I always knew that I wasn't meant for Abnegation. I felt it in my bones. I'm too selfish and full of pride to be of any use to this factor. The Choosing Ceremony is coming up in a few days and I know that I'm going to be making one of the hardest choices I've ever made in my life. I haven't discussed any of this with my parents. It's not allowed and I know that it would break their hearts. I toss my hair over my shoulders and look around my room. No posters, no color, no anything that represents me. I sit down on my bed and sigh. I've got to do what's right for me. I'll never be happy if I stay here in Abnegation and it's time that I do something for me, which goes against every principle Abnegation ever taught me.

I don't know which factor I will choose yet. There's Candor, the honest. I know for a fact that I could never go there. I wouldn't make it past initiation without a lie of some kind. Erudite, the intelligent is another factor. It's not that I'm not smart. I'm just not smart enough for them. The Amity are the peaceful. I think I could do okay there but I don't know if I could stay passive for everything. The last one is the Dauntless. They are the brave. I think I could be brave if I needed to be. There are just so many choices it makes my heart pound just thinking about them all.

I lie down on the bed and put my arm over my eyes. I don't have to think about it right now. There's a knock at my door and my mom comes in. We Abnegation don't believe in privacy. It's selfish to keep people out.

"Are you okay Beatrice?" She asks.

"I'm fine." I mumble.

She walks over to the bed and sits down next to me.

"You know, when it was time for my Choosing Ceremony, I was scared too."

I uncover my eyes and look up at her. She's looking down at me with a small smile on her face. She really is beautiful. It's a shame that we all wear our hair up. I'd love to see her with her hair down once in a while. It might make her look a little less stressed all the time. She runs her fingers across my cheeks and the smile reaches her eyes.

"I'm not scared really, just confused on what I should do. Do these tests really tell us that much about ourselves?"

"It only tells you as much as you let it."

I let her words sink in. I know I shouldn't let some test define me and tell me what to do with my life, but when you grow up hearing about it all the time it just seems like a normal thing to feel. I sit up and put my arms around my mother.

"Thanks mom."

She puts a hand on my arm and says nothing. When I let go she gets up and leaves me alone with my thoughts. There's nothing that I can do to stop the Choosing. I have to pick whether I want to or not. It's against the rules to ask others about where they transferred from, if they did at all, but the curiosity is eating me away inside. Where did my mother come from? Was she always Abnegation? Maybe if I can find some time with just her before the Ceremony I can ask her. She might just tell me. Mom has always been different from the other Abnegation members. She's more joyful and willing to bend the rules a little. It's always made me believe that she was from another faction.

I have a gray duffel bag sitting empty in the corner of my room, ready to be packed with what little belongings I have to take with me once I make my choice. I get off the bed and walk over to my closet. It's full of gray shirts and gray pants. The only excitement I get in clothing is a different shade of gray once in a while, but not often. I grab a couple of shirts and pants to stuff inside of my bag. I don't know if I'll need them or not, but it's comforting to take some things from home with me either way. I don't have any photographs, they are considered vain by the Abnegation. I sorely wish that I did though. I have to commit my family's faces to memory if I ever hope to remember what they look like once I'm gone.

I look around my room and sadly realize that my clothes are the only things that I have to take with me. I have nothing else besides a bed and a dresser. I zip up the bag and hide it in the back of my closet. I don't want anyone to find it. My alarm clock is set for six in the morning. All Abnegation wake up at that time. I pull off my clothes and slip in to some pajamas, gray of course, and get in to bed. I tug the string on my lamp and pull the covers over my head. I fall asleep with thoughts uncertainty.