(Lord Cat appears from the vending machine)

(Lord Cat): It's the morning of a new day, nya.

XXXXX

At Momotsuki Academy, on a brisk Monday morning, on a summer day, a girl with long brown hair and in a braid, in her blue cardigan and a yellow school summer uniform. She was sitting in the bench, outside, as she was quiet. As she was still sitting, Ichijou's little sister, a miniature version of her was beckoning to her, showing a hand-drawn picture of the sun, on a notebook. Ichijou was still sitting on the bench, as the little one was worried about her. Suddenly, she started to stand up, as she said, "I feel refreshed. Time to go."

She walked, as Ichijou's little sister signaled to her, but was completely ignored. As she walked, Ichijou's sister sighed, as she pouted, "Hmph!"

Ichijou went to class, as two girls walked by, noticing her, acting strangely.

A girl with short orange hair and red glasses, wearing a green cardigan and yellow uniform, was confused, "It's not like Ichijou to act this weirder. Did she just turn down her sister's offer?"

Little Ichijou flies up and bonks on her sister's head.

BONK!
Ichijou fell to the ground, as Miyako gasped in horror, "WAUGH?"

Ichijou was facedown, and was out cold. She suddenly started speaking gibberish.

"My enamel is itchy algae. Welcome to paradise ampersand."

Miyako thought, as she was scared, "Uh… That's not normal!"

Ichijou turned to her sister and said, "Send me some help. I am so hungry."

Little Ichijou saluted and then ran away. Miyako then panicked, trying to find help. She then said, "Damn it! I can't find anybody! Where's Rei, when you need her, like I care?"

She growled, "GRRRR! NO TIME!"

She picked up Ichijou, by the waist, but she had trouble lifting her up. She moaned, "Damn it! She's heavy!"

She threw her over her shoulder, as her forehead gleamed a bit, feeling energetic, "Studying can wait! Can't believe I said that… But our weird classmate needs medical attention!"

Ichijou moaned, "Aw… Cardinal carrier pigeon, on a smoky molasses night?"

Miyako ran off, with great difficulty, as she was trying to take her to the nurse's office. She stumbled and fell, as she moaned, dropping both Ichijou and her glasses. She groaned, "It's times like this that I wish I had super strength."

A voice called, "Need some help?"

A woman with long black hair, a white shirt, a yellow skirt, and big breasts, was towering over Miyako. She asked, "You need help bringing Ichijou to safety?"

Miyako huffed, "No, I'm fine, you witch… I don't need your help."

She found her glasses and said, "Ah, perfect."

Rei whispered, "Oh, please. In your peak body mass, a bookworm like you can't like a heavy girl like Ichijou."

Miyako roared, "QUIT CALLING ME THAT, YOU BITCH!"

Rei said, "Look. Do you want help, or not. I'm okay with NO, since it's nice of you to admit that you can help, all by yourself."

She smirked, as Miyako giggled, "Yes."

Rei pointed at Ichijou, "Grab her legs. I'll grab the shoulders."

The two girls lifted her up, with Rei holding Ichijou's shoulders, while Miyako was holding her legs. Ichijou kept saying gibberish, as Miyako said, "Can you take me to the nurse's office?"

Rei said, "Please. Becky will take care of this. Knowing Ichijou, she wouldn't have the nurse tend to her."

"I suppose you're right."

They head inside, as Ichijou's Little Sister returned, with a red doctor's bag. She then looked around, looking for her sister. She then turned to the 4th wall and showed a question mark on her notebook, saying that she doesn't know where she went.

"?"

(Theme to Shoujo Q plays)

"Insert One Credit in the Fountain Blue"

Inside the school, Rebecca Miyamoto, a teacher from Class 2-C, with long blonde hair, done up in pigtails, and in a bright blue jacket, examined Ichijou, by moving her finger around. Ichijou was seated, as her eyeballs moved around, following her finger.

"How many fingers am I holding up?" Becky asked.

Ichijou responded, "That is obvious. How many indexes am I holding up?"

Becky sighed in disdain, as she said, "Normal… No matter how you see it."

Rei remarked, "If you call her normal…"

Becky was with her students from her homeroom.

Becky responded, "So, Miyako. You found her, on your way here?"

Miyako said, "Well, yeah. Ichijou's little sister assaulted her, and she just spouted nonsense."

Ichijou asked, "Nonsense? Nonsense. Perpetual nonsense."

Miyako replied, "On the plus side, it's her weird day."

Ichijou glared, "For me… it was a Tuesday…"

Miyako shouted, "IT'S MONDAY!"

Becky set it aside and said, "Well, I'm afraid there's nothing I can do."

A girl with brown hair said, "But don't you think you should find out what's wrong?"

A girl with short black hair and a cowlick added, "Miss Ichijou is acting screwy."

Miyako sighed, "Unlike you…"

Kurumi asked, "Becky, do you think there's a problem with Ichijou that might have-."

A girl with blue hair, done in huge pigtails, asked Becky, "I worry that there is a problem for Miss Ichijou. She's the upper-class class rep of the year."

Becky replied, "Well, it's out of my hair, on this one."

Kurumi sobbed, "What?"

Rei replied, "Come on, you're a little kid teacher. And a genius to boot. Surely you should've thought of something."

Becky huffed, "I'm going to ignore that response, only to reply to that theory. Normal people are like that…"

The girls said, "Normal?!"

Becky replied, as she was annoyed, "Don't question your teacher, like that! I know what I am saying!"

Rei giggled, "Well, I was hoping you'd give her a check-up…"

Becky pondered, as Himeko asked, "MAHO! Is Ichijou not from here? I think it has to be some sort of weird alien species that obtain an innocent girl."

Miyako barked, "Don't act like you know what is not normal!"

They stared at her, as Miyako replied, in a blunt manner, "Aw, nuts."

Becky replied, as Ichijou was mocking her, from behind, "Well, I'm afraid we'll have to get the nurse on this one. Ichijou will have to be checked, in order to see what went wrong. If it is bad, I'm going to get to the bottom of this. After all-."

She turned to Ichijou, as she glared at her. Ichijou was sitting peacefully. She turned around and continued, as Ichijou mocked her, "After all, she is our friend and classmate. I'm going to call Miss Igarashi and-."

She turned to Ichijou, as she glared at her, again. She turned around and continued, as Ichijou resumed, "And we'll see what her condition is-."

She turned around and shouted, "STOP IT!"

Ichijou was seated, as she said, "I was sitting down."

Becky grumbled, "I have no idea what you're doing, but…"

Rei giggled, as she was amused, "It was funny."

The girls laughed, as Becky growled, "STOP LAUGHING! I AM TEACHER, DAMN IT!"

XXXXX

At the nurse's office, Ichijou was seated in the doctor's table, as a girl in a nurse's outfit was prepared to give her a check-up. She had long orange hair, and is wearing a pink nurse's outfit. She turned to Ichijou and said, "Okay, patient. Please say AAH."

Ichijou opened her mouth. She held up a tongue depressor and stuck it in Ichijou's mouth. Shiratori said, as she looked in her mouth, "Whoa! It's normal, how you look at it. But then again, I've never seen such a mouth."

Akiyama, a girl in short black hair, barked, "That's because you're not a doctor!"

Shiratori blushed, as she giggled, "Well, now, my assistant, we're going to conduct more tests."

Otome yelled, "I'M NOT YOUR ASSIS-!"

Shiratori said, as she held up a stethoscope, "Okay, let's check your heart."

Ichijou blushed and responded, "How sweet."

Shiratori placed the stethoscope on her own chest and said, "Hmm… Beating seems normal, and it has a conga beat to it. GO, SHIRATORI~! GO~!"

Akiyama cried, "You're supposed to check her heart!"

Shiratori laughed, "Oops."

"OOPS?! You're a disgrace to the medical world!"

"Then, dog gone it, then?"

Akiyama snatched the stethoscope and barked, "Give me that!"

She examined Ichijou's heart and listened in, "Strange…"

Tick… Tick… Tick… Tick…
Ichijou's heart was ticking. Akiyama was puzzled, as she turned to her tall classmate, "Hey, Suzune, get a load of this."

Shiratori asked, "Huh? What is it?"

Akiyama cried, "She's not normal!"

Shiratori listened in, as Akiyama placed the end of the stethoscope on her chest. Shiratori listened in, as she heard computer sounds. As the sounds died down, she also heard a heart beating.

Suzune said, "So what? Her heart is fully fine."

Otome shouted, "ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING?! This Ichijou has a bad heart!"

Suzune said, "Ooh, she's not all bad."

"NO! I meant, AUGH! Forget it!"

She examined her heart again, but this time…

"Hello! Welcome to K-E-R-O FM Radio! All Ichijou, All the time, Kero!"

Akiyama was shocked, as she cringed, removing the stethoscope, "A radio?!"

She shivered, "I must be losing it…"

Suzune hugged her, as she said, "Aw, there, there, Otome… I'll help you tone down your stress."

Akiyama barked, "If you're doing that or that, I'll kill you."

Ichijou then stood up and said, "Thank you. For examining me. I must be. On my way."

She left the nurse's office, as Otome asked, "What the hell is wrong with her? How could she pause and speak, like that?"

She called out, "HEY, WAIT! We haven't finished the check-up!"

Suzune started to jab her finger on Otome's head, repeatedly, and then called, "Then let me do the check-ups for you, Otome!"

She kept jabbing, as Otome shrieked, "STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!"

XXXXX

Becky got the reports from the nurse's office, the following hour. She then read, "Hmm… It says here that her prognosis is normal… and her body can even pick up radio signals."

Rei remarked, "That's Ichijou for you. No matter what, she's always making weird stuff."

Becky said, "In any case, the reports showed that her heart was beating fine, quote, like a grandfather clock that wouldn't die, end quote, and her breathing is normal, if you call it breathing."

The girls said, "That's not normal."

Becky said, "Well, I don't know what to say. Maybe we should keep an eye on her, just in case."

She ordered, "But not during class! Pay attention to me, and not Ichijou, while we are doing schoolwork. If you notice anything funny from her, inform me."

Miyako barked, "And why should we listen to you?"

Becky shouted, "DAMN IT, trust me! And don't say anything to Ichijou! Got it?"

Rei said, "Yeah, whatever."

Kurumi said nothing, as #6 said, "Okay…"

Miyako replied, "Well, it depends on her status quo…"

Himeko cheered, "YAY~! We get to watch for Ichijou~! MAHOOOOO~!"

Becky sighed, as she slouched in her chair, "Somebody shoot me…"

She thought, "Huh? Wait. We need more help. Where's Mesousa?"

XXXXX

At the vending machines, Mesousa, a small white rabbit, was calling to the huge blue vending machine, "Hello? Uh, I am here for some more body heat…"

He placed a coin, with great difficulty, into the coin slot, and stepped back. As the coin was inserted, it suddenly started to shake. The vending machine sprouted mechanical arms and legs, standing up straight. A robot head popped up and boomed in a huge voice, "BEVERAGE!"

WHOOSH!
Rocket exhausts spewed out from the back, as Mesousa cried in horror. The vending machine flew off, as it headed to space. Mesousa looked up and sobbed, "And that was my last Yen coin…"

Lord Cat returned, holding up a live trout, "Well, imagine that. I go out, get me some lunch, and the next minute, my house flew away, nya."

Mesousa asked, "Uh… Sorry about that… Wait. You went to lunch?"

Lord Cat smiled, "It's body heat, nya."

Mesousa sighed in disappointment, "I don't get it…"

XXXXX

Outside, that afternoon, the girls were swimming in the school pool. Everyone in 2-C was wearing their school swimsuits, including Ichijou, who was relaxing by the pool. The others watched on, as she was moving her legs, sitting by the edge of the pool. She was sitting quietly, moving her legs up and down, like she was posing in a summer shoot.

Miyako asked, "I don't get her. Why isn't she swimming?"

Ichijou was the only student in 2-C, wearing a pink swimsuit. Rei asked, "It's kinda weird, for someone who has radio signals from in her heart. But it's bupkis, if you ask me."

#6 was worried, "Poor Ichijou. She's the normal girl of the year, but it's abnormal of her to be in this condition."

Rei suggested that they'd ask her, as Miyako replied, "Okay."

They walked toward her, as Ichijou said, feeling her stomach, "I hope it has been 45 minutes…"

The girls of 2-C was shocked, "She just ate?"

Kurumi cried, "It's not even-."

Himeko cringed, "DID SHE HAD CRAB?"

Kurumi shouted, "But it's 11:15am!"

Rei replied, as she pondered, "Quite propounding…"

She asked her, "Hey, Ichijou."

Ichijou asked, "Hmm?"

"You feel okay now, after this morning?"

"Why do you say that? I feel okay, since last night."

"Last night? Okay… What did you do, last night?"

Ichijou then dove in the pool, as she swam off. Rei thought, "Huh? And she swam away, without a response."

Ichijou swam down, as #6 said, "She's good. I wonder if she can swim to shore."

Himeko called out, waving to her, "GODSPEED, ICHIJOU!"

Miyako sighed, as Himeko was actually waving at Miyako's forehead, "Pay attention, you cowlick idiot!"

Ichijou was still swimming, as Rei said, "She's awfully good. I hope she has time to breathe."

They waited for five minutes, as Ichijou was still in the water. They stayed, as Ichijou suddenly resurfaced, as she was floating like a dead body. The girls gasped in horror, as Himeko shrieked in horror.

"ICHIJOU'S DROWNING!"

Kurumi bluntly stated, "And she was down in the pool, for only 10 minutes."

Rei remarked, "A personal best."

Miyako called, "Hey, lifeguard! Get some help!"

A lifeguard, a boy in red attire, and with brown hair, noticed Ichijou and gasped, "Uh-oh! A floater!"

SPLASH!
He swam off, as Kurumi cheered, "Go for it, Shu!"

Rei asked, as she was puzzled, "Since when did he come here from Miss Igarashi's class?"

As Shu swam in, grabbing Ichijou's lifeless body…

XXXXX

…deep in the darkness of space, a spaceship was watching on, over the earth, as three black aliens were overhearing Ichijou's problem.

The Alien Commander, the black with blue trim, said to the Captain, the one in red, with a pointy horn, that Ichijou, one of Becky's students, is acting weird.

The captain said, "Weird? Well, who doesn't act weird?"

The Commander said, "But, sir… This may jeopardize the mission. Surely, we know about the Ichijou girl."

The Lieutenant, in yellow, added, "Yeah. Lest we forget that you used to date this earthling, almost costing us the mission."

The captain said, "Ancient history… But those were good times. Anyway, what do we know about Ichijou, from Miss Miyamoto's class?"

The Commander said, "Well, I'm picking up some strange signals… deep within her."

The Lieutenant replied, "It's obvious something in a weird vibe… We need to stop this matter!"

The captain said, "No. We leave this one, alone… But, we'll step in, in case they try anything funny."

The commander protested, "But, sir! We're only here to observe Miss Miyamoto, not assist her!"

"Is that so? Have you forgotten about the mushroom alien that was in one of the girl's head, a while back?"

"Oh, yeah. She threatened to fill the world with spores of its alien race, before we obliterated it."

"Yes. I mean, we did assisted Miss Miyamoto, all for her protection. Without her, there is NO mission. And should we fail, what do we have left?"

"You may be right."

The lieutenant gasped, as he cried, "SIR! There's an unknown object heading towards us!"

The vending machine robot appeared, as it appeared in front of the spaceship.

It made a war cry, "BEVERAGE!"

The aliens screamed in horror, as the commander shouted, "MAYDAY! MAYDAY!"

XXXXX

Meanwhile, back on Earth, Shu was giving Ichijou mouth-to-mouth CPR. He stopped, as he felt a taste in his mouth.

"Hmm… This is odd." Shu said.

Kurumi asked, "What's wrong?"

Shu said, "I don't know. I felt some sort of metallic taste in her mouth, when I did mouth-to-mouth."

#6 gasped, "Metal?!"

Kurumi shouted, "EW! Did you tongue-kissed her, Shu?"

The girls jeered, "OOOOOOOH~!"

Shu felt embarrassed, "Some lifeguard I became."

Ichijou woke up and asked, "Where am I?"

She sat up, as Rei was confused. She said, "Strange… She drowned, but has no implications of fatigue."

Ichijou then said, as she walked off, "I must go dry off."

Her long brown hair was flowing down, as she walked very slowly, and very glittery.
NOTE: It's a slo-mo scene.

As she left, Rei asked, "Since when does she have her own slow motion scene?"

#6 sobbed, "So jealous…"

Miyako whispered, "And she walks in a sexy stance, with her hair flowing…"

Kurumi said, "She's obviously a show-off."

Himeko cheered, "I want long hair, too~!"

Rei yanked her wig off, showing her shorter hair, as she yelled, "You're a little late!"

Himeko bawled, as she tried to reach for her wig, "HEY! GIVE IT BACK! GIVE IT BACK!"

XXXXX

Hours later, after class, Becky was shocked by what happened to Ichijou, from Rei. She asked, "Are you kidding me? She drowned, and she had no feeling?"

Rei said, "That's what we heard. And Kurumi isn't talking, since A) she accused Shu of tongue-kissing Ichijou."

Miyako stated, "B) Kurumi is just plain…"

#6 concluded, "And C) Ichijou's a marine diver of the year…"

Rei added, "Plus, that taste in her mouth was sort of a metallic taste."

Becky thought, "Metallic… Hmm… Maybe there's one conclusion to this. But I'm afraid that we'll have to investigate it, even further."

Rei asked, "So, who do we use to spy on her? Watanuki, again?"

Becky said, "No, then Ichijou may be onto us. In any case, I need two volunteers."

Miyako asked, "Who do you propose?"

Becky said, as she held a hand of straws, "We'll draw straws. The two with the shortest straw will join me. Here's the plan: we spend the night with Ichijou, and when she's asleep, we spy on her, seeing what she is up to."

Miyako then said, "I'll pass. I have to study, tonight."

Rei huffed, "Like you'd study, all day long…"

Miyako sobbed, "I'm getting there."

#6 stated, "Can we forget the straws? I can assist you, Becky."

Becky scolded, "Huh? You don't like the straws?"

Rei said, "Lemme see that…"

She grabbed her wrist, as Becky was crying, "HEY! LET ME GO!"

Rei saw that there were five short straws. She barked, "SO! You were using all of us, only to spy on Ichijou, on purpose!"

Becky said, "Look, I needed all of your help. What choice do I have? I was going to have Rei go first, anyway."

Rei growled in anger, "I KNEW IT! You little…"

#6 calmed her down and said, "No, now, now. I'll take one for the team of the year."

Rei smiled, "You do that, #6?"

#6 nodded, as she smiled, "Yeah!"

Miyako said, "Then… I'll assist, too. But only because I found her, in the first place."

Himeko cheered, "Then, I'll join you, Miyako!"

Miyako then bluntly replied, "I changed my mind."

Becky said, "Good. Now, if there are no objections…"

Rei barked, "I got one! Since when do you have to volunteer two people?"

Becky said, "Because… The fewer fatalities, the better."

They all gasped, as Rei shouted, in panic, "QUICK! Make a new batch of straws!"

#6 cried, "OH, GOD! I don't want to die!"

Himeko wailed, "I HAVEN'T TASTED CRABS, YET!"

They all panicked, as Becky sighed, "Are you kidding me, already? My students are all cowards…"

XXXXX

As the litigation continued, Kurumi Momose was in the rabbit hutch, saddened, yet again.

"Lalalu… Lalalu…"

A knock was made, as Mesousa asked, "Hey, have you seen a vending machine fly by?"

Kurumi asked, "Huh? What do you mean?"

A small explosion was made, from the sky, as Mesousa felt sad, "I wish I knew… what was going on…"

Kurumi sobbed, as she was crying, "I wish I met what was going on…"

She continued to cry, as Mesousa asked, "Why are you crying?"

A voice asked, "Excuse me…"

A girl with long black hair asked, "Yeah, listen. You said that there was a vending machine here?"

Mesouda nodded, "Yeah… and it was a giant robot…"

"I see."

Kurumi asked, "Hey, wait… Aren't you-?"

The girl stood in place and pressed a button on her gold bracelet. She then said, "You never saw me."

She started to grow large and shouted, "MECHA POWER!"

She grew at fifty feet, with her body turning into a robot. Her body and joints was of chrome metallic skin with blue LED eyes and pink lips. Her hair was still flowing black, and her clothes changed into her pink Pop Idol attire, with a purple hat and ribbon, pink blouse, and red skirt. Her legs were chrome white, as she stood in place, raising her arms in the air. She did a superhero tokusatsu pose and shouted, "MECH-ASAHI!"

WHOOSH!
Mech-Asahi flew off, as Mesousa asked, "Uh, correct me if I'm wrong, but did we have a cameo in this story?"

Lord Cat replied, "I'll correct you. You're wrong, nya."

Asahi Sakurai makes her cameo appearance. Like I said, Pani Poni makes weird stories.

To be continued…