The sound of rain woke him.
He came to, feeling drowsy and content. He was warm, still sleepy, and the sound of the rain on the roof over his head was pleasant.
He yawned, trying to keep quiet so he wouldn't wake anyone else up, and pushed back the blanket that covered him, looking around.
The hut was empty.
InuYasha frowned, sitting up.
The air inside the hut was cold, almost shockingly so. He gazed around the hut in confusion.
Where were the others?
Rubbing his eyes slightly, he gazed around again, and suddenly noticed something he hadn't seen before, something that gave him a very bad feeling.
It wasn't just his friends who weren't in the hut.
Their things were gone too.
No sleeping bags or blankets, no pillows, no backpacks. Nothing.
His hanyou eyes suddenly focused on the fact there was dust on the floor. Dust that hadn't been there for a while. Now it was undisturbed save where he lay. No footprints, nothing.
"What the hell?"
His voice seemed shockingly loud in the silence, and growing more and more uneasy, he stood up, brushing aside the blanket he was covered in.
The blanket fell to the floor.
A pale green blanket. Old looking, worn.
InuYasha picked it up, looking at it, the unpleasant feeling in his stomach getting worse.
His blanket was blue, not green, and it wasn't this old.
"What the hell?"
He couldn't even scent them in this room.
InuYasha crossed to the doorflap, crouching, quickly untying it, pushing it back, and stepping outside.
He froze.
Last night, as many nights before, they had gone to bed inside Kaede's village, after a day of helping the villagers with some things they needed.
Now he was looking out over what appeared to be a large lake.
The water was a dark green, angry-looking, whipped into froth by the winds and rain that lashed the side of the hut.
"Where the hell am I?" he asked aloud, "Where is everyone? Sango? Kagome? Miroku?"
Silence. Just the waves of the lake on the shore before him.
Confusion washed through him. Where where they? Where was he? How had he gotten there?
Now, as always, his first thoughts were for their safety. Were they ok? How had they gotten seperated? Why didn't he remember?
"InuYasha?"
He turned, badly startled, to see Tensio standing outside, shielded from the rain from the side of InuYasha's hut. The hanyou InuYasha had met a while back, in the village of the hanyou and demons, watched him closely. His black hair still consisted of many thin braids, all pulled back into a ponytail, his orange eyes still shockingly intent.
"Tensio? What the hell's going on? What am I doing here? Where are my friends?"
The older hanyou said nothing, just looked at him silently, a strange look of sorrow on his face. It made InuYasha feel oddly cold.
"Well!?"
"You have forgotten again, InuYasha. It happens to you, sometimes, when you have slept deep, and have dreamed of them."
"What? What are you talking about?"
Tensio sighed, and shook his head, "I am sorry. I wish you did not have to go through this, over and over again this way."
The cold feeling got stronger, "What are you talking about? Just tell me where they are. Why don't I remember getting here?"
Tensio looked out over the water, his voice gentle, "They are gone, InuYasha, remember? They died years ago."
InuYasha blinked, taking a step back. He felt like he had been punched in the gut, and at the same time, a strange burst of anger rose up in him, "What the hell are you talking about? They're not dead! I was with them last night!"
"Sango lived the longest, InuYasha, dying at well over 80 years of age, but she was the last. And she has been dead now for over 38 years."
He looked back at InuYasha, sadness in his eyes, "You keep forgetting, when you sleep deep, and dream of them. I am sorry."
"No," InuYasha snarled, hands in fists. He was furious, and frantic. Way down deep, a part of him was starting to panic, like a small bird trapped inside, "No, you're lying. I don't know why the hell you're lying, but you're lying!"
"InuYasha-"
"No! Shut up!"
"You must listen to m-"
He turned, bolting from the porch into the rain, trailing a line of frightened curses as he moved, not wanting to hear the other hanyou's words.
He took three steps when everything went dark.
Blackness.
******************************
"InuYasha?"
"InuYasha!"
He sat up, cursing loudly, fighting with his blanket, cursing, half snarling, "Shut up!"
"Wake up, InuYasha!"
He pushed the blanket away, wide gold eyes blinking in shock and confusion at the sudden, brilliant burst of morning light.
Miroku, Sango, Kagome and Shippo all sat in their blankets, looking at him, alarm and confusion on their faces as well.
"What...what..." his hair was half down over his face, and he blinked through his hair at them, owlishly.
"You were having another nightmare, I think," Kagome said. She was wearing a light pink t-shirt because of the heat, and she was watching him closely, "At least it sounded like a nightmare."
With a groan, InuYasha flopped back to the floor, hand over his face, "And I woke you all up again?"
"Well, to be honest," Miroku said gently, "You don't usually start screaming obscenities quite this early in the morning and it startled us."
"Sorry," he mumbled, one arm thrown over his face, embarassed. Great. Screaming over a nightmare like a little girl.
"Well, it's actually growing a little late anyway," Sango said cheerfully, willing to smooth everything over, "We might as well get up."
Kagome stood up, folding up her blanket, and glanced over at InuYasha. The hanyou was rising, folding up his blanket as well. He kept his eyes on the blanket, face still red.
"Bad?" she asked softly.
InuYasha made a shrugging motion, giving the blanket one last, savage, fold, before placing it atop his backpack. For Kagome, that was answer enough.
She walked to him, placing her own blanket near her blackpack, "You've...InuYasha, you-"
"Don't say it," he grumbled, "I know."
She watched his face, "It's just not like you. I mean, it's been, what...almost 2 weeks now since they started? And you've almost had one every 2 days now. These nightmares are really frequent."
"I know, I know." He rubbed his face.
"You have to talk to Lady Kaede. Or Izumi."
"No, I don't," he said angrilly, keeping his voice low so only Kagome could hear him, "I don't have to do anything."
"Don't be dumb. Something's bothering you and it's coming to the surface as nightmares."
"They're just stupid nightmares, they can't actually hurt me. They'll stop."
Kagome crossed her arms, "If you'd just tell me what they are, at least."
"I told you, they're stupid and not important. Just drop it."
"Dreams are often important, InuYasha," Miroku said, seeming to appear out of nowhere next to them, "Maybe you should pay attention to these."
"I'm fine, and this was a private conversation," InuYasha growled.
"Miroku's right though," Sango said, now joining the growing group, "More than one nightmare is something to look into."
"Yeah!" Shippo cried, jumping up onto the monk's shoulder, "And they must be bad because you always scream really loud!"
"Shippo, that's not really helping," Sango said gently, taking the Kitsune off the monk's shoulder.
InuYasha glared at them, a red line across his cheeks and nose, "Look, I'm not going to go bothering Kaede or Izumi over something as stupid as bad dreams. If I keep waking you up, I'll start sleeping outside! End of discussion!"
Miroku, Sango, Shippo and Kagome exchanged a glance as the hanyou stomped off outside, to start a cooking fire.
They sat around the fire outside, it being too warm to have a fire inside the hut. Shortly after the tea started to simmer, Kaede and Izumi came out from the old woman's hut and joined them.
"What do ye have planned for today?" Kaede asked them.
"I'm not sure," Sango answered, "I don't think we're actually needed right now around here, are we?"
"Perhaps not," Kaede said, "Ye all were a great help the last week. There is food stored away, firewood gathered, and water drawn. I do not know what this village would do without ye."
"Well, hopefully no one will have to find out for a long time," Miroku smiled.
"Actually, Miroku," Izumi spoke, "If I could speak with you privately today?"
Miroku looked at the older woman. He remembered she had asked, several weeks ago, if she could talk to him, access his wisdom. It had been shortly before they had left this plane of existance to find someone to help him with a problem.
As if in memory, his hand ached slightly, the Wind Tunnel seeming to shift in his palm.
"Of course, Lady Izumi, whenever you wish. Although I do not know what knowledge I could possibly have that would be of any aid to you."
"You might be surprised," Izumi smiled at him.
"You know," Sango said, "Why don't we go visit my village again?"
"You want to go back again?" Kagome asked.
"Yes," Sango said, and turned, looking at InuYasha, "We haven't conducted the ceremony yet. Kohaku and I are still waiting. I didn't want to rush you, but it's been a while now, and..."
InuYasha blinked, looking startled, "You...you want to do that now?"
"Well...I mean, if you don't want to, ani."
Kagome watched a play of emotions flicker over the hanyou's face. She knew InuYasha hated a huge deal being made over him.
Sango saw his face as well, and hurried to reassure him, "No big deal, remember? I promised. It would be quiet, and even private if you want, just you, me, and Kohaku."
"Yeah, I..."
"He'd love to," Kagome answered for him. InuYasha blinked at her.
"Are you sure, though? I don't want to rush you, InuYasha."
"No, it...it's fine. Yeah. We can go."
Sango's face lit up in a sweet smile, "Wonderful!"
InuYasha smiled, and turned his gaze to the small fire.
Sango and Kohaku were going to adopt him.
He still remembered the night Sango had spoken privately to him, telling him that she and Kohaku had talked it over. They both felt that the hanyou had done so much for them. Fighting for Sango. For Kohaku. Refusing to let Sango take kohaku's life when she thought it was the only way she could save her brother. InuYasha had told her she had to fight, to never give up, ever. He had refused to let her give in to despair, and because of that, had saved Kohaku's life.
Had saved her life.
They had grown closer over time, becoming more and more of a brother and a sister. She had told InuYasha that no matter, she would always consider him her brother. And that both her and Kohaku had wanted to give him something he had never really had. A permanent home. A place he could always look at and say he belonged there. It was his.
She had started calling him ani since then.
Older brother.
It had been hard for him, but InuYasha had started forcing himself to call her imouto in reply. Little sister. Until it had become easier. He still felt somewhat awkward saying it, but it did come off the tongue easier and easier now.
He felt unbelievably awkward. He didn't know how he was supposed to feel, and he hated feeling awkward. He would rather face down a thousand demons than feel so confused and awkward. What the hell was he going to do during this ceremony? He'd make an idiot of himself, he was sure of it.
Now that he thought about it...Miroku had started calling Kagome imouto as well.
He glanced over at Kagome to see her smiling at him.
He was instantly wary...what was she smiling about, why was she smiling like that? That was a "Kagome's-up-to-something" smile.
"Kagome, what ar-"
"Lady Izumi, InuYasha's been having these nightmares lately. I'm a little worried."
Izumi and Kaede turned as one, looking at the hanyou, who now suddenly had that "deer-in-the-headlights-" look. He goggled at them, then turned to Kagome, angry, "Damnit, Kagome!"
"Well, you refused to bring it up, so I am!"
InuYasha slapped a hand over his face, mortified.
"He keeps having them," Kagome said, "Every two or three days. And they seem to be bad. He often wakes up yelling."
"What are you nightmares about, InuYasha?" Izumi asked.
InuYasha dropped his hand, glaring at Kagome for a second (who only glared back), and then shook his head, "I can't remember them."
Kagome said nothing, not sure if she actually believed him or not.
"Dreams can be very important, InuYasha," Lady Kaede said, "Especially ones that repeat themselves. Are ye certain ye cannot remember them?"
"Yeah I'm sure," he said firmly, leaning back and crossing his arms, "They're just stupid dreams, not important."
"Well," Izumi said, "Sometimes dreams are just that, dreams. Even nightmares. But if they are recurring, that worries me. If you like, InuYasha, Mikado could possibly try and get a reading from you, find out what-"
"No!" he almost barked, and Izumi blinked.
"But if-"
"Just drop it!" InuYasha suddenly growled, standing up, "Let it rest, damnit! It's just some stupid nightmare that I can't remember and isn't important, so shut up about it!"
Izumi blinked at him again, a little startled, but then nodded, and spoke softly, "As you wish then."
Muttering lowly, he turned, walking away from the fire, heading out towards the forest.
Everyone watched him go, silent.
"That was...unexpected," Miroku said.
"I'm sorry, Lady Izumi," Kagome said lowly, "I didn't think it was upsetting him that much. I certainly didn't think he'd snap at you like that."
"It's all well, dear," Izumi said, "But as you said, it must be upsetting him for that reaction."
She turned and looked at the others gathered around the fire, "Try to see if you can figure out what his nightmares are about. He may drop clues, or be more sensitive to certain topics. If it's interfering with his sleep, it's not good for him."
********************************************
He sat up in a tree, looking out over the forest, arms crossed, tapping fingers on his upper arm.
He was in a bad mood.
Why did Kagome have to go and open her mouth? I didn't want to talk to anyone about it! Especially Izumi or Kaede. She shouldn't have said anything!
The dream came back, of waking up in the hut, alone, no sign or scent of his friends.
Tenshio's face as he told InuYasha his friends had been dead and gone for years.
The sorrow.
He clenched his fists.
They're not dead. They're here. They're alive.
A bird called in the distance. He looked out over the top of the trees, a sea of green branches, boughs and leaves. In the distance, pale lavender mountains rose up towards the sky.
Damn Tenshio anyway! Why the hell did he have to go and say that to me? It's none of his business! Now I can't stop thinking about it!
The words came back to him. The warning. His friends would grow old, and die, and he wouldn't. He would be forced to watch as age stole their youth, their energy, their lives. Leave. Leave now, while they were still alive and young and happy.
Leave.
I can't leave! That's stupid. They're my family now. Sango calls me ani. They want to adopt me. And...Kagome. We're finally together again. There's no way in this world or any other that I am leaving her now. She's giving me another chance.
He suddenly remembered Izumi's shocked look when he stood up, angry, yelling at her.
Guilt swamped through him.
He didn't want to yell at Izumi. She was...she was almost like an aunt or something. His mother's best friend. The way Kagome and Sango were best friends. And he knew she loved him. She had wanted to raise him!
Yeah, well...I'll apologise later, when I go back. I'm not going back yet, they'll just start asking me questions again...
A thought suddenly struck him.
He was supposed to be going with Sango to her village.
He slapped a hand over his face.
************************************************** *****
"Maybe I should put it off."
"No, Sango, go pack. If he's not back shortly I'll go find him," Kagome sighed, "I know I shouldn't have told on him that way, but I am worried. And he won't talk about it, so..."
"I know," Sango agreed. She watched as Izumi and Miroku walked from the village, going to a more private place near a tree, to talk.
"I wonder what Izumi wants to talk to Miroku about?"
Kagome shook her head, watching them walk away, "I'm not sure. Izumi seems to think Miroku can help her with something."
"What on earth could that be?"
Kagome shook her head.
************************************************** **
They sat beneath a large tree, in the shade; a tall slender lady in a pale blue simple robe, and a shorter monk in dark robes. Miroku made himself confortable, and waited for Izumi to begin talking. He guessed whatever she wanted to talk about must be important, and that she may need to gather her thoughts first.
After a short while, she spoke.
"Miroku...when you...when we all...lost...Sango..."
Miroku blinked, turning to her.
"...you put aside the robes of the monk. You set aside your vows."
Miroku grew a little uncomfortable, "Yes...I did. I felt I no longer had the right to wear them, to call myself a monk because of what I saw as my failure to her. I have since learned my mistake, though. You need not worry aboutme."
"But when Sango was returned to us, you still did not reclaim the robes. Not for a while."
Miroku turned his gaze from her, towards where Kagome and Sango sat on the little porch of their hut, talking amongst themselves. Occassionally, Sango would raise a hand to her mouth, a gesture the monk could recognise even from here as Sango laughing. When she laughed hard, a true laugh, she always covered her mouth, as if perhaps she was afraid she was being too loud, too shocking.
"Yes. Because I still felt that way. I felt I had...lost my way."
When Izumi spoke, her voice was subdued, "Yes. Lost."
He blinked, turning back to her, to see Izumi looking down at her hands.
"Lady Izumi?"
She kept her gaze on her hands for a while, then lifted her head, looking at him. Her eyes were troubled.
"I...in almost all my years, Miroku, I have always had the presence of my Goddess within me. She was always there."
"And now she is not," he said, gently.
"Now she is not," Izumi said, "and I...am...lost. Adrift. I feel as if I am standing on a raft, in the middle of a turbulent river, and it will tip at any moment, throwing me into the water. Where I might drown."
Silence.
"How...is this anything like what you felt, dear? If so, how did you...cope?"
"My Lady, I fear I may not be able to help you. What I felt was very different. I rejected my faith, I turned from it. I felt I was not fit to embrace it. What you are feeling is very different. I have no understanding or knowledge of how it feels to have a God or Goddess a part of my being, or how it must feel to have that taken away, and...I do not know how to advise you.
I am sorry."
Izumi watched his face for a moment, and the monk was dismayed to see what may have been the faint shimmer of tears in her eyes before she turned her gaze away.
"Do not be sorry, Miroku. It is still kind of you to listen to me."
"Perhaps if you spoke to Mikado?"
Izumi shook her head, "No. I will not disturb her. She has much to worry about now, and I do not want to burden her with yet something else."
Silence. In the distance children called, laughing. Miroku watched Sango and Kagome talk, wishing there were something he could do to help the woman at his side.
"I don't even really know why this has happened to me, Miroku."
"My Lady...my words may be just that; words. Perhaps they will give you no comfort. But the others and I have been talking, and...we feel the reason this has happened to you may be because you are being blocked from Amaterasu by Keimetsu."
From the corner of his eye, he saw Izumi turn to him, shocked.
"You think he has that power?"
"It is possible, yes," the monki said, turning again to meet her gaze, "He has grown much in strength, Lady. He can reach now into our world and bring into it things of his making. He can't yet appear himself, or so we assume, but he seems to have no trouble opening portals for other things to enter. I believe..."
Miroku took ahold of his Holy Staff, gazing at the metallic head as he chose his words, "I believe he has grown stronger. And now blocks your connection with the Sun Goddess, because once you became human, he had that power."
Izumi looked away, away from the village, and pushed a stray lock of hair behind an ear, "Yes. Perhaps you are right. I...I lost my Senmin powers...when I brought InuYasha back from the dead."
Silence. The children, in the distance, continued to call and laugh.
Miroku looked at her, speaking softly, "So you did return him to this world."
Izumi, still looking out towards the forest, nodded, "I did. I found him dead on that island, his own attacks thrown back at him, and dead. And what was I to do? InuTashio and Izayoi's child, dead. Dead long, long before he should be. As Fate Breakers, I cannot know what his appointed time to die is, but surely it was not yet. So soon. And..."
She looked back at him, smiling sadly, and now there were tears in her eyes, "I should have spoken to Amaterasu first. I should not have acted on my own. As handmaiden, I am not allowed to act on my own, to bring personal wants and needs into my work."
"But you know InuYasha will be needed for this...Twilight War. Surely you can be forgiven for bringing him back."
"But I didn't bring him back because he would be needed, Miroku," she smiled through her tears, "I brought him back because I love him and wanted to see him alive. Although he was still needed, I brought him back for purely selfish reasons. And for that, my Senmin powers were taken from me."
"By Amaterasu?"
"No. She would not have done this to me. This is just...one of those restrictions that are upon both Senmin and the very Gods alike. Things we cannot do, whether or not the Gods agree. We must not take action for our own desires. Even had Amaterasu told me to do so, I would still have been stripped of all my powers. When Sango died, even Amaterasu would not have been able to bring her back from death's veil. But she found a...a loophole, as it were, keeping Sango's soul from going through the veil in the first place.
I brought InuYasha back from the veil...and lost my powers."
"And then brought that falling mountain down upon yourself, to seal the portal."
"Yes. I had just enough power left for that. But the impact killed me."
The monk looked at her, "I can't help but wonder how it is that you returned, though."
Izumi looked towards the village, and spoke, her voice low and soft, "It was a strange journey, with...unexpected help."
"Kagome tells me Lord Sesshomaru took your body where you wish to lay in death. Did he have anything to do with your return?"
Izumi looked sharply at him. For his part, Miroku returned her gaze steadily.
Izumi laughed, "You are a quick one, Miroku. He...did, yes, but not in the way you are thinking. He did not bring me back from the Paths of the Dead, no. But because of him, I was able to return. In a fashion."
She sighed, brushing her bangs back from her face, "I am sure Kagome stressed to you the importance of...not letting InuYasha know he was dead, Miroku. Nor how I died."
"Yes, she has. She has also stressed the importance of not letting Lord Sesshomaru know either."
Izumi looked at him, confused, "Sesshomaru?"
Miroku looked at her, "If the Lord Sesshomaru discovers you died bringing InuYasha back from the dead, he will most likely go after InuYasha in anger. And that fight will not end well for InuYasha."
Izumi frowned, "Why on earth would Sesshomaru be angry at InuYasha for that?"
Miroku said nothing, just gazed back at Izumi silently.
After a second, Izumi's face reddened, and she leaned back slightly, "Don't be foolish! The Lord Sesshomaru certainly has no such thoughts or feelings for me, Miroku! The very thought is laughable!"
"And yet Sango, Kagome and I have discussed the Demon Lord seems inclined to listen to you, in a fashion, not to mention seems to take offense at any offense directed towards you. I think he is fond of you, Lady Izumi. Just how fond I cannot know, nor would I try to guess. Lord Sesshomaru is a mystery to everyone, even himself, I imagine."
Izumi shook her head, not able to believe what Miroku was saying, but said nothing.
"At any rate," he continued, "I do believe that we will find a way to break his hold over you, Lady Izumi."
She blinked at him, "How?"
The monk smiled charmingly at her, "I don't know. But my friends and I have been able to pull some miracles together as of late, and if we put our heads to it, I think something will come up."
Izumi blinked at him, and then laughed, "You have great faith, Miroku, a true blessing in these times."
"Indeed."
She smiled at him, "You had best get ready, I think Sango is just waiting for InuYasha to come back, and then you'll be heading to her village."
"I think he'll be along soon enough, once he remembers we have plans."
Izumi nodded, then tilted her head, looking at him closely. Miroku blinked, confused.
Izumi smiled, "You enjoy going to Sango's village, don't you?"
"I do," he agreed, "It's always good to see it. The people have returned, and Kohaku is becoming a fine young man. Plus, it's good to see Sango there; she always seems so happy, so much more relaxed than normal."
"And you enjoy seeing Sango happy."
Miroku glanced at Izumi, "Ah, well..."
Izumi smiled, "Come now, Miroku. Remember what I told you when Sango was returned to us."
The monk turned, looking back at Sango and Kagome again, and spoke, his voice soft, "I do, Lady. I do."
"Well then," Izumi said gently, "I should let you go and get ready to travel. I'm sure InuYasha will be al - ah. There he is now."
They both watched as InuYasha stepped from the forest, walking towards the hut. His arms were crossed in an oh-so-familiar manner.
"He never really changes, does he?" Izumi asked fondly.
"Thank the Gods," Miroku replied warmly, and with a smile, rose, and walked to join his friends.