I honestly don't know what to call this. Just a one-shot, really.
And, I'm sorry, but I got sick last week and I'm still a little stuck on "I'm Always Right There." Half the chapter is done but I apologize for the delay in updates. School just started back and I threw up the first day. Nice way to start the year, right? Lol, anyways, I'm still out of it and I'm sorry.
Don't own Victorious, or the song Imaginary by Evanescence, OR the song Field of Innocence by Evanescence.
Cat's POV:
Ugly…Just plain ugly. I think as I look at my reflection in the mirror.
It's not fair. Jade has the curves, Tori has the skinniness, Trina has the flawless face, and what do I have?
Shortness and the reputation of being a bipolar redhead.
Why won't anyone try and get to know me before they assume I'm a ditz?
Because they're all assholes. I think grimly.
I hate going to school. All that happens is people laughing at me, calling me stupid, calling Jade disturbing, calling Robbie a nerd, and Tori effortlessly being Little Miss Perfect. I'm not jealous. I just hate that Jade and I never get a chance to be in any plays.
I hate that people think I'm too stupid to understand when they insult me. I understand. I understand pretty damn well what they do to me.
And yeah, I curse. Big deal. No one at school knows. Not even Jade or Robbie.
I know what you're thinking. Jade's my best friend, but why do I keep bringing up Robbie?
Well, between you and me, I love him. Like, as in more than the whole brother-sister dynamic that I have with Andre and Beck.
I can't help it.
I trust him, he lets me vent to him when people piss me off. I still play the innocent game and don't curse though. He'd be freaked out if he knew that I've said the f word under my breath when I couldn't get my enormous textbook out of my locker before.
People treat me like I'm a child. So I like having Mr. Purple and Mr. Longneck as my friends. That doesn't mean I'm screwy in the head.
Anyways, I'm getting distracted. I have to go to school. Which sucks by the way.
Especially because I keep having to put on a smile and pretend I'm okay. I'm tired of it.
In fact, I might just let myself go and give people that treat me like shit a reason to never talk to me again.
I wonder what they'll think. Probably that I've been watching Jade too much.
Oh how ignorant people can be.
~~Victorious~~
Jade's POV:
Oh God. I don't wanna go to school.
I hate it. A lot. And I hate a lot of things.
But school sucks.
People treat me like I'm the devil's daughter or something. Like I have no feelings.
And believe me. I have feelings.
I cry like everyone else. Rarely and secluded of course.
I only trust two people in my life, really. Beck and Cat. Cat's like that innocent little sister that you feel like you have to protect from the shitty, perverted world that she doesn't know about.
And from the bullying.
See, people treat Cat like she's stupid. She's random. That doesn't mean she's a freak. She's emotional. Not bipolar.
People don't understand her, and no one would ever want to.
I do though. I've known her since we were probably six, so I know. I know that she's really smart but tries to hide it. I know that she aced the algebra test that even Robbie got a C on in eighth grade. I know that she hates when people say the f-word around her. I know that those assholes are the reason she always comes running to my house, clutching her stupid toy giraffe with her eyes watering.
I know that she hurts. Because I hurt. I know that she understands every insult that people force on her. And I know that it kills her inside.
I wish I could kill every single person that hurt her with my scissors.
But I don't have the guts to take someone's life.
So all I can do is defend Cat.
Sweet, innocent Cat.
~~Victorious~~
Cat's POV:
I decided to make a statement today.
It's not a big statement though.
I'm just not wearing… happy colors. I'm wearing dark, sad colors.
I have dark black jeans, a deep blue tank top, a black hoodie, and black flats.
I obviously don't give a damn if anyone stares though. Let them stare. They all already despise me.
As I walk in the building, I feel a hundred pairs of eyes on me.
Whatever.
I roll my eyes and walk down the hall to my locker.
Well, I try to. Until some blond bitch stops me.
"Hey, Cat. What's up with the outfit? Did you follow in Jadey's footsteps and become a gothic freak?" She smirks.
"Leave me alone, and leave Jade the hell out of this." I growl under my breath.
"Oh! Someone's feisty today."
"Shut it."
"You can't tell me what to do ditz."
"Get the hell out of my way!" I yell angrily, and instantly regret it as her eyes widen and I hear a soft gasp behind me. I turn around to see a speechless Jade gripping her scissors, her fists whiter than usual.
"Jadey. You look like you've seen a ghost." I say quietly.
She doesn't speak. She just grabs my wrist and drags me into the janitor's closet.
It doesn't take long for her to start talking. Or, rather yelling.
"Cat! What the hell is going on?! I thought you couldn't stand it when people said the f-word! Now you're just cursing left and right? And why are you dressed like that? You hate clothes like that." She takes a breath and tries to calm down. "What's wrong?" Jade asks softly, her light blue eyes looking into my chocolate ones for an explanation.
I sigh, looking down. "There's a lot I haven't told you Jadey."
"No shit." She murmurs.
"I um- I'm not… the Cat you think I am." I speak slowly.
She looks at me, slightly confused, but nods. "Go on…"
I tell her how much it hurts that people bully me. I tell her that I do, in fact curse, but never in front of anyone. I tell her I have insecurities that she never knew about. But also, I tell her that I've just been putting on a smile and faking being okay.
Jade looks shocked at the sudden realizations, but speaks. "Cat I'm sorry. I-I had no idea…"
"Of course you didn't." I interrupt softly, but just look at her and smile. "But that's just because I'm a great actress Jadey."
She smiles a little. "Hasn't that always been the case?"
Oh yeah. She's more gentle in private. Sometimes. I think she doesn't want anyone to see her soft side. I understand. Like how I hide my anger.
I laugh a little.
"Don't worry. I'm gonna be here for you, okay?" She asks me.
"Kay-kay." I answer as she hugs me tightly. "We better go."
Jade nods, and leaves the closet.
I take a deep breath, and follow her.
This is going to be a long day.
~~Victorious~~
No one talked to me in Sikowitz's class. They just stared. Jade gave some of them death glares, but no one reacted to them.
By lunch, at our table everyone's speechless.
Andre is the first to speak.
"Um, Cat?" I look up and he pauses. "Why are you dressed like that?"
I shrug. "Cause."
He nods and stops talking.
"I uh- heard you curse at that mean blond girl in the hallway." Robbie says quietly from next to me.
I just look down. "Yeah."
No one talks after that. At least for a while.
"Aren't you going to eat?" Tori cautiously asks me.
I look at her stomach, and down at my lap. "I'm not hungry."
And I'm not. I don't eat my lunch.
After lunch, the rest of the day drags along. Slowly and painfully.
More and more people make fun of me. More and more people get cursed at.
It's as simple as that.
~~Victorious~~
I walk home. My parents don't acknowledge me coming in. I'm used to it. My dad's probably wasted right about now, and my mom… I don't even know.
I lock myself in my room and inhale sharply as I lean against the door. That didn't go as planned. At all.
I slip my flats off and crawl into bed, not feeling up to anything else.
Turning on my PearPod, I go to my only escape nowadays. Music.
The one thing that understands everything I go through.
An hour later, in the middle of listening to Imaginary, my phone beeps.
Who the hell would text me at 4:30 PM?
I look at the message.
Robbie: Cat, are u okay?
I hesitate, and type a short reply.
Cat: yeah
A few minutes pass.
Robbie: U sure?
Cat: yeah why
Robbie: U were acting so weird today. What's wrong?
Cat: Nothing's wrong Robbie. I swear.
Robbie: Okay, but if you need to talk, you know you can trust me.
Cat: I know. Thanks. My mom's calling me for dinner. Later!
Robbie: Um, Cat?
Cat: yeah
Robbie: It's still 4:40 PM
Cat: Well, I have to go bye! :)
Robbie: bye…
Robbie can't be figuring it out. I don't want him to. He'll think I'm a mental case.
I kind of am I guess. No matter what Jade tells me.
Turning my PearPod back on, I fall asleep to the pretty music.
By the time I wake up it's dark outside. I blink my eyes and check the clock.
9:50 PM.
Crap I missed dinner.
I get up and go downstairs. It's dark. I turn on a light and open the fridge.
If Dad wakes up…
I shiver a little at the thought and grab the milk and strawberries. I'm not hungry for hot food and just make cereal and eat it with strawberries.
When I'm done I quietly clean the plate and gently place it back where I found it.
Suddenly I hear footsteps.
"Caterina."
My breath hitches and I turn to face my father.
"Y-yes?"
"Why are you up?" He sternly speaks.
"I-I slept until 10:00, and I missed dinner, a-and-"
"You know you have to be asleep by 9:00 PM!" He suddenly yells.
But I don't have a curfew… Not since middle school. They don't care anymore.
I don't want to make him angrier though.
"Dad, I'm sorry-"
I don't get to finish as he slaps me across the face.
"Go to your room. Now."
I nod, tears falling from my eyes and onto the floor as I tread to my room.
As my hand clutches my left cheek, I stifle my sobs and get into my bed.
He's never done that before. Dad's never tried to hurt me.
I'm scared.
I take a deep breath and turn on my PearPod, scrolling through my songs until I see the one I need to hear right now.
"Field of Innocence" by Evanescence.
I still remember the world
From the eyes of a child
Slowly those feelings
Were clouded by what I know now
Where has my heart gone
An uneven trade for the real world
Oh I... I want to go back to
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all
I still remember the sun
Always warm on my back
Somehow it seems colder now
Where has my heart gone
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger
Oh I... I want to go back to
Believing in everything
[Latin hymn:]
Iesu, Rex admirabilis
Et triumphator nobilis,
Dulcedo ineffabilis,
Totus desiderabilis.
[Translation:]
Jesus, King most wonderful
Conqueror renowned,
The attractiveness of the ineffable
All joys.
Where has my heart gone
An uneven trade for the real world
Oh I... I want to go back to
Believing in everything
Oh, Where
Where has my heart gone
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger
Oh I... I want to go back to
Believing in everything
I still remember.
I cry when it's over.
There's only one thing I can think to do, and it isn't rational in any way. But I suddenly don't care. I run to my bathroom and get a vanilla scented candle, a lighter, and a razor. I light the candle, and proceed to cautiously burn the plastic. I grab tweezers and take the blade from the razor. Sitting on the edge of my bathtub, I slide my shorts down to my knees.
My breath hitches as I slice the skin on my upper left thigh with the blade. The red blood flows slowly down my thigh. I grab a cold towel and dab the cut I made. Wincing I stand up and hastily grab a Band-Aid, applying it to my thigh.
Pressing on it and hissing under my breath, all I can think of is everyone that hate me, including my family.
I grab my phone and press Jade's picture.
"Yeah?"
"Jade?"
"What is it Cat?"
"I don't know. I just… can we have a sleepover? Tomorrow?" I blurt out.
"Um, sure… But no cartoons, k?"
I smile a little. "No horror movies."
"Deal."
~~Victorious~~
Things are going great. Jadey and I are watching a funny movie. I have to change into my pajamas at 11:45 P.M. though.
Without thinking I slip on my usual purple short-shorts, and a light blue t-shirt with a cartoon cupcake on it.
As I skip out of the room, Jade says something that almost makes my heart stop.
"Cat? What happened to your leg?"
I freeze. "Um… My brother! He… bit me." I say unsurely.
"On your thigh?" She raises her eyebrow slightly.
I sigh. "My brother's pretty weird…"
Jade just nods slightly and drops it.
I know she didn't buy that. I think worriedly.
A few hours later and Jade's out like a light. I sigh and roll my head back.
Tomorrow I'm hiding it better. No one needs to know. No one.
Sorry if it's dark and/or depressing, it's supposed to be. I just love reading these and wanted to write a oneshot. More onehsots coming soon as I try to manage I'm Always Right There! Thanks so much for your support guys!
Oh, and I do not support cutting or anything- I just looked up how to get the blade out so Cat could do it in this story.
If you do that, please please PLEASE stop or ask for help. Someone loves you.
Luv y'all! :)