So I don't own anything, none of the characters not kotor or anything. Please don't sue me.

Also I know it's not long but I felt the chapter ended nicely this way.

Atton

One month alone and I've already earned Nar Shadaa's most ugly chasing my backside. I just needed some easy money so I could get a ship, so I could go get her. Now, don't go giving me trouble because I let her go, cause I didn't! The second the witch hit the floor cold, I was at my lady's side, ready for orders, awaiting a location.

I had it all figured out, she'd lead us in to trouble (nothing new) in new and unknown and fantastically weird places, lots of cards, lots of drinking. No witch and no blond prince charming to rescue her; I'd save her ass and in return she'd give me some. Ha, not that he's ever done more than a hand shake. But I can still see it: all too soon, I'd finally get all of her attention and she'll finally tell me she's always been crazy for me and we would have lots and lots of sex and kill lots and lots of Sith. But as you can see, she had other ideas. It was only a few days into our travels before I woke up in some mediocre hotel on the outer rim, no adventure, no danger, no ass, just a note. Some rubbish about 'You can't go where I must go,' last I looked I had feet. I didn't even get a 'I love you,' just an 'I'll miss you,' last I checked a Rand doesn't settle for second best. (Actually best would be I love you and something erotic but I won't tell her that).

With the credits she left me, I made my way to Nar Shadaa where I began scamming my way to the big bucks. It's not that my natural gift for pazaak wouldn't earn me the sums, they just wouldn't come quick enough and she already had a head start. But yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I messed up, got too impatient, shook the wrong hands, blah, blah, blah, they shot a hole in my jacket. So here I am; stowed away on the first ship I lay eyes on. Yes, it's stupid but not as stupid as showing my face out there, five more minutes and I wouldn't have a face.

I always felt awkward when she tried to get me to use the force, it all soppy and silly. I mean it was cool when you saw her in the heat of the fight, one with the force and all that, it was so enchanting; I wanted that. I wanted people to see me in the heat of the fight and think "Damn, I'm done."(Well actually, they already do but you know the whole force thing makes it so much cooler). But sitting in silence meditating, I felt ridiculous. The only reason I diligently attended lessons was because I'd rather burn my pazaak set then let pretty boy get two minutes alone with her. But right now, I wanted more than anything in the world to be on track to finding her. It seems the more I try the more I mess up, everything I touch seems to break or spit in my face. So yeah, I never thought I'd see the day, but here is Atton Rand, suffocating under a pile of crates, begging to the force to take me to her.

Telos. Stinking Telos. Every time we left I swore I'd never come back, I must be jinxing it. I'll admit the outside is great, crisp air, easy blue skies and flowing green fields. Well I mostly like it because one time back at the start, when we were wandering the Telosian country, she wanted to walk with me and it was the first time I made her laugh so much she cried. And later the old hag got knocked unconscious, it was brilliant. But Citadel Station is like being in a box (which mind you for the last few days I have been), a robotic, dull, ugly box. With more rules and regulations than you can shake a stick at. Thank you force, thank you very much, I'll keep you in mind next time I'm in shavik creek again.

I tell myself I won't, but I do and next thing I know I'm in the cantina drinking my few precious credits away because maybe I am a fool. "Hey handsome," purrs a fake, little 'somewhat pretty,' thing, who suddenly appears next to me. "Hey lady," I chirp and she laughs as if in those two words I expressed the wit and charm of an artist. She either must really want, credits – which I have none, or a drink – she's not having any of mine, I don't even want to think about where those lips have been, or sex – which I can't seem to freely give anymore. Old Atton would have already enthusiastically led her out of the cantina and into his bed. I can't help but notice how stinky she is. "Where you from, honey?" She murmured leaning in a little too close "I ain't seen you round before, and I'm sure I woulda remembered a face this pretty." I turn to see a sad woman, all concealed under the cover of powder and a phoney smile, we could be siblings. "Oh no, I'm new here but the novelty wore pretty quick," this time she cackled.

"I like you, baby, you're funny."

"I don't like you, grown woman, you smell of cheese."

"Ay, ay! That ain't no way to talk to a lady!"

"Yeah, then it's a good thing you're far from one." This time she slapped me. I didn't bother watching her go and too preoccupied with my stinging cheek to notice that her space was swiftly occupied by another. "You're quite the charmer, aren't you?" the man beside me spoke warmly. "No offense but you're not exactly my type," I snapped, my frustration evident in my tone. He laughed, a really nice laugh, a wholesome laugh, it reminded me of her. "Glad the feelings mutual."

"Is a quiet drink so much to ask?" I hiss turning to him. Recognizing him quickly, I felt stupid again. "Oh." I grumbled allowing my disappointment to surface "It's you, hi. what do you want now?"

"Woah, with the hostility! I just want to talk."

"I just want to drink but that isn't happening," in response to my tone he shifted himself against the bar awkwardly.

"Look kid, I know what you're going through-"

"No." I snapped "No you don't. She didn't even say she loved me. I bet you and Revan had lots of wonderful sex and I bet she told you a hundred times before she left that you meant everything to her, and I'll bet you got to tell her she meant everything too. But no, not Meetra; fresh from the fight she barely breathed before diving into whatever God forsaken emptiness awaits her. At least all the others had something to go back to. They have a purpose, you have a purpose; people actually need you. What do I have? A flawless pazaak hand and ugly memories."

Ha, Atton you're great; once upon a time you're secrets were locked up tight, from even the most beautiful woman in the galaxy. But just now, you spat them at a stranger. Within the Admiral's frown, lines etched with sympathy stared at me and all I could say was "Leave me alone."

There will be more! ...If you want it.