Leah's Transformation
"What's happening to me?" I screeched in pain. Something was definitely wrong, and it didn't have to be so damn obvious to figure it out. I was physically in pain, feeling like my bones are getting crushed by a train going at 120 miles per hour. I was literally hot, so hot that I think I could light up a match by just sticking it in my arm. And last but not the least, I was having a convulsion. If shaking violently, and falling to the floor wasn't a convulsion, and then I don't know what is. I have no idea what was going on, but I was sure that I'm not staying in my house to have them see me like this.
I was out of the house as soon as I fell to the floor, clutching every single part of my body, trying to hold it in place when I felt like I was about to collapse and that my bones were being ripped out from my body directly. I could feel the pressure in my chest, the pressure in my arms and in my thighs. This was the most terrible thing that happened to me, and I wasn't even in my own house to have them check what was going on. Would they even know what was going on if I stayed? No, nobody would find out. It was just me, keeping the pain of the world and letting it crush my shoulders - letting it crush me. Now where did all this get me, in the middle of the woods, lying on the floor, trying to hold myself together? My screaming was echoing all around the forest, but I guess, no one could hear me. If I was going to die, it was better this way.
A final wave of seizures went through my body before I heard a loud ripping sound. "Kill me! Kill me, now!" I screamed, while my final words came out as nasty and loud growls that rumbled from my chest. This will be the last time you'd all hear from me, Leah Clearwater.
Then suddenly, Boom! A loud explosion came from me and the pain almost seemed to disappear, slowly. My bones were still aching, but not as drastic as what I had felt a while ago - my bones being ripped out. I still felt hot, but the coolness of the wind brushing fast against my face felt good. Wait - wind brushing against my face? That took me a while to figure out that I was running at an incredible rate, and something was out of the ordinary again: I felt quite heavier now. I heaved myself from running and then observed everything going on around me.
What the hell! I tried to scream, but I could only hear barks coming from my mouth. Barks, whimpers and growls? What am I, a dog? I stared at my arms. My eyes widened and my mouth dropped open when I did not see any arms, but instead, two small, grey, and furry front legs. Oh my God! I screamed again, and another bark let out. Why do I have two furry dog legs? Where are my arms? I launched myself as hard as my legs could manage, and I lunged, running through the woods quickly, looking for a small puddle or, a pond, at least. I wanted to see what I looked like.
I circled the unfamiliar woods, but with the different scents I could catch absentmindedly; it felt like I've known this place for a long time. I knew where I was going, and I could smell where I have been. The woodsy scent of the trees, the trail I was leaving, the wet and moist texture of water. And that was it; I already knew where the nearest water source was.
I saw my own reflection on the small puddle, and I cussed out loud when I saw myself, not looking like a human, but more of a canine - more of a dog. I was a large, grey wolf; my own reflection was stalking me on the water, chocolate brown eyes following my very movement. A muzzled nose, barred teeth underneath those curled lips. I screamed, Ahhhhhh! But a long howl is what came out of me afterward. I am no longer the same Leah Clearwater. I am an animal now. I am a wolf.
Disgusted with what image I saw on the small puddle, I lounged my legs forward, leaving the puddle, my trail, and myself behind. Whatever I was now, it was what I will be, forever. I let out another howl of pain, when another set of thoughts that didn't come from me rang in my head. The voice sounded familiar, and that voice was something I've been dreading to hear since the day we broke up. It was Sam's voice, and the feeling of bitterness overwhelmed me. It felt like I was being stabbed in the chest with a knife over and over again. Why was his voice in my mind, when I tried as much as possible to forget him?
Leah. It's me, Sam. You've got to calm down. His voice echoed in my head over and over again. Why does he care? He was in no part of me now. He was not in my life anymore. He shouldn't care, and he had no right to be in my mind right now, this is the wrong place and time to have him in my thoughts right now. But, first of all - why was he in my mind, when I have moved on?
Leah, it's not the right time to be mad at me right now. This isn't my fault. Just slow down and let me explain. Sam's voice commanded me again, and as if he was my owner and I was his pet, it literally made me stop. Something in my blood told me that Sam's orders should be followed, and that I couldn't not abide his orders. My legs clawed the floor and helped me make a full stop. Where is Sam?
Just then, I saw a huge black figure run in front of me, passing me from my right. Then another, this time it had a darker grey shade. And another that was lighter silver with dark grey spots at the back. What were these creatures, and why do they exactly look like me - or what I am, for a matter of fact.
Then at the moment, the creatures suddenly came into view, as clear as I could possible see them. There were three wolves in front of me, and just like me, they were relatively beyond the normal size of normal wolves. One of them, who seemed to be the leader, coal black, in front of the triangle they formed. The two others, both of them grey, only one of them was a lot lighter, stood behind him. I wanted to ask them who they were, but I know that no communication was available. I couldn't speak, and so could they.
Leah, it's us. Sam, Paul and Embry. The voice shifted. It was no longer Sam's voice. Maybe it was Paul, or Embry's. They were both 16 year olds, and I don't know them that well. They all look the same to me. I can't see anyone else, anymore. Since Sam happened to me, their faces were all blurred. - What am I thinking? I shook my head forcefully trying to forget about that thought and then focused on the voices in my head, and the wolves in front of me.
Prove it. I tried telling them, but a loud bark came out. How could I talk to them like this? If they couldn't understand me, and I couldn't tell them what I really meant, wouldn't there been any misunderstanding? I rolled my eyes and then tapped my foot on the ground impatiently. Just then, I heard conversations.
Should we show her? The darker grey wolf let out a short confused sound. So, he must be the one talking. But how could I understand it when I didn't hear the words personally coming from it?
I don't know, Paul. She is a girl. The lighter grey wolf asked. Paul was the other grey wolf, so the one talking right now is Embry. The black wolf that looked like the leader must've been… Sam. But I still couldn't explain the fact that there were subliminal messages in my mind as these three wolves in front of me tried to explain the confusing things in my life right now. What do you think, Sam? Embry's thoughts in my head added.
Leah, don't overreact when we prove to you who we really are, okay? Sam asked me, his eyes studying my face. I didn't know if could trust their interpretation of proving who they were, but I guess if I did want to find out for myself, I should face whatever consequences dare to come to me.
Overreact? You should know me better, Sam. I said in a strong sure thought as loud growls came out from me. I better control the sounds. I don't overreact.
If you say so. Paul's voice rang, and they began counting to three. One… Two… Three… in chorus, and after that third number, they all turned into humans. It was Paul on the left, Sam in front and Embry on the right, and they weren't wearing any clothes on. Every tan inch of their toned bodies were exposed to my wide eyes. I bowed my head and tightly closed my eyes.
Oh My God! What the hell, guys! Where are your clothes? And why are you naked? I whimpered, and the image of the three boys - the twenty three year old and the two sixteen year olds - and their packages and two by fours hanging out for my eyes to see. I could be as mature as I could be right now, but I choose not to. I just got myself into looking at them. Oh, me and my big fat mouth.
"Ugh, Leah! You promised you wouldn't overreact!" Embry screamed at the top of his lungs. I still had my eyes under me, shut tight, and my paws on top of my head. I wouldn't want another glimpse of them.
"Leah, it's alright. You could look now." Paul added, and I slowly lifted my head from my paws, and opened my eyes. They were wearing nothing but cropped shorts, and their chests were bare. It was alright now, only if I could forget that entirely disturbing image in my mind flashing again and again.
You guys have some explaining to do! I whimpered, standing on all fours and eyeing the three of them. Why am I a large dog? And why can't I transform back?
"Whoa. Chill, Leah. 'Sides, we can't understand you. We could only understand you when we're in wolf form. We can read each other's minds when we transform." Embry made some exaggerated movements when he mentioned 'transform'. "We'll explain it to you on the way."
On the way to what? I asked again, when I saw them raise their eyebrows. Oh yeah, I forgot, they couldn't understand me. I rolled my eyes and then leaned against the tree. Alright, explain.
"Okay, you have got to stop talking, because we don't understand a single thing coming out of you. So, just let Sam explain." Paul added, rubbing Sam's shoulders. "While we got to jet. We'll leave the two of you alone. We need to go patrolling." I raised my eyebrows, confused of their terms. I hated the fact that I don't get the latest update on what's going on. I hated the fact that I was going to be left alone with Sam. I hated the fact that the wolves, or whatever we are, could read each other's minds. That means no secrets, and everything embarrassing laid out for everyone to see. Everything you thought, either you're in love or you're angry with someone, the wolves with you will also know what you're thinking about. I also hated the fact, that I was a wolf.
"Yeah, so you two better get along. We'll be hearing you." Embry warned, giving the two of us a wink and then disappearing to the bushes, leaving me with Sam, staring me down. I feel like a complete idiot. I feel like a third wheel. As soon as Embry and Paul disappeared into the bushes, I heard a huge explosion and after that, choking barks that almost seemed like laughter.
Good Luck Leah! Paul's thoughts rang in my thoughts, and I tried to shake them off. It was just Sam and I, and just then, at that very moment, I remembered every single memory Sam and I had when we were still together, and he wasn't with my cousin, Emily. That traitor.
I remembered the first day we met in freshmen high. He was struggling with that statistics question, and the teacher told me to help him out with it. Then, I remembered the first time he talked to me, when he bumped into my locker and I told him to meet me in my house for the tutoring. The conversation left him with a wide smile on his face. I also remembered our first kiss, right here in first beach. It was soft and sweet, something I knew I couldn't forget. He was my first love and I knew I can't ever forget everything we've done, everything I've done, and everything he's done, negative or positive. I remembered the whole week he'd disappeared. The last time we'd touched then, I felt him with a burning fever. We sent out a search party to find him, though it was unsuccessful. When I finally found him, I wanted to find out where he has been, but he told me, he couldn't explain it to me directly. And finally, I remembered the time when he saw Emily, and it was as if he couldn't take his eyes off of her anymore. It was as if he was directly attached to her, and that he has known her more than he has known me. It was one of the most painful experience I have ever felt in my entire life, and until know, the pain keeps on stinging me, burning my chest with flames of eternal hell, and the image of my cousin and Sam, married, having me as their bridesmaid. The thought of that very occasion made me sick.
That when I heard two sounds of nauseated gagging. It was Embry and Paul on the other side of the line. I knew they were listening, and I just recently remembered again that whatever was on my mind, will be shared with those who were with me. 'Stop listening to me, Embry! You too, Paul!' I thought fiercely.
Yeah, we try to. But it's really hard to tune out. Especially when it sounds like a tragic melodrama on TV. Paul thought back. Hmm, a melodrama, eh? Well I couldn't imagine my life being a sad melodrama. What was it supposed to be called, The Third Wheel? Or something more complicated like The Pyramid. It could revolve around the story of the original girlfriend, the loveable boyfriend, and the cousin or best friend that happens to have caught the attention of the boyfriend, and lured him away from the original girlfriend, accidentally. Oh, what an unlikely story.
I watched Sam look at me with doubt and a sympathetic expression. He was walking towards me slowly, and I watched his every move, baring my teeth every single time he'd take one step forward. He had his hands up, as if he was on surrender. I couldn't take any chances. I crouched forward, ready to pounce, when Sam knelt in front of me.
"Lee Lee, please." I shivered at the nickname he gave me when we were still together. Why would he use that, to make me feel more comfortable with him around? Or to make me relax a little bit more? Because I know I won't be able to relax with his face around. How could something so disgusting, be in his physicality? "The more you don't relax, the longer you'll be like this. So if I were you, I would take deep breaths and stay calm." Those words caught my attention. The longer you'll be like this. I wouldn't want to be a wolf forever. If they can turn into their human selves again, maybe I could do it too. But I know that it would need a large amount of concentration, practice, and patience. Being angry and temperamental would get me nowhere.
"There you go. Now, I want you to stay as calm as possible while I tell you what you are, why you are like this and most of all, the advantages and disadvantages of being a wolf." He whispered. Oh, so there are advantages in being like this? I think not.
"First of all, you are a werewolf now. Yes, you are that monster you see in TV that transforms into an animal, but it's a lot more complex than that. You could transform into a wolf, larger than the usual red wolves there are. And it just doesn't work on a full moon. You could transform at will." Oh, okay, like I would want to transform into a horrifying monster all the time. "And, you will phase, when you are provoked, which means, you've got to stay calm at all times. Being angry would get you nowhere. You'd only reveal yourself, and it would hurt the people you love, which soon you will regret." His voice was straightforward and it had a ring to it, like he's experienced the same kind of hurt before. I looked deep in his dark set eyes and tried to decode what he's trying to tell me, but I can't. "The signs of the possibility of becoming a werewolf are having a very irrational and high temperature," So that's why it seemed like I as having a fever. "When you get temperamental or frustrated, your hands begin shaking and you feel like you want to destroy everything in your path," I rolled my eyes, remembering that instant when I was trying to sleep, and Seth keeps on turning his music up. I wanted to crush his music player, and then bury him under the ground with it. "You'll have that drastic growth spurt, and the prominence of your… uh… muscles." I was thinking why he had a hard time spitting that sentence out. I mean, what was so weird about it?
I heard a throaty bark booming from the forest, with a thought following up after it. You know why it's so weird? It's because you're the only female descendant us wolves have right now. What did he mean by 'female descendant'? Oh, don't tell me that the Quileute Wolf Pack of the three of them were sexist? A low growl rumbled from my lower chest. My teeth bared and I crouched in a growl. "Hey, Lee Lee, relax. I'll explain, again. Our ancestors a.k.a. our great grand fathers have the gene. It transferred from one son, to another, and we never really thought that it would be possible to have a direct descendant be a… daughter. So…" What? I was the only female werewolf or whatever in this pack? Oh good, more childish, juvenile and immature boy thoughts. I could use more of those. I began pacing back and forth in front of Sam, waiting for him to continue his explanation.
"All the legends we have been listening to for the past 23 years are all true, from the story of Taha Aki and Utlapa, to the story of the finding of our soul mates, and being with them throughout everything. But like the story of Taha Aki, we are what we are because of one thing and one thing only, vampires." I heard snorting and growling sounds in my head, wondering where it was coming from, when I heard Embry's whine. Yeah, those bloodsuckers could really kill a party, can't they? Vampires were real? I didn't know vampires and werewolves exist until now, but why wasn't I aware of it. "There are lots of things in this world that are too overwhelming for normal human minds to handle. That's why they kept these things hidden. The existence of vampires and werewolves are too much for average people, and they may overreact to this. Overreaction could lead to nothing good, except for a riot going on, that's why we kept this secret. As for you, we didn't really expect you to be one of us. We were actually waiting for Seth, but I guess… um… expect the unexpected." A deep chuckle escaped from his throat, and a smile curled from his lips. It made me smile. I missed that smile, but I guess I couldn't be there for that smile anymore. It was Emily's job now. Ugh! I didn't realize that I was tensed again till' I saw Sam shush me again. I rolled my eyes and clawed my paws on the ground.
"Now, for the advantages and disadvantages we have." There he goes with that 'we' plural again. I've been meaning to ask him who was the 'we' he was describing for the past few sentences, but I just know that Embry and Paul would fill me up with that information so why worry about what would happen. A distant laugh caught my attention and strange as it was, it didn't come from Paul, or Embry, or Sam. I waited for the silhouette to come out, and prepared myself. It must be a vampire. I crouched myself and bared my teeth, ready for whatever was coming, till' I saw Jared, wearing nothing except for a pair of shorts, one of those boys with Sam, Paul, Embry and Jacob. Don't tell me that Jared and Jacob is part of this pack too?
"Jared! What are you doing here?"
"Sam, your Lee-Lee here wants to know a couple of things that I think you can't deliver to her properly, like… as you said, our advantages and disadvantages, and especially, our number." Jared gave me a wink and I thought I was going to puke. I let my tongue roll out of my mouth, and I gagged. I wasn't into that cougar thing, being practically 7 years older than him. I forgot that I had a mental audience, having Paul and Embry in my head all the time, they began fake gagging with me. I've never acted as immature as them, but I actually enjoyed it. Besides the nauseating picture of Jared in my head, I was kind of intrigued by the idea of the things Sam couldn't directly deliver to me that Jared can. I wonder what those things are.
"Jared, shut up." Sam interrupted, but Jared didn't comply with Sam's orders. I mean, why would he? Jared's a free man, and he could ignore Sam if he wanted to, couldn't he?
"Look Leah, there are actually 8 of us right now, but there are only 5 of us that had had a lot more experiences. The 5 of us includes Sam, of course, Paul and me, then Jacob and Embry. Then the 3 left over werewolves that are just new in the game includes you, Quil… and your brother." That was just below the belt. Seth too? Oh no they didn't. If there were 2 wolves on patrol, and the other 2 wolves' right here, there was one left. But if Quil and my brother were both new to this game, who was taking care of my brother? I lounged toward Jared and kept him under me, growling: What have you done to Seth? Where is he? Who's with him? Tell me NOW! I aggressively began barking at him. I've never been this uncontrolled before. Maybe it's part of the wolf gene. Sam immediately moved from his position to come check Jared.
"Leah!" Sam ordered, and like there was a weird string of obedience in me, I actually got off Jared, though I really wanted to rip his head off. He loved to mess with the bull, wait till' he meets the horns. I circled Jared watching him as he removed the extra dirt on his body after being pounced on by a 120 pound werewolf. I don't know how much I weigh in this body, but I guess I'll use my human measurements for now.
"You're such a complete opposite of your brother, Leah. You know, when he phased, he was really happy for himself. He began running around like any other free animal, and it was kind of hard to chase him when he's that fast. He's so positive. He's the most positive werewolf I've ever met yet, and he's alright right now. He's probably running around again, but unlike you, he already controlled himself. He can change back and forth now. If I were you, I'd calm down. You're getting beaten in self control by a 15 year old. You're just like Paul." Oh, he really had a way with temperamental wolves now, does he? I bared my teeth again, but I know that I couldn't stand being a wolf forever, so I forced myself to calm down, even though it was against my nature to calm down at this scenario.
"I warned you, Jared. But since she's already mad at you and you've got nothing to lose, how about you tell her the rest?" Sam added, smiling and leaning at a nearby tree, amused in the action happening before him. Jared began cracking his knuckles and smiled.
"My pleasure, Sam." He replied. "Our advantages would include pack telepathy, as in we could read each other's thoughts when we phase. That's why you must be hearing some terrible side comments from Embry and Paul. It's good for communicating for distances, but bad for embarrassing thoughts and secrets. It won't be that thrilling with another mind in the pack, but we need our numbers, so 'welcome to the pack'." Whoa. I've heard it for the second time now, but still, it's really overwhelming. Whatever you're thinking, jealous of your other pack member, mad at him, furious at the fact that he's found love and you haven't, or whatever private moment you've had with someone, readable for everyone in the pack. It would be good for teasing and stuff, but it wouldn't really be fun if you got the worst end of the stick. "Then, we could also heal fast. Watch this…" Jared paused and searched for something inside his front pocket. He pulled his hand out and it was a small blade.
"Look…" And in one quick movement, Jared slit his hand. What the hell, Jared! Are you stupid? The blood began dripping from his hand, and he began hissing when the wind blew dust in his hand. You idiotic imbecile! Are you masochistic or something? I hadn't realized that I was freaking out, till' I heard myself whimpering like a dog that got his leg ran over by a truck. The other's thoughts echoed in my head, like Paul's booming laughter and Embry's opinions toward my mental questions: Yes, yes he is that stupid.
Jared put his palm in front of my face and showed me the pinkish scar that blended against his hand. A little while ago, I just saw him bleeding to death, and now, a small scar was the only thing left from his idiotic cut, and proof of fast healing. I was a little bit amazed at that advantage, though I was still a little peeved at Jared's ignorance. I hate idiots.
"See? So whatever comes in our way, a broken leg, an open wound, a bullet through the shoulder blade, we could handle it all. It may take a couple of hours to cure, but I swear. It's really cool." He nodded, shoving the used blade inside his pocket again. "We also have the temperature, the speed, the strength and the durability." Those words sounded like a sports car being sold to a malleable business man, who just isn't sure if he wanted to buy the car or not. "We run at a hot 108.9° F. Warm enough not to wear clothes, even during a blizzard. I wish I could say the same for you." I looked at Sam and Jared and finally figured out why they always preferred to be half naked. I really thought it was just a life style choice. And with those six packs, with girls having to drool over them over and over again, I really thought they only wanted to look hot. "We run as fast as vampires do, even faster. Vampires run faster than a Lamborghini, a Ferrari, and an Aston Martin mixed together, and we run faster than that."
"We're really strong too. Even you, I guess, could be a lot stronger than the average weight lifting and gym junkie man, and that's good for a girl." Oh, now he's just being sexist. Another low growl built in my chest, and I snapped forward at him. Having lightning reflexes, he avoided my snapping jaws, and just raised his arms up in surrender. "Sorry about that. And last but now the least. We're a lot durable. We can't just be punched by normal people in the face. We're a lot harder than that. We also get this… this and this… POW!" He hover his arms over his well toned abs, his biceps and triceps, then flexing when he said POW. Okay, that was weird. I mean, Jared does have a nice figure, but I think, the more you become a wolf, the more over confident you get. I rolled my eyes. "I'm not sure if you got any of those, but I'm sure all of us, and even Seth got this. If I were you, I would check later. OW!" He added, while Sam punched him in the arm. I thought werewolves don't get affected by simple punches by normal people? Oh, right, Sam isn't normal.
"But, like Advantages… we also have disadvantages, like the clothes. You think clothes just pop on and off our bodies when we phase? No, I don't think so. We've got to carry shorts in our mouth for that fact. If not carry, at least remember the trail where we left our clothes. And, if we phase out of the question, the clothes get ripped off, and you've got to ask somebody to get you a new pair of clothes. I don't know about you, but I think Seth would do the honors to bring you a new set of clothes." God! I actually forgot that I've shredded my way out of my clothes a little earlier. How will I get home without having people see my assets, or without having my mother freak out? I let out a small whimper, and collapsed myself to the ground. That was the worst disadvantage I have heard, yet. "Don't feel down, Leah. I'll make sure someone get the message, and I could guarantee you nothing bad will happen."
"The other disadvantage is the telepathy. You already know the uncontrollable sharing of embarrassing thoughts right? So let's move on. Then, there's the temper. Once something gets on your mind, and it really irritates you, you've got to control yourself, or else you might explode right in front of everybody, including the people you love, and that's a thing you'll really regret. I know, I've heard." Jared caught a glimpse of sympathy toward Sam. I still didn't know what that was about, but I knew it was something that happened to the pack, or at least to one of the members of the pack, that won't ever be forgotten.
"Another disadvantage is being bound to the orders of the Alpha." And that was when Jared sounded disgusted, as if he didn't like this disadvantage very much. I heard to groans inside my head too, and that didn't need words to clear up that both Paul and Embry loathed that disadvantage too. I heard Sam snort after that parade of groans.
"Hey, those orders are just made for the safety and the efficiency of the pack." Sam objected.
"Yeah, right." Jared rolled his eyes and turned back to look at me. "You see, the Alpha is the leader of the pack. He organizes the strategies of patrolling, what we're supposed to do, and what we're not allowed to do. So, he's like this big headed jerk who orders people around. In our case, Sam's the Alpha, and we've got to follow his gag orders, whether we want to or not. That's how tight we're bound." Now, I get it why the three werewolves hated that disadvantage. They could do nothing about it, and I was part of the pack now, maybe that's why I can't defy Sam's orders when he 'commanded' me to get off Jared a while ago. I rolled my eyes too.
"Yeah, I know. Other disadvantages include not being able to tell anyone about being a werewolf, having to stay up all night protecting the reservation from Vampires, and being hungry all the time. I think those are all the disadvantages. It isn't fair right? Having a lot more disadvantages than the perks of being a wolf. Well, that's everything. Sam looks like he's a little bit behind the teaching you the basics thing, so I think I'll still take it from here…" Till' then, Sam stood up and confronted Jared, all alpha like.
"Jared, leave. Now." And after those words, as if Jared was Sam's puppet, Jared mumbled a couple of curses and then disappeared behind the bushes. After the loud explosion I heard, it was then Jared, Paul and Embry in my mind. Good Luck with Sam, Leah. He's the best leader ever, but at the same time, he sucks. I rolled my eyes again, and then just lay my head on top of my arms, or should I say, paws.
"I'm sorry about that. Jared just likes to explain things a lot by far, but as far as I'm concerned, that is the basics. Now, if you don't mind. I'll get some clothes for you. It seems like you could already phase back." Sam headed for the bushes behind me without saying another word. It's about time. I'm tired of running on all fours. In an instant, I heard another loud explosion and out of the bushes behind me, came out a black wolf larger than me with Sam's eyes, carrying something in its mouth. I'm going to get some clothes for you. I'll let either Paul or Jacob bring it to you, since I'll go check up on your father. Sam thought, and the instant he mentioned my father, the pain in my chest grew as the memory of the look in my father's face came back in my mind, especially the time when I'd screamed at him because of my uncontrolled temper. How I regret what I did to him, my last words to him were thrown at his face? It was all because of this wolf thing that he died.
I grimaced and launched myself out of the area. I couldn't stand seeing myself right now. I couldn't even stand having myself been like this. The voices in my head, worried about me, eventually began becoming louder. Leah, get back. I didn't mean to mention that. Sam's voice was sympathetic and at the same time, rueful for the things he'd said. I wasn't mad at him, but there were a lot of things in my mind now that made me want to scream at him.
Get out of my head, Sam! I thought back, launching myself faster and just looking for a place far away from them, where I can stay quiet and just think of the consequences of my actions. When I commanded them to leave me alone, it surprised me that they did what I said. They didn't talk to me anymore, though I can still hear the voices in my head, the communication between them, between Sam, Paul, Embry and Jared. I was running as fast as I can, the trees blending with the background in such speed, they all became a blur. That's when I found a small clearing, surrounded by lots of bushes, leaves, tall trees, and thorns. It was impossible for them to find me here. It was my own hiding place, where I can try to phase back and just think alone.
But it wasn't as easy as I thought. Phasing back into my human self was never an easy job, especially when I've run away from Sam when he was beginning to teach me that skill. I was getting more and more frustrated with myself, and I don't think I could stand living anymore. If I tried to jump off a cliff near first beach with jagged rocks on the bottom, would it really kill me, or will it just give me something to regret afterwards? I stopped pacing back and forth along the small clearing, and just rested my head on my paws again. I wanted my mind to wander away. I don't want to think of anything in my life anymore. I want to escape my life for a while, and just go to my fantasies, to my dreams, where everything is possible.
I closed my eyes and instantly began drifting to another place I'd like to call my paradise. A place where everything was green, everything was filled with color, it was a basic paradise everybody dreams off, but in my place, it was me in control. There was a house behind the jade leaves and crimson rose bushes where I lived with my mom, Sue, my brother, Seth, and of course my father, Harry Clearwater. We were living there, bountiful, with friends and relatives, people who I know wouldn't hurt me. The scenario shifts from my family, to my love, someone who will be there for me no matter what, leaving no secrets between us, it was an open relationship. We were sitting in first beach, it was just us watching the sun go down, waiting for twilight to consume the sky, and kissing under the light of the stars and the moon. There was no pain, there was no hurt. It was my personal heaven.
I felt a small tear jerk down from my eyes, to my cheeks and drip on the ground as I finally began drifting away to a deeper subconscious. I was consumed by darkness, and I wasn't afraid anymore, cause' I know that darkness will always be better than having the pain in my heart, come back stabbing me over and over again.
The light began seeping through my eyes; I opened them. I didn't realize that it was already dawn. I had slept through the night without anything else going on in my head. Surprisingly, it was relatively quiet. There were no thoughts to haunt my mind, telling me good morning. There were no voices around me, feeling sympathetic about my father's whereabouts right now. It was silent, except for the sounds of the birds and the wind, and I enjoyed it so far.
I stood up and began stretching myself. That was some sleep, how long was I out? It was peaceful, relaxing and surprisingly itchy. I began cracking my knuckles, and that shocked me. I had fingers. That meant I phased back to my normal self over night. I marveled at my old body that I have missed so far. "Yes! I'm myself again!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, celebrating my reincarnation to my human body. I was overwhelmed by the sound of my voice that I hadn't heard in a while. It was all whimpering, barking and growling, no shouting, screaming and talking. I was so happy with myself that I began howling with joy and screaming 'I'm not a wolf anymore' over and over again.
I sat down on the cold ground, just admiring the dew drops on the leaves, observing the little wood creatures with stalking eyes, watching me, the branches swaying back and forth, the leaves falling to the ground slowly. It was like my own paradise all over again. It was silent and peaceful, till' something broke the silence. I turned my head to direct myself to where the sounds of voices were coming from. I listened a lot closer as I heard the footsteps and the crackling of the dried leaves on the floor when they were being stepped on. The person, whoever he or she was, was muttering a parade of profanities. I shouldn't have… Why am I doing this for…? Bossy, son of a… Then, there's Bella with the… I hate my life. Why couldn't… It was all so silent that I couldn't continue the other words. Behind the trees, and thorny rose bushes, the image of a tall and muscular boy came to picture. It was Jacob Black, Billy Black's son, potential werewolf.
"Crap! Those thorns hurt. Why am I even following Leah's scent? She's probably not even here. Ugh!" Jacob muttered to himself. He was half naked like the other werewolves, only sporting a pair of sneakers, cut off shorts, and a small sport bag in his left hand, while he used the other to remove branches and twigs in his way as he made his way to my small clearing. He was looking down, and he wasn't even watching where he was going. I was so glad to see Jacob. I wasn't angry anymore, till' I realized that I was human again. I looked down and gasped when I saw myself wearing nothing at all. My gasp must've alarmed Jacob, because when I did, he looked up immediately and dropped the sports bag on the floor. His jaw dropped.
"JACOB! What the hell! Cover your eyes!" I commanded, and without even scanning my words, he did what he was told. Oh, he should be stepping out of the clearing right now, but he was frozen still. "Get out of here! I need to go dress up." In a split second after my orders, he twisted his torso and disappeared behind the trees and the rose bushes. He was on the other side, just waiting for me to finish up. It was like the mall over again, only this time, it's a lot worse. I began putting on underwear, a pair of cut off shorts like theirs, only a lot shorter, and a brown sleeveless shirt. As soon as I finished up, I grabbed the bag, and disappeared out of my clearing too, those rose bushes really scratched me good. That's when I saw Jacob, leaning on a tree, just waiting for me to finish up.
"You could've knocked." I scowled at him, throwing the bag on his way, and he caught up athletically. It was no surprise, he was a wolf. And so was I. "I don't want you to be thinking about this later. If I catch you, you are so dead." I threatened and began walking away. He caught up to my face and walked beside me. Oh, he had the guts to do that? What a warrior.
"Yeah, I could've knocked. I didn't know the woods were a dressing room, Leah." He replied with the same bitter tone I threw him a while ago. I could feel that he had the same heavy emotions curled up in his chest. He didn't want anything to know about what he was thinking about, and being in his human form will always be a better way to solve that secretive problem. But I know he won't be able to keep this away from his mind for very long. He'll be worrying about it all over again, and the pack will know what's wrong. "And I won't be thinking about this later. I had problems of my own, thank you very much."
"Hmm, let me guess; is it about a Bella girl?" I asked him, and I watched as his expression changed to shock. He raised his eyebrows, and I could just decode what he was trying to say. How'd you know? I stared at my feet as we walked back to La Push. "You guys aren't the only ones capable of having wolf hearing, you know? And I heard you muttering something about Bella with the… something. What, are you gonna cry?" I teased heavily. I didn't need anyone to be negative with me. Jacob was already negative. I'm just trying to make life a lot harder for him. But, I've got to admit, Jacob and I have one mutual feeling, heart break and bitterness.
"None of your business, Leah." Jacob answered back. It was quiet for a while, till' his obsessive inner monologue of mutterings ruined my train of thought. That Bella's selling her soul to a lifeless bloodsucker. She's going to hell with him. Who was this Bella girl, and why was he hurting Jacob that way? Not that I'm worried about Jacob, I'm just concerned that this Bella girl might be telling my story with Sam and Emily all over again, and this time, in front of me. She told me she needed me to be there for her. What am I, a substitute? For whenever he's gone, I'd replace him to keep her happy? You've got to be kidding me. Those words struck me like a lightning bolt hitting me on the forehead. Jacob loved Bella, Bella loved Jacob, but Bella belonged to someone else. It's my story all over again.
My heart ached when I saw the image of what could happen to Jacob when this Bella broke his heart. It was the same expression and thoughts I had when Sam had broken my heart. And now, Jacob was here to share my pain with him, and to share his pain with me. It was perfect mutualism. We were both bitter with our lives, and we just wanted to die.
. We were back in La Push, and there a big welcome party was waiting for us. It was Sam, Paul, Jared, Embry, Quil, Seth, Billy, Quil Sr. and my mom, Sue. As soon as we were close enough, Seth hugged me. It wasn't a soft hug of welcoming, it was a tight hug that just said 'I Missed you' repeatedly. When he pulled away, I saw that he wasn't the same gangly teen. He had less prominent muscles and abdominal muscles, like the rest of the pack members, and he was getting taller than me. I smiled when I saw the wide smile on his face. I hugged my mom too.
"Welcome to the pack, Leah." Billy announced. I watched as the boys faces lit up. It was their first time having a girl in the pack. What would change? Yeah, that's what they expect. As for me, this was my life now. I was part of the pack, and it was my duty now. Everything I had in mind and planned for my future was nothing. I didn't know if I was supposed to celebrate with them, or just break down in tears when I realized I couldn't have what I wanted in my paradise after all. My transformation was one of the things that will mark me forever. Whatever happens, negative or positive, I blame it in the wolf genes. The night crawled in while we had a small bonfire and barbecue with the rest of the pack, as they celebrated three more members, and the coming of the end of the Vampires. I watched the darkness consume the sky, and like my dreams, I was not afraid any more.