. That is of course, until he tried to put himself on the same level as Emily when she was teasing him about his apparent conservativeness.
What happened was Legolas decided to repeat the phrase "Suck my dick" which he had heard earlier that day from Giblet, and Emily proceeded to tell him to "Drop his pants", to which, he'd blushed tomato red right to the roots of his golden hair.
All in all, Emily seemed to be really getting to the elf. Aragorn knew for a fact that the rest of the company had bets that the elf would snap within the week. The girls, however, insisted that Emily would try to put Legolas through as much hell as possible before she let him have a nervous breakdown.
After a few weeks of hiking, endless songs, and cruel intentions, it became apparent that Legolas wasn't the only original company member teetering on the edge of insanity. Laura-Mae was greatly enjoying a set of twisted mind games she was putting Boromir through. She would take things of his and just when he swore he couldn't find them, Laura-Mae would return the items and Boromir would find them just where he'd left them. She also subjected him to hard to follow conversations, filled with sexual innuendos and perverted riddles.
Yep, Boromir was in rough shape all right, but nowhere near as rough as Legolas. Soon came something that made Gandalf's job even more difficult. It came in the form of a young girl, with black hair and a purple knitting bag (named Sven) on the back of a merchant's cart.
The company was sitting beside the road when a small vendor's cart appeared, pulled by 2 mules. The Merchant seemed to be selling an assortment of rubber ducks in florescent colors, as well as in black. Not only that, but he seemed to be selling water balloon condoms. The girls laughed when they saw the blank looks on the fellowship's faces as the group regarded the condoms with wonderment. The girl sitting on the tailgate began waving avidly and the four oddities, staring at her, waved back. The merchant noticed this exchange of greetings and offered to sell her.
"That won't be necessary," said Laura-Mae, "She's one of us".
Giblet, turning her attention from the conversation with Merry, spoke next.
"Yeah," she said, "This is Laura."
Aragorn, turning from Laura-Mae to the new Laura, looked confused.
"You are both named Laura? Really now."
"We are both Laura, and Laura-Mae," said the girl with the bag named Sven.
Silence fell upon him as he and Gandalf surveyed the scene. Boromir was having another conversation with Laura-Mae, Emily was standing in front of Legolas (so close that their chests almost touched) wearing an angelic smile while the elf's face sport a look of being badly shaken. Giblet was having a thumb-war with Merry and Renee, handcuffed to Pippin as part of something she'd called a "social science experiment", quickly yelled "Sephiroth!" and made Pip plug his ears. And to top it all off, now Laura was speaking to Frodo with a strange glint in her eye. Gandalf crossed to Aragorn and muttered "Lord Elrond must really hate your guts."
"He must", agreed Aragorn. Gandalf secretly thought that if the elf-lord wanted to make the man's life a hell, he might've at least waited until only Aragorn would suffer.
The original company's morale went steadily downhill after that. Boromir was soon trying to find hidden meanings in everything said, and Legolas jumped at any small noise that was created. The girls found this amusing and created their own noises until they became aware that he was on the verge of tears (Can you say "Extreme Breakdown ahead?").
Giblet could now outtalk any of the hobbits, when Renee started singing or tried to put her headphones on him, Pippin would start bawling and it would take half an hour to calm him down. The only two people that seemed in good spirits were Laura and Frodo. They would go off for hours at a time during resting time and on many occasions, were adjusting their clothing when they returned. (Think Sam was jealous? Oh yeah...)
It was soon after this that a bunch of evil crows flew overhead and Gandalf said that they'd have to go over the mountain because Sauron would know where they were now. Of course, it didn't help matters that Giblet had chased the birds screaming "Here Birdie birdie, here birdie birdie!" at the top of her lungs.