A/N: Pairings: Tino/Lukas, hinted Berwald/Tino, hinted Lukas/Emil
Human AU
Warnings: suicide, character death, self-harm
It's almost like he's underwater. He feels like he can't breathe, though all he wants to do is cry until he can't anymore. But the tears won't fall, and he doesn't know what his face is doing, except that it seems like he can't react to the news.
Tino is dead. He's dead, and Lukas can't react. He can't break the mask that he has, and he wants to just place a gun in his mouth and pull the trigger, instead of seeing Berwald and Mathias stare at him like he's a psychopath. They're both stricken with grief, hell, even Berwald has tears running down his face, but Lukas just sits there, staring.
Lukas is about to stand and leave the room, but Emil can see what's happening. The icelandic teenager sees his brother's internal conflict and instead of just staring at him like Mathias and Berwald, hugs him, and brings him to the couch, forcing him to sit down.
A single glare from Emil brings Mathias and Berwald back to reality, and they both sit down in opposite chairs, and divert their gazes from Lukas. The Norwegian is silent, sitting on the couch. He isn't looking at anyone, and his eyes are left on the floor.
It's a nice floor. The hardwood is nice, and the lines in it are straight, and there's no scratches on it, which is a feat considering who lives here. Floors are usually scratched within the first few months of coming here, but there are only a few he can see here.
A sob wrenches it's way out of his throat, but it's loud in the silence of the room. Lukas stands up and leaves the room, going to his bedroom and locking the door. Emil comes after him, and knocks on the door for a few minutes, before he gives up, knowing that Lukas isn't going to open the door.
Emil doesn't leave, instead sitting against the opposite side of the door. He can hear Lukas sob through the door, and continues his own crying, knowing that even though Lukas was closest to Tino, it still fucking hurts that the Fin is gone.
It fucking hurts. Lukas is holed up in his room, and a pair of scissors somehow appeared in his hands. He's staring at the shiny blades, trying to will himself to throw them across the room, and get them stuck in the wall.
He can't. He can't will his hand to move in such a way as to throw it, and instead he positions the sharp scissors across his arm, sliding it across, fast and hard. The pain is relief. His tears finally fall, and the blood is staining his clothes. The scissors slide again, but it's relief.
When he finally finds the strength to toss away the scissors, his arm is covered in blood and red lines. He isn't proud, he wants to pretend it didn't happen. He's almost ashamed, except that it let him cry. It let him break.
Lukas is tired of being strong. Is tired of trying to be the support beam that holds the rest of the Nordics together. He wants to snap, wants to break, wants to cry. He wants to mourn his own lover's death.
But he can't. He can't mourn Tino. He's trained himself too well. Trained himself to always keep a blank expression. He wants to cry, wants to break down, wants to mourn. Instead of retrieving the scissors from across the room, he unlocks the door, ignoring the sound of surprise that Emil makes, and makes a beeline for the kitchen drawer, where he knows there is a loaded handgun.
He pulls it out, and notices Mathias and Berwald watching him with wide eyes.
"I'm sorry." He says, and puts the gun in his mouth, pulling the trigger. He hardly hears their silence.