The only things I can hear are the ambulance sirens, and the sound of my heart beating out of my chest. I'm running past all of the people gathered around, trying to push myself through the crowds.
A cop grabs me, "Ma'am, you need to stay back," he yells at me.
"That's my fucking boyfriend, let me go!"
He lets go of me; and I keep on running.
Finally I see him lying motionless on a stretcher. My heart shatters into more pieces than I ever thought was possible. Tears instantly start streaming down my face.
"Josh!" I yell, but he doesn't budge.
When I get closer, I see the EMT's are beginning to load him into the back of the ambulance. I take a moment to look at him in his unconscious form. There is no life left in his once magical hazel eyes.
"Josh! Josh!" I continue to yell, though I know he can't hear me.
"You're his girlfriend?" one of the EMT's asks me.
It takes a moment for me to process what he's saying, and that he's talking to me.
I choke back the tears for second, and all I can manage is a nod of my head, never once taking my eyes off of Josh.
"You can ride in the ambulance with him, but we have to leave now," he tells me.
I climb into the ambulance after they finish loading Josh in, and getting him prepped for the ride. At this point I'm crying more than I thought was humanly possible.
I still have yet to be told what has happened to him, no one has told me a single thing yet. I take Josh's limp hand in mine and caress the soft skin. I look down at his hands, the same hands that just this morning were cradling my jaw.
I'm unsure how much time has passed, but still no one has spoken up to tell me what happened. I look at Josh once again, and the shock completely dissipates. Burning rage is beginning to set in. Fuck this, I think, I can't keep quiet any longer.
"Is anyone going to tell me what the hell happened?" I say, coming off much more aggressive than I meant to be.
"Miss Lawrence, we will let the medical professionals tell you what's going on once we get to the hospital. But for now, we will tell you that Josh was in a motorcycle accident, and if he weren't wearing his helmet, the situation would be much worse than this. He was lucky," the EMT tells me.
He was lucky? Would be much worse? He is unconscious for crying out loud! I think in my head.
I'm trying my best to keep calm, and stay composed, for Josh's sake. I can't be rude to these people who are only trying to help Josh, and possibly jeopardize the care he is receiving. I cross my legs and arms, grab hold of Josh's hand again, and bury all my feelings as deep as I can, and focus solely on what really matters right now; Josh.
"I'm here Josh, I'm here baby," I whisper quietly into his ear.
I give his hand a light squeeze, and close my eyes a reminisce on the happier times between us…
"Jen! You can come down now!" Josh yells from downstairs.
"UGH! FINALLY!" I scream down to him.
As I make my way down the steps, the smell of fresh, warm pizza invades my nostrils, and I instantly get excited. I rush down the stairs and manage not to fall, an impressive feat I think to myself.
"Oh my goodness, Josh!" I squeal with excitement.
Josh and I have only been dating for a couple of months, but he knows me better than anyone else in the whole world. He has a feast of pizza, Cool Ranch Doritos, candy, and even beer spread out on the kitchen table.
"Do you like it, baby?" Josh asks, with the biggest smile in his face.
I will never get tired of his beautiful smile, or his breathtaking hazel eyes filled with joy.
"Josh, it's amazing! Thank you so much!"
For the rest of the night, we sit on the couch, stuffing our faces, and drinking beer. Josh let's me watch the most recent episodes of 'The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' that I missed, and then we indulge in some 'Keeping up with the Kardashians'.
"You must really like me to watch all of these crappy reality shows with me," I say.
"No I don't like you," he replies quietly, almost a whisper. "I love you, Jen."
I feel the ambulance come to a stop, and it pulls me out of my daydream. The tears I've been shedding have left warm tracks down my cheeks.
We've finally arrived at the hospital. They rush to get Josh out of the ambulance, and into the Emergency Room. The fears and anxiety come rushing back at full force, and the tears begin to flow again. I don't know what is going to happen with Josh, and I've never been more scared in my life. I just hope he's going to be okay.