Soft warm yellow sunlight drifted in through the large glass windows placed various around the large, almost empty ballroom, lighting down in angular degrees down onto the spotless pure white marble floor. The sun complimented the gas lights placed in the crystal and diamond chandeliers that seemed to suspend, weightless, from the deceptively too thin wire that connected them both to the ceiling. The resonating, high pitched sound of ringing metal jumped around the grand ballroom as two figures, both male, clashed a pair of gleaming swords that twisted and turned with each impact.
The first figure had the appearance of a tall white male adult, his hair a raven black with eyes an unusual rust-red that glimpsed about the room every few seconds, as if to make sure that everything was fine and that nothing would disturb them before coming to focus back on the mock fight and lesson that was going on. He wore all black, spare for a perfectly-pressed white dress shirt with the Phantomhive crest on the cuff. Pristine white gloves, as wrinkle free as the rest of his attire, adorned the hands that held the sword in a firm grip. He didn't slow, nor did his breath falter; he showed no signs of tiring, unlike his mock opponent.
The second figure was a young boy, about thirteen in age, who carried the proud air of English nobility. He was small for his age, perhaps even frail-looking, but no one dared to mention it, for fear of triggering his short temper. His left eye was a clear, deep, sapphire blue, a cold hard gaze devoid of any childish life or excitement rested within it. A black eye patch, held in place by a single cord tied neatly behind his head, covered his right eye, hiding a glowing violet demon's seal from the world. The young boy also sported two rings, one on each hand. On his left thumb sat an intricate silver ring with a rare deep blue diamond-cut stone; on his right ring finger at a golden signet ring, also bearing the Phantomhive crest.
However, unlike the older, taller male, the boy had a light sheen of sweat covering his body, his breath coming in quick successions as he moved to deflect each of the strikes his butler threw at him. He was nearly caught, but at the last moment, the larger male deftly moved the blade away from his master with a graceful flick of his wrist.
"My, my," Sebastian smirked as he said, "Have you not even learned to anticipate any of the attacks?"
Ciel watched as his butler's mocking gaze turned into one of pity. He grit his teeth and tightened his grip on the sword, his exposed eye sparking in anger. He shook his head fiercely, attempting to dislodge the thoughts that troubled him; the thoughts of what was truly wrong with him; how no one saw how broken and sad he truly was; how he could take no more pain. "Shut up, Sebastian," he said harshly, bringing up his sword for another strike.
In response, Sebastian merely smirked and brought his own sword that he held in one hand up, blocking the strike, the sound of clashing metal filling the air. Sebastian then brought his sword back and aimed straight for his master's heart.
Ciel quickly brought his sword up to block the attack, but not quite quickly enough, for the larger male had to stop his attack short when the blade was a centimeter from the young boy's chest. He sighed and dropped his sword, flexing out his small hands as he looked up at Sebastian firmly. "Enough. I'm tired of this and we all know that I won't get any better at it."
Sebastian nodded and bent down gracefully, his posture never changing, and picked up his master's sword by the hilt, holding both blades in one hand as he took out his silver pocket watch and opened it, noting the time. He nodded and stood back up. "Yes, my Lord. It's almost time for dinner, anyhow. Ifyou would head to the dining room, I will have it ready for you shortly."
Ciel nodded and turned to leave as Sebastian put the swords away. As Ciel walked down the narrow spotless hallway, he clenched both of his hands into tight fists and he shook his head fiercely. His usually clear blue gaze turned into a cloudy, dazed one and his mind began to flood with his treacherous thoughts. His gaze dully passed over family portraits of his mother and father; normally, he would linger for a few moments and look over them, but for now, he simply walked past.
A month ago, that's when this all began. A month ago was when he fully realized that the tough exterior was nothing but a guard, a shell he used to protect himself. To protect the broken boy that was beneath. He had realized that as each day passed, the walls that he repeatedly put up around him were slowly crumbling around him, until he feared that whathe really felt might show, or he might break completely.
Even now, the young boy isn't sure how it all happened, or exactly when it began.
In days, it was about a month, but in moments, he wasn't sure. He just remembered waking up and thinking like this, while a heavy weight of guilt pressed upon him. Every day that passed, the feeling of sadness and guilt got worse and seemed to consume more of him.
His gaze seemed to grow duller with each second that he was left alone with his thoughts. When he finally made it to the dining area, a large room lit with crystal chandeliers that could easily seat twelve at its impressive table, he found Sebastian waiting for him at the head of the table with a silver platter held perfectly balanced in his right hand. A small smile, barely noticeable to anyone but the boy, seemed to plant itself on the butler's lips as Ciel entered the room and slowly walked over to the head chair. The chair didn't make a sound as Sebastian pulled it out for his master and pushed it back in when Ciel was sat.
Sebastian then placed the silver platter in front of him, carefully lifting the lid and announcing, "Tonight's dinner selection is West Estate's lobster and seven-flavor sauce, served with a choice of Ceylon tea that will complement the flavor."
Ciel silently watched as his butler poured some fresh tea from the pot, then stood back and allowed him to eat. He then slowly picked up the fork that was meticulously placed next to his plate, then picked up a piece of lobster with it, dipping it into one of the carefully-prepared sauces before placing it in his mouth. As always, the food smelled delicious and was delicately prepared, but Ciel showed no signs of enjoying the tasty meal.
As he chewed, his glance was drawn to Sebastian, just in time for him to see the butler's lips quirk slightly downward in a frown that only the young earl would notice. He wondered if Sebastian knew what was really going on with him or if he was beginning to figure it out. He shook his head as he continued to force himself to eat, his movements slow, almost lethargic; his taste buds felt dull, or seemingly asleep, as he barely tasted any of the food or drink.
He ate only a few small bites of the lobster before he pushed the plate away, signaling he was through. The raging thoughts in his mind of how many things he wasn't good enough for, and how many things he failed at, combined with the constant hidden nervous fear that Sebastian might find out, only made it harder for him to eat or want to eat. He stayed quiet, though,for the other fear that if he were to start speaking, he would give voice to his thoughts, or say something he would regret.
He quickly turned his face away from Sebastian as his butler stepped forward and asked in a concerned voice, "Is something the matter, young master? You have hardly touched your dinner. Is it not to your satisfaction?"
He slowly shook his head, avoiding Sebastian's eyes as he fought to keep his tone authoritative and cold. "It was fine. I'm just tired from today."
Sebastian sighed, looking at his young master more closely. He seemed to be acting stranger than usual, especially this past month. He dipped his head in a bow and asked, "Would you like me to draw you a bath, my Lord?"
Ciel nodded and crossed his arms over his chest, "Yes, make it quick."
Sebastian dipped his head and walked away to go fix the bath. Ciel sat back against the plushness of the chair, allowing himself to slouch and his clothes to wrinkle under him as his mind wandered.
He was never good enough. He only hurt others. He was guilty of the deaths of so many. The weight on his chest seemed to press harder, making it difficult to breathe. It almost felt like his thoughts were trapping him and something physical was weighing down on him, making the guilt and regret increase. It also, consequentially, broke down more of his walls, making them crumble and crack just a bit more, making them more fragile until he feared the time he broke down for good would be near, within a few days. He squeezed his eyes shut tight and brought his hands to his head, trying in vain to silence the storm in his mind as well as rebuild his guards, at least somewhat.
Sebastian came back in at that moment and immediately frowned in response to seeing his young master looking so troubled as he returned to Ciel's side. "Young master?"
Ciel's eyes snapped open at hearing those familiar words. He frowned, determined to hide his inner troubles from his butler. "Leave it, Sebastian," he said, indicating for him not to ask. "I assume the bath is ready?"
The tall male nodded and extended one gloved hand to help Ciel up, which the young master took for only a second. He followed the butler out of the dining room and up the stairs as the black clad servant replied, "Yes, I have heated it to a temperature that I hope you will most enjoy. I've also taken the liberty of adding the scent of jasmine, as you seem to be a little tense."
He followed him to his master's bedroom and through to the connecting bathroom. Ciel walked over to the tub filled with steamy hot water, allowing his shoulders to relax as he breathed in the calming aroma. He didn't protest as Sebastian followed behind and stripped him, nor as he stepped into the tub and sat down. A gentle sigh escaped his lips. He kept his arms close to his side as the butler began to bathe him, closing his eyes in what could be called a sort of contentment and slight peace as he felt the cloth running over his body. For just a moment, his thoughts seemed almost unimportant and his mind quieted somewhat, letting him enjoy this and slightly relax.
The atmosphere was broken when Sebastian grabbed his right arm to wash it. Ciel ripped it away, pinning it tightly to his side as panic briefly filled him, though he tried not to show it. "My arms are fine, Sebastian. There's no need to wash them." His voice was firm and harsh.
Sebastian dipped his head in a brief nod, though he dared to say, "My Lord, your arms have been, as you say, 'fine' for three days now. They must be washed."
Ciel narrowed his eyes into a glare. He gently rubbed the inside of his arm, keeping it perfectly hidden from view of the butler at his side. "Are you daring to go against one of my orders, Sebastian?"
Sebastian bowed his head in respectful apology and skillfully avoided Ciel's gaze as he instead ran the cloth over the boy's pale chest. "Never, my Lord. I would never dare to disobey you. I was merely trying to get you clean." Ciel gave him an accepting nod, allowing Sebastian to warm some shampoo between his hands before setting to work on his master's hair.
Ciel closed his eyes, a feeling of mild content washing over him as he allowed the corners of his mouth to barely twitch upward. He sighed and began to loosen up, his tensions leaving him for the moment. This is what he liked about the bath. It always slightly calmed him and allowed him a sort of reprieve from his thoughts.
Though, all good things have to come to an end. All too soon, Sebastian unplugged the bath, forcing Ciel to stand. The butler was quick to bring a towel, but Ciel still shook from the sudden exposure to the cold manor air as Sebastian dried him off.
He grasped the towel in his small, trembling hands, moving quickly back to the bedroom. Sebastian met him at the bed, helping Ciel into his sleeping garments and under the covers. The young master gave a yawn as the warmth of the blankets overtook him. Sleep was weighing down on him, making his eyes heavy, yet his thoughts proved to him that his sleep would be troublesome. "Sebastian." He murmured, his thoughts of how he wasn't good enough for anything floating through his mind. He didn't want to be weak, yet he wanted what he was going to ask for, as he thought it might calm him enough to sleep.
Sebastian turned and looked at his young master, an interested look in his crimson eyes. "Yes, young master?"
Ciel shook his head, not opening his closed eyes as he said softly, "Stay by my side."
Sebastian nodded and bowed, moving with a candelabra in his gloved hand to sit on the edge of the boy's bed, murmuring, "Always. I will always remain by your side for as long as you need me."
This calmed Ciel somewhat, allowing his mind to rest some as he let out a sigh, shifting to be on his side. Sleep overcame him in a few minutes.
Sebastian lingered just until Ciel's breathing became even, then stood up and stepped out. "Good night, young master."