Title: Demon Diaries
Author: Sierra Phoenix
Summary: She hadn't intended to care about Sam Winchester.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Ruby was glad the other demons on the loose on earth could not see Sam Winchester the way she saw him.
She remembered the hype of The Sam Winchester; how Azazel had talked about him like he was on the cusp of being a dark force worthy of being followed. From the way Azazel went on, the demon world was quaking at the mention of Sam Winchester before he'd even tapped the first of his reservoir of potential powers.
When Ruby busted out of hell, she tracked down the infamous boy wonder, the general in the making. With Azazel gone, there was a unique opportunity.
Ruby remembered being human. She hated that she did, because it meant hell never stopped being punishment to her. It never became 'home' like it did for other demons. But it also meant she had an unrivaled potential to reach Sam as no other demon could.
Azazel had tried to beat Sam into a weapon. He'd resisted, naturally. Besides which, Azazel never properly accounted for the archangel-like big brother Sam had watching out for him. Azazel's approach was doomed from the start.
Ruby would appeal to that singular ability she had among all demons to get Sam to be the one to turn himself into a weapon.
When she first met Sam Winchester, she thought 'this is the guy?' She'd expected him to ooze the blackness in his blood. She expected to feel his dark power from a block away.
Instead she found a man. Sam Winchester was not a dark and dangerous killer. He was a loving, devoted, determined brother intent on saving Dean.
He wasn't the fledgling monster Ruby had been hoping to find, but she was patient. She could work with the raw material, because for all the purity and innocence Sam's presence seemed to radiate, Ruby knew that the gifts from Azazel were within him. She would have to bide her time, work her way into his confidence and trust, and find a way to get rid of Dean.
Sam would never be all he was destined to be with Dean holding him back.
Luckily, Ruby didn't have to do anything on that front but sit back and wait. Crossroad demon deals were ironclad. She couldn't have done anything to stop Dean's trip downstairs even if she had wanted to.
The fiasco with Lilith hadn't been in Ruby's plan. By the time she found Sam again after Dean's year came due, the remaining Winchester had been broken and twisted. Losing Dean had been like gutting out Sam's soul.
But that left a void to be filled, and Ruby would fill it. Sam wanted Lilith dead, and Ruby could help with that. It would hone Sam's skills, and for once they were working together, if not for entirely the same reasons.
At least at first.
She hadn't intended to care about Sam Winchester. At first the concern for his safety, his sanity… they were for her sake as much as his. She needed him on top of his game to use him.
But slowly she found herself worried purely for his health when he bled after he pulled a demon, edgy when he was out of her sight and she wondered if he could defend himself if Lilith's minions jumped him, relieved and content when he was with her.
Content. That one really bothered her. She was probably the closest a demon could get to happy when she was with Sam.
She wouldn't say she loved him, because that would be an insult to what she remembered human love to be. But she knew no other demon felt the things she did when she was with Sam.
It made her feel another human emotion, one she was not glad to be reliving.
Fear. Not for her own damned soul, but for Sam.
Somehow, she took up the sword and shield that had always been Dean's. She was Sam's protector, his guardian, his warrior, because she was terrified at the thought of losing him.
If that talent Sam had for inspiring loyalty unto death could be harnessed, it would serve them well.
Ruby wasn't willing to share it.
She looked over at the abandoned home's dingy bed where Sam slept. He was curled tightly on his side, fingers pressed into his sides, face buried in the yellowed pillow. The lines of his face were grim. He ached for the loss of his brother, even in his sleep.
Ruby missed Dean, but not for the hatred or lame attempts at insults that were obviously the best that short-bus could muster. She missed Dean because she had never seen Sam smile. She cared about Sam enough that she wanted that for him.
Sam suddenly tensed on the bed and his breath quickened. His brow furrowed and his body started to move restlessly.
Ruby was used to his devastating nightmares. She didn't sleep, so she was sentry and witness to them all.
She was glad other demons couldn't see Sam Winchester the way she did. They still feared him, the advertisement of him that Azazel had been selling like crazy.
They wouldn't be afraid if they saw him curled on a bed whimpering and calling for his brother.
Ruby didn't want to hear that agonized plea tonight. It was something she couldn't get for him; she couldn't bring Dean back. Though for Sam, for the promise of his smile, she would.
She wished she didn't remember what it was like to be human.
Ruby dug out Dean's old duffle bag, the bag Sam still carried with him. She fished out one of Dean's old, unwashed shirts and took it to the bed where Sam lay shaking.
Ruby put the old shirt, still laced with Dean's scent, on one of the spare pillows and dropped it next to Sam's back. Then she poked him. Sam was sweet and gentle but still trained from infancy as a hunter; when he was prodded he turned toward the attack.
He turned and his face burrowed into the pillow wearing Dean's shirt.
Sam breathed in, paused, then went lax.
Ruby watched as Sam curled his arm around the pillow and clutched it to him.
That wouldn't work forever. Even now the smell of Dean on his old clothes was fading.
But Sam was warming up to her in the daylight, albeit in a very shattered, angry sort of way. Ruby was a demon, so she could take that.
As for the errant notion that maybe one day she could replace the Dean-scented pillow held to Sam's chest… well, she'd seen stranger things happen.
END