Disclaimer - I don't own Harry Potter. I don't own House. If I did, I would put SSHG and Hameron in dirty, funny role play situations for my amusement. But I can't. Because I don't. ... This sucks.

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Author's Note:

Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

luv

Creatress

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Four Smart People

Prologue Letters

Sev,

I am the greatest friend in the whole wide world. I don't know why I do things for you... She quit and I was free. Then, I went back and met all - well, one; she only had one - of her crazy demands. I am now, once again, in the position of having to deal with a young, innocent, doe-eyed she-devil who insists of making my life hell. All of this, just so that I can join you in your misery.

Honestly, the alarm bells were going off when I trying to talk her back to work - she didn't want more money, office space, perks. She wanted a date. A date. I'm not so surprised, now that I think about it. Manipulative chit. Anyways, Wilson decided that it was glorious news and that Cameron would be the end of my suffering, or something... Something about her "mending my broken heart." Funny, my heart didn't sound or feel broken until after the date. It was something at that damned restaurant. Gave me fuckin' heartburn.

Anyways, the date went better than I expected. I had a chance to speak my mind. Apparently, she was hurt. Came to work with red eyes, red nose, the whole package... I don't see what the big problem was. I was just being honest. She's looking at me. Right now. This instant. She thinks I can't see her. Because looking at me like a wounded kitten all day is going to make me melt, apologize and write fluffy sonnets about her beauty. Oh, great, she's coming over here now...

So how's your young, innocent, doe-eyed she-devil? ...

- Greg

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Gregory,

You are an idiot. You had a chance at freedom and you blew it. My misery does not like company. It likes strong whiskey and maybe a cigar once in a while.

This morning, that hellcat told me off - for my own good, because she cares about me - for drinking so much coffee. Then she told me I should get my teeth checked. Then she told me that the reason for my teeth being the way they are is because of the coffee. One of the most brilliant medical minds of the century and this is her diagnosis. A child could have figured it out. Then again, maybe she is intelligent - when compared to other doctors.

You see, Gregory, a friend of mine was offered heaven on earth with no strings attached. He chose to dive headfirst into the depths of Tartarus instead. Because misery likes company, apparently. Here's hoping your heartburn kills you. And, thus, I've proven my friendship. Only a true friend would subject a man to euthanasia rather than have him spend more time with the American Granger.

This place is slowly driving me insane... Everybody here is on my back because "I treat her much too harshly." Lupin's words; not mine. He's taken to trying to persuade me into spending time with her to get to know her. Someone - I don't know who, but I suspect it's one of these boys who keep faking illnesses to visit Granger at the infirmary - keeps setting my clothes aflame during sporting events. The headmaster, between heckling me about my treatment of the new school doctor, has suggested that I take a vacation. For once, I think the old codger may be on to something.

- Severus

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Hey, Mione.

Gods, you don't how glad I was to get your email. I doubted I could ever stop crying... That date with House was a nightmare. The worst in history. And I'm not being melodramatic - it was absolutely horrid. He told me that I only liked him because he was damaged. That he was nothing more than my next charity case. I don't love - I need. Gods, I've never felt worse in my life. But he's right - I don't love him. I hate him. I hate him so much, it hurts.

I just don't understand what sick satisfaction he gets out of being alone. Or of constantly hurting anyone who comes within a ten meter radius. Why do I bother? He's just a surely old jerk who takes pleasure in hurting his colleagues.

I wish I could talk to you, Mi. I can't call my parents because they would never understand. And I definitely can't talk about House to anyone else who works at PPTH. I feel so alone; I wish you were here...

Love, Allison

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Hi, Allison.

Listen, this is going to be short, because I've got to get back to work. After reading your message, I thought I should respond ASAP.

I was just... shocked... and offended by what House said to you. It sounds like you're having a hard time right now. It must be difficult to focus on work with that hanging over your head. Listen, March Break is coming up and I won't be needed at the school, so... Wish granted.

We'll find a way to deal with House. As you know, I have experience with surely, old jerks who take pleasure in abusing their colleagues. We'll find a way to sort all of this out, dear, don't worry.

If not, we'll set him on fire.

Love, Hermione.

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Severus Snape was sitting at his desk, menacingly watching his second years, who were quietly reading their texts. Not one of them dared to pass a note or whisper a few words to their neighbours. Smirking inwardly in satisfaction, he turned to the small wooden box on his desk, which had just flashed white. Frowning, he opened it and picked up the ball of white paper, unfurling it and ironing out the crinkles with wandless magic. Greg had responded... So soon?

Great. Come on over. You can help me wreak havoc on this place - it may save me from insanity. - Greg

Severus smirked. He'd planned on spending March Break holed up at Spinner's End, reading and getting drunk, but wreaking havoc in a hospital seemed highly appealing. And it would give him a good opportunity to use his brain. A Muggle setting would mean no magic, so there would be no cutting corners. Also, as close as he and Gregory House were, there was a constant rivalry between them. Anything could turn into a contest and this would provide the mental stimulation he'd lacked at Hogwarts.

Greg had been one of the few of Severus' friends since his preteen years. Severus had met him through the international pen pal program that his muggle school, one he attended until age eleven, had forced on all of its students. His association with the American had been one of the things that held him back from the Death Eater bandwagon all of his Slytherin classmates had quickly joined. Greg had also helped him get through other tough situations in his life, just as Severus had helped him. Though neither one of them would admit it out loud. Should a problem come up, Severus would whine and complain about it, careful to hide certain emotions behind heavy sarcasm, in a letter and put it into the wooden box on his desk. The box would send the letter to the Greg's own box, which Severus had sent him when he'd left for Hogwarts at age eleven. Greg would then write a reply, crinkle it up into a paper ball, take a few steps back from the box and toss it in, watching with a slightly proud quirk of his lips as the ball flew neatly into the box. He would shut the lid and go back to business, while waiting for Severus to respond.

Greg was also special in the fact that he was the only muggle to know Severus. And know that he was a wizard. Severus had told him at eleven and Greg had believed him. Easily. Of course, he did. He was eleven. The summer after Severus had graduated his first year, he had gone to America to visit and he'd showed him many spells. Greg watched with fascination, swore never to tell anyone, and never did. It was simple as that.

Severus visited every other summer, only for a day or two. Greg usually had to work and he had his independant research to do. The summers when he didn't go to America, Greg flew to England. Also staying for a few days. Work kept them apart, but they stayed in touch.

A sharp ring of the school bell snapped Severus out of his reverie. With a dismissive wave of his hand, he got rid of the class. Leaning back in his chair, he stared at the short note, wondering if he should accept the invite. He really didn't know what to say.

The fire in the fireplace suddenly flashed green and the Headmaster stepped through the flames. He dusted off his ridiculously decorated robes (shamrocks, shamrocks, Leprechauns and more shamrocks) and smiled at the Potions Master. "Hello, Severus. I was hoping for a word. Are you busy?"

"No, sir."

"I am in desperate need for help, Severus. You see, there was a terrible accident in one of the greenhouses today and so many students were hurt. So, naturally, much of the hospital wing's resources were depleted today. I was wondering if you could help Dr. Granger brew more this March Break?"

Severus's hand closed around Greg's letter and he smirked. "I'm terribly sorry, Headmaster," he said, looking about as sorry as a ten-year-old on his birthday. "But I just promised Gregory House that I will be visiting him in America during March Break."

Dumbledore broke out into a grin. "Ah! Greg! How is he?"

Dumbledore had met Greg when he'd popped into Spinner's End the previous year during Greg's visit. Dumbledore had immediately grown to like him.

xXxXxXxXx Flashback...

A green flash from the fireplace alerted the two men to a third's party's presence. Greg stopped in mid-motion as he prepared to check Severus's king with his knight and turned around to see Dumbledore. Before either Severus or the Headmaster could move to make an introduction, the American had smirked, looking rather impressed, as he looked the older man over. "Wow, Santa Claus on a diet." He turned to Severus and loudly exclaimed, "Your world is fuckin' awesome!"

Severus only smirked. "Gregory House, Albus Dumbledore."

Dumbledore, a little dumbfounded, reached out to shake Greg's hand. "Hello," he said politely. "You are..."

Greg shook the offered hand. "A doctor from the great U.S. of A. I'm here to figure out what's wrong with Sev here," he said, tone serious.

"Check," Severus intoned, intent on ignoring Dumbledore until he left.

Greg turned to frown at him. "I haven't made my move yet!"

"You've run out of time. Now, I suggest you move quickly or quit."

Greg turned back to Dumbledore and mouthed "Lost cause."

Dumbledore, who had realized that Greg was joking and was a friend of Severus', broke into a big smile. He shook his head and decided to officially welcome Greg into his good graces and favour. "Lemon drop?" he asked, taking the small pouch out and having one for himself.

Greg looked at him. "No... Vicodin?" He reached into his own jacket.

Before Dumbledore could reply, Severus cut in. "That's quite enough, both of you." He scowled at Greg. "No, he will not have Vicodin."

Greg popped a pill. "I would never have given him any. What do you think I am? Generous?"

Severus ignored him. "What is it, Headmaster?"

"Aurora Sinistra will be hosting a dinner tonight for the staff. A midsummer's feast. Will you come?"

"No."

"Expected." Dumbledore shrugged, had another lemon drop and smiled at Greg, who was watching him with a raised eyebrow. "Keep an eye on him, will you, Gregory?"

"You're running out of time again, Greg."

Greg threw one of his discarded pawns at Severus, which the Potions Master neatly caught before it hit him between the eyes. He turned back to Dumbledore. "Sure, Al," he said with a wide grin. Dumbledore gave him another smile before disappearing through the fireplace again. Greg frowned at Severus. "You mentioned that candy before. He takes those lemon drops often?"

Severus snorted before nodding. "Yes. Why?"

"Nobody who eats that much candy stays that thin. He took one when he saw a new person, then again after you refused his invite - both situations of stress. Perhaps he's addicted." Greg looked at him. "Are you sure they aren't really drugs?"

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Severus bit the side of his tongue. It wouldn't do to inform the Headmaster that Greg had deemed him an anorexic Santa Claus with a drug problem. Or simply a bulimic Santa Claus, if it really was candy... Severus eyed him. No matter how fitting either description might be. "Greg's fine." Dumbledore smiled at him and Severus almost shuddered to think what might be going through his head - 'Aww, Severus has a friend. Rainbows, flowers, sunshine and drugs - er, lemon drops.'

The headmaster nodded. "Then have a nice break," he said, sincerely, walking back to the fireplace. He threw some dust in. "When will you be leaving?"

"Tomorrow night," Severus responded.

Dumbledore nodded. "Say hello to Gregory for me," he said, turning back to the fireplace. "My office." And he stepped in, vanishing in the flames.

Severus pulled out another piece of parchment. 'I'm not sleeping on your couch again,' he started writing.

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There was a knock at the door as soon as Dumbledore arrived in his office. "Enter!" he called, slipping into his seat behind his desk.

The door opened and the new school nurse came in, smiling softly at Fawkes, who crooned at the sight of her. Hermione Granger, a fully certified mediwitch, had given up her work at St. Mungo's to move to Hogwarts for two reasons. One, it gave her more time to spend on personal research and experimentation. And, two, it took two minutes of Dumbledore's begging to make her crumble. Not to mention the fact that Hogwarts was like a second home to her.

He looked her over. She was wearing muggle clothing of a knee length black skirt and a short-sleeved cream coloured blouse, which was not unusual, but her white healer's robes were usually on over them. She was also clutching a small handbag. "Going somewhere?" he asked.

Hermione hesitated a little. "The potions the infirmary needed..." she started.

"I'm afraid Severus will not be able to help, my dear," Dumbledore cut in. "He already had plans for March Break."

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," Hermione said, frowning a little. "March Break."

Dumbledore gestured for her to take a seat. "What has happened? You seem... distracted."

Hermione perched on one of the seats. "I know I was supposed to spend the break brewing potions for the infirmary, but... Something has happened," she finished, lamely.

Dumbledore's eyebrows knitted in concern. "What has happened?" he asked. "Are you alright? Is it your family?"

Hermione shook her head. "My cousin..." she faltered, wondering how deep into Allison's story she wanted to go. "Something's happened to her and she's all alone right now."

"Hermione, your friends and family must come first before work," the headmaster said. "Besides, I wanted you to take time off. You've been working so hard lately." At Hermione's raised eyebrows, he laughed a little. "I've been looking for excuses to simply order the potions we'll need."

Hermione smiled. "Thank you, Headmaster."

"Call me Albus, Hermione. So is this someone I know?"

Hermione ignored his first request - these from her former teachers were just awkward. The only two people she got along with on staff on a first name basis were Remus Lupin and Neville Longbottom. "No. Allison Cameron's my cousin, from America."

"Oh, so she knows about us?" Dumbledore asked.

Hermione nodded. "In fact, she was the main reason I charmed this," Hermione said, pulling a Blackberry out of her handbag.

Dumbledore smiled at the sight of it. "Ah, yes. You've managed to retrieve it from Arthur Weasley?"

Hermione nodded. "Yes. He was disappointed to see it let it go."

"Muggle technology that works in magical settings is something many will want. I imagine the muggleborn students would have been more excited than either Arthur or I if the board had consented in letting us use comp - uters." He shook his head and changed the topic. "So is she a dentist?"

"She's a doctor. An immunologist. She's just having some personal troubles about work."

Dumbledore gave her a look. "Don't tell me you're going on vacation to work."

"No," Hermione answered. "Just... Management troubles?" she tried.

Dumbledore's frown only deepened.

"She talked a colleague into a date and he crushed her," the healer stated, bluntly.

"Oh," Dumbledore said. "I see. Terrible." He shook his head. "Go give him hell."

Hermione grinned. "Yes, Sir," she responded, dutifully.

"When will you be leaving?"

"Tomorrow. I'm gone as soon as - " A beautiful noise came from the Blackberry, and Fawkes sang with it for a second. Hermione gave the bird another smile before turning to it. "Oh, that's her now."

Dumbledore smiled. "You had better go and pack then, Hermione."

Hermione gave him another grin before getting up and leaving, closing the door behind her. After reading Allison's short message ("Thank you! I can't wait till you get here! P.S. Set him on fire?"), Hermione started replying. 'First of all, yes, fire. Second, I'm not sleeping on your couch again...'

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A/N

Uh oh, The American Snape and Granger and the British House and Cameron at same place at the same time. :o... Only everyone's favourite she-devil knows how this will end... (smirks) She'll tell you if you review...

luv

Creatress

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"You know him?" Cameron asked Granger, who was still glowering at Snape.

"I'd seen him here before. I was hoping that I was dreaming," Granger replied, obviously still angered over their earlier meeting.

"Dreaming about me now, Granger?" Snape asked, with a wry smirk. "Until this moment, You Know Who was the most fearsome thing in history."

"Who?" House and Cameron asked.

"You-Know-Who," Snape and Granger responded, absent-mindedly.

"No, I don't know who," House stated, irritated as Cameron looked on in confusion.

Snape ignored him and spoke to Granger. "I would love to stay and be subject to your…" His lip curled. " – presence - " Granger scowled. " – however, I've grown to value my sanity. Good day." With that, he turned and swiftly left the room.

House looked after Snape in shock, before slowly turning to Cameron and Granger. His eyes fell on Granger and he then realized who the new girl was and what had just happened. "Holy shit… The Wicked Witch of the East has come to Princeton Plainsboro."