Title: Double Date
Author: confetticas
Genre and/or Pairing: Kali/Ruby and Gabriel/Balthazar w/ implied Gabriel/Balthazar/Sam
Spoilers: Gabriel, Kali and Balthazar exist? I don't think those are spoilers anymore, though.
Warnings: language, mostly. Although I think pretty much every character in here warrants warning for their personalities, lol.
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me!
Word Count: 582
Summary: Gabriel and Balthazar go on a double date with Kali and Ruby. It's maybe not the best idea they ever had.
"You're late," Kali greets sharply as Gabriel and Balthazar approach the table she and Ruby are already seated at.
Balthazar stares at her. "It's only 6:03, Kali," he points out, carefully.
Kali gives him a scathing once over. "Punctuality is important. You're late," she repeats, absolutely disdainful.
"Let it go," Gabriel advises Balthazar with next to no sympathy at all, sliding into his seat with a wry grin. His smile dims slightly when he glances over at Ruby, but he hides his distaste quickly enough that no one comments. To Kali, he continues, "We apologize for keeping you waiting. If it helps, we have a very good excuse," he finishes with a slight smirk.
Kali lifts an eyebrow at him imperiously. "Oh?"
"Yep," Gabriel nods eagerly.
"Do share," Kali invites with the most uninterested expression she can muster up. Balthazar leans back in his chair and smirks, awaiting the fireworks.
Gabriel's grin widens and he says simply, "Threesome."
Kali's eyes glitter in amusement, betraying her doubtful face as she asks, "Oh? There truly exists a being who would tolerate both of you long enough to have sex?"
"Psh," Gabriel scoffs at her. "Who wouldn't?"
"Me," Ruby volunteers dryly. "Ever."
Gabriel gives her a pitying look. "Oh, hellspawn. You can only dream."
"Gabriel," Kali warns angrily.
Gabriel pouts at her. "You bring me a toy and then say I can't play with her. How is this fair by any definition of the word?"
Ruby glares.
Kali rolls her eyes. "She is my toy. I don't play well with others. Back off."
"No, seriously," Ruby begins, all snark and disdain. "Who in their right mind would agree to deal with both of you, even for sex?"
"This isn't even a question," Kali says with no small amount of self-assured superiority. "Who is the one human being who would?"
Ruby grins maliciously at Gabriel and Balthazar. "Cut yourselves a little piece of Winchester pie, did you?"
"And we didn't even have to break him before he agreed," Gabriel fires back in disgust.
Balthazar smirks, amused and smug. "I don't know. You might say that we temporarily broke his brain a few times. Then again, that was after he agreed, not before. I suppose we win no matter how you paint it."
"Enough," Kali cuts across the conversation with quiet menace. "This is a date, not a daycare center. You are all more than old enough to behave decently in public."
Gabriel grins at her wryly. "Sorry, Mom."
Kali closes her eyes briefly in exasperation. "Why did I ever think this was a good idea?" she wonders out loud. "All right," she voices, glancing around the table. "New idea: you two go pick up your third wheel. Eat, drink and be merry. Ruby and I are going elsewhere to do things that would make your puny, angelic brains explode. Gabriel, please do not contact me the next time you get the unfathomable urge to celebrate pointless holidays."
Balthazar glances between Kali and Ruby thoughtfully. "Pictures or it didn't happen," he finally says, grinning wickedly.
"I will hurt you," Kali tells him calmly, unbothered. "Ruby?" she queries
"More than ready to go," Ruby answers, looking vastly relived as she stands up and joins Kali to leave the angels to their own devices. "We are ignoring them if they try and invite us to Christmas or something, right?" she mutters under her breath as they walk.
Kali chuckles warmly. "Ignoring them, stabbing them. Either way. I'm not picky."