After Finn had left the auditorium Quinn sat down on the edge of the stage and hugged her knees tightly to her chest. What am I doing?
You're floundering. A voice in her head whispered, and a shiver went down her spine as she rocked gently back and forth. She felt the weight of guilt grow heavy in her stomach and it made her feel nauseous. It wasn't fair of her to be using Finn that way, it wasn't fair on Sam and it wasn't fair on...
"Quinn? What are you doing?" Quinn looked over her shoulder and stood up when she saw Rachel striding towards the piano on the other side of the stage.
"Nothing, just thinking," she replied, standing up and dusting down her skirt. Rachel gave her a wary look and sat down at the piano, searching through the pile of sheet music discarded on the top of it till she found what she was seemingly looking for and gazing at it intently.
Quinn took a few steps towards Rachel and couldn't help but stare at the way she furrowed her brow and rested her tongue between her teeth when she was concentrating. Rachel looked up and blushed when she saw that she was staring, Quinn looked away hastily and mumbled something about getting going.
"Wait," Quinn stopped at the door of the auditorium and turned slowly on the spot to face Rachel who had stood up, still gripping the sheet music in her hand and looking nervous.
"You still play, don't you?" she asked, indicating the piano. Quinn took a deep breath and hesitantly nodded.
"I guess, I haven't in a while though," she replied, exhaling slowly. Rachel walked over to the mic stand and held the music out for Quinn to take.
"I want to rehearse this, for glee club," Quinn paused momentarily before relenting; taking the music and seating herself at the piano, shaking out her hands and lifting the cover. She set the music in front of her and when she read the title she felt her throat tighten, she looked over to Rachel with a clear 'Are you kidding me?' expression on her face but Rachel was facing an imaginary audience and waiting for Quinn to start playing.
I've been looking back to find
Where I went wrong
As she played, all the thoughts that had been running through her head since the summer and the last time she had been alone with Rachel, clouded over Quinn's head and she felt tears pricking at her eyelids.
Too much love will kill you
If you can't make up your mind
Torn between the lover
And the love you leave behind
She knew fine well Rachel had picked this song with a purpose, and while Rachel's performances were always flawless Quinn was a little unnerved by how seemingly unaffected she was by the words she was singing. The words she was singing to Quinn.
Rachel stood stoically staring at the back of the auditorium, determined to finish the song. To do that, she couldn't look at Quinn, or she'd break.
You're headed for disaster
'cause you never read the signs
Too much love will kill you
Every time
Eventually Quinn lost herself in the music and the tightness that had initially formed in her chest loosened as her fingers danced across the keys and Rachel's powerful voice weaved its way in and out her ears.
She found herself closing her eyes and thinking back to the summer, to the days Rachel would show up at her house unannounced with stacks of sheet music under the false pretense of wanting to practice some new number which required piano accompaniment. Sometimes they did practice, sometimes Quinn sang too, sometimes Rachel sat with her at the piano and attempted to play along with Quinn. But mostly they ended up on Quinn's bed, their bodies tightly intertwined and their fingers locked as they felt, breathed and lived each other, both knowing that when school started again, those days would end.
You'd give your life, you'd sell your soul
But here it comes again
Too much love will kill you
In the end.
She was so lost in her thoughts as she hit out the remaining chords that she didn't notice Rachel taking a seat next to her at the piano, Quinn jumped a little, as though her memories had manifested themselves in to reality some how. She shook herself, remembering where she was and stood up, her face flushed and her palms sweating.
"You still play beautifully," Rachel remarked, running a finger gently across the piano keys and smiling sadly. Quinn's breath hitched in her throat and she found herself at a loss for words.
"This isn't a game Rachel," she said eventually, attempting to regain her composure. Rachel feigned confusion and cocked her head to the side questioningly but Quinn saw right through her.
"You've always sang the feelings you can't express with words Rachel, I know you and I know that song was meant for me," she said, a hint of anger tinting her voice. Rachel bowed her head and fidgeted with the hem of her skirt, then stood up and took a step towards Quinn so that their faces were only inches apart.
"You need to choose Quinn, or they're not the only ones that are going to get hurt?"
"What?"
"I saw Finn leaving, I saw the look on his face. I'm not stupid Quinn," Rachel said quietly, the colour drained from Quinn's face and she turned away.
"It's not what you think," she replied quietly.
"Like Hell it isn't, I can't tell you what to do Quinn bu-"
"I was trying to keep him away from you! Okay?" Quinn blurted out angrily, this caught Rachel off guard and this time her confusion was genuine.
"What do you mean?" she asked, her voice breaking. Quinn sighed loudly and strode toward the door of the auditorium.
"I mean it hurts to see you chasing around after him, it means I miss you," Quinn said as she stood at the exit and looked Rachel directly in the eyes. Rachel stood with her mouth agape, unable to form any sort of appropriate response.
Quinn turned away and as she walked away, said in a barely audible whisper, "And maybe it means I still love you."