Set after Series 27 of Taggart - this story picks up on some of the ideas from The Ends of Justice - mostly Robbie changing his lifestyle and addictions and Jackie's new relationship with Chris. It takes place a few months after that episode.
My first venture into the JR world so please be kind - comment if you have time.
A Changed Man
Staring blankly at the computer screen she tried to clear her mind and get things straight in her head. It wasn't an easy task, the sparkle of the diamond on her finger kept distracting her, that and the fact that very soon this room would be filled with her colleagues offering congratulations and well-wishes... or perhaps some smug comment from the colleague whose desk mirrored her own.
Glancing across she noted the subtle differences between them; hers left pristine when she'd left on Friday night. His with two coffee cups and a crumpled newspaper abandoned on the keyboard, no doubt with the favourites circled in red, though he swore to her he'd given up gambling. She suspected the boss had some small say in that matter but she secretly wondered if he really had quit one of his habits.
Though of late there had been little talk of his nightly conquests, he'd been on time, and she hadn't had to collect him from some pub where he'd had a little too much to drink and refused to leave.
Why was she thinking about him? Her mind should have been awash with plans; excitement and overjoyed at the prospect of being wed. She'd doubted, seriously doubted, that it would ever happen again. Resigned to spending a life alone and working, the occasional interested guy but nothing lasting. They never seemed to be.
Chris was different, he really cared, and she cared for him. He'd told her he loved her last night and presented the ring, she'd smiled, confused and afraid. Was it her last chance? And if it was she'd be a fool to turn it down wouldn't she?
She'd figured that as soon as she took the promotion it would be the last she'd see of him, but he'd hung on in there and now three months later – marriage.
Her musings abruptly ended when the door swung open and instant chatter filled the room. She couldn't face it yet and quickly headed to the ladies, a moment to gather her thoughts.
Staring at her reflection she noted how pale she looked, how watery her eyes, certainly not the face of the happy bride.
"Pull yourself together DI Reid," she chastised, adding lipstick to try and brighten her complexion.
Heading out into the corridor she turned left and bang into the very person she was hoping to avoid for a while.
"Woah there, in a hurry!"
"Morning Robbie, Sir." She nodded to the two men, the people she'd spent the majority of her life with, day in, day out, and yet she wanted to avoid them.
"You alright Jackie?" Burke asked.
"Yes, fine." Absently she brushed her hair back and Robbie caught her hand.
"What's this then?" He asked, she caught his gaze, no smug comment, no patronising smile, he seemed... well, shaky.
"The good Doc making an honest woman of you ey Jackie, well congratulations." Burke said, taking her hand from Robbie and shaking it. "About time."
"Thank you Sir, there's no rush though, nothing planned yet. It only happened yesterday."
"I'm pleased for ya," he said, disappearing into the office.
Sighing heavily she turned back to face Robbie, "Well get on with it."
"With what?"
"The jokes, the implications, let's do it all in one go."
He shrugged, "Congratulations Jackie, you deserve it." And he followed Burke into the office.
Robbie surveyed the garden with disgust, that people lived like this, could live like this still managed to catch him off guard. Jackie had been banging on the door for the past few minutes and no response. He watched as she peered through the letterbox and wrinkled his nose at the foul stench no doubt coming from inside.
"Nothing?" He asked.
"Doesn't seem like it. Shall we wait?"
"Aye, for a while, in the car though, bloody freezing out here." He took a step back towards the gate, waiting for her, watching as she tentatively made her way across the icy garden. She slipped near the door and steadied herself on the wall, grazing her hand slightly on the rough brick.
"Alright?"
"Yeah," she was by his side when she slipped again and this time he caught her arm, holding her up. "I've never been any good in the snow."
He said nothing, but made sure she got to the car without coming to any harm.
She was fussing over her hand, he watched for a while then reached across her and into the glove compartment taking out a small first aid kit. "You should clean that up."
"Thanks, unlike you to be so organised. Is this the result of one too many drunken falls?" She teased, taking out cleaning solution and couple of plasters.
Again he didn't respond and when she glanced at him his face was set solemn and steady. He'd been quiet all day; she figured it was a hangover.
"Could do with a neat scotch right about now." He finally mumbled.
"Just the one?"
"Christ, you and your digs, I'm sick of it! You don't know everything!"
She was a little taken aback by his rage; they'd always teased each other senselessly. It was part of the daily routine.
"Sorry," she said lowly, looking straight ahead.
"Haven't had a serious drink for four weeks now, the odd beer, nothing more... we can't all be mother Theresa. For fuck's sake."
"Hey I said I'm sorry, I didn't realise it was suddenly such an issue, I won't ever mention anything about you again is that better?"
He shook his head, turning the key in the ignition, "I've had enough of this, waste of time."
He pulled out into the road before she'd had time to put her seatbelt on; she was always caught off guard by his sudden moods, though they were usually directed at everyone else and never her.
The journey back to the station was silent.
Pulling into the underground parking Robbie's eyes adjusted to the change in light, he took it slowly now, reversing into a spot, taking his time to put the handbrake on and the ignition off. He didn't want to move, to go inside and be around other people.
"Well that was fun," she quipped, opening the door.
"Look, I'm sorry I snapped, you know how I get."
"Unfortunately I do, I'm glad I don't have to live with it." She slid out of the car, leaning down as he spoke.
"I said I'm sorry, what more do you want?"
"Well, what more could someone ask?" She slammed the door on him and headed across the car park to the lift. She heard him slam the door too, the beep of the lock and then his footsteps behind her.
"I don't want you to do it!" He shouted at her back.
She stopped, turned very slowly and waited for him to catch up to her.
"I don't want you to do it," he said again, gently this time. "Marry him."
She huffed, rolled her eyes, folded her arms in the usual defensive stance she took. "And what right do you have to suddenly impose your views, I do what I want Robbie."
"I'm not sure this is what you really want."
"And how the hell would you know? You're so wrapped up in your own decadent lifestyle you have no time for reality. I'm trying to make a life, to have something more than work."
"You tried it before, it didn't work."
She turned away from him, marching across the car park, angrier than hell but somehow, broken too. What if he was right?
"Jackie..." he called, chased after her, grabbed her arm. "Jackie, listen to me, I should have said something before, last time, I messed up. You're right, I'm a selfish bastard, but I've changed, I am changing, I'm trying, you know that."
She nodded, somewhat petulantly; she didn't want to admit that the bad-boy she'd known all these years had made a concerted effort to turn it around.
"Last time, when you married Brian and I wished you well, I should have stopped it then."
She narrowed her eyes, shaking her head, "What do you mean, 'stopped it'?"
"I don't want you to marry this guy."
Her pulse quickened, was this it, finally, after all this time?
"Why?" she managed to whisper. "Tell me why."
"You know why." He whispered in return, his hand still gripping her upper arm.
"Do I? Do I really know Robbie? I can't keep doing this, waiting around for you to make your mind up and realise what's right here in front of you. I need something, someone, I need a relationship, commitment, someone to go home to at night. I can't stay single so you always have somebody to lean on... I need to hear you say it."
"You're my best friend. At times I think my only friend."
She sighed, same old Robbie. She yanked her arm free.
"No, wait, Jackie." He pulled her back again.
"Let me go." She held his gaze, "Let me go Robbie. Stop doing this."
"I love you." His voice was raw, deep and unmeasured. "It's always been you."
For once a smart come back escaped her, she simply stared at him, a hundred different feelings flooding her at once. Relief, he'd finally said it to her, the scenario she'd imagined a thousand times before. And hate, anger, that he did it now, when she'd met a great guy who really cared for her, who'd proposed less than 24 hours ago.
"Why?" She muttered.
"Why?" He was puzzled, he tried to smile but her eyes were steely. He licked his lips. His throat felt tight, dry, "Because you're you. Smart, funny, gorgeous. You care about everyone, you work hard, you stick up for yourself, you kick my arse into gear." He shrugged. "I can't sum it up in a few words Jackie, it's always been you, I'm too much of a fuck-up. I should have said this years ago, instead of running around the city like some eighteen year old learning how to use his dick for the first time."
"Charming choice of words." She finally allowed a small smile. "But you're right, you're a class A bastard at times, and I hate you at times, and why now? When I'm finally... I could be happy with him."
"You could be! That's the point, you aren't, not really, you know as well as I do that if you do this, go through with it... ...what about us?"
"What us?" She sighed again; fell into his arms, into a tight embrace. "God, why do you make me feel the way I do? There's nothing remotely reliable about you."
He buried his chin in her hair, stroked her back. "I can be reliable."
She pulled her head back to look at him, though her body was still tight against his. "I mean with women, not the footie or meeting your mates down the pub, or even work. Can you be reliable for a woman? For me? I've spent all these years trying to avoid being another notch on your well-used bed post. I couldn't stand..."
"That won't happen." He cut her off, touched her face, "Not now. This is it, no more messing about."
She so wanted to believe him, to trust him. For him to be right, that this was finally it.
"I'm scared," she eventually admitted, "if you hurt me. After all this time, if you cheat on me, if you let me down like you have every other woman you've ever known."
"Talk about a kick in the balls." He shook his head smiling, "See, that's another reason, you tell it how it is."
She smiled, broader this time, warmer, "Do you really mean it?"
He nodded.
She allowed herself to touch him, her fingers winding into his hair, he hadn't even made a move to kiss her, which said something, maybe he was changing.
"Say it again," her voice was barely audible, her hand shaking with nerves.
He leant in closer to her, holding her tighter, "I love you Jackie Reid."
She bit down on her lip, forcing herself not to respond in kind, if she revealed the depth of her emotions to him there'd be nothing left for later, and she was damned if he was going to have the upper hand in all of this.
"And I'm an engaged woman." She finally said.