Author's comments:
Hello, everyone. This is the first story that I have ever submitted here , so I am sure I am going to mess up a few things ( actually, I already have, but that was to be expected ). Anyway, I hope you will enjoy your stay here and have fun reading this one. Obviously, reviews are more than welcome.
The story is set post-series, so there may be quite a few spoilers within the references to the characters' journey.
Disclaimer: Kurogane and Fai belong to Clamp, and so does Tsubasa Chronicle. The ending lyrics come from another Clamp manga series, "Clover" ( English translation of the lyrics by Tetsuo Sokura ) .
Dawn idly approached the desert land of the Clow Country. The light of the rising sun illuminated the walls of the room with warm colours, embracing everything in its range with deep hues: the figures, the eyes, the hair, the skin.
They were alone in the room, the same way they used to be during their long journey. They sat facing each other, divided by the distance from one wall to the opposite one. Both had bottles of wine in their hands, with the heaps of still other bottles in store beside them, surrounded by an ocean of bottles already emptied. The scenery did resemble very much many others that they had already happened before. The one in the Shara Country, for instance, when on that memorable night they had their unfinished conversation, full of understatements, concealment and mutual hostility, hidden so well under their skin.
It was amusing that so little should have changed in terms of the looks. After all, they still were seated apart, so that they could keep their distance meticulously even within the meager space of the room. It was just as if they had been trying to emphasize that they had turned out travelling companions by accident only, or that they were cramped at the same time in the same place by accident only, and if only it depended on their free will, such a picture with the two of them included within the same frame wouldn't have ever come to exist.
It was amusing that so little seemed to differ them from the days back then, when they really spent the time together just because they had no other choice.
For it was only the depth and the warmth of the gazes they exchanged.
For it was only the silence that fell upon them time and again, not the heavy and awkward one, but the benevolent one, full of mutual understanding.
On a day like this they didn't force themselves to talk, but neither did they force the definite stillness upon one another. Everything just seemed so natural and free. Swallowing a gulp after a gulp, they would take brief looks at the other one – and recollect the past.
They would recall once again the things that they had experienced during that long, exhausting, dangerous journey that had finally come to an end, giving them a safe haven in this country of sand. They would recall the people, the places, the moments, so as to save it all from falling into oblivion. After all, everything that they went through back then, everything that they were shown and taught had grown on them and become a part of them. And so, to let themselves forget any of those would equal letting some part of their own selfs die.
...The scene did resemble the Shara Country, but their thoughts and words right then took them once more to the world they visited directly after their journey to Shara – the world of Shara's past, the Yama Country.
As well as to those who they encountered there: the two mighty, beautiful – and inifinitely lonely – rulers, parted mercilessly against their own feelings by the war and by the destiny.
"You know what, Kuro-rin? I must confess that King Ashura really impressed me in the end." Thus Fai summed their dialogue up, putting another emptied bottle aside and peeking joyfully into the ruby eyes of his companion.
"And why is that again?", the fair-haired man heard a rough reply. Kurogane was most probably letting the mage know that he didn't exactly approve of his thesis.
Fai laughed sonorously, melodiously, and the rythm of his laughter hit against the walls and covered the two of them. With this, Kurogane's face instantly winced in an irritated grimace – and yet deep inside of him, should he have been asked about that, if he were to be honest, he would have to answer that this sound made him happy, and that to his ears it was the most exquisite music of the whole universe.
And lately he had come to appreciate it all the more, as Fai never really used to spoil him with the abundance of that sound. And never before had his laughter sounded so pure and natural, too. Until now, every time the blonde laughed, no matter how easy or unimportant the situation may have been, Kurogane would instinctively sense some kind of undefined anxiety full of tension, painfully straining each of the warrior's senses. Only now, only very recently had this changed completely. Now whenever Kurogane could hear him laugh, he relaxed and was at ease, and even felt some sense of relief.
"Sure thing it's because he pierced King Yasha with his own sword and let him go", explained Fai with so careless a tone as if he were talking about the next day's weather forecast.
Kurogane grunted quietly. He didn't seem convinced by his companion's opinion, nor by his reasoning.
"Nonsense. He had been living in an illusion for so long and fed himself with all those lies just because it was so convenient...What's so impressive about him making himself stop it all for once? Any weed, provided he's still got some sense of decency left, would take such step sooner or later", he explained firmly with his typical tone that made every word he said ooze with unyielding certainty.
Fai smiled whole-heartedly, suggestively, narrowing his eyes and nodding his head affirmatively – yes, Kuro-pon was all that. He still hadn't got rid of that nasty custom of comparing the others to himself and measuring the acts of the rest of the world with the scale of his own self. No wonder that others seemed to him to be mere cowards and weaklings. Not that Fai could care less. Not now that with a little help from Kurogane himself he finally believed that the warrior's nonchalant attitude towards him didn't really mean that Kurogane held him for a mere pawn, a two-faced and wretched one, who deserved only the humiliation and despise. And thus Fai actually felt quite good about it, felt encouraged – as he thought: He tells me such things as if he ignored me and thought nothing of me, but still he does care about me...So, if he cares for me so much, even though he sees all of my fails so clearly – then I should just feel honoured and lucky.
"One can't have expected any other answer from you, Kuro-pyon! But you know what? I still can't help but admire him...If you long for someone so badly, if that someone means the life to you and holds your all in his hands, then to reject the illusions when everything comes to an end and let that person go must be so deeply, so painfully, so deadly difficult..."
He spoke those words with his typical manner, so innocent – and so extraordinarily annoying. One couldn't tell if he spoke seriously or was only having fun, if he wanted the listener to react anyhow or, on the contrary – if he wanted them to ignore the speech and pretend not to have heard anything. Anyway, he spoke those words just the way he used to speak about anything else. Kurogane could feel nothing unusual about them, nothing personal for that matter, and so he decided not to worry about the babble of the "stupid mage" and let this weird topic, along with the weird course that their conversation had taken, die down naturally.
And so, without giving Fai's statement any further thought, Kurogane reached for one more bottle. He opened it with one skillful movement and drew it close to his mouth. Ready and willing to pour quite some amount of the divine liquid into himself, he was most definitely not so ready to hear Fai's words that followed, those that at theat very moment reached his ears.
"And because of that I can't stop wondering if I would be capable of doing the same for you – if, when the time came, I could let you go. And see, I still have no idea if I could. Actually I do hope you're going to be a good doggie and will never let me consider such choices, but just for my own sake I would like to mature enough, so that I could just in case afford such a move."
Choking was inevitable, and the stroke of luck would have it that it didn't end up with suffocating.
"Hyu...Really, Kuro-pon, why do you have to be such a kid? I need to go to Sakura-chan and ask her for some local Clow Country version of a bib, would you mind that? I'm sure it would make a good investment in your case", spouted Fai in his usual style, at the same time trying to wipe Kurogane's stained collar with his own sleeve, all so cheerfully, as if he had already no recollection whatsoever of what he had been talking about just a while ago. Kurogane – red-hot from head to toes, so much that it was strange that the sudden rise of his body warmth wouldn't scorch Fai at all – to no effect attempted at pulling himself free and pushing Fai away, giving it his all to save himself from the total embarrassment.
"Back off, what do you think you're doing, you damn mage!", he growled angrily, offended, as he writhed under those sensitive, slim hands, trying to avoid their touch. "Why are your jokes always so awfully...!"
He broke off in the middle of what he was trying to say. That was the moment when accidentally – or that was what he thought initially, before he recalled those witch's words about everything in this universe happening due to the "inevitability" – he looked into the eyes of the azure, and it was in their unusual sparkling, in their sincerity and sweetness that he saw that this time Fai wasn't joking.
Kurogane cut off his interrupted utterance with another grunt. Then he straightened his back and sat against the wall, crossing his arms haughtily – so as to prevent the stupid jerk from the so untrue conviction that he had managed to take Kurogane by surprise.
"...Such an idiot", he murmured, so proud of his own slyness and how stylishly he was able to regain the control over the scene. Most probably he was not aware of the smile that was adorning his lips. This smile was warm with the warmth flowing in his blood and gradually began to heat up both of them with its pulsating fever.
"Right...However this time, at least, quite an honest idiot", replied Fai quietly, trying to sound as straightforward as he could. He wanted Kuro-sama to be absolutely sure that that was no mockery on his part, even though the blonde was still smiling, as if infected by that contagious smile of Kurogane.
Quite an honest idiot, all right.
He indeed made some progress. Not that he was able to speak up his mind openly yet – but Kurogane didn't mind. He himself was not any better.
And so for now all that was left for them was to keep staring into each other, wrapped in the laces of the rays of rising sun.
The hair of one of them glittered in the sunshine like solid gold, the eyes of the other blazed like blood-red flames.
Both of them found it very strange that they should have seen each other before like that for so long – when only today, only here and now, did they notice all that indescribable beauty that lay beneath each other.
Or maybe – not so much notice than finally... dare to accept it.
I want happiness
I seek happiness
To cause your happiness
To be your happiness
So take me
To a true Elsewhere
Deliver me
Happy just to be with you
Happy just to see you smile
My first thought
And my last wish
So take me
To my bliss