Disclaimer- I don't own anything.
I was sitting at lunch on a Monday morning with all of my friends. We were all joking around and eating our schools famous pizza. I sit with some of the guys on the football team and they normally talk about gross things. Who they hooked up with over the weekend, how drunk they were Friday night, you get it. Most of the time I just ignore them and talk to my best friend Dylan. But today Derrick said something that caught my attention.
"Dude, did you hear what happened to Abdner Double Days' quarterback?"
Dune. That was Dune. I didn't say anything at first.
"No, what happened?" Josh said.
"He was in a crash on Friday, I guess it was really bad."
I couldn't keep my mouth shut.
"Oh my god, is he okay?" I said fumbling over my own words.
"No, he died on impact." He said, looking at me in a strange way.
I couldn't breathe. I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I just stood there and cried. I cried in the same bathroom stall for the rest of the day. I opened my phone, looked at my contacts and scrolled down to his name. I starred at it and hated myself. I hated myself for not listening to my friend's advice to just text him. Four years, I loved him for four years. He never knew it.
We both went to the same private elementary school before we went to public school. He was in sixth and I was in fifth when we became so close. We were both the same, sick of being trapped in such a small environment and wanted out. So we found friendship in each other. Yeah, we were young but the way I see it that's what made us so close to each other. We were young and at the time felt like we had nobody else. It just worked and helped us both throughout the year. But halfway through the year one of the saddest things so far in my life happened. He had an accident that required him to be life-flighted and nobody knew what was going to happen. I will never forget coming home that day and just standing in the bathroom crying, that was the first time I cried about something like that, over a person who wasn't family. He was in the hospital for a month but luckily made a pretty quick recovery.
The thing was, nobody knew how his memory was. I figured since we just became friends this year he wouldn't remember me. So I accepted that and just tried to get over it. The first day he came back his teacher came into my room and told my teacher he was back. I was so nervous to see him because it had been so long. I was going to math and he was on his way to science the first time we saw each other. His eyes were empty, his face was blank and he had a bruise on the side of his face. I couldn't help but look away because it was all too much, seeing him like that killed me. While my class was walking into the room I turned around and he was there.
"Haven't seen me in a month and I don't even get a smile?" It was him. The Dune I remembered. He remembered me.
"Oh my gosh, I missed you so much!" I said while giving him the biggest hug.
"Trust me, I missed you too. I felt so bad leaving you here alone."
"Don't feel bad for me, I'm just so glad you're back." I was, I needed him there.
"You won't get rid of me that easily." He was smiling his Dune smile, the one I loved so much.
For the rest of the year we were inseparable. We talked everyday, we did everything together. Then one day in May we talked about the following year. He said he was going to Abdner Double Day and I told him I was going to OCD, both public schools. He lived in a different town so we wouldn't be together. That's when we realized that was our final month together. Being the girl I am, I cried. He held me and promised we would still be friends.
We kept in touch through June but slowly stopped talking throughout the Summer. Then school started for both of us in the Fall and we just didn't talk at all anymore. We actually didn't talk that entire year. I missed him but we both moved on. We started new lives and were growing up. I made so many new friends at OCD and I was sure he was popular at Abdner Double Day. I accepted the fact that it was over and appreciated our friendship for what it was.
We finally talked for the first time in over a year that Summer. I got his number and I texted him. We talked all day, just catching up. He was doing really good at his new school and so was I. We were both happy. We had both grown up but were still the same. That was the same week as our church festival, I asked if he would be there and he said he would. We met up one night and spent the entire evening together. We rode every ride there and ate everything we could eat. He told me about his new school and new life. He told me about his friends and how they were nothing like the people at our elementary school. He was typical Dune, playing every possible sport he could play and being the superstar in each one. We talked about how much our lives had changed and the things we missed about our old lives. He told me that he thought about me everyday. Whether it was just a random thought, someone saying something that reminded him of me or his family mentioning my name. I will never forget when he held my hand and said "I missed you, I missed every single thing about you." I missed him too, he was the person I could always rely on. The one person I could tell anything to, I trusted him with everything. We always had a connection, the type that makes you feel like you were meant to know that person. You were meant to mean something to each other.
I woke up on that Thursday morning and could barely get out of my bed. I didn't want to do this, I wasn't sure if I could. It was the morning of his funeral. I thought those words. Dune's funeral. How is this happening? Why? I couldn't even think straight. I hadn't gone to school all week, this was actually the first time I left my room. I got into the shower and just stood there for a good minute. I had no life in me. The feeling was indescribable. I washed my hair and got out as quickly as possible. I just wanted this day to be over. I was putting my makeup on when I smiled for the first time in awhile. I thought about how every time I was going to see Dune I tried so hard to look my best. I didn't see why this time should be different. I then wondered to myself if he ever noticed. I never knew. I never knew because I never asked. I never tried. I finished my hair and put on my black dress and left. I walked outside into the cold fall morning and drove there by myself.
I sat in front of the church for 10 minutes in my car. I felt so sick. I saw the hearse pull up and knew I had to go in. I walked in and saw his whole family standing there. I had met them when I was younger and been at their house thousands of times. This was the first time I saw them in years. I wasn't sure if I was going to try to talk to them because I didn't want to break down in front of them. I started to walk into the church when I saw his cousin that I had played with several times when Dune and I were younger. She came over to me and gave me a hug. We just held each other for a minute and cried.
"I know how much you loved him, you probably feel like nobody does but I do. Even though it was awhile ago what you guys had was special. You meant so much to him. Please never forget that." She said while I was sobbing on her shoulder.
"I don't know what to do. I'm so lost. He was the one person who was always there, now he's gone." I said through the tears.
I lifted my head up and saw Dune's mom standing there. She was the sweetest person I had ever met in my entire life. I remember going back to her house nearly everyday after school. She would always have a snack for us, help us with homework and played games with us. I had missed her a lot, I wasn't sure if she remembered me as much as I remembered her but the second she looked at me I knew she did.
"Kristen, oh my gosh look at you. You are so grown up. You are beautiful, just like Dune said. He was actually just talking about you a few weeks ago. He said he saw you at his football game and you were just the prettiest thing he had seen. He was going to call you and ask you to come over, just like old times." The way she talked about him astonished me. She was so strong. I was standing there crying my eyes out and she was able to talk about him like that and not lose it at all. I then thought about what she said, he did notice. I wasn't sure how to feel, I was happy because he hadn't forgotten me. But then I realized that he would never call. I would never get that chance to relive my childhood with him.
I hugged her and thanked her for everything she had ever done for me. We then went into the church and sat down. I looked around and realized this was where we grew up. Every single thing in that church had a memory of Dune attached to it. The Christmas play, the food drive, elementary graduation and so many more. Now this was the church where I would have to say goodbye. They began to play a song I remember singing in elementary school at a Friday morning mass. I could picture Dune singing it in the third row of that very church. Now the song was being played for him. As they carried the casket down the aisle I looked away. I didn't want to process the fact that his body was in there. He wasn't, his body was. I didn't know where Dune was. Maybe in a better place, maybe nowhere. There was no real way of knowing. The mass began and the priest talked about life and death. How tragic it is to lose such a great person at such a young age.
After he talked, his friends began to give speeches. They talked about how he was so funny. How he could light up a room with his smile. The way he could comfort anyone. How reliable he was. Every person that talked was from Abdner Double Day and they had no clue who I was. Very few people in that church knew me so I of course didn't give a speech. I instead just thought to myself what I wanted Dune to know.
You are my best friend. I really don't want to have to face the world alone but I guess I am going to have to. But I know that you are always going to be there, watching over me. You always were. No matter how many times we walked out of each other's life, we always found a way back in. You knew how to make me laugh when I didn't even want to smile. You had this effect on me that I will never forget. Nobody is ever going to take your place. You gave me something that I will always be thankful for, a true love. I love you with everything I am. I wish we had taken our second chance but fate stepped in before we could. I will never know what we could have been but I will never stop wondering. I pray to god that you are happy and at peace. Please don't forget about me, please remember everything we were. I believe that you were my first love and were meant to be my last. You will always have my heart. I love you Dune, forever.
My life was never the same after that day. I woke up with Dune's face in my mind and I could still hear his voice. I knew he was there, I mean he did tell me I couldn't "get rid of him that easily". I was so thankful for that. After a few years it got easier to deal with. I had kept in touch with his family ever since that day. I go out to his house and see them every week. Every single time I walk through the front door I feel like I am in fifth grade again. I can feel Dune beside me. That households my memories of him and makes me remember each and every one every time I walk in. I will never know where we'd be if he hadn't left this world so soon. I still believe that he was my one true love, I think I always will feel that way. I learned to stop being angry that we never got our second chance but to be thankful for our first chance. He showed me what life is truly about, love, laughter, good friends, and making memories. I can never thank him enough for that. Instead of crying all the time like I used to, I smile and sometimes laugh at the thought of some of the crazy things we did. I have a picture of us when we were 10 and 11 right beside my bed so I go to bed every night thinking about him. I have moved on but I will never forget. How could I forget my best friend & first love?