Request Remus:
Q. Dear Remus,
I'm starting to feel emotions for a certain sexy, greasy-haired Slytherin. How do I tell him how I feel?
-Lovestruck Gryffindor
A. Dear Lovestruck Gryffindor,
WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING? Snap out of it, you are an appalling disgrace to the Gryffindor house! Snape's a slimeball!
-Remus
Q. Dear Remus,
I have heard that some fortunate, intelligent Gryffindor thinks I am sexy. Please notify her that I am completely available, even though I have plenty of clamoring fans that would be more than willing to go out with me. Also, please ask Sirius what shampoo he uses, I think I should start using some products to better define my manliness.
-In Search of better Hair care
A. Dear SNAPE! ::twitch:: ::shudder::,
What are you doing in the GRYFFINDOR advice column? Stop invading my column and I will have you know that Sirius starts his daily spa treatment with a shower where he washes his hair. Maybe you should start with that and I will get back to you
-Remus
Q. Dear Remus,
I have recently taken up a redecorating hobby, and would like to hang baubles from the ceiling, all of course with my face on them, behind the oh-so suave picture of me will be a background of pink ponies. I've gotten the baubles all ready but, then I was faced with a dilemma. The rest of the Gryffindor common room needs to be adjusted. So I selected some pink pony wallpaper. However, when I enlisted help, no one seemed up for the idea, not even my numerous female fans. What should I do to convince everyone that one day pink ponies will rule the world and that as we speak they are angering the pony queen?
-Perplexed Padfoot
A. SIRIUS! We are not redecorating the common room, and I think it was a big mistake to not confiscate that firewhisky that mysteriously appeared in your trunk. Needless to say you must hand it over immediately.