Author's Note: this is a three-way crossover between: A) Fire Emblem Awakening; B) my original concept, Project Bluefield; and C) TotalBiscuit's video on the legendarily bad survival game Day One: Garry's Incident.
P.S.: Yes, Kyoku has a genuine British accent.
P.S.S.: I do not own FEA or Garry's Incident.
"Awful Video Games"
"It's sad, really, 'cause what a great concept, eh? 'You crashed in a jungle. Survive. Figure everything out.' Sounds great, potentially. Sounds awesome," Kyoku sighed. "Buuut, the way that they've executed it is just horrendous. The over-focus on combat—and the fact that the combat is terrible—is he gonna pass through—he's gonna pass through, isn't he?"
As expected, the (badly animated) tribesman passed right through the plant.
Kyoku threw his hands up before pursuing—eeeeever so quietly. "'course he is…" he grumbled as he got behind the tribesman. "'Course he is. The ability for things to collide against each other would be far too much to ask here."
Morgan stared in disbelief as Kyoku stealthily moved his character up to the tribesman's back, where he proceeded to slash at him five times.
As the tribesman recoiled three times from the attacks, Kyoku was starting to get very annoyed.
"Can I…?"
Then Kyoku stopped, his eyes widening in disbelief at the sight before him.
The tribesman—despite the sneak attack that just happened to him—continued on its merry patrol.
"WHAT?!" Kyoku exclaimed. "Whaaat?! I hit him five times—er, three times in the back, and he—doesn't even know that I'm here!" He let out a small, constrained chuckle as he followed. "Why is this game! I'm not even gonna ask what is this game!"
Then Owain noticed a spear at the edge of the screen. "Hey, behind you!"
Then Kyoku and Morgan noticed the spear. As Kyoku glanced behind his character, the first tribesman suddenly turned around. A split second later, as Kyoku was turning away from the second tribesman, the first charged at his character, killing him instantly.
"What?! Now he realizes—?!" the Zero shouted.
The game only answered with another loading screen.
"Oh—screw everything about this! I'm sorry; I can't take another minute of this dreadful thing!"