Diminuendo/Crescendo
"Alright, everything is alright since you came along.
And before you, I had nowhere to run to
and nothing to hold onto; I came so close to giving it up.
And I wonder if you know,
how it feels to let you go."
Sherlock stares forlornly towards John's form on the pavement below. It isn't easy, this. He knows that this is fake and he knows how this will play out- the blood, the biker, the goodbye- but it doesn't help to soften the blow. His tears are real.
It's a scary concept, to be honest, Sherlock reasons with himself. He's never been so... emotionally attached to another person, so it's a little difficult to get used to. Not to mention that right as he was getting used to it, he has to leave it behind.
It actually hurts.
The thought of leaving John, leaving the life he knows behind, makes his throat clouted with emotion and his eyes sting with his tears. It makes the words difficult in coming and breathing a little bit more difficult.
He knows that it's useless. Emotion cannot help anything, cannot help this, this travesty. Crying isn't going to make it any easier, but at least he's the only one he knows. If John saw him crying, not only would it hurt his flatmate even more than the initial plan would, it would do something to Sherlock's pride. No one ever got to see him cry. No one ever made him cry.
Except John.
John was always the exception to Sherlock's rule. Always. He will continue to be, too, Sherlock imagines. John's face right now- and thankfully Sherlock can't make out the minute details- will haunt him for however long this farce has to continue.
But he will do this; it's not as though he has a choice in the matter. Besides, this is to protect the people that he cares for. John, Mrs Hudson, Lestrade... Molly. They all matter to him, not that he ever says so in so many words, but they do. They matter. And that is scary. Because Sherlock has never cared.
Futile, you idiot, he thinks to himself. Wishful thinking, he reminds himself.
Sherlock raises his chin slightly.
This is his fate. And, as with most things, he will face it head on.
Song: Stay by Hurts.
Disclaimer: I do not own the song, lyrics, etc. I am merely quoting them and citing as such.
Note: If you are watching the Series Three premiere/episodes, do NOT- do not- post any spoilers in your reviews. Please. This is one thing that I ask, for the sake of the American/other countries' premieres. I wish to be surprised about this Series. So, please, mind your reviews if you know what happens this Series. :)
I do not own Sherlock, nor any of the songs that I am quoting (nor the Humpty Dumpty nursery rhyme). Thank you! 18 days until the PBS premiere!