A/N: Hey guys, it's been a pretty long while since I've written any fanfiction, so I am kind of rusty. This fanfic is multi-chaptered, I hope I actually finish this. I've been meaning to write this ever since the Tweek x Craig episode aired but due to procrastination I never really got around to writing it until now.
The events in this fic take place in the episode "Tweek x Craig" right after Tweek and Craig got together but before the montage that you see in the end of the episode, just imagine that this occurred before the karaoke part.
The pairings are obviously Creek, Style, Bunny and very mild Tyde. Cartman ends up with himself.
Anyway in the same vein as most of my fanfics this is kind of crackish, expect some fourth wall breaking, fluff and mild to severe OOC-ness.
Hope you enjoy reading!
Cartman stood in front of EB Games, eyeing the huge array of games and consoles that were neatly displayed. He squinted his eyes, trying to focus on finding a game he had seen on the internet. The moment he saw the trailer he knew he had get it.
"Hmm, where the fuck are you…not there, no not here either."
"Oh sweet, there it is!" Upon seeing his beloved game, Cartman quickly ran inside the store, not even bothering to apologize to the little boy that he pushed down for being in the way.
Cartman walked towards a shelf and as soon as he saw the stack of cartridges, his chubby little hands darted to grab one; the feeling of the yet to be unwrapped plastic protecting the case was orgasmic for the fat brown haired boy.
"You're mine now aren't you? You're my game and I love you. Who's the good game? yes you're the good game! let's just get you home and I'll-FUCK" Cartman audibly cussed, which gained the attention of the people around him.
"Sixty dollars for this fucking piece of shit? What the hell!? What the actual hell!? This is bullshit!"
"Fuck those stinking Jews at Ubisoft, their games are shit! This game is shit…"
Cartman angrily placed the cartridge of Assassin's Creed: Syndicate back to its shelf, crossing his arms as he angrily stomped towards the exit. He'd have to beg for his mother to give him thirty more bucks, his mother had been increasingly hard to manipulate ever since that time she met that Cesar Milan douchebag but I know she can't resist me; Cartman thought.
"Ow, Hey watch where you're going asshole!" Lost in his thoughts, Cartman accidentally collided with someone on his way out of the store. He shifted his gaze to look at the person who had bumped into him, they were going to get it, how dare they disrespect his authoritah? The guy that he had apparently crashed into was Craig; he had bored expression in his face and his right hand were intertwined with the hand of the twitchy, spazzy, blonde known as Tweek.
"Why if it isn't Tweek and Craig! You homos on a date?" Cartman said, his tone ambiguous on whether he was mocking them or not.
"Move away fatass, you're blocking the way."
"I am in the way!? Screw you Craig, you were the one who crashed into me ya asshole!"
Craig and Cartman angrily glared at each other, Tweek who had been quiet all this time, noticed a small queue of people wanting to go into the store beginning to form behind them. Not wanting to disturb the other people he decided to speak up. "Uh guys? We're blocking the way to the store."
The two looked at Tweek, who twitched slightly upon suddenly receiving attention.
"Whatever, I don't have time for you fatass." Craig sighed, he then went on his way to enter the store, Tweek in tow; but not before flipping Cartman the bird with his left hand.
Cartman scowled at Craig and was preparing to leave when he noticed that Tweek was holding a stack of bills, a stack of HOLY SHIT, one hundred dollar bills. Curious on how they managed to get that much money; he decided to follow Tweek and Craig to the store.
Craig dragged Tweek towards one of the shelves he then turned to Tweek who looked back with wide eyes in response. Hiding behind a shelf of xbox one games, Cartman listened in to Tweek and Craig's conversation.
"So which game do you want to get?" Craig said with a bored voice, he would rather be at home right now, but his twitchy fake boyfriend wanted to go out.
"Ah jeez, I-I don't know man…there's way too many games, I can't decide, I am freaking out man."
"Tweek, get a grip. It's not like we only have to choose one game. We got over three thousand dollars from the adults, hell we can buy a new console if you want to."
"What the fuck?" thought Cartman, how the hell did those two get that much amount of money from the adults? Cartman crept closer, attempting to get a better view and sound from the two's conversation.
"Really?" Tweek questioned, his eyes were wide and curious.
"Yeah." Craig answered, avoiding Tweek's gaze. In the deepest corners of his mind he thought that Tweek's stares were adorable but that was gay so he tried to dismiss the thought. They weren't really gay after all…they're just pretending.
"Can we get ps4s?" Tweek mirrored Craig's movement, looking away he saw a stack of ps4s adjacent to the shelf they were currently at.
"Dude, this was settled two years ago during the black Friday trilogy remember? Every kid in South Park has an xbox one. We won't be able to play with anyone if we buy one."
"Well we could buy two and play with each other…" Tweek suggested, blushing at the thought of playing games with Craig and ONLY Craig, then blushing even harder when he realized that the last part can be meant as something else.
Craig looked at Tweek but then shifted his gaze away from him again. He had no idea why the spazzy blonde was blushing but the sight of it is giving him weird feelings…weird homoerotic feelings. Nope, I am not gay. Craig thought.
Cartman furrowed his brows, he was getting increasingly irritated by the gay cloud of sexual tension surrounding his stalkees. He just wants to know how they got the money. He didn't sign up for any of this gay shit.
"Fine we'll get ps4s…but don't tell anyone."
Tweek's eyes lit up when he heard what the chullo-clad boy had said, He tried to hide a smile not wanting to seem overly eager. Craig then walked towards a shelf of games with Tweek following suit, their hands still locked with each other.
"But we still need to buy games..."
"Oh uh y-yeah man, of course!" Tweek looked around, trying to find a game that he and Craig might enjoy. "W-what about that one." He pointed towards a poster that said "Assassin's Creed: Syndicate now on stock!"
"I watched the trailer for that game a few months ago, it didn't look that cool but we have cash to burn so might as well buy it." Craig said with a monotone voice.
Cartman felt rage with what he had heard. "SCREW YOUUU!" A shrill voice said, followed by Cartman suddenly emerging from behind one of the shelves. The startled Tweek instinctively grasped unto Craig's arm and hid behind him whilst Craig looked at Cartman with an unamused face.
"Fatass."
"I've been listening to your gay-ass conversation, HOW in the fucking hell did you homos get enough money to buy that piece of crap game!?"
Craig raised an eyebrow but his face went unfazed. "Why should we tell you?"
"Screw you Craig, you're a traitor…first you teamed up with Kenny to get Ps4s, then you join that asshole Clyde after finding out he has the stick of truth, you're always fucking me up."
"Yeah so?"
"AAAARGH fuck youuuuu." Cartman yelled, this again caught the attention of all the customers inside the store.
Craig ignored Cartman and picked up a cartridge of the game, he then went on his way to ask one of the salesmen for ps4s, but before he could take another step, Tweek gently tapped on his shoulder gaining the taller boy's attention.
"Why don't we just tell him where we got the money?" Tweek pulled up an ear flap from Craig's chullo then whispered in his ear, Craig grew red when he suddenly felt the sweet, warm breath of his fake boyfriend come into contact with his ear.
Craig coughed several times, trying to straighten himself up and recover from the event that had just happened. Ignoring the warmth he felt on his cheeks, he put a cool face on and turned his gaze to Cartman.
"H-Hey Fatass, if w-we tell you where to get the money, will you promise not to bother us ever again?" Craig cursed inside his head for lamely stuttering, No it wasn't because of Tweek, he told himself.
Cartman who was about to throw several cartridges of games and push shelves in a fit of tantrum/rage, suddenly stopped when he heard Craig's proposition.
"Yeah, yeah whatever sure…just tell me."
Craig sighed, He didn't want to humor Cartman's demands, he was a shitty person who deserves to suffer but Tweek suggested that they tell him anyways. Then again it's not like Cartman gets to do anything bad with that knowledge right? Fuck it I'll tell him.
"The adults and the PC Principal are giving us cash because they think we're gay."
"Haha very funny Craig, now tell me where'd you get the money."
"I already told you, they're paying us because they think we're gay…"
"They're paying you because you ARE gay?"
"What? NO!"
"So they're paying you guys to be gay?" Cartman raised an eyebrow.
"It's not that either…jeez whatever I already told you how we got the money, now for fuck's sake leave us alone."
Cartman closed his eyes for a few seconds, deep in thought…an idea suddenly popped in his head.
"Tell me Craig, what other perks does being gay have?"
Craig once again flipped Cartman the bird, he had already given him way too much attention. Craig decided to once again ignore the overweight boy so he can finally ask for ps4s and finally get out of this place.
With Tweek in hand and a cartridge of Assassin's Creed in the other, he walked up to one of the bored looking salesmen lounging around near the pc games.
"Excuse me, can we buy ps4s." Craig said his voice in its usual monotone.
"Yeah yeah, sure kid. Follow me to the counter." The salesman said, walking towards the counter.
"CRAIG, don't you fucking ignore me!" Cartman shrieked. The other customers ignored him, they were getting tired of his shit.
Craig continued to ignore him, instead he followed the man to the counter. Tweek looked at Cartman sympathetically but was nonetheless dragged off by Craig.
"That will be $799.98 for two ps4s…bro." The salesman said. Boredom was evident in his face.
"Oh and we'll also be taking this." Craig placed the game cartridge on top of the counter. The salesman saw the game's cover then furrowed his brows.
"Hey, this is rated M! You're not allowed to buy this game bro."
Cartman grew ecstatic with what he had just heard, "Hah, they won't be able to play the game after all!"
Craig looked at the salesman he seems to be one of those annoying "PC" guys that their principal hangs around with, a plan hatched in Craig's head. He was going to hate what he will say, but for the sake of buying the game…he had to try.
"We're gay, check your privilege…" Craig replied. Mentally cringing with what he had said. He then raised his right arm to show that his hands were intertwined with Tweek's.
"O-Oh yeah, you're those kids…fuck PC Principal is going to kill me if he finds out. Listen kid, if you promise not to tell anyone about this little mishap I'll give you this ps4s for half the price…is that alright?"
"I don't care about that, can we just buy the game?"
"Huh, Y-Yeah of course bro, I'll even throw some other games for you guys free of charge."
"Okay we'll buy them." Craig said. His plan had worked way too well. The people of South Park are fucking idiots.
"Thanks for shopping, here's your stuff…oh and here's some money." The salesman gave Tweek and Craig fifty dollars each. Craig sighed, it's not like he needed more money. He and Tweek then exited the store, holding hands with one hand and each holding a plastic bag containing a ps4 and some games in the other.
Cartman who had been watching the whole thing grew amazed, he saw the true power of gayness it was magnificent! People bowing to your will just because you're gay…holy fuck that is amazing! If you get to have all that free shit just because your homo then fuck being straight.
"That gay for pay scheme is amazing…I should get in on that. But I'll need to have someone to be gay with." Cartman thought. He then remembered his three friends (if that's what he should call them), hopefully at least one of them might agree to play gay with him.
"Hopefully it's not the Jew." Cartman muttered.
A/N: Like I said earlier I am pretty rusty, I had a hard time writing Cartman and I am not entirely satisfied with how I wrote him in here, hopefully I get better. I've inserted a lot of reference from various episodes so in order this fully enjoy this fic you'd have to watch some of them. Thanks for reading and please review or favorite if you'd enjoyed.