DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING THAT I DIDN'T CREATE MYSELF, AND I'M NOT MAKING ANY MONEY OFF OF THIS. DON'T SUE ME, PLEASE AND THANK YOU.
Author's Notes: If it's in brackets, it's Pokémon speak. Only characters who understand Pokémon can understand this speech (I really hope you didn't need me to explain that to you- if you did, your nerdiness is now in question). Red and all Pokémon characters can understand it, and Samus has a basic understanding.
Samus leaves looking sickly, and comes back weakened after the events of Metroid: Fusion, shaking her rivalry with Zelda to its very core... (Luckily for Samus, Zelda doesn't know any ice spells.)
This story('s author) assumes that the Fusion Suit can't be repaired through download data(or whatever). The pieces were removed surgically, after all. So, they need to be replaced or re-integrated. I also assume that Samus' weapons were confiscated again (or whatever the fuck happened to them this time).
This story is rated M for language that is not suitable for children, as you may have noticed in the preceding sentence. The profanity is almost entirely (if not entirely) contained within dialogue, and it's pretty uncommon.
Anyways, story time. Enjoy. And please, don't judge me based on the song Zelda sings. Rhyming relevant words is surprisingly difficult. (Respect for poets +1)
Conflict
Chapter One:
Well Excuse Me, Princess
Zelda scowled at Samus, her rival, the blonde warrior. "YOU ARE A PSYCHO BITCH," bellowed the princess. Samus' Varia Suit formed around her body, and she leveled her arm cannon at the princess. She said nothing. 'Usually she insults me,' thought Zelda, 'is something wrong?' She dodged a charged power beam, then blasted the hunter with Din's Fire. "WHAT'S THE MATTER, ARAN? HAVE YOU BECOME SOME SORT OF MUTE LUNATIC?!"
Zelda gasped in shock when her single fireball knocked Samus unconscious. The crowd went wild, chanting "Zelda! Zelda!" but Zelda was thinking 'Samus? Samus?! Goddesses... Samus...'
Samus had left after the match, and hadn't been back in over a week. Zelda was worried, hoping Samus would return because she hadn't beaten the huntress at her prime, and that she needed a rematch. At least, that's what she told herself...
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Zelda frowned. 'It's been more than a week since I've seen her... I hope nothing happened... I want to beat her fair and square. Watch her squirm and writhe beneath me... Right?' Zelda's frown deepened. Why did she miss her? 'Yes, I definitely miss the competition. I miss winning, that's all,' Zelda reassured herself. 'I mean, what else is there to miss? Samus? Yeah, right. Just because she's-'
"Sup, bitch?" called a weak-looking Samus, interrupting Zelda's thoughts. Her skin was pale, and she had deep bags under her eyes. Portions of her Zero suit -the sleeves, midriff, and most of the material on her legs- were missing, allowing her pale skin to show. Zelda whirled around and gasped at Samus' appearance.
"You... You were supposed to come back healthy," Zelda quipped.
"Well excuse me, princess. I wasn't aware that I had to pass inspection. I can leave, if my current state of being offends you," retorted Samus indignantly.
Zelda recoiled. "How dare you?!" she managed to sound offended. 'Thank the Golden Goddesses, she's alright!'
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Pikachu, who had also been excited to see Samus again, was annoyed by her decision to see Zelda first. "[It's like they're barely trying to pretend they hate each other.]"
Lucario had come when he'd sensed the conflicting emotions in the auras of the two, and looked down at the electric mouse Pokémon. "[I suppose it's a little cliché, but neither will admit that they're very deeply interested in the other. They keep up the ruse of a rivalry so the other won't suspect that they have feelings towards them.]"
"[I just want to shout, 'SHUT UP AND KISS ALREADY!']"
Lucario chuckled. "[You just did. It's fortunate that they don't speak Pokémon.]"
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Samus and Zelda turned towards the electric mouse Pokémon. Zelda only heard him shouting his name, but he was loud enough to attract her attention. Samus, on the other hand...
"Pikachu, could you repeat that?" her voice was tense, as if she were on the verge of rage. 'If you said what I think you said...'
Pikachu's eyes widened. "[Uh... I think I just.. erm... I developed Tourettes Syndrome! Yeah! FUCK A POTATO! Sorry, I have Tourettes, remember? Eh heh heh...]"
Samus sighed, walking over and scooping up her little yellow friend. "Pikachu, buddy..." she said softly, "Would you mind telling me what you said, and not something about Tourettes and potatoes? Maybe you really do have Tourettes, then... I mean, surely you wouldn't lie to your old friend Samus, the ruthless bounty hunter?"
Pikachu shuddered, too afraid to speak under the predatory gaze of Samus. "He said, and I quote, '[SHUT UP AND KISS ALREADY!]'" Lucario explained with a friendly smile.
'Shut up and kiss already... Me and Zelda? But... even if I wanted to, even if I felt that way about her... she hates my guts.' Samus glanced back at Zelda, expecting the princess to be enraged or shocked that she had dropped their 'conversation'. But all Samus saw was... 'I'm not even sure what that is... Was she smiling?' Samus looked back at the yellow rodent. "That's a very... intriguing... thought, Pikachu," she whispered, setting him down. 'Very intriguing indeed...'
Turning back to Zelda, Samus cleared her throat. "As I was saying, FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON, YOU POMPOUS CUNTMUFFIN!"
"WHO ARE YOU CALLIN' A POMPOUS CUNTMUFFIN, YOU... I'm sorry, but, seriously? What the hell inspired 'cuntmuffin'? I can't even respond to that," Zelda said.
"Shall we start over?" Samus asked. 'That was pretty bad...'
Zelda nodded. "I think that would be best," she said. "Is there any topic in particular I should start on, or...?"
'I can get in some good incest jokes about royalty...' thought Samus. "How about genetics?"
Zelda nodded eagerly. "Fine. We can talk about genetics, bird-fucker."
Samus winced at Zelda's language. Profanity still didn't sound right, coming from her."When your parents got married, were they still brother and sister?"
Zelda smiled wickedly. "I'm curious, Samus. Was it your mother or your father that was the bird?"
"My parents were both human," replied Samus bitterly. 'Before they were killed, that is...' Zelda didn't know that she was pouring salt in old wounds. 'She doesn't know... Nobody does.' Samus had never been one to divulge her thoughts. Especially weaknesses.
"You have bird DNA," Zelda reasoned, "so somebody has to have fucked a bird." Her voice was malicious and mocking.
"I really don't feel like explaining this to you," Samus bit sharply. 'SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP,' she screamed in her mind.
"That's fine. I can have a happy life without knowing about fucking birds." Zelda's smile faded. "Is something wrong?" She sounded worried.
Samus shook her head vigorously. "No... I just... need to go kill something," Samus lied before storming off. 'Just the mention of my parents... dammit, Aran, get over it...'
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There were only three female smashers in the ladies' quarters. Nana and Popo had gone back to... wherever they came from recently, leaving only Peach, Zelda, and Samus, who laid on her bunk, wide awake, remembering.
"Your father was a very brave man," the Old Bird had told her.
"He killed lots of Space Pirates, didn't he?" a younger Samus asked enthusiastically.
The Old Bird nodded. "He did. But not as many as you will, I fear," he said sadly.
"How many am I going to kill? And why am I going to kill more than my father?"
"All of them," the Old Bird said, "because you're different."
"Why do you sound so sad? Space Pirates are bad, aren't they?"
"Oh, certainly. It merely saddens me that you must bear the burdens of war for everyone else."
Samus sighed. 'I should have asked why I was different,' she thought. She looked over at the sleeping form of Peach, still and calm. Zelda stirred, and Samus looked over at her. 'She's very pretty when she's not insulting me...' she thought as she drifted off to sleep.
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Peach groaned as she opened her eyes. Something had made her wake up, but she didn't know who or what it was. So she listened. Zelda seemed to be... singing. 'Sleep-singing? She is so adorable...' Peach thought fondly. Silently, she rose and walked to Zelda's side, curiosity compelling her to hear Zelda sleep-sing.
"Little Hatchling,
hang on tight,
mommy's coming
to make things right,
with the Chozo's guidance,
she will do a deadly dance." Peach thought that she remembered Samus having mentioned 'Chozo' before. 'Maybe she's having a prophetic dream... About Samus... how sweet,' Peach thought, deciding that she would remember the song so she could sing to Samus later. 'Even if the lyrics are a little awkward. I'm sure she didn't spend time beforehand writing them,' Peach thought bemusedly.
But the rest of the song was rendered unintelligible when Zelda rolled over, face-down on the pillow. Peach resisted the urge to laugh at the absurd angle Zelda's left arm was now at. She repeated the words of the song in her head until she was confident she'd memorized them. She rose cautiously to avoid waking Zelda, then began to slowly creep back to her bed. 'Guidance and dance... they're not the best rhyme out there, but it's pretty clever.'
She sat on the edge of her bed and smiled fondly at Samus' sleeping form. Peach happily served as a mother figure to most of the smashers, the main exceptions being the Pokémon, Snake, and most of the 'villains'. 'Zelda and Samus would make such a cute couple,' thought Peach, 'if they would pick up on each others' signals.' Peach sighed. 'Live and let live, I suppose. They'll figure it out eventually, I'm sure...'
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'This is amazing...' thought Link as he cradled the Fire Rod in his arms. 'It doesn't look like it's magical, though...' He looked around the small chamber. Intricate spiraling patterns, sprouting from the wingtips of a massive bird statue, adorned the walls. He turned back to the meter-wide hole he entered through. 'It looks almost... mechanical... I'll take it to Zelda. I'm sure she'll be able to tell me more.' He slipped the artifact into his belt and began to crawl through the tunnel once more. 'I need a satchel or something... or another magical companion.'
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"Aran, I thought you were a better pilot than that," teased Fox McCloud.
"Sorry I haven't mastered flying while parasites infest my nervous system," Samus retorted.
Fox nimbly leapt onto Samus' new gunship. "It's definitely faster than the old one," he noted, "but I can't lie. Purple isn't your color, Aran." Samus laughed.
"It was free," Samus said defensively. "And the computer won't let me change it."
"I still like the old girl more," said Fox. "Especially the upgrade you designed. But then you went and retrofitted her..."
"Fox, I've told you a million times. The ship was extremely radioactive. I was lucky to keep the cockpit and some of the chassis. Not to mention that it was hard to sleep in. The red lights were a poor choice."
The awkward silence that followed lasted for several minutes. Fox broke said silence. "Samus, we have problems, don't we?"
Samus nodded. "At least we're alive. Sure, we lost our parents. We both have relationship problems. But we've still got time."
"My relationship problems are worse than yours, I think... I screwed up, Samus."
"And I've lost no fewer than three father figures. And a kind of adopted baby Metroid..."
"I feel like I'll never live up to my father's legacy," Fox said sadly.
Samus laughed bitterly. "Trust me, Fox, being better than your father isn't as great as it sounds. I outdid my father a long time ago... I've destroyed several planets, now. Killed a lot of Space Pirates, Metroids, and fake versions of me..."
"And I have yet to avenge my father's death."
"Would he have really wanted you to avenge him, Fox? That doesn't sound like the James McCloud I've heard so much about."
"It's not for him. It's for... I don't know... but Wolf is evil, that much I know," Fox's voice grew dangerously quiet. "He'll die. He'll die by my hand."
Samus smiled a grim smile, one that could only be worn by a person who had killed a great many adversaries. "I have killed Ridley more times than I care to count. I've detonated space stations and even a few planets with him on them. I've seen the life force drain from that hate-filled biomass... Yet, they keep bringing him back... What I'm saying is, when you kill Wolf, make damn sure he's gone for good."
"Wolf may be evil, but he's too proud to allow that to happen..."
And so ensued another awkward silence.
"Samus."
"Yeah?"
"What happened to your armor?"
Samus sighed. 'It's a long story,' she thought. But she knew she would tell it anyways. "You remember my previous missions, right?"
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"Someone approaches," Lucario said matter-of-factly. "They bear ill will towards you."
Zelda frowned. 'I can't even meditate with Lucario for an hour without something going wrong,' she thought. "Can you tell who it is, Lucario?"
"I believe it is Wolf O'Donnell."
"What does he want?" Zelda had no idea why Wolf would want anything to do with her, good or bad.
"I do not know, but he feels quite belligerent."
"I thought you'd be here, Princess," called a voice belonging to none other than Wolf. "Your friend Ganondorf offered a pretty sum for your head. I believe he specifically wanted it 'on a pike,'" Wolf chuckled maliciously. "But I don't happen to have any pikes handy. I'm sure he'll understand." Zelda cringed. His blaster's wickedly curved bayonet caught her eye. She was afraid.
"Wolf O'Donnell," Lucario said calmly, "Did you know that Lucario are sought out and respected across our world for our insight and wisdom?"
"Did you know that I don't give a damn?" Wolf spat.
"A word of advice," Lucario pronounced, his voice low and dangerous, "we are respected for a reason."
"And what reason would that be," Wolf asked mockingly, "O great and wise Lucario?"
Lucario rose to his feet. Multicolored flames danced around his muscular form. Ignoring Wolf's insolent comments, he said "I would advise you to leave."
"What's my leaving worth to you?"
Lucario stepped forward, his aura slowly adopting a blood red color. "Your life." Wolf balked. "Now run for it, little pup." And run Wolf did.
"My apologies, Zelda," Lucario said calmly. "I believe we may now resume our meditation."
End Chapter 1