Don't own Legend of Zelda.
I'm actually not a big fan of Link/Ilia. Still, I've noticed that Ilia gets a lot of hate. I see things like "Copy and paste this into your profile if you think Ilia should just kill herself," with a handful of variations. Isn't that a bit much?
Following chapters may not necessarily be in chronological order.
(Ordon, Pre-game)
She very slowly opened the door and took a peep outside. Nothing to the left. Nothing to the right. Not a soul was to be seen. She released her held breath and managed to smile. Gaining courage, she pulled the door wide-open and stepped outside.
She made her way down the path that made its way through the village, but hesitated when she got to the edge of town. Mentally she chided herself; it was the middle of the day still; she had nothing to worry about.
"ILIA!"
Scratch that.
With a silent moan, she turned around. Link was running right for her at top speed. At last he caught up with her, gasping for breath.
With as much fake enthusiasm as she could muster, Ilia said, "Hi… Link."
He literally bounced in the air. "Hi Ilia!"
"I thought you were goat herding today, Link," said Ilia pointedly.
"Oh, I was. But Fado let me off early."
"Oh… really? That's… that's nice." Fado is so getting murdered.
"Tell me about it. Say, what are you up to, Ilia?"
Oh, how mockingly the eyes of defeat stare into your soul. "I was just thinking about taking a walk to the spring."
"I'll come with you!" he volunteered.
Like wasps or snakes, it's always better to have the bane of your existence where you can see them. The last time Ilia had declined, she had been haunted throughout her walk with sounds of snapping twigs and moving grass—only to discover that Link had been following her. So as much as she would have liked to, she didn't object.
As they walked, Link's eye went hopefully to Ilia's hand. Anticipating it, she nonchalantly crossed her arms. Link sighed sadly, but Ilia ignored him.
Yes, he was the only guy close to her age; yes, he was very good-looking. But he was absolutely obsessed with her, and it was very, very annoying.
They reached the woods. Somewhat to her surprise, Link ran ahead. Ilia contemplated doubling back, but just as she made up her mind to do it, he returned. Beaming like an idiot, he held up a bundle of flowers. "For you," he said with a grin.
With reluctance she took them. "Um… thanks, Link. You really shouldn't have."
"Anything for you, Ilia," he replied earnestly.
"Oh, you know what?" Ilia slapped her forehead in a hopefully convincing fashion. "I think I've left a kettle on the fire back home. I need to go check it."
"It'll probably be alright—"
"No, no," she insisted. "I really have to go check it."
"Can I walk you home?"
"Don't trouble yourself, Link, I think I'll survive."
"But—"
"See you later, Link!" She turned and high-tailed it, not stopping until she was once again in her own house. There was, of course, no kettle; it was simply an inspired device to get rid of Link.
Her father, Mayor Bo, turned in surprise at her entrance. "Where've you been?" he exclaimed.
Wearily she answered, "Taking a walk."
Her father stroked his moustache. "Where'd the flowers come from?"
"Huh?" Her gaze fell on her hand. "Ugh." They went in the fireplace.
"Hey now, I reckon that ain't very polite. I'm betting a fellow worked hard pickin' those. Let me guess: Link."
She rolled her eyes. "Yes."
"He's a hard worker, a decent fellow, not to mention a good-looker," said Bo with a wink. "And he likes you. I don't understand what there's not to like."
"Father!" Ilia protested.
"I'm just saying…"
"Father, that boy is a stalker."
"Nonsense, Ilia. You've just got an overactive imagination."
"Good night, Ilia!"
"Good night, Father!" Ilia called from her bedroom, rolling her eyes in exasperation. She ran a couple fingers through her hair and sighed. Perhaps she was being a little hard on him; he was, after all, concerned about her welfare. With her mother gone, she was all he had.
Her ruminations were interrupted by something outside, some sort of swishing noise. Ilia went to the window to investigate, but she saw nothing. It was probably a squirrel hopping about in the tree next to the house. Or maybe one of the village Cuccos had been trying to fly again and had crash-landed. But just before she made to turn away, the sound came again. It sounded much too big to be a squirrel or a Cucco. A monkey, maybe? No, it seemed too large to be even that… What kind of creature could it possibly be?
Ilia stared in horrid fascination. A part of her told her she should run for her father, but her feet were anchored before the window. The sound came again. She could have sworn she just saw the branches shudder. The noise came again and the being came into view.
It appeared to have strange spikes jutting out at odd angles of its body, particularly from what she assumed to be its head. It was much, much bigger than a monkey—it was as big as a man…
A man…
She focused on the face, which was looking more and more human every moment. The "spikes" were in fact branches stuck in the individual's clothing and hair… blondish-brown hair.
"Hi Ilia!"
Her left eye twitched for a full nine seconds. Then, "LINK! WHAT IN THE GODDESSES' NAME DO THINK YOU'RE DOING UP THERE?!"
"I was just…"
"HELL NO! YOU'VE GOT FIVE SECONDS TO GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THAT DAMNED TREE BEFORE I COME OVER THERE AND KICK IT ALL THE WAY TO HYRULE CASTLE!"
"B-But Ilia—"
"WHAT, WERE YOU GOING TO WATCH ME UNDRESS? YOU MISERABLE LITTLE PERVERT! I OUGHT TO FLOG YOU TO KINGDOM-COME, GOAT-BOY!"
"I… um…"
Ilia seized a paperweight from her desk and lobbed it with all of her might, hitting Link in the gut. From sheer surprise at the impact, he let go, the tree branches breaking his fall before he met the ground.
"Ow."
"GET AWAY!" Ilia screeched. Link struggled to his feet. He didn't bolt until Ilia tossed another paperweight, an inkwell, and a book at him. "YOU'D BETTER RUN!" she called after him, "MY FATHER TAUGHT ME HOW TO SUMO, AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT!"
"Ilia?" Ilia spun around to see her father opening the door with a bemused expression on his face. "What in tarnation is going on, hon?"
"I'll tell you what's going on. Link is going on."
"Link?"
"Father, he was climbing that tree outside my window and spying on me!"
"Sweetheart, be reasonable. Why would Link be spyin' on you?"
"Because he's a stalker!"
Mayor Bo stepped into the room and peered out into the night. "Well, I don't see nothin.' Maybe it was just your imagination."
"Father, I most certainly did not imagine it, I swear."
Bo leaned further out the window. "Hang on, I think I see a book down there…"
"I threw a few of my things at him."
The tree braches rustled again, and they froze until a rather large squirrel showed its furry face. It stared at father and daughter for a moment or so, then ducked back into the foliage. Bo laughed and patted Ilia's shoulder. "There, you see? The mind loves playing tricks. It wasn't Link at all; it was just a squirrel."
"Father, I'm telling you…"
"Goodnight, Ilia," he said cheerfully, not listening to her. "Best be getting to bed soon." He chuckled again as he exited. Ilia slammed her head against the desk that was now missing two paperweights, an inkwell, and a book.
She knew her shouting match wouldn't stop Link. Nothing stopped Link. He probably wouldn't try this stunt again for a long time, but he'd never give up. And her father was still woefully ignorant.
Sometimes, you just had to wonder if the goddesses did it for their own amusement. Ilia slammed her head again and moaned.
"I hate my life."