Undisclosed Desires.

I don't know, going into this, if anyone is going to read this. It's dubious. Not as much goes on in the fandom anymore, and Neferet was never an ultra popular character to begin with. This story earned it's rating because Neferet has a rather traumatic backstory, which happened pretty much immediately before the start of this story. The warning list for the entire story will follow this, but I will be doing chapter-specific warnings, with an option to skip over scenes that might be of a triggering nature.

This story picks up after Neferet gets to the House of Night in Chicago. Both injured and traumatized from her experiences before being marked, this story is about how one girl balances the drive for revenge with that for love, and what will ultimately consume her. It is canon-divergent.

Story Warnings: Canon-divergence, F/F pairing, rape, major character death, probably violence (not sure how graphic) and probably language.

Chapter warnings: flashbacks to rape scene in Neferet's Curse.

She was listless. Too many people had been too close, and she was done defending herself, quite simply, there was no way. The infirmary staff had bustled about, tending bruises, bandaging the gashes from climbing down the rose trellis, cleaning her up, even where she didn't want hands going, and at first, she'd fought, jerked about, told them not to touch her, that she wouldn't let them touch her.

By now, Neferet didn't care. She was alone in the infirmary, but for her mentor, who she refused to look at, Cordelia was too empathetic, knew too much from a single glance, and Neferet didn't want everyone to know of her weakness. As she slowly sat up to get a sip of water, feeling the stabbing pain that emanated from a particularly nasty internal bruise, she gasped, but said nothing, almost hearing his low, gravelly voice at her ear, "you made me do this, Emily," he assured her, the reek of his alcohol soaked breath so close to her. She flinched, and Cordelia looked up, her brown eyes finally meeting with Neferet's green.

"I am sorry," she said softly, trying to determine what would be okay to say. The fledgling was very volatile, and she didn't want to say anything that would make her uncomfortable. "I am sorry this happened. You will be safe from him here, Nyx sees something great in you, she'll keep you safe."

All Neferet had heard, since getting to the school, was of their goddess. At first, it had been a comforting thought, but the comfort had long since worn thin. "Could she not have seen something great in me an hour earlier, a day earlier?" she demanded, a glint of fury sparking up her glassy emerald eyes once more, rousing her from her slump. "Surely, your omniscient goddess knew what was to come. So why, if she knew of this, would she not have chosen me earlier?" She wondered what apathy, or sheer sadism it would take to watch someone endure something like that. To have the power to see to it that no one ever felt that kind of pain again, but not to use it. Why were they all playthings to such a goddess?

Cordelia too looked sparked, something darting through her eyes. "I do not presume to understand a goddess. I only know that it is far healthier to be thankful for the deliverance she did bring you than to curse its timing," her mentor reprimanded, though she didn't flinch, she didn't back down. There was again a fire in Neferet's eyes, and one that would not be so easily extinguished.

Neferet looked around the room, "What deliverance is this?" she asked hollowly. "I left a situation where I would be killed for trying to leave for a situation where my body would destroy itself if I left. One sadist to the next. The only difference is the scenery," she insisted boldly, eyes narrowed, daring her mentor to deny any of it. Cordelia only shook her head knowing better than to argue with her. No one would get anything out of a screaming match, though the young fledgling seemed to want one.

She left Neferet to her own devices, telling her someone would return with food and something better to wear in an hour, as Neferet's dress would need some repairs. That obscene green thing was slung over the foot of the bed, neckline ripped, runs in the fabric from it being jerked down so violently, at the same time as that god-awful necklace fell to pieces… In that moment, she could feel it, hands roughly palming her through the light cotton hospital dress. Again, Neferet flinched, "you're not here," she muttered, looking around the dimly lit room, "you're not here."

No sleep would come to her that night.

Luna, on the other hand, was just awakening when she heard the sharp rapping on her door. "h-hello?" she asked, staggering around the cluttered room in an attempt to pull a dress on so she would be decent when someone entered. She was half clothed when Cordelia entered, the dark dress over her head of messy dark hair, but her arms were trapped inside the fabric. Cordelia laughed softly at the girl's plight, as Luna wriggled her arms out the sleeves, and attempted to straighten herself out, "uh, w-what can I do for you, Professor?" she asked.

Cordelia smiled looking to the empty bed in the dorm, which was covered right now, in an assortment of sketches and paints, as well as a cat. "Well, you could try to clear a path to the second bed," she said good-naturedly, "I have a roommate for you, in the infirmary right now. I think you might be the only chance she has." Cordelia sighed, hoping Luna would be able to help her fledgling, and wondering, as the girl had already asked, why not sooner. She shook her head to dispel such thoughts, knowing they would only bring anguish.

Luna nodded, "I, uh, yes, Professor," she stammered, leaping to clear the sketches aside, but not able to move the kitten, who just continued to slumber on the bed, "uh, I'm sure I can get her to move, just, uh, not quite yet…"

Cordelia smiled, leaving the room as swiftly as she'd entered, "I am certain no one would mind the presence of a cat," she reassured the girl.

Apologies for just how short a beginning chapter this was, this just felt like the best place to break it.