Hey you! This is just one of those stories you have floating around in your head and need to get them out before you can continue the others. Hope you like it!
Thank you all who have answered the questions on my profile page, the research is going great but I need a few more of you to answer. So, if you haven't answered them, it only takes like 10 minutes to do that and I'll be forever grateful. No pressure at all, just leave me a PM with your answers, thanks :)
Not mine
I sat in my car by the curb. The silence in it was defeating, crushing down on me making me feel so small, making it very hard to breath. My hands were gripping the steering wheel so hard that I could see my fingers breaking if I pushed on harder. I held on like it was the last line that held me above water which was alarmingly high. Like it was the last inch of rope that kept me from falling to the Grand Canyon. I stared at the huge house on the other side of the road, the grand white mansion behind the fence. I imagined that I was monitored but I couldn't care less. I was gasping for air, feeling dizzy in the small space as I imagined the family in the white house
The man always vigilant, always aware of his surroundings, always on top of everything. The woman radiating joy as he lovingly strokes her belly, a sight to behold. His mocha hands around her small frame, contrasting with her skin, I imagined the noise of the twin boys running down the grand hall, chasing each other, yelling and laughing. The man chuckles and hugs his wife, the woman shaking her head at the boys. The man leans to give her a passionate kiss.
Silent tears run down my cheek, smudging my eye make-up. Ragged breathing filled my car.
The vision changed. The woman sitting in an expensive robe on the cream colored couch holding a small bundle in her hands. Love shining from her eyes as the bundle laughs. The boys ripping open the gifts underneath the huge Christmas tree, gift paper flying all over the huge bright living room. The Latino man laughs and cuddles with the woman, placing a kiss on the small girls' forehead then doing the same for the woman. The woman smiling at the man and kissing him while the boys on the floor screams of joy at the new bikes and toys. A sight for sore eyes.
I leaned my head against the wheel and took a deep breath. Maybe this would be for the better, I told myself with bitterness. He told me that he didn't do relationships, he told me that many times and yet I fell in love with him. Stupid of me to think that I could change him, I wasn't her. I was just a toy, something to play with ignoring my feelings totally. He got his girl; got everything I couldn't give to him while I was the laughing stock of the town.
I lifted my head off the wheel and fixed my make-up in the mirror. Whipping away the black lines across my cheeks, I was almost places with myself. I looked almost human. I looked at my watch, 6.03 a.m, he would be awake by now. Taking a deep breath I wrenched myself out of the car and started to walk across the street and the long distance to the grad mansion. I pulled my hood up, to block myself against the icy breeze not against the cameras I told myself. The snow crunched underneath my feet as I almost jogged up to the house. The house seemed enormous as I got closer and it started to feel like this was a bad idea after all. But my feet kept on moving and too quickly I saw my hand reach out and knock on the huge wooden door.
I looked down at my black winter boots. My long black jacket hid my face and my hair in the darkness and I was pleased. He wouldn't open the door if he knew who it was. I stood still, listening to anything, wanting to feel something. My legs didn't move or shake as I stood there in the freezing coldness in only black jeans. I waited the few minutes that seemed to be an eternity.
Suddenly the door was pulled open and I lifted my head to stare into the barrel of the gun aimed at me. The man behind it looked weary as he looked at me. Slowly I lifted my hands and pulled down the hood that was protecting my face from the coldness, and released my hair to the wind. He relaxed but only slightly as the recognized me. He dropped the hand with the gun and I looked at him properly. His button-up shirt was open and shoved his yummy chest and abdomen. I dragged my eyes up to his face and saw that he had shaven this morning. His blank face was on and his eyes showed no emotion at all when he stared down at me. His long hair was pulled back and was neatly in place, something that couldn't be said for my hair. I got never over how gorgeous he was. My breathing got labored every time he looked at me, this time making no exception. He stood in the door way blocking my way in, but I could see past him into the house. The huge beige and dark wood staircase led to the second floor. I could see the dining room behind the stairs and all the walls were covered with family pictures. I returned my gaze to his.
"What are you doing here?" He asked his voice hard and empty as he continued to look at me.
"Is that the way you say hello today, Ranger?" I asked, masking my heartbreak, hiding my feelings like he taught me. "I traveled a long way to see you."
"Why?" he barked at me, his jaw clenching. I opened my mouth to answer him but a sudden movement from the top of the stairs stopped me.
"What's going on darling?" the woman asked as she made her way down the stairs, her eyes never leaving mine. Her eyes saw right through me. She was straight out of bed, her hair in a messy bun and she was dressed in a white satin robe. She put an arm around him as she finally got to the door. Ranger put his arm around her and drew her closer. A pain worse than torture was shot right through my heart. I stumbled backwards. He just continued to look at me.
"Tell me what you want and then get the hell out of my life."
I looked back at him and saw that he meant it. The woman just looked at Ranger with eyes filled with curiousness and worry. Filled with love.
"I'm happy for you two" I said taking a step back. "I just wanted to see you, to make you realize that it isn't over for me just yet. Maybe this was a mistake, I get that now. This will be the last time you'll hear from me, I promise. Goodbye Carlos. "
I turned my back at them and ran to my car and drove and kept on driving. I was going to drive to the west coast and start over. God help me if it was that simple.
He closed the door and kissed the woman.
"Who was that?" the woman asked him gazing into his dark eyes.
"That was just Amy; I dated her many, many years ago. Nothing to worry about. I'm all yours now. Let's go back to bed, Babe."
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