Mary Poppins: the Untold Tale
by the one and only...Poopscicle
Mary watched vacantly as the children frolicked in the park. She talked to her strange parrot umbrella, which nobody else could seem to hear. She picked up a pebble and nibbled on it as she thought to herself, Life isn't fair. There was screaming in the distance as one of the children fell into the murky lake water and started to drown. Mary shrugged it off, thinking that it was one less mouth to feed. She had been driven to insanity by those kids. She popped an anti-depressant and felt alone. Then someone she had known for a long time appeared.
"Why hello Bert."
"Ma'am? My name is Gary."
"Oh excuse me."
She began to cry. She hadn't seen Bert in 20 years. He had flown off with that other nanny, Maria, who he had met in the mountains of Austria and looked surprisingly familiar. That mutton chop, thought Mary, who up until now had not known she looked almost exactly like Maria. Stealing my identity, what with all the singing and dancing.
One of the children came up to Mary:
"Can we go home now Mary? We've been here for almost 9 hours."
"NO YOU POOP!" Mary screamed as she whacked him with her parrot umbrella and chucked stones at his face.
Mary found a wrench somewhere and began to pulverize poor little Michael, until his entrails were dragging on the ground.
"P-please, M-mary Poppins, no m-more!!" squealed the little runt as Mary shoved his head into the murky lake water where his sister had drowned only 10 minuets ago, and was now floating facedown with a small toad catching flies on her back.
"A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down!" Mary sang as she gave the boy one last hard hit, before he went flying into the air and the path of an on-coming goose.
Michael, now crippled and disfigured, dragged himself towards the Constable, who kicked him away with utter dismay. Mary had now flown off and was nowhere to be seen.
Mary had only one destination in mind: Austria. Armed with astronaut diapers, a crowbar, a large trash bag and other weapons of her choice, she zoomed off to kill Maria and take back Bert.
The End