Jealous Chapter 1
I'm jealous of the rain
That falls upon your skin
It's closer than my hands have been
Oh, I'm jealous of the rain.
Phil had known he was bisexual for a long time, since his teens actually, but for the past year he had felt different. He hasn't been finding girls attractive any more. He knew they were pretty, but he hadn't seen one that struck his fancy in a long time. Phil was starting to think he was gay. It all started when he and his best friend Dan had kissed.
That kiss.
It wasn't like they were trying to kiss or anything; Dan was drunk. He had drunk a tad too much that night so did Phil just not as much. Dan remembers nothing of that night or at least doesn't want to.
Phil remembers that night all too clearly though. It was a normal Friday night for the boy, no plans because lets get real they were practically each others only friend. They figured they would have a few drinks. A few drinks lead to a few more drinks and then the next think they knew, Dan was drunk as a skunk and wanted to play video games with Phil.
"Philllllll, will you play Mario Cart with meee?" Dan asked slurring his words
"Sure, maybe I will actually beat you since you're intoxicated"
Dan set of the game while fumbling with the controllers a little. When they started playing its like Dan tried his very hardest to focus on the game. Everything was great they played the game like they always do, until Phil happened to a blue shell in the game (Blue shells fly to whomever is in first place and blows them up). He sent it out and it hit Dan 8 seconds before going to hit the finish line.
"I can't believe you did that Phil!" Dan said looking hurt. Instead of him coming in 1st place he ended up coming in 3rd with Phil in the lead.
"It's a game Dan its not like I hit you with one in real life."
With that response Dan jumped on him. He didn't hit him or anything just sat on him, well more like straddling him.
"Dan what are you doing?!"
"Say you're sorry" Dan slurred
Phil laughed "Never!"
Then Dan started to bend down looking Phil right in the eyes to where their noses were practically touching. They were like that for what Phil thought was hours. Dan closed the gap in between them; Phil was shocked at first but melted into it. It was one of those things you didn't know you wanted till it happened. But then all too suddenly it ended.
"Dan..." Phil gasped out
Dan got up and went in his room. To that day they haven't spoken of it. Well, Phil tried to once but Dan is determined that it never happened, so Phil gave up trying.
Lately it's been getting to him, he hasn't been able to think about anyone else except Dan and the harder part is, they are best friends.
How can I have crush on him? We live together. We have a YouTube channel and a radio show together. Jesus this will destroy everything if Dan finds out.
One night he was listening to music and a new song he didn't know came on his Pandora.
I'm jealous of the rain
That falls upon your skin
It's closer than my hands have been
Oh, I'm jealous of the rain.
I'm jealous of the wind
That ripple through your clothes
It's closer than your shadow
Oh, I'm jealous of the wind, cause
I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me
Phil was a mess. He wasn't sure as to why this song made him so emotional. It made him think of Dan.
This is insanity, we were never together! I need to get my self collected and calm down.
Just then he heard a knock on his bedroom door,
"Phil?" Dan said peeking his head through the door. "Are you alright?"
Phil sniffled and sat up a bit straighter on his bed, "Yes I'm fine"
"Phil, you can tell me what's going on." He said walking over to the bed
"I'm fine, Dan, don't worry!"
"Obviously you're fine," Dan said rolling his eyes "Since when do you cry randomly?"
"A song made me emotional, okay?" Phil really just wanted Dan to go away. Can't a guy cry in peace?
"Why do you think it made you emotional?"
"Dan, please let me be alone." Phil pleaded
"No, come on Phil, just talk to me maybe you'll feel better."
"Is that what it will take to get you to leave me be?"
Dan nodded his head.
"Ugh, fine. It… well the song, it…"
"Phil you can tell me anything,"
Phil took a deep breath "Dan, I'm gay."
"What?"
"I'm gay." Phil repeated
"No, I heard you; I'm just confused why you were crying cause of this. Did the song make you realize you're gay?"
"No, I've known for about a year now…"
"Then what's up?" Dan asked
"You wouldn't want to hear about it."
"Obviously, Phil, I do."
"Right, well, please don't over react, but I think I have a crush on you. But hear me out-" Phil said before Dan cut him off
"What?!" Dan exclaimed getting up off the bed
"Dan please calm down!"
"Phil you just told me you have a crush on me, I uh.. I need a minute" With that Dan left the room.
Phil couldn't believe he just destroyed his friendship with his best friend. He was so stupid, he crawled into a ball and cried
Dan wasn't mad, he was shocked. It's not everyday your best friend said they have a crush on you. He loved Phil, he just didn't know if he did in that sort of way. Dan was bisexual everyone knew this but he never thought of Phil in a relationship kind of way. Phil was adorable and funny but knew how to be serious when he had to be. He was his best friend.
Shit, I just stormed out on him as he was coming out. Fuck he probably thinks I hate him…
Dan walked back to Phil's bedroom to find the older man curled into a ball crying. He didn't even notice Dan walking in and sitting next to him. Dan pulled Phil close to him so now Phil's head rested on his chest.
"I'm sorry I stormed out" Dan apologized
"I didn't think you'd take it all that well anyway…"
"I was surprised, I mean I'm not the best looking flower in the patch."
"Shut up, you are the handsomest man I've met. I don't even compare to you…"
Dan looked down at the man in his lap. He seemed so small and fragile when he was like this. "Phil don't ever think that okay? You are fantastic with your piercing blue eyes, and nice smile. I mean who else can make me laugh about nonsense?"
Phil finally looked up at Dan. They just looked at each other, until Dan cupped the side of Phil's face and kissed him. That kiss felt like it lasted forever, until Phil pushed away.
"What's wrong?" Dan asked
"I don't want this to be like last time" Phil stated
"I know, I was intoxicated, I swear i don't remember it. This is different; I promise it is. Please Phil?"
With that, Phil kissed him and that's how they spent that night. In Phil's bed tangled up in one another.