a/n: …i really don't know how i come up with these things.

dedication: to 2014.

disclaimer: i don't own anything.

summary: Because matchmaking is too mainstream. – Levi/Gajeel, multi.

matchmixing

Levy McGarden was on a Mission.

And it wasn't one of those silly missions to escort someone to the next town, or deal with bandits or find a missing person. No, this was an important mission, one that involved black ninja suits and smoke bombs and a big red self-destruct button Levy was determined not to press.

Okay, the self-destruct button had been a present from Gajeel – ignorant ass – and the black ninja outfit she'd borrowed from Wendy and she didn't have the smoke bombs yet, but still.

This was a matter of life and death.

Because what else could you call manipulating Jellal out of his shadows? The most dangerous criminal in the world had a soft spot for Erza and really, did anyone expect anything else?

So Levy had coerced Jellal – and Ultear and Melody – to come and was pointedly ignoring his glares and the fact that he probably knew how to kill her a thousand different ways. She really didn't think he'd be that upset that she lied to him and it was really a white lie considering Erza was sitting at the bar, talking to Mirajane and not bleeding out from a stab wound to the heart.

She had also managed to convince Lamia Scale to come and it was quite entertaining watching Gray and Lyon go at it with Juvia in the middle and Natsu yelling at Gray across the room. Lucy and Happy were having a drinking contest and strangely, the cat was winning.

Levy had to make sure Natsu took up his side of the bargain – it was obvious that Lucy wouldn't put up much initiative tonight.

Cana was drinking from a huge barrel, as usual, while Gildarts begged forgiveness for something or the other. Laxus was sulking in a corner, eyes darting across the room while Fried hesitantly tried to get his attention. Elfman and Evergreen were having a shouting match that almost drowned out Lyon and Gray.

So Levy hung from the ceiling and stared in fascination at them all. So many possibilities, so many pairings – Levy just couldn't decide which ones to focus on.

"Squirt, why am I here?"

"Shush," she hissed at her extremely unwilling partner-in-crime, "I'm trying to match them up."

"…Please don't tell me you're matching couples up on New Year's Eve."

"Shut up, Gajeel," she hissed again, not bothering to grace the Iron Dragon Slayer with a glance. He was there for the heavy lifting, and possibly as a distraction and she would not hesitate to cut him loose from the ledge they were perching on and send him tumbling onto Natsu.

She almost considered it for a second before dismissing it – it would be entertaining, but she would lose her distraction and taking Jellal's I-will-destroy-you-little-girl glare into account, she would need a human shield.

Levy grinned as the clock ticked down – only one minute now. The noise in the guild was increasing as the fights grew and the shouting increased. She took out her pen, slipped on her glass and tucked a stray lock of blue behind an ear before uncapping the pen.

"Squirt, what're you doin – no. No, pipsqueak, please tell me you're not that insane –"

"I thought I told you to shut up, Gajeel," Levy replied calmly, writing out the first strokes of the runes. She had researched for months to find this and it was the perfect solution to the overpowering sexual tension that infiltrated the guild in light of newly discovered teenage hormones.

"You're going to get us both killed," Gajeel whispered back, ignoring her warning, and Levy was pleased to hear the note of panic in his voice.

"Not today," she reassured him.

"Today is only going to last for thirty more seconds, squirt!"

"It'll be fine, Gajeel, stop being such a big baby," Levy snorted, detailing in the finishing touches on her runes.

"Jellal is trying to set us on fire with his eyes!"

"My god, Gajeel, when did you become such a scaredy-cat?" Levy murmured, pausing the last five seconds of the countdown before activating the runes.

Instantly, there was silence.

Levy watched as Jellal got up and walked, almost dream-like, to Erza and bent down, kissing her on the lips. That was enough to get the ball rolling.

Natsu darted in for a peck on a dazed Lucy's lips and Juvia threw herself on Gray. Unfortunately, Fairy Tail being Fairy Tail, Lyon threw himself at Juvia and there sparked the end of the matchmaking.

Levy watched in bewilderment as Gray and Lyon passionately made out, Cana practically drowning herself in her barrel as Fried continuously tried to intercede between Erza and Jellal. Ultear kissed Melody full on the lips before going to Gray and Lyon and giving them both a peck.

Natsu apparently decided to join Gray and Lyon's…Levy was resolutely not looking in that direction. Happy chased after Charles as Wendy stole up to Lucy.

"Squirt…what did you do?" Gajeel's tone was part wonder, part disgust and fully confused.

"This was not supposed to happen," Levy informed him.

"I figured that much out myself."

"Oh, aren't you a big boy now."

"Shaddup. This," he waved a hand over the chaos that spanned as everyone tried to get some action with everyone else, "Is your fault."

"You helped me," Levy grinned, "That makes it your fault too."

"Pipsqueak, I am an innocent bystander. Besides, you kidnapped me."

"I did no such thing," Levy snorted, "You tagged along because you thought you could look down my shirt."

Gajeel took a long, appraising look at her and Levy was suddenly reminded that the jumpsuit was, in fact, Wendy's and therefore two sizes too small for her and extremely tight.

"Pervert," she snapped, hitting him with the runes book next to her.

Gajeel smirked, "You shouldn't be so mean to the only person standing between you and Jellal's unholy rage."

Levy chanced a look down, where Jellal and Fried were rolling on the ground, Frenching. "You're probably right," Levy agreed, going pale at the thought of his anger.

"I always am, squirt."

"So…blackmail?" Levy held up her camera.

Gajeel looked at the camera, then at her. "First things first," he murmured before darting in for the kiss.

"Yes, pipsqueak, blackmail, how else do you think we'll get out alive?"

le fin

a/n: this i can safely say came out exactly as planned. i think.