A Meeting of Minds
By Tree1977
Disclaimer: This is JKR's I am only borrowing.
Set – Just after Harry has started in Hogwarts. Sometime between Philosopher's Stone and Chamber of Secrets.
Synopsis: What might have happened had Snape and Lupin met before Lupin became a teacher at Hogwarts during the Prisoner of Azkaban.
Notes: Not much is said about Snape and Lupin's lives between when Voldemort died and Harry came to Hogwarts. I always wondered what they did during this time, especially as they were both dealing with the deaths of so many loved ones.
Is more a character study than any story with a plot. Please be kind this is my first fan-fiction
Chapter 1 – A Cry for Help
"Albus…Albus" a desperate cry could be heard from the fireplace.
Snape looked up from the parchment he was reviewing with Dumbledore.
"Are you there? I need your help," the voice could be heard again.
Dumbledore rose from his chair and moved swiftly to the fireplace.
After peering into the fireplace Dumbledore exclaimed, "Robert! Why, it's been so long..."
"I am sorry there is no time for pleasantries, I need your help." Robert interrupted.
At this, Severus rose also and moved to the fireplace to hear.
"Of course, what do you need?" Dumbledore enquired.
"It is not I, but Professor Lupin. I am worried for him. Is he not a friend of yours?"
At the mention of that name memories came flooding back to me all at once, memories of my own childhood at Hogwarts, the good times with Lily, but also the bad times with my tormentors - Potter, Black and Lupin.
"What has happened?" Dumbledore's voice betrayed his worry now that Lupin's name had been mentioned.
Snape always believed Dumbledore favoured the Marauders, letting them get away with their "pranks" as they called them, despite the harm they caused. This was especially true of Lupin - letting him come to school knowing what he was and then, when the inevitable happened and Lupin almost killed me, Dumbledore did nothing. I'm sure now that Potter and Black were dead Dumbledore felt ever more pity for Lupin. Snape's feeling, however, hadn't changed.
"They attacked him," Robert exclaimed, "Teachers."
"Robert…"
"Like a mob they were." Robert continued.
"Robert." Dumbledore interrupted firmly. "You must start from the beginning if I am to help you."
"Of course , of course." Robert took a deep breath and continued, "He has been teaching here for a few months now, as you know."
How did Dumbledore know he had been teaching there? Had Dumbledore been keeping tabs on Lupin all this time? He had never mentioned it to me. But then why would he?
Robert continued, "All was going well. He was well liked and is an excellent teacher. But all hell broke loose not an hour ago. It seems rumours spread that he was a werewolf and the teachers, I'm afraid, turned on him."
"As well they should," I began. But immediately shut my mouth at the withering glare Albus shot me.
"I'm afraid they attacked him. Right here in the school hall." Robert stopped and breathed heavily. "Such violence! Shocking!"
"Where is he now?" Dumbledore asked.
"I don't know. He managed to flee the hall. I've tried looking for him but don't know where he's gone." Robert glanced behind him, then quickly turned back.
"One of the other teachers thinks he has left the school. He couldn't have apparated as this is blocked at the school as it is with Hogwarts." Robert glanced behind him again then suddenly disappeared from the fire.
"Robert?" Dumbledore called into the fire in alarm. A few seconds were spent in tense silence as we waited to see if Robert would return.
"I have just spoken to Penny, a fellow teacher," Robert appeared back in the fire. "Penny said he was able to defend himself quite well and she helped him leave the school. But she doesn't know where he went from there." Robert looked behind himself again obviously talking to someone before turning back.
"A disgrace! There is no reason for the teachers to act as they did," he sighed again. "At least the students are in their rooms and didn't witness this display. What will we tell them tomorrow?" Robert continued as if talking to himself.
"What do you need, Robert" Dumbledore enquired trying to keep Robert focused.
"Can you send someone?" Robert asked. "Penny said he was hurt, but we can't leave. The school has been locked down. Everyone's so on edge here. I wouldn't dare bring him back, but..."
"We will take care of him, Robert, you don't need to worry. Someone will floo through shortly." Dumbledore interrupted smoothly.
Robert sighed in relief. "Thank you, Albus. I knew you would help."
"Terrible business." Robert continued and then his face in the fire disappeared and the connection ended.
Dumbledore stood up from the fire and turned to face the room deep in thought.
"What do you intend to do?" I enquired after a period of silence.
Dumbledore focussed on me and smiled.
"You will go and collect Lupin. Bring him back to Hogwarts if required, Severus."
"What! Since when is my job going to pick up wayward werewolves?"
"I would go myself but, as you are aware, I have to meet with the board in an hour and somehow I don't think they would understand the reasons for my absence."
"Lupin is a grown man," I began.
"Who is all alone in the world, much like yourself," he said pointedly before I could interrupt, "and one who we are in a position to help."
After a beat Dumbledore continued, "Robert is based in Saint Luke's in Glansonberry, Scotland. I suggest you floo to the school and then, if you could, locate Lupin and aid him if required."
"If we rush in every time Lupin gets fired I'll never get time…"
"I would be most appreciative," Dumbledore stated in finality, his eyes hard on mine.
"Fine." I relented.
"Thank you, Severus." Dumbledore smiled and went back to the parchment we had been looking over previously.
I turned to the floo ready to step through and get this over with.
"Oh, by the way," Dumbledore said looking up. "Perhaps it would be wise to take some healing potions with you. Just in case."
And with that he sat back down at his desk once again enthralled with the parchments.
I grumbled to myself as I headed back to my room to collect the potions.
My temper steadily rose as I selected what I might need as my mind wondered to the thought of meeting Lupin again.
The last time we had met had been at Lily's and Potter's funeral. He didn't speak or look at anyone and I confess I was much the same. My grief for Lily stopped me from caring how anyone else might be feeling. But now, looking back, I could see that there were many grieving that day, Lupin being one of them. I hadn't considered then, and until now hadn't given a thought to what Lupin had been doing for the ten or so years since that time.
How strange to know that he also had become a teacher. I wondered if this was because it is what he wanted or if circumstances had made it so, as it had for me. I scowled as I realised we had far too many things in common.
I strode back into Dumbledore's office and saw that he was still peering over the parchment. He glanced up when I entered, but I headed straight for the fireplace and picked up the floo powder.
"Severus," Dumbledore called quietly from behind me. "Please be kind."
I turned to towards him with my face set. "I make no promises."
I turned back to the fireplace and flung the floo power at it.
"St Luke's, Glansonberry." I said before stepping into the fire.
Chapter 2 Where is the git?
Robert was waiting on the other side of the fire wringing his hands anxiously.
He stepped forward as I stepped out of the fireplace.
"Professor Snape," I introduced myself as I brushed the soot from my robes.
"Professor Crimp," He held out his hand, "Thank you so much for coming."
I took his hand "Lead me to his rooms." I stated.
"Oh, umm.." he hesitated nervously. I stared at him.
"Now if convenient," I stated when he didn't do anything.
"Of course." He quickly moved to the door of the room and left; I followed hoping this would all be over soon.
We went down several corridors, not meeting anyone on the way.
"Where is everyone?" I asked.
"They have all been sent to their rooms," he replied glancing back at me. "Only myself and the headmaster are allowed outside their rooms."
"Why you?"
"I am the Deputy Headmaster here."
He stopped in front of a room and nervously turned back to me.
"I'm afraid…" he didn't finish just stared forlornly into the room.
I pushed past him and peered in. The room was a mess and had obviously been deliberately trashed.
"They must have taken the news very badly," I quipped glancing back at the Deputy.
"They did." He stated, unsure of what else to say.
Looking around, he said: "I very much doubt he stayed around here. He would have tried to leave immediately."
I stepped back into the hall and looked around.
"You say the nearest town is two miles from here," I enquired out aloud.
"Yes, Professor."
"Is there anything between here and town? Any structures such as barns, outhouses, any type of shelter..."
The professor considered the question, "Umm... none that I'm aware of," he said uncertainly.
"There is a barn on the farm nearby that is much closer than the town." A voice volunteered from behind. I turned around swiftly to face a young witch approaching us.
"Penny, you shouldn't be out of your rooms," Professor Crimp admonished, but we could both tell his heart wasn't in it. After a beat he continued, "This is Professor Snape. He is here to help Professor Lupin," Professor Crimp explained. "Penny witnessed the event also and was able to help Lupin leave afterwards," he said.
"Can you tell me what happened?" I asked.
"A few of the Professors confronted Professor Lupin after dinner declaring that he was a werewolf. When Remus didn't deny it they drew their wands." She continued, "I don't know how it happened but their wands flew from their hands in a spell I did not see and Lupin fled from the room." Penny glanced around nervously.
"They followed after him as I did." She paused at this and took deep breath. Professor Crimp gave her a comforting smile and she gave a grin in return.
"I could hear yelling and curses, but I could not keep up. I decided to head to his room and that is when I found it like this. Remus confronted me in the hall outside alone. He looked like he had been in a fight and seemed to protect one arm. He drew his wand on me but lowered it when he saw I was unarmed. He asked me to help him out of the castle and I showed him a back exit rarely used." Penny turned to Professor Crimp pleadingly, "I tried to get him to stay, he obviously was hurt but he wouldn't, he said it wasn't safe and made me stay at the door when he left the castle."
"Show me the door he left by," I asked impatiently.
"Follow me," she said and promptly headed down the hall. Professor Crimp and I followed Penny through many halls until we came to what were obviously the kitchens.
"I left him here," she said walking to a door and opening it. I stepped up to the door and peered into the cold night air outside.
"And this barn you spoke of, which direction is it from here?" I asked stepping back into the kitchens.
Penny thought for a moment orienting herself, "We are currently on the west side, the barn is to the east on the other side of the castle," she finally said.
I withdrew my wand and offered a few incantations before lowering it and regarding my two colleagues.
"I have found Professor Lupin with a location spell. As far as I can tell he is very near the barn of which you spoke. I will find him and help him if required."
They both gasped at this news.
"How did you locate him?" Penny asked quickly.
"I am very familiar with Lupin and with his special 'qualities,'" I said with distaste, "It is quite easy for me to locate him if I have the area narrowed down enough."
"Why were you so sure he was heading for the barn? It is on the other side of the castle and very few know of it," Professor Crimp asked.
"I'm quite sure Lupin has taken much more stock of the surrounding buildings than you have, Professor," I said.
"Why is that?" he asked hesitantly.
"I'm sure he planned his escape the first day he came here." I went to wave my wand to leave when Penny grabbed onto my arm.
"Please look after him," She pleaded. "And please let us know when he is safe."
"If I must," I replied, wondering about the relationship between Penny and Lupin.
Then I apparated.
Chapter 3 – We meet at last
"Expelliarmus,"
My wand flew out of my hand before I could orient myself. I spun around wildly looking for who had cast the spell when I saw Lupin half lying on the ground with his wand pointed at me.
He was breathing hard, staring at me in shock.
"If you could lower your wand, Lupin," I said slowly, as I realised I must have apparated almost on top of him. Plus, I'm sure I am the last person he was expecting.
He continued to point his wand at me, but I could see his hand begin to shake.
I slowly walked over and picked my wand up, then turned back to him.
"Are you going to lie there all night?" I asked when he continued to stare at me.
"Snape?" he rasped.
"You remember."
He finally started looking around himself. However, he didn't try to get up from where he had fallen.
"But, how?" he asked looking back at me, "There are anti apparating spells…"
"Not very good anti apparating spells," I parroted. "Easily overcome."
"Easily overcome," he quipped.
"For me, yes."
There was silence now as we stared at each other. It was hard to tell in the darkness but the years had not been kind to Lupin. He was thinner than I remembered him, his face was drawn and pale, and his hair had taken on more grey than brown, much earlier than it should.
Finally Lupin decided to get up off the ground and he clumsily climbed to his feet.
"How did you find me?" he asked as he dusted himself off, "Or why did you find me? Why are you here?" he stared at me accusingly.
"Professor Crimp flooed Professor Dumbledore and he sent me." I explained as emotionless as possible.
"Ahh, Dumbledore," he repeated as if it all made sense now. It probably did to him.
"We weren't sure of the circumstances when I came through. However, you seem fine to me," I stated although I could see Lupin holding his arm against his body protectively.
"Quite alright now," he said almost to himself.
"Were you headed to the barn?" I asked after he fell silent.
Lupin looked up at me at this. "Oh, yes."
I glanced around at the cold night I had apparated to.
"Well, I will escort you to the barn and we will stay there for the night before moving onto the town in the morning," I declared
He laughed softly, "My own personal escort. I'm honoured, Severus."
"Dumbledore won't be happy til you are tucked up in bed."
"No he won't," Lupin agreed.
Lupin and I quickly covered the short distance to the barn eager to get out of the cold, night air.
We entered the barn cautiously; it looked like it had not been used in a while as there were no animals and, other than some bales of hay, it was empty.
"How very cosy," I murmured looking around. Comfortable that we were alone I turned to Lupin. Lupin had wandered over to the nearest bale of hay and sat down with a sigh. I found my own bale of hay and sat down also.
"Thank you for coming, Severus," Lupin announced after a moment of silence. "I'm sure you had better things to do with your evenings."
I huffed at him. "I'm sure you are aware that without Dumbledore's persuasion I would be comfortable in my own bed at the moment."
"Of course," he replied.
"How did Dumbledore get hold of you so quickly?" Lupin asked.
"What do you mean?" I began but then realised that Lupin must not be aware, "I am the poison's master at Hogwarts."
"I had no idea," Lupin exclaimed. "You, a teacher at Hogwarts!" He began laughing to himself.
"What of it?" I challenged him.
"Nothing," He replied quickly, "I am just surprised. It requires you to be around children, does it not?"
"Of course," I replied sarcastically.
"And to speak with them on a regular basis?" He was laughing again. "You might even have to listen to them every now and then," he continued.
"Enough, Lupin," I spat at him. "I get your very subtle point."
Lupin went quiet after that but didn't stop smiling.
"Can I ask why? You could go anywhere, do anything you wanted," Lupin asked.
"No you may not."
Lupin went quiet again.
"I'm surprised you gave any thought at all to what I might be doing after leaving Hogwarts," I finally stated.
"Well I have," he stated. "Have you not ever wondered what happened to me?" he asked after a moment.
"Can't say that I have. Not much I suppose with you being a werewolf."
I glanced over at him to gauge his reaction. He stared back at me impassively.
"But then I didn't know Dumbledore was getting work for you." He still didn't rise to the bait.
"How many jobs has he got for you?" I pushed. "How many favours has he called in to keep you employed?"
I had to admit to myself that it seemed Dumbledore had continued his favouritism even after Lupin had left school. What had Lupin ever done to earn such favour from Dumbledore?
"Lying for you," I continued, "And for what? How many lies did it take before they found out?"
"Once" he interrupted.
I stared hard at him trying to guess the truth in his statement.
"This was the first. And the last time I assure you," Lupin answered.
"Good." I couldn't help adding.
Lupin turned away from me at that and seemed to find the barn wall much more interesting.
I got up and wandered over to the barn door peering out into the starless night.
"Did you happen to bring any potions with you," Lupin asked into the silence.
"Like what?" I asked suspiciously, "I don't have your evening meal tucked under my cloak if that is what you are asking."
"No," Lupin laughed, "I was thinking more like healing potions. I would think you would come prepared for all eventualities," He added.
I moved over to him. "What do you need?"
He looked up at me, "Well, my shoulder's dislocated so once you put it back in I wouldn't mind something for the pain."
I felt myself blush that I hadn't checked or asked even though it was obvious he was hurt.
I knelt down next to Lupin and finally took a good look at him. His face was pale and drawn and I could see the pain lines around his eyes. I told myself that with his lycanthropy Lupin was used to hiding pain and that is why I hadn't noticed before.
"Remove your robe then," I said in a business-like fashion to hide my embarrassment.
Lupin stared at me. "I think I will need some help with that, Severus," he said clutching his arm to his chest.
I sighed in resignation as I shuffled closer to him. Together we removed his good arm from his robe then I gingerly took his other arm in my hand.
"Perhaps I could just slice the robe, it would make this much easier," I said as I thought about how we would do this.
"No," he said sharply. "In case you aren't aware all my possessions are back at the school and I am unlikely to get any of them soon, if at all." He winced as I lifted the arm slightly.
After moving the arm some more and not seeing any way of removing the robe without Lupin screaming, I reached for my wand. After a small spell my wand became as sharp as a knife and I deftly sliced the arm of the robe and it fell away from Lupin's arm.
"Severus!" he yelled.
"I'll buy you another one," I said not caring in the slightest.
I unbuttoned the first few buttons of Lupin's shirt while his angry stare didn't leave my face.
I slipped my hand inside the shirt feeling for his shoulder and immediately coming across the dislocated bone.
"Are you ready?" I asked as I braced myself against the barn wall and got in position to push the bone back into place.
"I suppose..." Lupin started, but before he could finish I pushed with all my might and felt the tell-tale sight of the bone moving back into its socket.
Lupin let out a loud yelp then grasped his shoulder with his good hand.
I released his shoulder and stepped back as Lupin rocked back and forth muttering under his breath, his face hidden from view.
"Good Merlin," Lupin said under his breath as he finally looked up at me, his face creased in pain.
"No need to thank me, Lupin," I said as I picked up his robe. It was already ruined so I tore a strip of the fabric and transfigured it into a sling. I knelt back down next to him and gently settled his arm into the sling then wrapped it to his body. Sitting back on my heels I admired my work.
Lupin rested his head back against the barn door and let out several slow breaths. Then the barn was once again quiet.
I reached into my robes and removed a pain potion I had brought with me.
"Here, drink this," I said shoving the vial into Lupin's hand.
Lupin fumbled with the vial, almost dropping it before finally grasping the container. He removed the stopper then, in a quick movement drank the potion in one gulp.
He sputtered after finishing and pulled all sorts of strange faces.
"Thank you," he finally got out after a bit more sputtering.
"You're welcome," I replied taking the vial back from him and replacing it in my robes.
Chapter 4 – Catching Up
I sat down across from Lupin ready to settle in for the evening.
"So, who's Penny?" I asked with a smirk.
Lupin looked up at this with a bewildered look on his face.
"Professor Penny Wilks?" he enquired.
"She was very worried about you."
"Compared to you, she would have been beside herself," Lupin smirked back.
"So, not a girlfriend?" I pushed.
Lupin laughed at this and rested his head back against the barn door. "Not a girlfriend," he stated matter-of-factly. After a beat he asked, "So do you have someone in your life, Severus?"
"No one." I wasn't able to keep the bitterness out of my voice.
"Both unlucky in love then," Lupin said more to room than to me.
"She obviously cares for you," I couldn't seem to let it drop. If I had someone like Penny who … I wouldn't let myself finish that thought.
"I wasn't going to be there long. Didn't seem much point in pursuing a relationship."
The silence settled between us, both thinking on how difficult relationships were especially when you were a werewolf or a former death-eater.
Suddenly Lupin's head shot up and he stared at me.
"You teach at Hogwarts?" He said like he only just realised this, "Does Harry go to Hogwarts?" he asked hesitantly.
I glared at him for merely mentioning his name.
"He does," I replied.
He seemed to take this in slowly like it was some great revelation that needed to be considered.
"So you teach him?" he asked quietly.
"Yes."
He seemed to have trouble asking the next question, I'm sure he could guess my feelings for the son of James Potter, someone I loathed even more than Lupin himself.
"Bearing in mind that I am sure you hated him merely for being James' son," he said quietly. Damn mind reader. "Could you try to give me an honest opinion of Harry?"
I stared at Lupin for a long time, considering all the different ways I could hurt him now with just one flippant remark about Harry. I wouldn't even have to lie. He's a brat, arrogant, a Gryffindor...
"I would think you would find him…very much like James," I said finally.
Lupin smiled at this. He relaxed back against the barn door looking up at the roof.
"What are his…does he have many friends?" he asked finally.
"He seems glued to Granger and Weasley."
"A Weasley," Lupin laughed at this. "Well I approve of his choice in friends."
I harrumphed in reply.
"Ten years, Lupin. Too busy to check on him yourself?"
"You know Dumbledore forbade anyone from contacting Harry. I would have raised him myself if I could," he all but spat at me. I must have hit a nerve as I had never seen Lupin get so agitated.
"You always do what Dumbledore tells you," I goaded him.
However he didn't rise to the bait. He was deflated at this, "Dumbledore was right. Being raised by his Aunt and Uncle is what was best for Harry, even if it killed the rest of us."
"Well," I finally said, getting up, "he was raised by muggles and knows nothing of magic. His skill level is very lacking."
"If he's like James, as you said, he'll have no trouble catching up," Lupin replied.
I glared at him and walked over to the barn door.
"Severus, I'm not sure if it is appropriate, but I was wondering if you could send me a photo of Harry, maybe with his friends. I don't even know what he looks like."
I spun around on Lupin, "Send you a photo, of a student? That is wholly inappropriate." I spat at him. "I could not without the child's consent and then what would I tell Harry, Lupin?"
"Of course not, forget I asked." Lupin quickly responded.
I continued, "That an old friend of his father would like a keep-sake but doesn't want to meet him any time soon?"
"Forget it," Lupin repeated.
There was silence for a while. Lupin was obviously stewing, hiding his face from me, apparently his strapped arm was all of a sudden very fascinating.
"How do you find Hogwarts?" Lupin finally asked.
"Fine," I replied curtly.
Lupin sighed, "Could you perhaps elaborate. We're going to be here quite a while. I would imagine it would be a very nice life," he added almost wistfully.
"Why would you think that?" I asked curiously.
"Well, you have your own room, all your meals prepared for you, a whole staff of people to socialise with. I can't think what else you could want." He looked to me expectantly.
The way he put it did make it sound like all I could want was there. And it occurred to me that the little things, the day-to-day trivialities, were well taken care of at Hogwarts.
"Don't forget the children," I added.
"Yes, the best of all. Young impressionable minds to help guide." He smiled at the thought.
The fool.
"I would imagine that Saint Luke's was all that as well?" I surmised.
Lupin sighed and looked away from me at that. "It should have been. But I guess I was always waiting for the penny to drop, for them to find out." He looked back over to me at this. "Two full moons was all it took."
"They catch on quick at Saint Luke's" I interjected.
Lupin remained silent.
"So what exactly happened tonight, Lupin?" I asked as I wandered over and sat back down on my bale of hay.
He glanced over at me at this.
"As you said it's going to be a long night, what else is there to talk about?"
Lupin seemed dubious about my reasoning, but did eventually relent, "It was after the evening meal, I was with Penny in the dining hall when Professor Primp came out of nowhere, grabbed my robes and accused me of being a werewolf."
"You didn't deny it?" I asked. He looked over at me, "Penny said as much," I clarified.
"There seemed little point. Once the suspicion is there they need only wait til the next full moon for it to be confirmed."
"Penny wasn't exactly sure how you got out," I enquired.
Lupin smiled at this, "Well, of course, I had contingency plans should this happen."
"Of course ," I parroted.
"Maybe I also had tested their apparition spells and realised they weren't as good as, say, Hogwarts'."
I couldn't help laughing at this. People always underestimate Lupin, but I knew better.
"So I apparated behind them, jinxed them, then apparated to my rooms."
"Why not just apparate out of the castle?" I interjected.
"Everything I have is in those rooms."
"Yes, yes," I interrupted again, "But surely your life is worth more than…"
"I have nothing but the clothes on my back," he stared hard at me, "Not even my robes, thanks to you," he said pointedly. "Nowhere to go, no one to turn to. So yes, I went back for my things." He turned from me bitterly. "Unfortunately they had a friend waiting for me, so when I entered my rooms they got me."
He turned away from me, "I admit I didn't see that coming. I didn't think they'd be so organised. Laying a trap like that."
He cheered his tone after that, "So it was all for nothing anyway. I managed to escape eventually, after they did this," he gestured to his arm.
"So when I said we'd floo out tomorrow morning, where were you thinking of going?"
"No idea."
"So I'll just leave you there in town shall I?" I asked, exasperated.
"I can't say what you'll do, Severus."
"Surely you have friends who will take you in?"
Lupin laughed at this, but there was no humour in it.
"All my friends died years ago, Severus."
"Sirius is still alive," I couldn't help correcting him.
Lupin looked up sharply at that. "Leave it alone, Severus." He said warningly.
"Noble house of black, he'd have lots of money to help you."
Lupin jumped to his feet which really wasn't a good idea with a dislocated shoulder, and the grimace on his face proved it.
He walked to the barn door and stopped suddenly by it, his breathing heavy.
"Is there no end to your cruelty," he said, just loud enough to carry through the barn. "You do like to kick someone when they're down."
I remained silent. Sensitive werewolves.
"The guilt I feel for what Sirius did, that I never imagined he would ever..." He stopped at that and took several deep breaths. "But even more than that, I can't help…I still miss him…as much as I do James or Lilly, or even Peter…" He stopped, I could hear the chokes as he tried to hold back his emotions.
Lupin's loneliness seemed to envelope the barn and remind me of my own. That he would rather have his murdering best friend back than be alone was a feeling I could understand. I was probably one of only a very few people who could.
"After all he did. I should hate him. But I don't."
"You miss the man you knew." I said quietly. "Not the man that he became."
He turned slightly to me at that, as if searching for the truth in that statement.
"Is it nice at Hogwarts?" he asked me again. The change of subject surprised me.
"It's very nice," I finally relented.
He smiled at that. "I would think it would be. My happiest times were at Hogwarts."
He turned back to the blackness outside the barn, probably lost in happier memories of Hogwarts when he had friends, a warm bed and three meals a day.
As much as I wanted to scream at him that it certainly wasn't my happiest times, and he is to blame for that, I decided to hold back. I'm sure I'll have time later to remind him.
Finally Lupin walked back into the barn and settled against the barn wall with a weary sigh.
"So what's Hogwarts? Penance?" he asked me.
"Penance?" I repeated. I knew exactly what he meant but didn't want to answer. From the smile Lupin gave me he saw right through me.
"Although Hogwarts would be my dream job, I would think it torture for you." When I didn't reply he continued. "A former death-eater now guiding the youth at Hogwarts?"
"Something like that." I interrupted before he could say anything more.
He looked intensely at me after that but I said no more. Finally he looked away.
"You'll tell me nothing of yourself, will you Severus?"
"I have nothing to tell. I joined the death-eaters. Changed my mind and now I work at Hogwarts."
Lupin laughed at this, "Changed your mind, Severus?"
I stared at him again not replying. However, Lupin continued to laugh and I couldn't help asking what was so funny.
"You are, Severus." He sobered now looking at me intensely. "Ever since you found out I was a werewolf, you've never wasted an opportunity to remind me what a threat I am, how dangerous I am to be around."
"You seem to have trouble remembering it," I seethed at him.
"Do you know how many people I've killed, Severus?" Before I could come up with a response he told me, "None!"
Flicking his hand at me dismissively, he demanded, "How many have you killed, Severus? How many people did you kill on Voldermort orders? Dozens?"
I gaped at him and felt my guilt rise as I realised I had no answer.
"Don't lecture me about dangerous. Evidence shows you don't need to be an animal to be a murderer," Lupin spat at me. "But don't worry 'you changed your mind'" he laughed again.
"Would you have preferred I hadn't," I asked smoothly.
Lupin sighed at this and seemed to relent, "I'm sure it was a difficult decision and I'm sure you're surprised that you're still alive. However, perhaps you could dispense with the hypocrisy."
Sighing again Lupin leaned his head against the barn wall.
Soon light rain could be heard against the roof of the barn and I suspected Lupin dozed for a while.
I was having trouble reconciling this tired, weary person with the young, energetic man I knew from our youth. Looking at Lupin reminded me of the time that had passed since Hogwarts and how time had changed us both. My memories of my Hogwarts days were as vivid to me as if they had happened only yesterday. But the age on Lupin's face exposed the reality that they were well in the past. We had both changed since Hogwarts and it seems the werewolf did indeed have less to atone for that I.
Being forced to look at Harry back at Hogwarts, brought back memories of my past, his youth making my memories feel so immediate and strong. However, seeing a aging Lupin reminded me of the actual distance of these memories, and this made me question the hold these old memories still had on me.
Lupin stirred from his doze and looked around quickly as if he had forgotten where he was. When he spotted me his posture relaxed but his face gave away nothing. That was one thing Lupin was very good at. Hiding his emotions made him maddening to me. I could never guess whether he enjoyed the torture his friends put me through or whether he was just indifferent.
"You might as well rest, there are still several hours until dawn," I told him as I got up and withdrew my wand.
"What are you doing?" Lupin asked warily.
"I am putting up some protection spells, just in case your friends decide to come finish the job," I muttered as I swished my wand setting up the spells.
"Good idea," he said before he settled down on the ground. He seemed to have a bit of difficulty getting comfortable with his strapped arm and was squirming around trying to find a comfortable position. I turned my back on him and finished the spells before I too settled down and used my arm as a pillow for my bed and allowed myself to slowly drift off to sleep.
Chapter 5 – Where to From Here?
I started awake and quickly looked over at Lupin who was still sound asleep.
I took in the barn and it all seemed as it was before we went to sleep.
I stood up and stretched the stiffness out of my joints. Sleeping on barn floors was not good for the back. I wandered over to Lupin and nudged him with my foot.
"Get up, Lupin," I said as he didn't seem to be getting the hint.
"Lupin," I said more forcefully when he still didn't wake.
This seemed to rouse him as he blinked up at me.
"What?" he croaked, not moving.
"Get up," I repeated, getting annoyed.
He seemed to wake more and look around a bit.
"Oh, of course," he said.
I turned back to collect my robe and fastened it. When I turned back to Lupin he still hadn't moved.
"Lupin, I am leaving now," I spat out at him. I had not woken up well and was not in a good mood. I wanted to get back to Hogwarts and forget I ever met Lupin.
"Umm, Severus," he began.
"What," I added with as much venom as I could.
"Would you have any more of that potion," he asked.
I realised that the pain potion would have worn off during the night and he would again be in a great deal of pain.
"I pulled out another vial of pain-relieving potion from my robes and went to hand it to him. Thinking better of it, I leant down next to him and unstopped the bottle.
"Here," I said as I tipped the potion down his throat. He sputtered and gurgled as he did last time but he swallowed it.
"No need to thank me," I quipped as I rose up and dusted my robes.
Lupin remained still for some time before he gently moved his arm, testing it.
"Would you please help me up?" he asked quietly.
I huffed, but wanting to get out as quickly as possible, leant down again and, taking Lupin around the waist, helped him to his feet.
I maintained my grip as he seemed to waiver before finding his balance.
"Do you know the village enough to apparate there?" I asked when it seemed he wasn't going to fall over.
"I don't think I could apparate at the moment, Severus," Lupin replied looking at me. I noticed that he was pale and his hands seemed to shake.
"We'll just have to go there the old fashion way," he said smiling at me.
I headed for the barn door and peered out. The morning was bright and there was no sign of the rain from the night before. The fields were empty in all directions. All seemed good for our escape.
I called to Lupin over my shoulder that we were clear to go.
We headed out the barn and down the road towards the village.
"How long a walk is it to the village?" I asked Lupin.
"About a three hour walk," he answered.
We walked in silence after that. I kept glancing at Lupin who seemed to be taking a leisurely pace for someone fleeing pursuers, but he kept his head down.
"Do you think you could pick up the pace?" I said angrily after a while.
"I'm sorry, I think this is my limit at the moment," Lupin replied without looking up.
I stopped in the middle of the road and glared at him. Lupin continued walking for a bit before he seemed to have noticed that I had stopped. He finally paused and looked back at me.
"Severus?" he asked after I didn't say anything but continued to glare at him.
I finally noticed the red flush and sweat on his face. I reduced my glare fractionally and walked closer to him.
"You were just going to walk until you dropped weren't you, Lupin," I finally blurted out.
"What else are we to do, Severus?" he asked calmly.
I was ready to yell back at him but had no reply.
"Would you like a break?" I asked finally.
"Thank you, Severus," he replied. He seemed genuinely touched by the offer. "But I'd just like to get there as soon as possible if you don't mind."
I stared at him at this and then walked past him to continue. I felt him catch up to my side and walk beside me. The pace however was considerably slower than before.
"So have you decided where you'll apparate to when you get to town?" I asked.
"London," he answered flatly.
"Who's in London?" I asked. Why hadn't he mention this before?
"Lots of people are in London, Severus." Lupin chuckled beside me.
"You know what I mean," I fumed. He could be so juvenile.
"No one I know is in London. But I'm sure I'll find some work and somewhere to stay," he answered.
"You have no money, you're injured, you have no clothes, so who's going to hire you?" I looked over at him for his response but he was looking down again.
"And how are you going to get your things back from St Luke's?" I asked when I reminded myself what Lupin was leaving behind.
"I'll owl Penny when I'm settled."
"Settled where?" I insisted.
"In London."
Giving up I remained quiet after that. The morning was lovely with the sun shining and quiet warm for this early in the day. There really was nothing between the school and the town which meant there was nowhere for anyone to hide and catch someone on the road. The only sounds that could be heard were early birds chirping and Lupin's heavy breathing as he struggled with the hike.
"Maybe you shouldn't go straight to London," I said quietly.
Lupin looked up at this, shock clear on his face. "Then where?" he asked slowly.
"You could recuperate at Hogwarts for a few days then move on," I relented.
I glanced over again at Lupin and saw him grinning back at me.
"If I could think of something else I would suggest it," I retorted to his smiling face.
"You'd let me in Hogwarts? Knowing what a dangerous werewolf I am?" Lupin said smiling at me.
"Don't push me, Lupin," I warned him.
"Sorry, sorry," Lupin laughed holding his hands up in surrender.
"Only a few days, only til you can walk and breathe at the same time," I added.
"Thank you, Severus." He said quietly beside me and we continued to walk on.
I couldn't help thinking that at least for a few days Lupin would have three meals a day, a warm bed and people to socialise with. I might even organise for him to pass by Harry at some point - if I was feeling very, very kind.
The End
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