Welcome to my thirteenth fanfic, everybody! It sucks! I'm only uploading it because I feel that my 13th story should be awful, so if it is somehow jinxed, well, no need to worry. If I may quote Dawn from Pokemon.

Thanks to Konpeki Rei for proofreading and Pokapoka for making sure the story was canonical. I don't own Haruhi Suzumiya. I own a Haruhi Suzumiya cosplay, however, but that's for another day.

I hate fairy tales.

Well, I suppose that's a bit of a false statement. There are parts of those stories I like- the supernatural and fantastical. I'm all for falling down a rabbit hole into Wonderland or a pumpkin turning into a carriage. But when they mention "Prince Charming" and "true love's kiss," I gag.

I don't see the point in love. Why waste your time chasing after something so... normal? Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I don't believe in love. My parents say they love each other, and I have no evidence to the contrary. All I'm stating is that I don't think love is for me. There's no point. It just distract me from my real goals- to find aliens, espers, sliders, and time travelers.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that while I enjoy a good fictional tale, the second romance enters the picture I leave.

And yet... there's Kyon.

There's something about him that fascinates me. I can tell he's keeping a secret from me, but no matter how hard I try to force it out of him, he refuses. Naturally, I'm curious. But if it wasn't for the mystery he's hiding, I wouldn't have any interest in him at all. He's altogether plain and boring. No signs of any otherworldly powers, no hints at an alternate identity. The only reason he's still in the SOS Brigade is, aside from the fact he gave me the idea, I need a fifth member to keep the club in session. He's not even that good looking. OK, he's not ugly, but he's no Koizumi. The dude barely even talks to me. He's so obsessed with Mikuru. Can't he pay more attention to his Brigade Leader? Hmm? He's honestly the most annoying and vexing person I've ever met, even more so than that John Smith character I met on Tanabata three years ago.

Then why was he in my dreams? Why was it that when I had that nightmare, he seemed to have had the same one? And why was it that what woke me up was him...

It was just a dream, Haruhi. Doesn't mean anything.

Of course, then yesterday- one of the last days before Christmas break- came. When Kyon fell down the stairs and went into a coma.

Naturally, he's now in the hospital. If I remember correctly, Koizumi was the one that called the ambulance. Mikuru was too shocked to do much of anything beside scream, and Yuki was nervous. She said so. The first time she had ever told me how she felt.

I just stared and stared. I was the one that was supposed to fall, but Kyon saved me. I should be the one in a coma.

Why did he save me? Does he care?

…Yeah, right. It was just a fluke. Still, it's my duty as Brigade Leader to watch over him, so I demanded that I could stay at the hospital with him. The doctors allowed it, so I've spent almost the last twenty- four hours in this room, sleeping in my old sleeping bag and watching the heart monitor track Kyon's heartbeat.

The rest of the SOS Brigade have been by, but normal visiting hours are almost over. Yuki and Mikuru have already left. Poor Asahina was in tears, sobbing and bawling. She could only stay for a few minutes before completely freaking out and bailing. Nagato stared at Kyon for an hour, sighed, and went back home. Koizumi is still here, standing next to me.

"He'll be all right, Suzumiya- san," he tells me. "The doctors here are some of the best in the world."

I nod. I haven't talked since lunch, when I had Itsuki run out and get it for me.

He pats my shoulder, wearing his comforting smile like always. "Get some rest. Odds are he'll wake up soon."

"Yeah. Bye," I whisper.

He walks to the exit, waves, and leaves the room, shutting the door behind him. The only noise is the beep of the EKG. I sit down in the chair next to Kyon's bed. Flicking through the channels, I choose some game show and watch without really paying attention.

I must have dozed off, because it's now eleven at night. I never ate dinner, but the staff was nice enough to leave a plate for me. It's cold, but decent. Hospital food.

I look at the unconscious boy beside me. He's breathing softly, chest going up and down in a steady rhythm. I scan the room to double check we're alone- why wouldn't we be? It's not like I would do anything to him, and it's impossible for him to do much besides snore- and begin to speak.

"Hey, Kyon, I know you can't hear me, but there's something I want to tell you," I start. No response. I continue.

"I- I wanna thank you for taking the fall for me. That was really nice of you. And brave." I bite the inside of my cheek. I straighten my headband. I'm stalling.

"Look, I'm sorry for being mean to you. Don't think I'm going to stop. I just recognize that I've hurt you," I defend. "But... why did you risk yourself to save me? Why would you?"

It's 11:45 now.

There's a piece of hair in his eyes. I move it slowly. My fingers tremble when I touch his skin.

"I'm not sure if you remember, but there was this day that you complimented me on my ponytail. What was strange about that was that the night before, I had a dream where you said... you said ponytails turn you on... I believe your exact words were that my 'ponytail looked so good it was criminal.' Why would I know that?"

Unless I'm imagining things, I think his eyelid just twitched. Probably nothing. That's normal for coma patients, right?

Is... is blushing normal for coma patients too? Cuz Kyon's starting to look a little flushed. Hope he's not getting a fever on top of everything else.

"Kyon, what if that wasn't a dream? What if we really were in some strange world? Does that mean that you..."

I shiver. I'm not sure I want to say this, even though it means nothing.

"Kyon, did you kiss me?"

I wait for the answer that I know will never come. I shut my eyes tightly.

11:50.

" I'm going to take your lack of response as a 'yes.' So you kissed me. That's fine. Not crazy about it, but we can deal with it when you snap out of this thing. But that doesn't explain everything. Why would your kiss wake me up?"

Kyon doesn't have any idea, but after racking my thoughts, I come to a conclusion as to why he might attempt smooching me. Because it takes guts to do that. No, it takes balls.

If Kyon was dreaming too, then maybe- just maybe- he was trying to wake up as well. So he did what all "knights in shining armor" do. Kiss the princess.

And if he kissed me, does that mean that he thinks of me as...? The notion's too ludicrous to even fathom. But it's the only logical explanation left, if you can even consider it logical. All in all, it's just way too cliched, even for him. It couldn't have come to this.

11:55.

I lean down so my face is directly above his. "True love's kiss at midnight... God, how stupid can you get? But... I guess it's worth a shot..."

11:57.

I inch my way closer. "Well, it worked when you did it... fine, I'll admit it, I kinda like you- and don't get the wrong idea, you're a friend, nothing more. And if you like me as more than a friend, then you will not be leaving the hospital alive."

11:58.

"OK, OK, maybe I like you as more than a friend..." I'm almost on top of him. "So if you like me back... I guess it's no big deal... just don't go blabbing about it to everybody in school, got it?"

11:59.

"This is payback for that night, Kyon. Now get your ass out of that coma."

12:00. Midnight.

I press my lips to his.

Naturally, I don't get a response, but it's still warm and soft. I don't want to stop, but eventually I pull away, holding my breath as I wait for him to waken.

Nothing.

I scowl and, as much as I hate to admit it, cry just a little. Yes, the mighty Haruhi Suzumiya is crying. Get over it.

I curl up in my sleeping bag and stare at the ceiling.

I knew fairy tales were just a load of crap.

. . .

The sun's high. It's probably already afternoon. And something is touching my face. A hand. Fingers gently pushing my hair aside and stroking my eyelashes.

"Huh?" I yell, struggling to pull myself up. I wobble a bit with my legs wrapped up in my sleeping bag, but I balance long enough to look at the other occupants of the room.

Koizumi's on the couch over in the corner, but I'm more interested in the person in bed. Because he's sitting up.

"Yo," Kyon says. Itsuki facepalms behind him.

I gasp, then frown. "Damn it, Kyon!" I shout at him, before jumping and collapsing face- first on his bed.

I pull myself up, but not before I blush and smile against the sheets. Thankfully nobody notices, because if they did, I'd be forced to kill them.

Maybe fairy tales aren't so stupid after all.

The End

Me: Barf. I hate myself for writing that. Anyway, I wonder what the characters think...

Haruhi: Kyon, if you drew on my face...

Kyon: That wasn't me, it was Jigglypuff. *points at creature*

Jigglypuff: *brandishes marker* Puff puff jiggly? Puff jigglypuuuuuf! (Translation: She was sleeping! What was I supposed to do?)

Me: Whoa whoa whoa. Why is that- *gestures at Jigglypuff*- in this anime?

Random brown pony: Same reason I'm here. You're supposed to be writing fanfics from our respective series.

Haruhi: And you are?

Pony: I'm the Doctor. Doctor Whooves.

Haruhi: Oh yeah... yeah! Isn't she working on an uber- long story starring me and Kyon? One that may pass 10000 words?

Kyon: I never heard about this...

Me: All right, that's IT! *grabs metal object and starts whacking people* GET OUT OF MY AUTHOR'S NOTES! *pauses, looks at object* What the heck is this thing? A helmet?

Headless suit of armor: Can I have my head back, please?

Jigglypuff: Jigglypuff puff jiggly jiggly pu- puff? (Translation: How are you, Alphonse?)

Alphonse: I'm good. Brother and I are still waiting for the story we were promised way back in January.

Doctor Whooves: Can we hurry this up, please? I left Derpy in charge of the TARDIS... not one of my better ideas.

Me: *sobbing* Can things get any more chaotic?

Russia: *popping out of the floor* Yes, you summoned me?

Me: *screaming* I'VE HAD ENOUGH! No more singing balls, no more time- traveling ponies, no more alchemy, no more Hare Hare Yukai, and especially NO MORE VODKA!

Everyone else: Aw wat?

Me: *desperate* Lady Palutena, get me out of here! Until I finish the Second Series, no more distractions! *gets beamed up like Spock*

Kyon: ...Um, please leave a review.