By Raletha
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing does not belong to me. It is copyrighted to Bandai, Sunrise, and the Sotsu agency. I am using the characters for entertainment purposes only. Original content and concepts, however, are my own: © Raletha 02/2004 & beyond.
Pairings: 3x4
Rating: PG
Content: canon, odd, lime garnish, Trowa POV
Summary: Trowa considers the five states of matter.
Notes: Written for the melting challenge on gw500.
Condensed--like a laser made solid--and cold is my mind while I am strapped in Heavyarms' cockpit. Adrenaline may make others sweat and tremble, shout and swear, but not me. Instead it brings me a unity of focus that once caused a man to question my humanity. Emotions fade, and I am a being of perception, thought, and execution. I sense my enemies, evaluate them, and then bring them their doom.
It's an ephemeral state, impossible for me to sustain and remain sane. But then, without it, I'm sure insanity would have courted me long ago.
Outside battle, I melt.
I don't always melt far. Rare are the times in my life when true relaxation has been possible. Readiness must be maintained, and few situations are to be trusted without thorough investigation. I maintain my guard and my skepticism as ancient knights maintained their armour. I am centered, balanced, and solid when I am among those whom I do not know, within situations where I am not in control. I trust that I can maintain control of myself, and that is enough.
But away from uncertainty, I melt a little more.
There are times after which I know I have established some external control, and I know that to maintain it, I cannot be too rigid. To manipulate events and people around me, I become liquid. I can mould myself to fill whatever container is offered. I can reflect, like still water, what they need to see in me. Sometimes I adopt this state with allies, other times with enemies.
I can build their trust and draw their confidence where I will it. But I reserve the ability to metamorphose from a placid reflecting pool to the unseen and resolute force of an ocean undertow. I do not sacrifice capability for mutability.
And with my true friends, I can let myself evaporate.
I become light as air. I allow myself to expand, and I may shed my surface tension. Then I allow myself to relax, to meander, to randomly fill a space and not conform to any expectations: not mine, not theirs. It is a gaseous, less controlled state. I used to think it was all there was. Then I discovered a fifth state.
But to change to that fifth state, I require the impulse of external energy.
He can sublimate me from solidity to incandescence with a glance. When he touches me, I burn hot; I am the plasma at the centre of the flame. Then, only then, in his arms, in his body, do I let slip the remnants of control. In excitation of mind and body I fragment, and the atoms of my consciousness swarm with his, more intimate than even the merging of our bodies.
It's only ever been like this with Quatre. He creates a rapture so refined, I find myself hovering at the boundary of matter and energy. One day, I wonder if he'll transform me completely. He makes me feel so close...