Hardboiled Naegi

Plot: Kirgri isn't the only Super High School Detective at Hope's Peak Academy; a very different Naegi Makoto is in this story; a hardboiled, monloguing in the style of black and white noir films or Sin City kind of Naegi. A Negi who has a way with the ladies…and a hunger for answers.

First story written in single-person view and first actual harem story, read and review.

Chapter 1: Death Games? Not on my watch

I wake up to an unfamiliar ceiling, my face pressed against a desk and a small puddle of drool visible.

How many times you hear that in an opening chapter?

Aw well, I digress.

My name's Naegi Makoto, first year high school student.…well, that should be enough for now, you'll learn more about me soon enough.

I scan the room; a classroom with no open windows or other students. Nails imbued in the walls.

I got no memory of how I got here.

Suddenly, the intercom buzzes louder than nessacary.

"All students report to the gym for the 8:30 assembly!"

That voice…so scratchy…annoying…Oh god damn it, here comes the pain!

Head ringing, I rummage through my jacket, looking desperately for what I always take in situations like this.

Whoever put me in this room here took my pills, but had the decency to let me keep my thermos of Joe.

Shit.

Plan B then. I just breathe in and out. In and out. The headaches subside, but not by too much.

I'm going to kill the person who put me in here when I catch them. Slowly, brutally and in a way they won't show on TV in any country. Like something out of the Saw movies. I just need garrotte wire, rubber tubes, handcuffs, a bible and a hungry animal.

I check the clock: 8:29. Well, I'm going to be late for this assembly and I can now see everything is still, so I force myself up, only to spin for a spilt second…My legs are jelly…How long have I been in this room? At least the door is unlocked, so I'm not locked in.

I look for a map to lead me to this supposed gym. I find it and walk in the direction. I also realize where I am; Hope Peak Academy, where only the best of the best of the best are enrolled.

How I got in is just another question that needs answering, and no Makoto leaves questions unanswered. That's the logo of mom's detective agency.

Mom….Sis…

I open the gym door. Inside are my fellow students: Eight dames and aside from me, six guys.

The loud mouth, Ishida Kiyotaka, is dressed in a hall monitor or solider uniform and reprimanding me for being late.

"Save it, I just woke up in an empty classroom, got a headache and my pills are missing." I flip him off. He promptly tells me that the middle finger isn't allowed in a school environment.

Damn it, I need my pills. Does this guy come with a volume control? I'll refer to him as Hardass from now on.

I go through and meet the others. Somebody mentions everyone woke up like me, but I'm really not concerned with that.

Togami Byakuya. I can already tell he's going to be a pain in my ass; the snooty rich kid in businessmen attire who just so happens to be a genius in everything he does? Likens himself to a god that we mere mortals are lucky enough to be in the mere presence of? Yeah, there a word for people like him: Dick.

Hagakure Yashuhiro is the fortune teller. In this day and age, to see someone really dedicate themselves to that is both sad and awesome. Sad in his case; something tells me he couldn't tell the past from the present. He has dreadlock hair, wears sandals. I'm either going to get along with him, or wish him a painful end. Probably both.

Yamada Hirumi is a straight up nerd. Grossly fat and the biggest of us in terms of girth and heights….I've never picked on anyone, but I feel the urge to beat him up on principal. Especially since he does nothing but talk about videogames and fanfics. Look, I'm all for fandoms, but level it out with other stuff.

Mondo Owada, or as I like to call him, the Kuwabara wannabe. He wears a biker's outfit and seems out to start a fight. There's going to be a reckoning between us soon, I can tell.

Finally, Leon Kuwata. The baseball player, in here? Well, he is one of the best. Seems like a decent fella.

And finally…the ladies. Oh, the ladies….Maybe being trapped in here won't be so bad, considering the beauties in this room.

What? I'm a teenager, cut me some slack. At least I admit it.

First up is a gothic beauty in a maid's cap and black school uniform, a Lolita style. Celesita Lundenberg, a gambler. Her hair is done in black curl horns with a hime-cut and she wears a finger ring.

Then Junko Enoshima; a blonde with mismatched scrunchies in her hair; one a bow and the other a bunny. Her black shirt is buttoned, showing off a black bra and leaving little to the imagination.

Next we have Fijuisaki Chihiro…So damn cute. Shortest of us all, in a green dress and big eyes….she reminds me of my kid sis… a computer prodigy with short blonde hair.

Then there's Aoi Asahina, the swimmer. Jogging suit and a white T-shirt with tanned skin brown hair in an upwards ponytail. Oh, and the shirt's loose.

Sakura Ogami is an unexpected one; well-muscled and almost manly, if not for the dress and her voice. A rough, tough and tumble kind of gal. The kind who can watch your back in a fight. She and Aoi seem close, must be friends.

Toko Fukawa, the writer. I've read some of her works…pretty good, despite how scared she seems. She has the adorkable look; glasses, black schoolgirl dress and glasses. She's looking over at Togami with want, and I already pity her in that regard.

In the back is Kyouko Kirigri. She's quiet, anlyasizing the whole shtick. She has lavender hair, wears a leather jacket and gloves and a red tie.

And then finally, there's Maizono Sayaka.

Maizono…

The idol of my old school; blue hair that reaches the small of her back with a pink ribbon and rocking a school uniform so well it should be illegal. Her songs always made in top 10 in Japan, and if you looked deep enough, somewhere in the West probably had them on their list.

She actually knows who I am; she remembers us being in the same class.

HOLY SHIT, AN IDOL KNOWS I EXIST!

Sorry. World shattering revelation right there. Probably won't happen again…maybe. Where was I? Oh yeah:

The principal is a teddy bear.

….

Let me repeat that:

The. Principal. Is. A. Fucking. Teddy. Bear.

Half white and half black, answers to the name Monokuma.

When did my life become an anime or videogame (if Yamada reads this, I can already tell he's going to throw a piss-fit)? In what semblance of reality would this fly…?

Oh.

Cleaver, Monokuma, cleaver. Cutting off communication to the outside world and trapping us in here. Straight out of one of Toko's novels.

Along with what he says we're here for:

Kill each other and get away with it? Sounds like whoever's in charge here has such a hard-on for the Hunger Games or Battle Royale their overpowering thought. Surprisingly, nobody comments on that. At least this isn't a straight up killfest; we're going to have to solve the murderers?

This is going to be kind of fun.

Kirigri is the only one whos demeanour hasn't changed one bit. She's clearing breaking down everything we've been told while others try to argue against what Monokuma's said.

"Not going to happen."

I'm not the first to have said it; but everyone looks to me as I pour myself a cup of barely warm joe and down it one gulp.

"Anybody here with a dick is fair game." I announce. "I don't hit dames of any sort. Coffee?"

Probably just dug myself a grave, but I'll be damned if I don't take at least one of these shmucks with me if it comes to that.

Also, dying a virgin is not allowed; sis and mom would never let me hear the end of it.

The Kuwabara wannabe is pissed, big shocker, and tries to attack the bear. Anybody could've told him that was a bad idea, especially when a countdown goes off.

For some reason, I push him out of way. My jacket is singed, but I'm fine. Certainly doesn't hurt Maizono seems real concerned about me.

Not two minutes later, the Kuwabara wannabe tries to slug Togami for being a dick; as much as I hate the guy and he deserves it, something tells me to be the diplomat in this hopeless situation.

I get the feeling I'm going to be listening to that something.

I stop the thug's punch with my palm, putting a lot of strength in stopping it. Give him this much; he's actually tough,

"Don't expect that all the time." I hiss at the rich kid, turning to the thug. "And you. Calm down and explore with the others. Let's meet up at the cafeteria."

I suggest the cafeteria because that's where I'm going to be staying most of the time here; Monokuma mentioned the kitchen's fully stocked and thinks I'm going to settle plain lunches?

I fix myself up some beef teriyaki with egg and noodles, and offer some to Maizono.

Nobody finds anything that can help. I laugh when the thug admits he tried kicking steel door for an hour when a pin-pad was visible. Clearly, he's an idiot.

Aoi and Sakura mention a nurse's office.

"WHERE?" I shout. "I NEED MY PILLS!"

They point me in the right direction and I bolt out of the room.

Wait a sec.

I dash back and glare at the assembled.

"Touch the noodles and you're dead."

Once at the nurse's office, I tear through the assorted pills, looking for one name: Nalfon.

I find it and take two whole things of pills, popping a few in my mouth.

Finally, the headaches and vertigo are gone.

I go back and explain my condition. Another grave probably dug, but seeing as I'm stuck with these people until otherwise, I might as well be open.

XXXX

Two days pass and everybody's still alive. The bear must be pissed, because he calls us in and makes it clear we can't leave until we commit the perfect crime.

Junko, that hot blonde, almost follows in the thug's footsteps trying to fight the bear, who summons Gumgir spears.

Unlike with the thug, there's no hesitation with shielding Junko; ladies are always a priority in my book, and if what little I know of Norse mythology is true…

In the end, Junko isn't skewered, but my arm has a hole in it and I lost probably half a pint of blood. Thankfully, the spears don't live up to the name. Junko and Maizono take me to the Nurse's and bandage me up.

Not going to lie; two dames batching up a bum like me feels pretty good. The look of jealousy on the other's faces makes it all the sweeter.

Monokuma gives us a DVD to watch in the media room. Mine has mom and sis wishing me luck at this school, then cuts to a mangled mess of a room.

I remember both images, and then my memory comes back a little more. I came home to the second scene…and worse. State declared me and orphan, gave me an allowance to live on, then informed me of my…condition.

A tumor, size of a golf ball, in my brain. Inoperable. At best, I have three years to live, and this DVD ends with a pic of my medical report.

For Monokuma to know that….

Okay. The sick freak in charge here is going to die. Saw or Sin City-style is too good for them; I need a revenge fantasy straight out a hate fic. Maybe Yamada can prove himself useful in that regard.

Maizono freaks out over whatever was on her disk and runs out of the room. When I catch up, I let her cry and shut out the bear's laughter at her pain.

I'm going to enjoy pummeling whoever pulls your strings, teddy.

Once Maizono's calmed down and fallen asleep, I take her to my room, since I can't get into hers.

"Sleep it off."

Its curfew around this time, everybody else is asleep. We have an unspoken rule that we all stay in our rooms at lights out to minimize murder possibilities.

I was never one to listen to curfews, so I walk around the school. All I figure out is that the money the school store accepts has the bear's face on it and when can only find them by solving murders. Now I actually have a reason to want someone to die.

I head back to see my room door is open. Part of the unspoken rule is that we're not to open the doors for any reason at night.

I crawl against the wall and put my ear to it. There's sound of a struggle, someone trying to break down a door.

Then I hear Maizono's voice. She's begging. And crying.

If there's one thing that pisses me off, it's someone hurting or making a girl cry.

"Ahem." I growl. "Asshole."

He freezes for a moment, then turns around and grins madly. I don't get a good enough look due to the light, but that doesn't mean much to someone who's used to working in a dark environment.

The attacker screams and leaps. I can feel my kick shatter his cheekbones, sending him flying. He races toward me, the speed of athlete present. I dodge and slam my elbow into his shoulder as he passes.

I take a look; piercings and red hair. Leon Kuwada, baseball player.

Should've known; the 'good' ones always break first. Kind of hoped in was Togami who cracked first though, one less arrogant billionaire that way…Aw well.

Leon, screaming loud enough to wake the dead, swings a butcher knife at me. Cliché much?

He cuts my chest…and my jacket.

Everyone is outside right now, watching me and this wannabe murderer duke it out. Maizono's still bawling in my room, her clothes ripped and a bit of blood dripping down her arm.

Then I notice her skirt's been tossed aside and her panties are pulled down.

I see red, and next thing I know, Kuwada's stuck in a wall, broken and beaten but still drawing breath. The world is spinning, people are yelling and threatening…why is the world so damn loud?

I pop a pill in my mouth and wheeze. All I really remember is punching the baseball star so hard the tongue piercing must've come out, cause blood flew from his mouth.

"That count as murder, Monokuma?" I ask. "Cause if so, I'm a dead man."

The bear suddenly appears, laughing like a maniac (at this moment I realize I'm going to be repeating myself). Everybody is shocked by this 'ninja skill.'

"We'll let it slide." He laughs, pulling Kuwada off the wall…somehow. "Everyone saw it, not mention nobody died! Now the rest of ya, back to bed."

Everybody does as their told; we never see Leon after that.

Maizono's in shock and asks me to stay with her that night. What I wouldn't have given to have that offer years ago and under better conditions…

She wraps her arms around me, careful of my cut. I smell the shampoo in her hair; blueberry. Looking down, she seems…relaxed. Not entirely, but enough to breathe and sleep.

When my eyes finally close, I go over all my problems: I'm stuck in a school filled with the best of the best who'll probably want me dead first thing in the morning, my memories screwed up and I still don't know why I'm here, aside from the fact that whoever's in charge likes seeing teens suffer.

Well, I'm sleeping with an idol (who seems to enjoy it), so that's a start.

-From the Diary of Naegi Makoto

Thoughts? Concerns?

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