Chapter 1 Forever a Slytherin

Severus stared at the closed portrait hole. How fitting it was that this was that this was how their friendship ended. The fact they were in different houses had been breaking them apart for years. And now he was on one side and Lily was on the other, in a place where he couldn't follow her.

A Gryffindor and a Slytherin. No one had expected their friendship to last. They had been cursed since the moment the Sorting Hat made its decision. But he had hoped that they would prove everyone wrong. He had hoped that it wouldn't matter with them. Hoped that they were better, stronger than that. And Lily was, Lily hadn't cared, Lily was willing to stick with him. But Severus had been selfish. He should have tried harder. He should have let Lily know that she meant something to him.

Severus turned away, there was nothing else he could do. As he walked back to his common room the same thoughts went through his head again and again. He should have seen this coming. They had been building up a tower of differences for so long that it was bound to fall. It was actually amazing that they had lasted this long.

But how he wished that it wasn't over. There was no one else like Lily. There would never be anyone else like Lily. There was no one else who would accept him for who he was, not who they wanted him to be. And now he'd lost her.

After he called Lily a mudblood his friends had congratulated him. "You can do so much better than her," they'd said.

Severus had nodded and said, "You're right." but they weren't. And inside his heart was breaking.

Severus took a deep breath as tears threatened to overwhelm him. He couldn't cry now. If he saw anyone else tonight they couldn't know he was upset. They couldn't know how much he cared about her. They wouldn't understand. They never understood.

When he entered the common room he was relieved to see there was no one around. He didn't want to answer the questions that he knew he would be asked. If he did he was afraid he'd break down and tell the truth.

He went to the boy's dormitory hopping everyone was asleep. All he wanted to do was sleep. At least then he wouldn't have to think of Lily, unless she was in his dreams.

When he entered the room he heard someone sitting up in the bed next to his and then heard Avery ask, still half asleep, "Where have you been, Snape?"

"Nowhere," Severus lied hopping his voice didn't show his emotion. "I went for a walk."

Avery laughed, "Really?"

"Yes, and I'm quite tired so I think I'll be going to sleep now."

"Fine." Avery replied.

Severus knew Avery didn't believe him but he didn't care. Hopefully he wouldn't remember this conversation in the morning. Or if he did, hopefully he wouldn't think it was important to tell the other Slyherins that Severus was lying about being out after hours. But even he did it didn't matter now. Nothing mattered now.

He got into bed with out undressing. He was too exhausted to even take of his shoes. He pulled the curtains around his bed and silently cast muffliato as the tears he'd held back earlier overcame him. He sobbed into his pillow trying to drown out the sound even though he knew no one could hear. He felt slightly embarrassed to be crying. He was supposed to be stronger than that. But it didn't matter, all he could think about was Lily.

How could he have said that to her? He hadn't meant it. He had never thought of her as a mudblood, but how could she understand that? He had no problem thinking of anyone else as a mudblood. How could she understand how different she was? How important she was to him. Why had he let Potter and Black get to him? They were bullies, that was all. They were trying to get him to snap. And now he'd given them that satisfaction. What if he hadn't? Would Lily and his friendship have lasted? Or were they too different for it to ever work? She was a Gryffindor, brave and loyal. And he was a Slytherin, shrewd and cunning.

And yet here he was crying because of one girl. One girl who had been his best friend for years. One girl who surely wanted to save that friendship just as much as he did.

He sat up and dried his eyes angrily on the blankets. He was being weak. Slytherins weren't weak. Weakness and tears were for the other houses. How could he have thought even for a moment that he had lost Lily for good. Slytherins never let anything stop them. And he was a Slytherin, forever.

It wouldn't be easy he was sure, but he knew he could get Lily back, somehow.

Severus rolled over feeling quite a bit happier. He wouldn't do anything yet, he wanted to give her a chance to calm down. Right now she was too upset to even consider listening to him. But once they went home in a few days he would ask her to meet him somewhere. She was too kind to refuse, he knew, or at least hoped.

Maybe, if everything worked out, she would forgive him. And if she didn't...well he'd worry about that later.