No joke, this was a dream I had. I don't remember everything, so I added a few extras because I can. But, this is the basic story of my dream.
My lord I need to stop with the head-canon AU character lives, it's so depressing.
p.s. this chapter is mostly pesterchum logs, which are important, and this is probably the only chapter with so many pesterlogs. bare with me!
Roxy rested her head on her computer desk, long-gone empty martini glass gripped tightly in her left hand which was dangelling uselessly from her body. She wasn't asleep, but she was tired. She wasn't ready to sleep yet, she needed to wait for him. She needed to hear his voice, she needed to see his orange, sarcastic and often mean text pop up on her dull screen.
== What are you talking about?
Of all the people she could have a big, fat crush on, it had to be Mr. Lanky and sarcastic dickhead from katana-otaku town. Well, he wasn't that tall, she was slightly his height, and Jake was taller than all of them. But he was still lanky. Not that being lanky was a bad thing, Roxy loved that part of him as much as the other parts of him, like his attitude and sarcastically dark humour, his impossibly pale skin; freckleless and seemingly immune to sunburn and tan.
== Oh right. You're over-exaggerating, you're just drunk.
Maybe she was over-exaggerating just how much she liked him, she was drunk afterall. Although she'd had a major crush on his for a while, she had never felt this way before, just his name brings butterflies to her stomach; unless that's all the alcohol she'd consumed.
Stupidly and regrettably, Roxy lifted her head from the desktop and looked over the bright screen of her computer, he still wasn't online so her head thumped against the desk again. Why wasn't he online? Maybe she should go to his house and make sure he's okay?
What if he's been ambushed in his bedroom by sea-ninjas? Or what if he was in the shower and his brother locked him in again? Or-or-
== Calm your tits, woman, that's silly.
Roxy agreed that she was just being silly now. However, she was still worried. Her mind wondered to Dirk's feelings, if he felt the same about her, perhaps that's why he always feels comfortable talking to her? He did say he'd had someone on his mind for some time now, or that's what Roxy remembers, it's casually just a blur at the moment.
Roxy driften off into a soft and deep sleep, not even realising her eyes slowly shutting.
BING!
BING!
BING!
The female body jolted from her seat and landed with a loud thump on the floor, knocking a bottle of whisky from the desk on to her pink carpet. She groaned because of the various incidents happening: her head felt like it was being split open by a screwdriver, her carpet was now stained with whisky and her backed ached from the slouching position she'd been for however long she'd slept.
After looking at the kitty clock on her wall, she noticed it was 7pm, meaning she'd slept a full six hours throughout the day. Wait, was that my chatlog going off? She lauched herself off the floor and into her chair, snatching her mouse and opened the flashing box in her toolbar. Sadly, it wasn't Dirk, it was Jane. She ignored the messages from Jane and flicked opened another pesterchum chatbox, realising that she had missed Dirk being online because he'd spoken to her and was now offline.
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 16:32pm
TT: Hi Lalonde.
TT: Let me guess, you're completely drunk out of mind and have fallen asleep at your desk.
TT: Smart move.
TT: Alright, you're definitely asleep in a drunk state, so I'm going to head offline. When you're not drunk and floating around on derse, we can talk.
timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering tispyGnostalgic [TG]at 18:09pm
timaeusTestified [TT] is offline.
TT: Seems like you wanted to talk to him badly. You can still talk to me, I'm all ears.
TG: i dnot wanna takl to a machne
TG: machien*
TG: machine*
TG: why woudl i waana talk to s robto
TT: Gotta admit, that really hurt my feelings Rolal.
TG: yuo dont even have feelignss!
tispyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering -AUTORESPONDER#df-4y73/dg-#HACS timaeusTestified [TT]
"God-fuckin-dammit!" Roxy shouted and threw her mouse across the room, cracking heavilly against her mirror. She paused her fit of rage and looked over the orange text again. 'We can talk.'
What did Dirk mean by that? He wanted to talk to her and he wants to talk to her when she's not drunk, so...it must be serious. He must want to-
== No, Roxy, stop, that's silly. He doesn't think of you in that way, it's silly to think that.
Roxy began arguing with those thoughts of denial in her head and headed out of her room in search for a rag to clean the whisky off her floor with. She didn't bother keeping quiet in case her mom was home, because her mom was hardly ever home, and if she was, it was just snarky remarks and hurtful insults thrown from both mother and daughter.
Her mom had never been proud of Roxy, who could blame her? Her daughter was a seventeen year old drunk who was still single and had an obsession with cats. Forever alone or what?
Her thoughts were interrupted by a rumble of thunder, she looked outside the kitchen window to catch a flash of lightning in his pass. She grinned; she always loved thunder storms. The television remote was neatly placed ninety degrees torwards the television set, which then Roxy decided to take it from it's arranged and not-supposed-to-be-moved space to turn on the TV, she thought she needed time to kill, or just a place to think. She continued with her thinking after flopping down on to the couch and flipping the channels mindlessly.
Besides, Roxy had never needed to make her mom proud, she never saw the point in all those hugs and kisses from moms and dads when their kids get good grades, perhaps because Roxy had never gotten that, or perhaps because she thought it was just pointless and stupid. By now, the young adult realised that she'd drifted into a light sleep and decided to get back to her computer; it was extremely late so hopefully her lover would be online. Before she was fully awake, she was stumbling up the stairs with a clean rag, mumbling how stupid it was to have wooden stairs. Everything is so stupid.
She didn't need to get on her knees to clean the stain because she tripped over her hair dryer coming through the door. In frustration, she threw the rag on to the wet carpet and screamed into her pink, fluffy rug.
Her heart skipped a few beats when she heard BING! come from her computer.
== Don't just sit there like a drunken prune, go see who's talking to you.
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 22:23pm
TT: Are you still deep within your drunken slumber?
TG: pdssh no
TG: im awaek nooww d
TT: Oh hello Roxy.
TG: sooo u said u watned to tlk to me
TG: talk*
TG: ?
TT: I did?
TG: yaeh
TG: you sadi somemthing liek 'when ur nit floatin aordund on desre we can takl'
TG: not* around*
TG: desre*
TG: fuck, derse* talk*
TT: Yeah, I did say that. I meant talk, in general.
TG: u suuure ur not hiding soemthing from me, dork?
TG: lol dirk
TT: No.
TG: hmmmmmm
TG: sometihng fishy is goin on here
TT: How much have you been drinking?
TG: dont chagne teh subjetc whith me!
TG: the*
TT: I'm sorry, what were we even talking about in the first place?
TG: u knoooow waht
TG: ur hidin someting
TG: dsoemthin*
TG: something*
TT: No, I'm really not.
TG: gto someone pertty on ur miiiiind?
TT: What?
TG: u liek someone dont u?
TT: No. Where exactly are you planning to go with this, Lalonde?
TG: to teh moon and bcak baby
TG: jus u and me
TG: hows taht sonund for mr cock
TG: lol cocky*
TT: I'm going now, goodnight.
TG: no wiat struder!
TG: i ddint mean to upset u
Roxy hoped that he wouldn't go offline just yet, she wanted to talk to him some more, get him to open up to her like he usually did. She knew why he was so touchy about this, why he wouldn't say who he had on his mind; it was because it was her. It had to be her.
TT: You didn't upset me, I'm just tired.
TG: btu i did
TG: sorry
TT: It's fine.
TG: u still goin?
TT: I guess not.
Roxy smiled drunkenly to herself, sipping a bit of her vodka and coke.
TG: good ;)
She was slightly happier that he wasn't leaving, but she didn't hadn't found out who the lucky person was!
== Calm your tits and speak to Jane, she might know.
Yes, Jane was a brilliant idea!
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 22:45pm
TG: heeeeeey janeeeey
GG: Good heavens, hello dear, I was just about to retire to bed!
TG: sorrrry i can laeve u alone if u wnat
GG: No, no it's fine, is there something you wanted to tell me?
TG: wellllll yh and no
GG: Go on...
TG: weeeeellll
TG: liek does dirk talk to u aboit persolan stuffd?
GG: No, should he?
TG: dammmit!
TG: this scukcs
TG: sudkcs*
TG: GAAAH!
GG: *Sucks*
GG: Is something the matter, Roxy dear?
TG: yh theere is
TG: do u thnik dirk lieks me
TG: liek, like liek
TG: liek liek like
TG: u knooow
GG: Yes, yes I understand sweetheart, you wonder if Dirk fancies you.
GG: I'm afraid to say he doesn't.
TG: WAHT?
GG: Oh...oh dear. You have the 'hots' for him, don't you?
GG: Oooh I'm so sorry Roxy! :( I'm a terrible friend!
TG: no no no janeeey dont get upest
TG: its not ur fualt
GG: I'm ever so sorry!
TG: janeeey chill out
TG: im not mad at u
TG: /siiiiiiiiign/ i just liek him soooooo mcuh
TG: who does he liek then?
GG: ...Why does he have to like someone?
GG: It's not like I know everything, Roxy!
TG: u know soemthing esle janey, i know u do!
GG: I most certainly do not.
TG: u most cetriantly do
TG: certantely*
TG: certintly*
TG: oh fuck it, u know soemthing
GG: *Certainly* Alright, but you're not going to like what I'm going to type.
TG: out wiht it!
GG: Alright, well, Dirk prefers boys to girls and...
TG: and d?
GG: Who else is a boy in our group?
TG: /gaaasp/ jane...he lieks u?
GG: NO ROXY!
GG: Jake! He likes Jake!
Roxy paused, mainly because her world is spinning slightly with what just hit her in the face. Dirk is gay? And he's chasing Jake? This just gets better and better. Tears begin to form in the corner of her eyes.
TG: jakey?
GG: Are you alright, love?
TG: he lieks a nerd ovre me!
GG: Roxy! Jake is not a nerd!
GG: He's very masculine at the least.
TG: ooooooh does janey want soem nerd ass tooo?
GG: No I do not!
GG: And I think you've had enough to drink, Roxy, get to bed.
TG: no i dont wanna go to bed djust yeeet
TG: im tlakin to dirk
GG: I'm sure that's not helping the current situation, is it?
TG: eyup
TG: cuz if he deosnt want me
TG: i;ll make him wnat me
GG: Pardon?
TG: by the end of tihis week
TG: dorky will be chasing my drunk ass
GG: Roxy, I don't think this is an alright thing to do.
TG: it isnnt
TG: but ive been wiatin long enough for my sliec of strider pudding
With that, you stop pestering Jane and move back to Dirk's conversation box with an evil, little plan in store.
TG: soooo dirky, got anytihing plaenned this weekned?
TT: No, nothing big. I'm guessing it's the same with you.
TG: nooope
TT: So what have you got planned, then?
TG: im gunna hang out with jakeeey
TT: Hahaha. You're going to hang out with Jake this weekend?
TG: u bet
TG: liek...liek a date
It took more than usual for Dirk to reply, you knew you were getting to him and you loved every minute of it. Any decent person would feel guilty, hell, any decent person wouldn't do such a thing.
But you're Roxy. You're not a decent person.
TT: Well have fun with adventure boy, I heard he likes the zoo.
TG: waht
TG: u jeeeeaaaloous?
TT: No, should I be?
TG: i dunnoooo
TT: As much as I would love to sit a few more hours and include myself in pointless conversation, I'm tired.
TT: Goodnight Lalonde.
TG: niiiiiiiiiiight striiidder
TG: mwah mwah :*
timeausTestified [TT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]
timeausTestified [TT] is now offline.
== Happy now?
Roxy was more than happy, she almost leapt for joy right out of her computer chair, but then she would have spilt her vodka and coke, not to mention toppled over and cause some sort of loud noise.
Her plan was slowly coming together, all she needed to do now was convince Jake to date her, or at least, pretend to. Maybe she should just paint herself blue and ambush him when he's going for his morning jog?
== Paint yourself blue and ambush the geek when he's going to for his morning jog.
Roxy shook her head, that would be stupid. He'd think she was a pyscho rather than attractive. She opened pesterchum to see that he was online, but he was idle. Pah, she was drunk, that was a good enough excuse.
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT]
TG: jaaaaaaaaaaake
TG: hye jake
TG: engliiisdhhh!
GT: Haha, hello to you too roxy.
TG: heey jakey babeeey
GT: And what mischevious schemes is a lady like you getting up to this time of night?
TG: oh u know waht ;) wonkk
GT: You never cease to make me smile, m'lady.
TG: oh jakey ur making me bulshh
TG: blush*
GT: Aha! Im quite the lady charmer.
TG: u sure are
TG: tahts why im askin u out on a date
TG: thsi saturday ngrefmh
TG: fukcin cat! night*
GT: Oh...*wipes brow with hankerchief* well, you see, im not the dating type, not to mention ive never been in a relationship before.
TG: clam urself engliiish
TG: a firendship date
GT: Oh phew!
GT: But...why only me?
TG: becuase we nveer spend tiem togerther anmyore and it maeks me sad :(
GT: Oh fiddlesticks!
GT: I didnt mean to make you sad, rolond!
GT: cheer up, id love to go on a date with you!
TG: u woudl?
GT: Of course!
TG: cna we get marreid to?
GT: Haha, if that makes you happy then i welcome you to the english family!
TG: oh jakey ur so romantic ;) wonk wonk wonk
TG: thank u so muhc for thsi jakey
GT: Anything for a damsel in distress!
TG: oh im a damsle alrihgt
TG: demsle*
TG: oh fukc it, im goin to bed
TG: night jakeeeeeeeey!
GT: Goodnight mrs english, i hope you enjoy your slumber and i will see you saturday!
TG: ;)
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]
== Log out of pesterchum and go to bed, that's enough mischveious attitudes for tonight.
tispyGnostalgic is now offline.
Roxy pushed her computer chair away from her computer after turning it off and stretched, a satisfied cracking noise coming from her spine as she whined happily at the relief. She stood from her chair and stretched a little more, almost falling straight on her face before holding on to her desk for support.
Slowly and unsteadily, Roxy made her way to the comfort of her bed and flopped down on to it. She laid there for a few moments before welcoming the hands of sleep as she wrapped herself in the blankets.
I ship this pairing so hard it hurts. Although, I ship it so Roxy's left all alone and depressed...that counts, right?
ah fuck it, I still love my JakexDirk "3