Nothing
Roxas has never lied to himself, he thinks it would stupid to do so. He does not run around like Demyx denying that fact that they are the empty shells of something once grand. Something once whole. No, Roxas accepts what he is and lives with it. All that's left of them is their thoughts, a body, and a soul. All carved out of nothing. Like a river rushing it's course through the mountains, carving the rocky face people stare at with such awe; be it that they think it beautiful or the craggy rock a monstrosity of nature they do not understand.
Carved, molded, beautiful or ugly in different views but there all the same. But there is a difference, something you might think slight that truly isn't, they are not natural. Everything about them binds existences rules and tears them apart. A cruel epiphany for a creation that destroys and eats away at everything it touches. Even the little bit of soul they carry crumbles under what they are made of.
If they did not have the need for a heart or to accomplish somethingthey would most likely be lumps of vegetable flesh staring into nothing. In the end though, every mean is that to getting a heart. A lie to satisfy the need, one that says you must over throw and back stab. It's something cruel that you can do without caring, but remember it's cruel. An emotion no?
Lie.
It's the closest you can come to a subtle lie, not like the outright one Demyx utters so incessantly and Axel occasionally hints at. They need that heart and if they do not search for it, such as the desperation demands, then they must subtly lie to themselves. Feelings, they had to lie and pretend they felt.
Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie.
But Roxas was always truthful and determined to find what should have been his. Without this purpose Roxas has nothing to do and would just be a piece of nothing fading away into nothing. Roxas searches and searches until he's captured. Till he's forced into that fake place with no memories.
Feeling ghostly happiness, living off ghostly regret. Something faintly painful at the edges that isn't real, and that's not even pain. Your imagining it Roxas, stop lying.
Stop it, stop it, stop it RIGHT NOW! Lies…so many lies. Roxas remembers it and when Roxas has a heart and his other he cries.
Because he can feel and now he wants to go back to that hell of being a Nobody. He has nothing left to search for, nothing.
Nothing.
Axel is gone, gone - his best friend is absolutely nothing. Roxas never had the chance to tell him, "I lied to myself a bit around you to, I pretended like I could feel. Just a little bit, and now I can….but your still lying." Roxas regrets because no matter how much he thinks about everything he will always miss Axel. Because though Axel lied to himself and he was great, dependable, absolutely fake but something important anyways.
And now that Roxas has a heart he regrets and misses the liar.
Still nothing to look forward to, nothing to move forward towards.
Sure he has Namine, but who is she? The Nobody who told him he should have never existed, someone who it had seemed always knew where everything was going. He didn't know her, Sora knew her Other but Roxas didn't know her. Roxas knew no one here.
Except for maybe Riku, who he fought.
And there is nothing left except Namine that remembers him, nothing.
Then Roxas and Sora's existence goes out like any other humans and Roxas is forgotten while Sora is remembered.
Finally, there is true nothing.
----x----
A/N:Point out the grammar mistakes, I'll fix them. I wrote this in a rush. Kindah hyper off coffee, sugar, and jet lag.