I own nothing.
I had the idea for a while and I just wrote it down. I have no beta, so there will be mistakes.
I sit on my coach editing my last sentences of my article, when I hear pounding at my door. I'm back at Toronto over three months now. But visitors still come rarely.
Which is also the reason why I am surprised to see Gail standing there. I certainly am not expecting her in the middle of the night.
"Hey!" I greet her, taking her in. She looks worn out. Her normally pale complexion is bordering into an unhealthy shade of yellow. Bloodshed eyes and dark circles under her eyes emphasized her appereance.
"Holly..." Gail breathes.
"What are you doing here?" I don't know how Gail knew I was back in Toronto. I transferred back from San Francisco, to another morgue in Toronto. The only one who knew about me was Andy and I had her sworn that she wouldn't say a word. But nonetheless her appearance on my doorstep is setting me off. I don't know what to do. There is no guide what-to-do-when-your-ex-girlfriend-shows-up-at-your-door-after-ove-a-year. Especially when you still have feelings for her.
"Please, can I come in?"
Gail puts her hands into her pockets, waiting for me to let her in. I sigh when I open the door.
Gail marches in and stops abruptly. She takes a look around.
"Nothing has changed."
I just nod and wait beside her while she decides what she wants to do now.
"I... I know it is the worst timing ever. But... I need you. Please."
She looks at me, tears in her eyes. "Please Holly."
"Can we pretend that nothing happened. For just this one night."
Gail wrings her hands and looks at you with pleading eyes.
"The last few weeks were brutal. I...just need you." She looks into space, not focussing on anything. Gail appears to be totally distraught.
I know this is the wrong thing to do, but in one step I am be her side, hugging her tightly. The minute I hold her in my arms it feels so right. Every cell of my body takes her in and it is like I'm whole again.
The second she is in my arms she starts to tremble, crying silently. It hurts to see her like that and you know something horrible must have happened, because she wouldn't be here, let alone showing her feelings so openly. Even with me.
I try to sooth her but she is crying stronger, sobbing into my shoulder. When she finally pulls away. Gail looks at me through blurry eyes. I want to ask her what happened, but I don't. One thing I have learned about Gail in our past relationship is that pushing her results in impenetrable walls and that's not something I want to risk.
"I know I'm the last person you wanna see, but can we pretend that everything is fine and we're still together. Just for one night? Please. After this I will be out off your life once and for all."
Even if I want I can't deny her. She is so vulnerable right now. It is nearly impossible to not give her what she wants.
I want to tell her that's not the right thing to do, but her lips are already on mine. I try to hold it together but she feels so good. It first it's to get familiar again. But the kiss becomes passionate. And boy Gail can kiss. It's soft and sweet but at the same time it feels like fireworks are going to explod in my chest. At that moment I don't know why I ever left her in the first place. Yeah right, the job. That's something I have to think about.
I want to tell her that I want her back. That I want to live with her. That I want to get old with her, but I don't. It's not the right time. First we need to talk.
Gail trails kisses along my neck and starts to feel me up. She pushes me towards my bedroom and begins to take of my cloth. I try to resist one last time but there is no willpower left. The saying the flesh is weak gets a whole new meaning for me. It is very weak right now. I need to feel her, to taste her. My body is screaming to give into my sexual needs and I let it have its drug.
We walk our way back to my bedroom. My shirt is gone by the time, we reach my bedroom door. I have to start paying attention. She is far to fast for me.
I kick into action trying not to get distracted so much by her kisses and remove her leather jacket and her shirt. She helps me to get rid of my jeans and my underwear. And than its her turn to lose her cloth. She peppers my skin with kisses. Every place graced with a kiss burns slightly. Like I am burning up with her kisses.
It happens so fast, that we're lying naked on my bed. She's pressing her leg into my core, sucking harshly at my nipples. I try to reciprocate but Gail's too determined. I try to get her to look at me but she refuses. Her hand reaches my core and she pushes her fingers into me. I try to hold back but the passion embraces me and all I can do is to beg her to go faster. I hear the noises from my sex and her labored breathing. My arousal increases and in minutes I am at the point of no return. I try again to get her to look at me. I need to see those beautiful eyes of her. But she won't look up. Gail has buried her head between my breasts. I start to cry in desperate need to feel the connection, we once had. I need to see if she feels the same.
"Gail..." I breath barely able to say a decent word.
"Gail please... Look at me." I beg but she doesn't budge, when she turns her head I see tears streaming down her face.
I try to stop her but my body is too far gone. My hips move in synch with her fingers and she ist fucking me frantically by now. Gail starts to touch my bundle of nerves and I come undone. I clutch at her and hug her to me as tight as I can.
When I come back to my senses she has buried her head in the crook of my neck, crying.
"Gail, please what's wrong?" I lift her head to get her to look at me, but she won't. When her breathing goes back to normal, she lifts herself of my bed, still staring in the other direction.
"Gail..." I say again.
She picks up her clothes and turns around her eyes trained on the floor.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't have come."
With that she leaves.
I wrap my blanked around myself. I feel exposed. For a minute I think about running after her but...I can't. Since our break-up I've been like a zombie, numb to everything around me, except my job maybe. The minute she walzes into my life I get like a wake-up call and then she leaves me alone again, regretting she even came by. I can't. I just can't go back there. If I let myself fall into the world of Gail Peck, I will get hurt again.
When I hear the my door close, tears begin to fall down my cheeks.