Clary is in a haze of warmth as glorious as the sun and happiness so bright and joyous it may as well be escaping from the clouds of heaven. Leaning against the painted window sill facing the wondrous streets of Alicante, the capital of Iris, Clary still cannot believe she's there. The past few weeks seemed to have melded together, creating one big hail-storm of demons and chaos over the mortal instruments Valentine has caused, and the heartache she felt whenever her heart thought of Jace. It was all going to come thundering down any day now it appeared, but sitting on the green and blue cushions Amatis has brought in for her, Clary couldn't feel an inkling of anger or worry in her. She felt at home. She felt as though there was no better feeling than the one possessing her at that moment. With the pencil in her hand and the light streaming in through the glass panes, Clary began imagining of what she would draw next. Something incandescently happy; something to resemble the way I'm feeling… she smiled as her pencil lowered closer and closer to her beloved art book.
Just as her utensil brushed the paper, the harmonious feeling of tenderness dissolved. Her eyes widened at the loss of warmth and she lifted her hand off the book, thinking the sensation would return. It didn't. Becoming panicked, she looked outside the window and saw shadows sweep across the green trees and the lush flowers that seconds ago were aglow with sunlight. Along with the gloom amongst the city, there were clouds of her own forming in her mind and doubt filling her stomach as she looked around the room. Something was missing. She could feel it in her self; a large hole was ripping its way through her insides as if something vital was being torn out of her whilst she's sitting at the now dull window sill.
Clary gasps and slides off the cushions she was previously so happy on and began fumbling through belongings in her room, hurriedly searching for the absent object. She opens up the dusty old chest at the end of the bed where she had found her Shadowhunter gear, and then leaping over to the old white filigreed shelves she shuffles around with the ornaments, mentally ticking off everything as she goes. Nothing was missing here either!
Desperate to quench the empty hole of unanswered sadness, she crawls underneath the bed as her arms unfold to riffle the even dustier items. As Clary makes her way to the middle of the floor under the double sized bed, she hears something. Clary instantly pulls her legs up to her torso and wraps her arms around them for security, all of her muscles frozen with sudden fear. It wasn't like the scuffling noises she had been making in the midst of the boxes and shelves; the sound was a low rumbling in the throat of an animal, accompanied by creaking stairs.
Clary's heart was beating so heavy in her chest she thought the wooden boards beneath her would begin to thump in time with the beat of her heart, giving away her hiding position. She imagined herself as the five year old little girl she used to be, hiding in any place she could fit from the evil monsters that hid in her closet. Trying to breathe in very shallowly, Clary attempted slowing down her cantering heart-rate as the footsteps she heard climbing the stairs reach the top, and consequently the exterior to this rooms' very door.
Stupid door being the first at the top of the stairs! Clary inwardly curses, quickly looking at the edges of the bed to check if there were any signs or limbs sticking out from the covers that could get Clary discovered. She constricted her arms even tighter around her suffocating legs and the handle on the door was grasped and squeaked open.
Clary's heart stopped. Her lungs ceased breathing in air and her eyes went wide in sheer terror.
Into the room walked a pair of polished black shoes covered by a very expensive looking suit pants, and dangling off the leg's left hip was the sheath of a sword.
Valentine.
The barbarically sick gargle of a growl she had heard as the footsteps were halfway up the staircase was Hugo, the pet raven Valentine savagely broken years ago that never left his side. He would be perched on his shoulder, Clary assumed, since she could hear no black feathered wings flapping.
Even from where she was, Clary couldn't miss the powerful air and proud stance Valentine kept as he walked into the small and messy room.
The heels of the shiny shoes sounded on the boards as the intruder walked from the door to the window sill and then began ever so cruelly slow towards to the shelves on the opposite wall.
Clary's eyes glistened with tears and she moved her hand to cover her mouth, not trusting herself to control her breathing or any whimpers that might escape her lips.
"Clary…" Valentine said mockingly. Her eyes widened to the call of her name. He knows I'm here, Clary thought. He was taunting her with his snide tone and the leisurely stride he took walking around the room. Closing her eyes and smothering her mouth even harder with her hand, she remained unmoving in her foetal position where he couldn't see her, but knew exactly she was there.
Valentine now stood a few paces away from the shelves on the wall. She could no longer see him since the wall the shelves were attached to are directly behind her. No amount of shallow breathing could stop her racing heart now, nor could any number of paper bags prevent her from hyperventilating.
His footsteps stopped scuffling on the floor boards, and now Clary could hear Hugo gurgling a hiss in the back of his throat.
Jace, Jace, Jace, where are you? Clary cried to herself, tears spilling through her eyes and sliding through the fingers on her face.
Then all Clary could hear were the hissing sounds from Hugo and a low laugh echoing throughout the room. "Jace!" she screams as a hand wraps around her ankles in a tense grip and yanks her from underneath the bed.
"Jace!" Clary yells as she sits up in her bed, panting and sweating from the nightmare. It all seemed so real… so lifelike. She peers around at her door. It's snugly shut in its doorway, and turning her head to stare straight outside the open window the sun is gleaming through in dazzling rays of golden light, with the wind carrying the white and sky blue curtains in a wave.
Clary raised her hand to her chest and met the thumping heart against her ribs. It's just a dream… it's just a dream, she cooed, inhaling several deep breaths and leaning back into the pillows of her bed. Pictures of the dream are still running through her mind as she tries to calm herself. She had felt so peaceful, so gloriously happy sitting on the window sill. Then all of it had changed… why?
Images of her dream disappeared and memories of that night came flooding back. Jace had climbed in through her window to stay the night. He didn't think she'd let him, but his words of confession and love were unbearable to ignore. She longed for him that night just as much as he had all this time. Of course she wanted, needed him to stay. She allowed herself to feel what she truthfully felt inside her, just for that one, beautiful night. Things were as bad as Jace had said; they didn't know what tomorrow would bring, or if they would even be alive. Why not spend it with the one you love?
Clary smiled and moved her hand so it gently smoothed over the bed where Jace had laid and whispered goodnight.
He was the object that was missing. Clary was dreaming of being in complete happiness because Jace had been with her. She didn't even need to be awake to notice when Jace had left. The shadows and darkness that floated over the trees of Alicante in her dream were a near perfect resemblance to how it felt when the angelic light Jace filled her with whenever he was around faded. He must have woken through the night to, to… where had he gone?
Tending to more detail this time as she scouted the room, Clary came across a ring of some sort on top of a folded piece of paper that had been placed on her bed-side table. Leaning over, she clutched the gold band on her finger and picked up the paper. When Clary brought the ring closer, she could immediately see it was Jace's he usually wore around his neck. She threaded the chain through her fingers and she opened the letter, dread latching itself onto every nerve in her body.
When she first looked upon the letter there were scratches of ink where underneath she could make out words of To Clary, Dear Clary and Clary, to be replaced by the most unforgettable inscription which would caress her heart for all eternity:
My Dearest Clary,
Despite everything, I can't bear the thought of this ring being lost forever, any more than I can bear the thought of leaving you forever. And though I have no choice about the one, at least I can choose about the other. People have names for the person they love, like princess, or darling… and that could be the same with me, for you have a say in everything that I do. But Clary, you aren't just someone to be worshiped, you are a person who captivates my soul. You are my life, my world, my only reason to keep living and breathing. Just a moment with you is another wish of my heart fulfilled. I love you, more than any words would dare attempt to describe, and right now there is no possible phrase or expression that could depict how much I'm killing myself inside to write you this letter. But it's something I have to do, Clary. I need to protect you and I have to go stop Valentine and kill him for good; him and Sebastian. Magnus taught me a reliable tracking spell and I found a belonging of Sebastian's.
I'll miss you Clary. You and the light you ignite within me whenever you're near. Those dark hours where I was lost to Valentine and his cruel world of demons and tricks were so sinister I didn't think I'd ever be pulled back to the surface. And then you of all people show up at Renwicks with werewolves, and that spark of emerald bliss in your eyes. I may be a monster, how could I not be when there's proof in Ithuriel's words, and by the way I love you so much? But the instant I see you walk into the room I feel relieved that you're safe and whole; nothing like the monster I am. You brought me back, Clary, and ever since I've belonged to you.
Clary had felt tears fill her eyes after the first few lines. By now her cheeks were flushed and coated with salty streams. It was a goodbye letter. He had gone; he had left and didn't plan on returning. Why else would he have climbed through her window and caressed her with searing words of love?
Clary chastised herself for not waking up. If she could have even stirred at the slightest sound, perhaps that could have been enough to keep him here, safe where they could just ibe/i for the night. Forgetting for the while her heavy sleeping burden, Clary returned to the last few words of the letter…
Forget my words I said to you in Taki's and in the Penhallow manor; they are all lies. Instead, remember me by my true title. Not Jace Wayland, or Morgenstern or Jace Lightwood, just Jace, the boy Shadowhunter who loved you, and will love you long after time itself ceases to exist.