Title: Bulletproof
Author: And/Cherrycokerocks
Disclaimer: I own nothing. All belongs to the WWE/TNA and themselves.
Spoilers: None - AU
Rating: PG-13 - R
Characters/Pairing: Lita/Punk, Trish/Jericho, Maria/Jeff. Randy Orton
Summary: When undercover protection officer Amy Dumas get lumbered with the assignment she has no idea her whole world is going to get turned upside down.
Notes: Written for the lovely Vera (Heelprincess) for the Summer Fic Exchange at Lita Fics on LJ. Totally AU and ignoring all real life previous relationships. Any flashback will be in italics.
Warnings: Rated R for bad language and possibly adult situations.

Los Angles, California

"Well, here we are," Amy announced as she pulled up into the driveway of the house she would be calling home for the foreseeable future.

The man sitting next to her in the passenger seat sighed heavily, "Yeah … here we are." He undid his seat belt and got out of the car, slamming the door as he did so and stomped towards the house.

Amy shook her head and removed her own belt. She pulled the keys out of the ignition and just sat in the car for a moment wondering what she let herself in for. When she agreed to take this assignment, she didn't know what she was expecting but pretending to be the wife of a moody thirty year old man who was doing a fine impression of an emo teenager wasn't it. It was understandable, his whole world had been turned upside down over a case of mistaken identity so maybe Amy couldn't blame him for acting like a bear with a sore head since the moment she met him. The raven haired woman decided she'd better join him and got out of the car.

Moments later she was standing in the living room watching her "husband" who was stretched out on the couch with his eyes closed, listening to his ipod. Deciding she wanted a drink, Amy approached him and tapped him on the arm. After Phil opened his eyes, Amy assumed he could hear her and promptly asked, "Do you want a drink?"

Phil rolled his eyes and removed one of his earphones, "What?"

"Do you want a drink?" Amy repeated, a little annoyed at his tone.

"If I had wanted a drink, I would have got one."

"Forget I asked. Next time I won't bother."

"Whatever …. Anyways, the fridge is empty. I checked."

"Are you sure? They were supposed to fill it before we got here."

Phil got up from the couch and marched into the kitchen with Amy trailing in behind him. He opened the fridge door, "Oh my mistake, I must have missed all this food." The fridge was indeed empty.

"There's no need for sarcasm. Like I said, they were supposed to fill it before we got here. Obviously, they haven't."

"No shit," Phil said as he closed the door again.

"Okay, what exactly is your problem? I'm trying to be nice here and all I'm getting from you is attitude."

The dark haired man placed his hands on his hips, "What's my problem? Where do you want me to start? I've been placed in witness protection because some asshole would be gangster thinks I'm somebody else and he's trying to kill me. My family thinks I'm dead, so do all my friends. I've been moved across the country to a place I hate by the government and oh yeah … I gotta pretend I'm married to you. I really don't know why I'm not jumping for joy. Really, I don't."

Amy sighed and decided she should cut him some slack, "Sorry, forget I said anything. I guess we should go to the store."

"Why do I have to come?"

"I'm not leaving you alone until I've checked everything out properly," Amy stated.

"I'm a big boy. I promise not to move from the couch."

"This isn't up for debate. You're coming with me, end of story."

Phil shook his head, "Okay, whatever. I'm going to the bathroom. That is allowed isn't it? Do you want to come in with me, just in case?"

The raven haired woman rolled her eyes, "I may be pretending to be your wife but I have no desire to watch you pee so you can go to the bathroom on your own."

"Glad to hear it. I'll be back in a minute."

"Take your time."

Amy returned to the living room while Phil made his way up the stairs. He'd only been missing thirty seconds or so before she heard him calling out.

"Hey, Amy?"

Amy walked to the bottom of the stairs, "What?"

"Where's the bathroom? I opened three doors and all I got were bedrooms."

"It's inside the master bedroom. Second door on the right," Amy explained. She'd only been to the house once before herself and that had been to make sure it was suitable for her requirements.

"Okay," he started to walk away, "Thanks."

"You're welcome," Amy called out. "This is going to be a long six months," she muttered to herself.

Phil rejoined her five minutes later, his hands jammed into his pockets. "Okay, I'm ready to go. I mean if you're sure I can't be trusted to stay here by myself."

"You can't … Not yet anyways. It's not personal, I'm just doing my job. Come on, let's go."

"Whatever."

Thirty minutes later, they were standing Big Saver Foods. Amy was pushing the shopping cart which Phil was seemingly filling with every type of food possible. "You're not seriously going to eat all this stuff, are you?"

"Yeah, when it comes to food, I'm a big fat pig," Phil replied honestly. "And besides, I'm not picking up the bill so why not go crazy?"

"How about you try to go a little less crazy with the Mexican food?"

The dark haired man raised an eyebrow, "What's wrong with Mexican? You don't like Mexican?"

Amy shook her head, "I love Mexican. We just don't need three of everything. We can always come back and get some more later."

"But it's on offer and I just can't pass up a bargain," he replied sarcastically.

The protection officer rolled her eyes but said nothing. Instead she pushed the cart away from the Mexican food towards the soda section.