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It was a sea of images, floating like a film of reel in front of her neither imaginary nor visions but her very own memories. Every moment realized and lived in, and then reevaluated. Whether she wanted that or not, was beyond her. Her mind just kept going, ideas taking shape, thoughts running through her mind like water through a sieve so very fast perhaps for others, but not for her. People were seen, their motivations judged, their movements known beforehand to her. It just kept going on, all at once. It was like a rocket exploding while being launched. But it was not chaos. No, it was organized and known rather than unknown. But living, no existing, as much as she had perhaps that were the results one get. Every moment was vivid and so very real like it was happening right at this very moment.
She still remembered the vivid red of his robes, the anger in his amber eyes, the greed and want of her friends. The want, longing, need, disgust, betrayal, anger. She remembered it all, the soft smooth skin, vivid colors, sprawling lands, their eyes glinting, a flash of silk here, preconceived notions, the rough texture of the book…everything. But then again it was of her very own choosing, her very own fate. She could give it all away. She had the choice. She knew that but she didn't want anyone else to suffer what she had, what she was suffering, what she will suffer. She wanted that, well she wanted that once. Not now, now she was just used to it. She didn't know anything other after all. She didn't know how to live any other way, no, not live, exist. And she knew deep in her conscious that she didn't want to. She couldn't imagine any other way to afraid of the unknown, of not knowing like she did now. It was addictive perhaps, living like this. Not worrying over death, of disappointing anyone, of starting over and over again, of knowing that her choices had drastic consequences. It was the rush. She couldn't, she cannot give that away. Was it selfish of her? She didn't know, she had no other perspective, but then she was allowed to be selfish, she had after all bore her responsibilities. She had saved many.
How her life had changed. At first how naïve she was, her life revolving around boys and grades. How everything shallow seemed to have such depth to her and how on her fifteenth birthday everything changed. She could close her eyes and still see that beautiful green grass spread everywhere. How it had led her to her dear hanyou, her fate, her destiny and so much more. She still remembered those days, when she was still ignorant.
Once she may have been vengeful at how her life had turned out, how it still kept turning, how horrors had befallen her. She may have been bitter, but now where she stood, she could not be that vengeful, not be that much bitter, not carry that much heartache. She had learned, or perhaps she had just become used to it, or mayhap she had become wiser. She didn't know, but she had learned to let go.
For now such trivial things do not matter, for now responsibilities of worlds are at her shoulders. Something which she had taken at her own will. Something she wanted to do, for she knew not anything else. Her name is or perhaps was, for she had not carried that since her first birth, Kagome Higurashi and this is her life, her world.
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