A Random Kingdom Heartfirecomms Fanfic (Also known as that thread you may or may not remember)

By: TheBladeofaDemon, KevROB948, GalladeRoxas, RougeFalcon122, TDF, Fearless, Spiffythewonderkid, jjmara813, LinkSora74, and Stungun44. Oh, and Zoidberg, I guess.

(Chapter 1)

This Makes Total Sense!

Sora was walking with Riku when they saw Twilight Thorn and Dark Side together. "Riku," asked Sora, "Why are those two heartless so close to each other like that?" "Silly Sora," Riku replied. "Twilight Thorn is a Nobody, not a Heartless!"

But suddenly, Donald and Goofy jumped out of their stomachs for no raisin! And then Parasite Cage barged in and ate the fridge! "My fruit punch!" Sora exclaimed. Sora and Riku tried fighting the two enemies, but they were too powerful. "How did you guys get so strong?" Sora said. Then they regenerated and merged to become Dark Thorn. Parasite Cage teleported away, and Riku and Sora started to battle Dark Thorn. Sora used Sonic Blade while Riku just atacked Dark Thorn head on.

Suddenly, someone in a black cloak appeared to intervene. She pulled out two pitchforks and she defeated Dark Thorn with ease. "Who are you?" Sora said, staring at her. "The true question is, who are you?" The mysterious woman replied. "That's none of your business!" cried Sora. Sora ran to attack her, but he was easily outmatched. Then, she disappeared. "Where did she go?" Sora exclaimed. "It's anyone's guess..." replied Riku. "Do you think she could've been part of Organization XIII?" Sora said. "Dunno," said Riku apathetically, "she could be."

But then Riku started acting strange. "Not!" Riku shouted with sarcasm, "We defeated them, don't you remember anything?" "Slipped my mind, I guess," replied Sora. Suddenly, Kairi walks down to them. Then Sora starts to reflect on how his whole Keyblade adventure started. ,"We defeated the organization, but...what is this strange feeling?" Sora thought to himself. Then, a cardboard box bit Sora's leg. "I think...I think... RIKU," screamed Sora suddenly, "I THINK YOUR BOX IS TRYING TO KILL ME!"

The box then came to life, and it nearly killed Riku with a laser. But then it remembered that Riku is his best friend. Then, it proceeded to try to kill Sora instead. However, it remembered Sora was Riku's friend aswell. So it stopped moving, and it turns into a dragon. "I am Maleficent's twin brother!" It shouted into the air. "Really?" Sora said surprisingly. "Oh no, I'm not." The dragon replied with sarcasm. "I may be her brother, but I am not as pathetic or hellbent on ruling the universe." "But, why?" Sora said. The dragon looked down at Sora. "Because ruling the universe is lame. I just want to cure cancer." "Wow, even this dragon has more aspiration than you Sora." Riku said insultingly. "Shut up, Riku!" Sora said.

Because of that incident, Sora gets on a raft and leaves island pissed knowing that his day was really fucked up. He goes to a new world, it is a world where toys can move and talk on their own. Sora landed in the world of Toy Story! But then he realized that he got there on only a raft, and he wonders how he got there.

Back on the island, Riku and Kairi frantically search for Sora. But as they searched, a wall in front of them began to shatter. But when the two of them noticed it breaking, it was too late.

As Sora entered this new world, he shrunk in size, and became a plush doll. Then he noticed two toys being attacks by Largebodies. One of them was a spaceman, while the other was a cowboy. Sora rushed towards them, and he saved the two of them from the Heartless. They thanked Sora, and they ran off.

But suddenly, TheHelldragon and Riku appeared next to Sora for no raisin! "Woah!" Sora said, "Riku, how'd you get here?" "I'm not sure myself." Riku replied. "Well, what about Kairi?" "Don't worry, she's still on the island." Sora was relieved. "That's good to here." He turned his head to Helldragon. "So Riku, who is this?" Riku turned to Helldragon while Helldragon drank from his bottle of Bat Blood. "...I'm not sure myself." Riku replied. Matt Willard sighed. "My (user)name is TheHelldragon. I came from another world full of Hellfire and commentaries. But I got sucked through a portal and now I'm in this game." Sora and Riku looked at each other. "Uhh..." Sora began to say.

Before Sora could finish, Heartless appeared in front of them. Helldragon pulls out two keyblades. "Now I can kill these little shits with-" Helldragon noticed the keyblades in his hands. "Wait, what the hell? These aren't my Blades of Chaos!" Then another portal appeared, and a man covered in white ash and blood jumped out. He was also wearing no pants. Then he handed Helldragon the Blade of Artemis. Helldragon's mouth was open, and he exploded in his pants. "OH MY GOD!" Helldragon cried out. "You're Kratos!" "Yes, and you're the Helldragon." Kratos replied. And with a blink of an eye, they were transported to Rhodes.

And thus, Sora, Riku, TheHelldragon, and Kratos began killing enemies in the most brutal ways possible. Sora jammed his keyblade down a solders' throat, while Riku ripped wings off the harpies. Suddenly, a huge group of bats appeared and flew towards the Helldragon. And along with them, was the Colossus of Rhodes.

Then Simon Belmont jumped out of a window. He pulled out his whip and killed two of the bats. "You should all escape while you still can!" He said sounding like Crispin Freeman. Helldragon and Kratos ignored him, while Sora felt a weird feeling in his chest. TheHelldragon went ballistic, and started to stab the Resident Evil like bats. "DIE YOU F*CKING BATS! DIE!" While Helldragon was killing bats, Kratos proceeded to fight the colossus. When there was only a few bats left, TheHelldragon ran up the colossus' arm, climbed to the top of its head, and then fired a giant Getsuga Tensho blast from his blade, thus killing all the bats and enemies. Everyone else, even the colossus looked at him and all said simultaneously. "...Damn!"

TheHelldragon jumped off the colossus and landed back on solid ground. He then proceeded to gloat. "HAHAHAHAHA! TAKE THAT, BITCHES!" Then he proceeded to eat their remains. While TheHelldragon was stuffing his face with bat wings, a shadowy figure jumped out of the colossus' mouth and landed in front of TheHelldragon. "...I'm Batman." He said. TheHelldragon looked at him with rage filling his eyes. Then they began a battle to the death, while Sora, Riku, Kratos, Simon, and the colossus acted like cheerleaders. The five of them pooled on who would win. After only 5 seconds, TheHelldragon won by destroying his utility belt. "Listen, I hate actual bats, now go back to Gotham. You don't belong here." TheHelldragon said sounding like he didn't want to break something. Batman disappeared, and Kratos continued to fight the colossus.

Suddenly, an obnoxious voice filled the air. "That was undeniable proof that we totally owned you Batman!" Seifer floated down from the sky with wings he got from CANDY MOUNTAIN. "To stop all this uncontrollable warping, you'll need to kill a heartless know as Deathfarer. I can't kill it because I dont have a keyblade." As Seifer began to leave, Kratos grabbed him and ripped off his wings. Because of this, a portal appeared. Kratos threw Seifer's lifeless body at the colossus at lightning speed, destroying it instantly. "Hahaha! You suck first boss!" Helldragon said while running into the portal. Sora, Simon, and Riku proceeded to follow him. "Do you see now, Gods of Olympus!" Kratos yelled towards the sky. "Do you need more proof than this?" Then, the falling colossus made one final attempt at attacking Kratos. It brought it's giant sized hand down, and crushed the unsuspecting Kratos.

"NOOOOOOO!" TheHelldragon cried out, "KKKKKRRRAAATTTOOOSSS!" Then the portal disappeared, leaving Kratos' body behind. The four of them ended up in a dimension of darkness that felt very familiar. It was an alternate version of Destiny Islands. "Wait," Sora began to say, "What does this have to do with Kingdom Hearts?" Riku slapped him. "Don't break the fourth wall!" He said. Sora was shocked at what he just said. "How did I-" Helldragon cut him off. "Because of the heartless Deathfarer, the 4th wall has been broken." (The fourth wall?) Riku thought to himself, (could that have been that wall on the island?) "How do you know it's been broken?" Sora asked. "Well, my presence here proves it. Every time one of us breaks its, the crack on the wall grows. Once the entire thing collapses, creatures known as "fangirls" will be able to capture every single one of us."

Just then, two british men appeared next to Simon. "And look, now NTom64 and FTA are here as well. We'd better kill that heartless fast or else the world will go to chaos!" "Sup bitches." NTom said, while taking a sip of tea. "Let's kick this motherf*ckers ass son!" FTA replied. Then they pulled out two Chaos Emeralds. Suddenly, 50 gimps and Zant appeared. "Alright," Riku began, "you guys have keyblades, so whip em' out and start killing gimps, Hellfire Style!" Tom pulled out a keyblade that resembled a piranha plant, while FTA pulled out a Sonic type keyblade with Sonic's quills at the end. Then the Prodigy song "Smack my bitch up" began playing in the background. "Wow, this story is really taking a turn." Sora said, breaking the 4th wall. "What did I just tell you?" Helldragon said while cracking a gimps' skull.

While everyone was killing gimps, FTA confronted Zant. FTA began singing "Live and Learn", and then Sonic appeared out of a portal. He proceeded to stab Zant in the stomach, Black Knight style. Then, it turns out that Zant was actually Deathfarer in disguise! He summoned more gimps, and then Sonic unleashed more slashes. As Helldragon watched Sonic kill gimps, he got pissed. "Oh no way in hell do you have a sword!" Helldragon said. "Well, why are you a stereotypical idiot?" Sonic replied. "Touche." Sora was standing in the background. "...I thought this story was about me!" He said. "Start doing shit you lazy bastard!" Tom said as he fought his way to Deathfarer.

As Tom approached Deathfarer, a man ran up to him and took a swing at Tom's head. It was Samuel L. Jackson with his "Bad Motherfucker" keyblade. Samuel L. Jackson took Tom's head off, but it was only a shadow clone. Then, Tom and Samuel L. Jackson had a battle more epic than Cloud vs. Sephiroth.

Suddenly, a man with a mohawk and a body covered in red ash appeared along side to Saix and Marluxia. It was Kratos' nobody, Xartok. "Wait, I thought the writers killed you off!" Sora said. "4th wall broken!" Everyone shouted at him. "You idiot!" Helldragon said, "You're supposed to be the f*cking main character! You should be more active and less retarded." Goofy and Donald appeared, and they combined to create a Dug. "Wait, when did you two get here?" Sora said. "Again, broken 4th wall." Dug replied. Sora used Dug's power to go into Master Form. Then, he joined the fight. "About time." Riku said.

While Sora was kicking ass, Helldragon and Tom took a break and began commentating over the action. "Welcome back to the Kingdom Hearts 69 playthrough." Helldragon said. "Ha! Innuendo." Tom replied. "Will you all stop breaking the 4th wall until we defeat Deathfarer?" Riku said, " If we don't, there can be bad effects."

Suddenly, a girl with black hair appeared. "I'm here to help!" She said with a smile. "Who's that?" said Sora. "I'm Xion. I'm on the cover of 358/2 Days." Riku slapped her. "I said stop breaking the 4th wall Sora!" "Hey! Don't spoil it!" Xion replied. Unfortunately, because of all of the cameos and and characters, the world collapsed and everyone ends up at Final Destination. Deathfarer absorbs all of the gimps and Samuel L. Jackson, thus making him more powerful. Then Deathfarer split up into 3 smaller versions or him. Because of this, our heroes also split up into 3 groups. The first group was Team Hellfire with NTom64, FTA, TheHelldragon, Simon Belmont, and Sonic. The second group was Team Disney with Sora, Riku, Dug, and Xion.

Seeing how there weren't enough people to make three groups, Deathfarer summoned two humans from the Milky Way Galaxy. The first one was TheBladeofaDemon who has an Onyx Keyblade from hell, and the second was KevROB948 who has a keyblade from a cute fallen angel otaku. "Alright bitches," Tom said, "listen up. You two will join together as a team with those three nobodies over there, and fight the Deathfarer on the right. My team will fight the one on the left, and the Disney/Square Enix characters will fight the one in the middle." The three humans nodded.

However, Chip, Dale, and Sid crashed into Xion and Simon, while riding in the Gummi Ship. Because of this, the impact of the ship caused Final Destination to fall apart. Then everyone except Deathfarer began falling down to the land below. Everyone landed safely except Sonic, who landed in the shark infested waters. Also, Simon was nowhere to be found. Sora was unconscious until KevROB threw water on his face. Sora woke up thinking everything that happened was a dream, until he saw Tom playing Sonic Colors and FTA yelling at Helldragon impersonating Samuel L. Jackson.

But all of the fun stopped when Deathfarer floated down from space ready to end all life. That is when the battle of all battles began. Everyone was attacking, evading, shooting magic from their keyblades, until a girl with wonderous powers appeared. "Oh you have got to kidding me! Why couldn't I have landed in Magical Starsign?" asked Spiffy the Wonderkid as she rushed to join the battle. "Also, I swear to god, if Squa- I mean Leon shows up I will punch him in the face," she said as she cast Blizzaga on Xion. "Die useless and boring character, die I say!" "Calm down Spiffy." TheBladeofaDemon said. "After we kill Deathfarer, you have all the time in the world to beat the shit out of Xion."

"Hey! Did everyone forget about me?" Xartok said while ripping Xion's head off. "No!" KevROB screamed. "You ruined all the fun we could've had beating her up! You must die!" "But I'm in an RPG and in order to beat the final boss, I need to level up and collect the necessary equipment!" Spiffy said, "Which is why I need to murder random people and break into houses and steal people's stuff." As she spoke, the 4th wall crumbled once more. "You did not just steal my kill!" she shrieked at Xartok. "Let's get him, Spiffy!" KevROB said while using a cell phone to call Mickey. "I'm on vacation, so deal with it!" Mickey said. "Also, don't forget to visit DisneyWorld!" Then he hung up. Becuase of Xion's death, an epic battle with Spiffy and KevROB versus Xartok began. But then TheBladeofaDemon went behind Xartok and stabbed him. Then Xartok disappeared into the darkness."Uh...does anyone care about me anymore?" Sora said. "NNNOOOOOO!" Everyone shouted.

Then the woman in the black cloak appeared again holding two pitchforks. "Oh yeah, we forgot about this subplot!" Sora said. Then everyone took a turn slapping Sora. "I'm gonna make you my bitch!" the woman said to Sora. "I came here to hear voice acting and see cutscenes god damn it!" shrieked Spiffy at the woman in black, before casting Firaga on her. "Hey you can't say that! This is a Disney game!" Sora said. "You know what," Riku said. "I'm just not going to bother anymore." "Screw Disney, I have a reference to YGOTAS!" Spiffy yelled back at Sora. "DIEEEEEEEEEEE!" Spiffy promptly began to wail on the woman in black with her Keyblade. "Shut the fuck up and focus on the enemy!" yelled Tom. "The woman in the cloak can wait. Let's take care of Deathfarer already, all of this 4th Wall breaking is getting annoying!" said TheHelldragon. "Gawrsh, who is that lady?" said Dug. "That is number XV." said Saix. "Her name is Sary Xuem (Mary Sue), and she is the strongest nobody that ever existed." Suddenly, Roxas took over Sora's body. "That's bullshit!" Roxas said, "I wield two motherfucking keyblades, and as Sora I killed you bastards so go back to being dead!" Persuaded by Roxas' girly voice and cologne, the organization members besides Sary Xuem because she's almighty or something all just fell down lifeless.

"Oh dear God. It's Roxas." Spiffy said, rolling her eyes. "Are you guys my-" Spiffy cut him off mid-sentence. "No, we will not be your fucking friends. Go get paired with Axel or something. Seriously, we have the universe to save." Thankfully, Roxas fell down dead. Then Sora became a heartless again. "Good." Riku said. "Now he can't break the 4th wall anymore."

Suddenly, Dark Thorn came back as a pirate ship named Monstro. Thanks to TheBladeofaDemon, Sora went back to normal, but he had Oathkeeper and Oblivion in his hands. The only problem was that Sora couldn't move or talk. Then, Dug began playing Dig Dug while HellDragon unleashed his rage on Montro. "Riku, does this mean that you're the main character now?" Spiffy asked. "Can we go break into people's houses and steal stuff now?" "Yes and yes." said Riku. "I got first dibs!" said TheBladeofaDemon. TheHelldragon started attacking Monstro with all of his might. "FEEL THE POWER OF DRAGONS MONSTRO!" yelled TheHelldragon as he slashed Monstro with his flame covered Blade of Artemis. Then Mickey returned from his vacation and glomped NTom64 for no raisin.

"Go back to your vacation you prick!" Tom said. Because of this, Mickey summons every Mickey from the past and future and they transform into an Epic Mickey. "Fine, but please do something!" Tom said as he released his keyblade. Then KevROB does a keyblade release. "Now let's all kill Sary Xeum and Monstro!" KevROB said while FTA pulled out a Torch. Then FTA throws it at the enemies and releases his Sonicblade.

TheHelldragon, Ntom64, and FTA combine their powers to unleash their ultimate attack. TheHelldragon pulls out the Blades of Chaos, while FTA does Chaos control. Tom jumps up, and the three of them combine their powers. Then they fired a massive beam from hell and it kills Monstro. Then, they attack Deathfarer with a combinations of slashes from the Blades of Hellfire, flaming homing attacks, and the superpowers of Teamwork and Friendship. Their attack brutally injured Deathfarer, but in his moment of weakness, Deathfarer evolves into Dark Dragon. "I am Maleficent's mother!" The Dark Dragon said. "Deathfarer's a girl?" said Sora. "Apparently." Riku replied. "Now, it's time for you all to despair from my true form!" But before she could kill them, Simon appeared out of the sky riding Riku's Box Dragon. "...Mother!" The Box Dragon said. "We meet again, Box Dragon." "Uhh, Riku, does your box have a name?" Sora asked. Riku slapped him. "Of course not! Why would I name my box?"

Now that there are three dragons, Box Dragon, Dark Dragon, and TheHelldragon all fire lasers from their mouths. Unfortunately, when the three lasers collided with each other, the world was destroyed. Thus, everyone landed in Agrabah.

"Hey there! Sora, Donald, Goo-wait..." Aladdin said as Sora was falling. "Sora, what is that?" Aladdin said pointing to the Dug. "Oh, that's a Dug. Donald and Goofy combined, and the-" Before Sora could finish, the three dragons fired lasers again, and so Agrabah blows up aswell. Everyone fell again, and they ended up in America. But it wasn't just America, it was also Britain aswell. As everyone was getting up, Box Dragon ate Aladdin. But Dark Dragon started disappearing. "Ugghh...too...not...Japan!" It said. "...must heal...with...anime!" The Dark Dragon fired one more beam, killing Simon. Then, it disappeared, along with Riku's Box Dragon.

Then it turns to night and a message box pops up saying "What a horrible night to have a curse." "Wait," Sora began, "when did this become a Castlevania fanfi-" Riku bonked him on the head with his keyblade. "It hasn't," said TheHelldragon. "It's all just the effect of the 4th wall. Besides, curses don't effect keyblade weilders." "Then why do I keep breaking the 4th wall?" "Hmm, who knows?" said FTA. TheBladeofaDemon pulled out his Onyx keyblade. Suddenly, tons of Heartless appeared and surrounds them. "Well, it looks like we have to kill 100,000 heartless now." TheBladeofaDemon sighed.

"Should we just do a Spirit Bomb?" TheBladeofaDemon said. Everyone nodded. Then, a big energy bomb strikes the Heartless, thus killing them all. "Lets go get some Ice cream!" Spiffy said. Everyone agreed, and they went to go get Ice cream. Suddenly, IRTundraboy and Ron appeared and tied Tom up with rope. "We're taking him with us!" They said. "Should we go after them?" KevROB said. "Nah," Riku replied. "Let's get ice cream first." "No!" Tom yelled, "Save me you bitches!" Everyone else ignored him. "I'm getting a brownie sundae." TheBladeofaDemon said. "Let's ask Ron and Tundraboy if they want ice cream!" Sora said. They asked them, and they agreed. Ron and Tundraboy threw Tom off a cliff and he landed in the dead Monstro's mouth. And thus, HellFirecomms was renamed DragonFirecomms. Also, Sora lost his voice. The End...

...is what we would of said if Tom hadn't seen the reaction commands. He failed one, but he was still able to get back on solid ground. Monstro's body then exploded and old man chunks landed on everyone's ice cream. But, they didn't care, they just bought more ice cream. "So does anyone care about me?" Sora said being the only one without ice cream. The End...

of Chapter 1!

(Levels)

Title (Commentator)NTom64: Level 30 Weapon: Emerald Green Keyblade with a piranha plant at the end

Title (Sonic Nerd) FTA: Level 28 Weapon: Sonic keyblade with Sonic's quills at the end

Title (Overlord) KevROB: Level 26 Weapon: A keyblade from a cute fallen angel

Title (Weird Animal) Dug: Level 22 Weapon: A Staff and a shield

Title (Wonderous Girl)Spiffy: Level 29 Weapon: Unknown

Title (Dark Hero)Riku: Level 31 Weapon: Batwing-blade

Title (Keyblade weilder) Sora: Level 25 Weapon: Oathkeeper and Oblivion

Title (Disney's mascot)Epic Mickey: Level 50 Weapon: Epic Keyblade

Title (Insert title here) IRTundraBoy: Level 24 Weapon: Guitar Axe

Title (PC Gamer) GreatzombieRon: Level 24 Weapon: Next Gen. Machine Gun

Title (Death Controller) TheBladeoftheDemon: Level 27 Weapon: Onyx keyblade

Title (Transformer) TheHelldragon: Level 35 Weapon: Blade of Artemis

On the next episode of Hellfirecomms...

NTom64, A normal yet very English bastard man and Kairi, a simple but very Japanese anime girl. Two such people bump heads at a street corner so hard, the collision ends up swapping their souls. Now what? "Me? An anime girl?" Tom said. Life as Kairi ends up being pretty tough for Tom, knowing that he has two guys fighting over him, and nerds doing things when their alone while looking at pictures. Oh! How terribly nasty the gods can be in the convention of hell! "Is being an anime character that dangerous?" Will Tom be able to get out of this predicament, or will he stay trapped in a young girl's body forever? And what about his destiny? "...Can't I choose to go back to normal? And what's this about destiny?"

Next time on...

{Hellfirecomms: The Adventures of NTom64! Final episode! - U. R. - - It's time to wake up Tom!} "Who writes this crap anyway?" "So does any of that even happen?" Sora said. "Of course not!" FTA replied.