My heart pounded painfully hard with emotion as Ivy's words hit me.

"You're not leaving me, I'm leaving you." My eyes darted rapidly over her beautiful face, discerning if she was being serious, and it wasn't until she turned away from me closing her eyes, a tear slipping down unto her pale cheeks that she was. Her black curtain of hair hid her face as my thoughts raced. She's really leaving. Ivy Tamwood was ditching old Rachel, and I didn't dare ask why. Years of blood and tears, pain and rejection, tension and frustration; who wouldn't leave?

She had finally had enough of me, I knew a day like this would come, but now before I even had the chance to at least fix our complicated relationship.

And I wanted to do so by having a blood balance instead of hopping into bed with her, but that was instantly thrown out of picture after the incident in the van, a subject we still haven't had a chance to talk about, and after I had said never again, I still wanted to give at least a small part of me. A tear threaten as I remembered the look of pure sadness on Ivy's face at my words. I had tried to change her, I had caused her pain worse than Piscary, and then I told never again and now that she was leaving. For good. Hearing those words in my head made my heart clench.

I didn't want her to leave she was the best friend I ever had, and even though I wasn't bisexual — or at least that's what my mind kept telling me— I loved Ivy, I really did. But I guess that doesn't matter anymore, it was too late.

"Ivy please," I said my voice sounding like a lost child. Ivy turned her head but wasn't quite looking at me, and suddenly I felt like the biggest ass ever. "I'm sorry." I finished, her scent spreading around me almost instantly calming me, knowing I'd probably never get another chance to bask in her scent I breathe in deeply, realizing she was pumping out calming pheromones. Her face almost lit up, pink lips cocking to the right to form a small sad smile, she scooted closer.

"Don't apologize, dear heart." She said using my rare nick name, her gray smooth voice washing over me like silk and I felt goose bumps coat my arms as tear managed to escape my eyes, and Ivy's hand came to wipe it away, gently cupping my face. "It's not you, it's me. I've realized I'm just a burden to you and Jenks, Rachel. And you only needed me for the drive not the run." She quickly added, as she saw I was about to speak.

I can't believe she was actually leaving, another tear came rolling down my cheeks as her hand slipped away from my face, I suddenly felt cold from the lost of her warmth.

Maybe it was for the best.

Ivy stood up from the couch, standing over me looking beautifully like a goddess. "I hope you get your shunning removed." She said, as she walked away into one of the bedrooms, and heard the sound of rummaging and zippers being pulled. Ivy slowly walked back into the room with a rolling suit case in her right hand, and a carrying bad in her left. She had already packed. She was really serious; of course she was serious. I rose up from the couch, walking to stand by the door to meet her.

"When you're ready to leave San Francisco I already set up a flight for you, and for Jenks to fly safely." She said her voice sounding loss of all emotion as she stared hard into my eyes. "And I arranged for my items to be collected back at the church. I'm sorry if I'm hurting you," she added seeing my slightly quivering frame almost droop into its self.

She was apologizing for leaving me, even after the hell I had put her through, and I just felt plain selfish and dirty, it wasn't supposed to end like this; I didn't want it to end like this.

"This is goodbye, Rachel." She said walking toward me, her hand once again taking my cheek slowly closing the distance between us her eyes closing with mine, and I knew what she was about to do and I let it happen. Her lips were feather light against mine as she gently kissed me, my heart pounding with unreal emotion. An emotion I hadn't felt since Kisten; my heart gave another pound at the memory of him, and the realization that he wouldn't be here to hold me in his strong arms saying she'll come back when Ivy left. Why was everybody leaving me? The pheromones that Ivy was previously pumping out stopped, so my scar wasn't tingling in the slightest, just real emotion and…passion. She poured every ounce of love she had for me into the kiss, giving me a glimpse of what I could've had, now lost forever, and I felt something deep within me clicked as I slowly responded to the kiss, Ivy jerking in surprise at my expense.

She began to pull away, and frantic I took her face in both my hands keeping her where she was as her hands came to rest on my forearms. I could practically hear her arguing with herself; her mind telling her to stop, flee, she's going to reject you but her feelings for me telling her to deepen the kiss. So that's what she did.

A whisper of her tongue came to lightly brush against my lip silently asking for entrance, and I complied almost eagerly, trying to pour every drop of love into the kiss knowing that I'd probably never see her again, I wanted her to remember this and this is how I wanted to remember her by. The type of love I was pouring into the kiss; I couldn't say and even though I was losing her I felt a part of me break free as I felt Ivy's lips on mine part of me also telling me this was right. I wanted my mind to deny it I didn't know why; to blame it on the pheromones but there weren't any pheromones, not this time just real and pure emotion. And I'm not sure if I could call myself completely straight for wanting to deepen the kiss, combined with mix emotions of not wanting her to go, losing her after this, wanting to finally feel the texture of her hair scrambled with feeling of what life would be like without her, how lonely the church would be, and if Jenks would really leave me and work for Trent. Me going to the Ever After.

So I really couldn't put an exact pinpoint to my current emotion as I kissed Ivy, but I knew part of me changed. And Ivy knew the instant they did.

She ripped herself from my lips her eyes still closed, she had felt my emotion for her shift and I hoped it was enough for her not to leave. I was still cradling her beautiful face, and her hands were still gripping at my forearms.

"No." My heart stopped at how smoothly the word came out of her. What did she mean by no? Was she saying no to leaving?

"Ivy I—"

"I'm not doing this again, Rachel. I'm not." Ivy said her voice harsh, and the firm finalization in her last words told me she wasn't changing her decision. This wasn't one of times where she'd leave for a day or two to get some space, no. She was leaving and this time never coming back. Panic and grief struck through me as Ivy turned her head away from me, my hands still cradling her face. She started to pull on my on my arms, trying to escape me, I didn't want her to escape me so I clung to her trying to get her to look at me, it was wrong, but I didn't want her to go.

"Ivy look at me." I said growing hysteric, my heart was pounding out of my chest. No, please it can't end like this. "Please, look at me."

"No I'm sick of these—"I lunged forward and captured Ivy's lips with my own before she could say another word. She grunted her hands clenching painfully at my at my arms before releasing, her touch turning gentle and she moaned into the kiss. She moaned again and I felt myself warm at the sound, her tongue came out to swipe at my bottom lip asking for entry, I complied and it was when our tongues met, I felt myself backpedaling until my back hit the wall next to the door Ivy's hands tangling in my hair. Her long lean frame pressed against me, pinning me to the wall, I found myself liking the warmth of her against me. Missing the feeling of being held. My hands dropped to her sides clutching her to me as unknown emotions and feelings for her blossomed and flowed wildly. Ivy slowly parted from me and I opened my eyes to find her's still closed with a dazed expression on her outstanding features, both of us breathless. My hand came up to stroke her cheek, and her black eyes opened.

"Why are you doing this to me?" Ivy asked her voice husky from the heat of our kiss, "We shouldn't have done that."

I stared into her black eyes in a silent plea; asking her if she, though I didn't deserve it, forgave me for all the years of manipulation, mixed signals, emotional stress, and anticipation that didn't deliver. The feeling that I thought I wouldn't have again since Kisten bubbled up to the surface as my emerald eyes bore into her's.

I couldn't deny it anymore.

"Stop." Ivy said ripping her gaze from mine, and jerkily pulled away from me. "Stop it. Please." She sounding like a lost little girl at her last word, her head now bowed intentionally avoiding eye contact.

"Stop what Ivy?" I asked, slowly advancing toward her again my hands reaching out for her, gasping when she swatted me away.

"Stop making me love you..." She said almost whispering, "I can't—I won't let you trap me again in your little white lies. You don't mean it, you never did, never will. Pain is not love Rachel. And if it is," Ivy said spinning on her heel to grab her rolling suitcase she had dropped during our kiss. "I'm done with it."

Once she was settled with her belongings she strode out the door of the hotel room heading to the elevator, I walked with her even more grateful that she'd let me be this close to her in the cramped space of the elevator. There was a ding as we stopped on the lobby floor, I knew she smelled my fear as she hesitated to step out the elevator, but I couldn't help it. I didn't want her to go; if she did then that was it. Deciding that I couldn't live without her, I grabbed her wrist as we stopped in front of two twin glass doors, she froze.

"Let go of me." Ivy said, I could hear the cold hardness coming into her voice, but I didn't give a damn, she couldn't leave she just couldn't. I tightened my grip refusing to let her go without a fight.

"Please, look at me." I told her, I knew that it would take just one look for her to change her mind, she could easily slip from my grip without using her vamp strength, but I knew I had that kind of effect on her and it was wrong to use it against her, but instinct was kicking in.

"Let me go, Rachel," she said, her head turning to face me, her black gaze met mine. "Please."

My heart almost stopped at the raw pleading look in her eyes, and realization dawned on me as I loosen my grip. She was telling me to let her go, let her be free. She had told me this before, but I didn't listen. Ivy was trying to take care of herself for once, instead of constantly caring for me and worrying about my physical health, what's on my mind, and my selfish needs. She was simply trying free herself from my shackles, like she did Piscary.

"Ok Ivy." I said not sounding like myself as I looked into her eyes, I dropped my gaze to the grip I had on her wrist slowly letting it slide down take her hand in mine before reluctantly letting it go my hands falling to my sides. "I'm...I'm letting you go." I said as my face contorted into a deep sadness.

"Thank you." she said reverting her gaze from mine once again, continuing her walk down a pair of stairs and to a, what I yet noticed, black Cadillac with a driver waiting for her taking her bags and placing them into the trunk of the car. I felt myself weakened, and my knees buckled as settled for a seated position on the cold concrete of the stairs. I pulled my shaking hands up to cover my mouth as my face curled into itself readying for a fit of tears, my body shook with unshed tears as Ivy spared me one last glance, and she turned her head away from me clamping her eyes shut the instant she saw me broken down in tears.

I knew her instinct was to come and comfort me, like she has been doing all these years. But her willpower was almost too much for me to handle. Instead she crouched down and got into the car, the driver meeting her as the car started up. Sobs rocked my body when she closed the car door and with that she was gone.

And so was my heart.

END OF CHAPTER 1