"LOUDER LOUDER LOUDER! LOUDER! MAKE IT LOUD ENOUGH FOR THE DEMONS THAT FILL THE SEVEN HELLS TO HEAR!"
"LOUDER! LOUDER!"

They are screaming like animals.
I want to yell but I am too occupied admiring them. Unchained. Free spirits. They are all so beautiful like that.
Next to me, Sandor, my only friend. It's him that brought me in this place.
My only friend in this world of hatred, despair and treason.
There is a young girl, maybe even younger than me. She has long purple hair, dark eyes, dark skin, big smile. She makes me think of me, three years ago, when I had parents, brothers, a sister. Now they are dead or gone. And I live with Petyr Baelish, my mother's friend. He is not often home, but it doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore.

When I'm sad I go to Sandor, he lives in Paris too, but in the north. I met him when I was still friend with the Lannisters, before everything. He is always there for me.
He brings me in strange places sometimes, some I like, some I don't. I like crowded places where I can scream all my pain, let it fades away through my voice, without anyone judging me. We are all the same after all.

Petyr doesn't know those people, he calls them dropouts. But I don't care.
Nothing matters.
They make me feel alive.
It feels good when you are no longer dead inside, but alive and you want to scream. Louder and louder.
"Sansa, want a beer?"
Yes please.
Once Sandor taught me a poem by Charles Baudelaire, Le Poison
"Wine knows how to adorn the most sordid hovel
With marvelous luxury
And make more than one fabulous portal appear
In the gold of its red mist
Like a sun setting in a cloudy sky

Opium magnifies that which is limitless,
Lengthens the unlimited,
Makes time deeper, hollows out voluptuousness,
And with dark, gloomy pleasures
Fills the soul beyond its capacity."

When people look at us they are not surprised, not here. He is so tall, so strong, with half of his face destroyed by fire. I am smaller, thin with pale skin, and red hair, but there is in my eyes the fire, the strength that my body hides.

I know the song they're playing. It is not a song that makes you want to scream and yell at everything. It makes you want to stop for a while and listen till the silver night sun disappears in the preludes of dawn. Les Dingues et les Paumes. The mad and the dropouts.

It is nearly 4 a.m and I am not sleepy, but there are no metros and it means I will have to sleep at Sandor's. I don't care, did it before.
Nothing matters anymore.

People ask us if I am his girlfriend. I say yes but they know I'm lying. I'm still not good enough.

I remember when I had dreams, when I thought there was still hope for us. But I learnt the bitter lesson. We are all doomed to a life of sorrow and lonely days.

I found Sandor to dress up the lonely days. Only him and Petyr know what happened to me and my family. He doesn't talk about it, but he understands the shadow deep inside me. I know his too.

I'm not going to school anymore. I couldn't stand to see faceless souls saying loudly what should remain silent. I am working though. In a bookshop. I like it, the woman who owns it is nice with me, she looks like the girl with the blue hair. She knows I am not the nice and calm girl I look like, but she helps me, through the books to contain my rage. I like her.

The music is louder now. A girl is singing one of my favorite songs. Whole Lotta Love. She sings it like it was her first or her last concert. It's beautiful. This time I sing with her.
Sandor is behind me. Always.
This time I smile.

This is terrible. Can't believe I wrote it.
I own nothing. Don't kill me GRRM