Hey, I know I already have an Eyeshield 21 story going on, but I'm trash, so have another one loosely based on what I imagine the Hangover movie was like.
"Afhmgf." Yoichi groans blinking his eyes open and trying to sit up. He immediately regrets the decision as it sets the room spinning violently and he feels the urge to upchuck everything he's ever eaten. He snaps his eyes shut and focuses on not dying. Who would blackmail the idiots of the world if he died from vomiting his internal organs up? He manages to half-slouch up by leaning heavily against the headboard.
"Shut up trash." Comes a voice all too close. Yoichi cracks his eyes back open and cautiously turns his head. This was not his room. In fact, if he remembered correctly, this was Agon's room. That was not a good sign. On one hand, Agon's room always had blackmail material in it, which Yoichi could and would use. But on the other hand… Yoichi briefly considers doing a pants check, but decides it was infinitely probably that he would upchuck if he moved right now. The dreads would kick him out if he threw up all over these… Yoichi feels the sheets- and really? Fucking dreads was the most high maintenance child Yoichi had ever had the displeasure of meeting. 1,500 thread count Egyptian sheets, how the dreads' parents hadn't murdered him in his sleep, Yoichi had no idea.
"I think I need a divorce." Another, very familiar and even more worryingly close, voice speaks softly. Yoichi decides to chance the vomit and pulls the covers up slowly. Three people, three pairs of… well if not pants then coverings. There had to be a story behind the shrimp's skirt and Yoichi was slightly disappointed that he couldn't remember it. The pants check was successful in any case, which was probably a good sign, but the other two people in the bed were the fucking shrimp and the dreads. Sometimes, Yoichi is positive the universe is trying to punish him for all the blackmail he uses without regret. If so, he can't help but think it's beginning to work; Yoichi is really regretting how right he is all the time.
"Annulment." He says instead of voicing any of these thoughts. The shrimp turns towards him, shock and fear fighting with curiosity. Sena's a mess. His hair seems to have finally decided to attempt to fight back and he has dark circles under his eyes. He's actually sitting completely upright though, which is more than Yoichi can attempt, so whatever happened Yoichi doesn't want to see what he looks like.
"Shut up, trash." Agon says, a little more insistently. Yoichi glances dismissively towards him. He looks worse than Sena, laying flat on his back with his dreads even more out of order than they normally are. Agon pinches the bridge of his nose and looks ready to commit murder.
"An annulment is what you get when there was no removal of pants." Yoichi says, ignoring Agon. Sena blinks stupidly, curiosity winning for the moment. Yoichi sighs heavily. "Sex, shrimp. You didn't have it, you can't get a divorce." Yoichi hisses through his teeth, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. Then he pauses. "You got married?" He asks; being drunk seems to have really screwed up his priorities.
Agon has taken to making a noise not unlike a malfunctioning lawn mower, in an attempt to shut the other two up.
"Um, I think so." Sena pauses, screwing up his face to try to remember anything. He bites his lip suddenly and looks concerned. "I'm pretty sure an annulment is not possible." He says solemnly. There is a brief pause in which even Agon stops groaning and turns his head slowly. The three members in the bed all consider this statement in varying levels of shock.
"Congratulations shrimp." Yoichi offers, finally. "You've become an adult, complete with terrible life decisions aided by alcohol. The manager will never forgive any of us."
"Thanks." Sena says dully, he looks like he's going into shock, and Yoichi is not prepared to deal with that, so Sena had best figure out how to deal with the knowledge sometimes you get drunk married very, very fast or Yoichi's kicking him out of the room.
"Shut. Up. Trash." Agon puts in, a little louder. All three in the bed wince a little, and Agon yanks a pillow over his head, groaning far louder than was really called for. Sena starts muttering under his breath, trying to sort out exactly what happened, or possibly having an existential crisis, Yoichi isn't sure which. It's better than shock though, not by much though.
Yoichi, instead of following either's example, thinks. He's pretty sure that the drinking spurge didn't last more than one day, but he will admit, to himself, that he is notoriously bad with times while drunk, hence why he does not drink. There had been a lot of alcohol involved though, and everything in his memory was sort of a blur, so it was possible that it was a lot longer than just one day. Out of the corner he sees Agon has given up on blocking Sena out and has moved on to attempting to suffocate him. He considers helping the shrimp, he can't afford to loose the running back after all, but decides against it, Agon is still very hung over and Sena is still muttering so it's unlikely Agon will be successful.
Yoichi instead relishes in the feel of the sheets on his face, where he has sunk down and given up on life. Agon is still a spoiled brat and the sheets are stupid but they are doing wonders for his headache. Speaking of headaches Yoichi has to find his handbook and his clothes for that matter. He's not sure whose clothes these are but they are definitely not his. He may be a blackout drunk, but he's a blackout drunk with a purpose, and he always wakes up with twice as much blackmail he blacked out to. If he can find his pants. Once, and he doesn't like to remember this time, he couldn't find his pants and he had to start all over, which is when he thought he'd sworn off drinking forever. If anything like that happens again, Yoichi is just going to give up, get drunk for the rest of his mortal existence, and start shooting everyone who doesn't comply with his drunken commands.
At this point Agon had given up on suffocating Sena and moved on to attempting to suffocate himself. Sena has started muttering about how everyone he has ever met is going to kill him, which, as far as Yoichi knows (admittedly pretty far), is an accurate summation of events. Yoichi is just about to grab a pillow and follow Agon into the great darkness when the door opens gently.
"Excuse me, but I though I heard voices, so I assumed you were all awake. Sena, your mother would like you to call her." Unsui whispers. Sena abruptly cuts off his stream of thoughts, turns deathly pale and scrambles off the bed running towards the door. He moves at an impressive speed, even while hung-over, but he looks like he greatly regrets moving at all, and presses his lips together tightly. Unsui allows him a moment to gather himself before he speaks again. "Follow me." Unsui says, supporting Sena carefully and steering him off. And then there were two.
"Trash." Agon says, not lifting the pillow off his face.
"Dreads." Yoichi responds, very carefully sitting all the way up to fold his hands behind his head and cross his legs. He still has to lean heavily on the headboard, but Agon's blind and laying down so really he thinks he wins in this instance.
"This never happened." Agon says with murder in his voice. It would be scary if Yoichi wasn't, well, Yoichi, but he gets points for trying as Yoichi is feeling generous and slightly better at the moment.
"Kekeke. Not going to introduce me to the parents?" Yoichi taunts. He's already met Agon's mom, actually. A kind woman, with a backbone of steel, though surprisingly young. She manages to control Agon half the time, and despite all Yoichi's attempts out of curiosity, does nothing it is possible to blackmail her for. There is not, as far as the Kongo family is concerned, a father, and Yoichi can respect that.
"I'll recover faster than you." Agon snarls, throwing his pillow at Yoichi's head. Yoichi catches it and scoffs, he's not worried. For some unthinkable reason Agon's mom likes Yoichi, and despite everything else Agon isn't willing to hurt his mother's feelings in any way larger than by staying out too late. He knows for a fact that every Mother's day Agon cancels any date he might have had and spends the day with his mother. Not that Yoichi could really throw stones in this case. While Yoichi is pondering this, the door slides open again, louder.
"I'd like to say I'm disappointed Agon, but really I'm just surprised you aren't permanently hung over." Unsui says, not bothering to regulate his voice this time. Yoichi manages to internally wince, which is a vast improvement over external and clearly visible wincing, and he keeps his face blank and his body still. He's impressed though, he wasn't sure that Unsui was capable of scolding Agon, not counting the time Agon and Yoichi had disappeared for almost a week straight, which Yoichi still maintains was not his fault. Then again, he never knew Unsui that well, but he does know from their mother than he has always been the more responsible child.
"Unko-chan-" Agon starts, pouting, but Unsui isn't done yet.
"And you. What were you thinking taking Sena with you? He's 16 for pity's sake." Yoichi does not move. He refuses to feel bad for whatever he may or may not have done that he can't remember. Unsui sags, shaking his head. "Here. I'm going to open the blinds." Unsui hands first Agon and then Yoichi a cup with water in it along with two Tylenol.
"Two?" Agon asks, raising an eyebrow incuriously. Yoichi is surprised at just how much of an idiot Agon can be sometimes. Unsui turns back slightly towards his brother, very slowly.
"If you want to damage your liver on your own time, fine. I won't be part of it though." Unsui says, and then he pulls the blinds. Sunlight floods into the room, mocking Yoichi with its bright rays and intensity. He can vaguely make out Agon squinting and groping in his hair. He feels a slow smile growing across his face, despite the rearing headache. He gulps the Tylenol and water down, setting the cup somewhere on the floor before reaching onto the top of his head and pulling down Agon's sunglasses. Unsui is standing somewhere still by the window, arms crossed, but a half-smile on his face in amusement. Agon notices a couple seconds after Unsui does.
"Trash. Give me my glasses." He growls, in a tone that leaves no room for arguments. It's ruined a little bit by his squinting though.
"Kekekeke. I think they suit me." Yoichi responds, hooking them down to stare at Agon, before concealing a wince and slowly pushing the glasses back up to cover his eyes. Agon looks about three seconds away from murdering Yoichi, which is to say, no different than any other time Yoichi and Agon are in the same vicinity.
"Here." Unsui says, more relaxed, dropping another pair of sunglasses on Agon's head. "Don't kill each other, lunch is in 15 minutes." Unsui's eyes narrow as he focuses on Agon. "Take your medicine." He says sternly, staring Agon down, until, sulking, Agon does as bid. Unsui nods and exits, slamming the door behind him. Yoichi thinks that Unsui is enjoying this a little more than he really should. Yoichi and Agon glance at each other, Agon scowling, Yoichi grinning widely. Agon breaks first, wincing away to finally pull his sunglasses over his eyes.
"I'm going for a shower. And I'm stealing your clothes." Yoichi announces, sliding off the side of the bed. Agon stares incredulously at him.
"Trash. You're a bigger moron than I ever thought if you think I'm letting you even touch my clothes." Agon replies. Yoichi cackles.
"Your mother, I'm sure, will be pleased with how you treat your poor little friend." He says, feeling an unhealthy amount of vindication as Agon's glare intensifies, but his objections die off. Yoichi rummages through Agon's drawers until he finds what he was looking for. He bows to Agon, rubbing his victory in before setting off for the bathroom. Yoichi is pleased with how little he feels like dying already.