Cold Realities
A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction
By Prospero Hibiki
http://prospero.anifics.com
hell_frost@hotmail.com
Disclaimer:
Were I anything but a poor college student I would ... well I don't know what would happen since I doubt that this situation will change in the foreseeable future except if I fail out of said college. As it is I'm not making any money off of these characters and any character that you don't recognize from Takahashi Rumiko's Ranma 1/2 series is mine. And the truly sad thing is I'm not even making money off of them.
Prologue:
The drums beat with a steady rapping, and unconsciously I match my steps to their motion. I notice myself doing so and do a slight shuffle step to break up the rhythm. My efforts bring no smiles forth from my escorts though; instead they only tightened their grips on my bound arms as they escorted me to the looming scaffold. I'm vaguely disappointed but only vaguely for I don't know these men and they don't know me so what do they care. It was this indifference that hurts the most for I'm a person that is used to eliciting a response of some sort from everyone be it good or bad.
This is a totally alien experience for me and for once I'm faced with the real possibility of my death. Sure everyone always says they're going to kill me, but rarely am I ever placed in a situation where I can't even run. The archers lining the battlements surrounding this courtyard have so far persuaded me to stay on my best behavior. Still it's all I can do to keep from lashing out at my guards with my feet and making my way to freedom. I don't even know if the scaffold is for me or if they are just trying to ... well that idea's out the window altogether because their hangman is measuring me for one of the caskets that is laying against the wooden platform. As they lead me up the steps and tighten the noose around my neck, one thought moves through my head repeatedly. Ranma Saotome, you idiot, what have you gotten yourself into this time?
Chapter 1:
Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed. Sure I've thought this many times before so the thought itself isn't new, but perhaps the circumstances themselves are. Oddly enough my day was going, if not perfectly, rather well. Or at least it was, was being the operative word in that sentence. As I run from rooftop to rooftop through downtown Yokohama I reestablish my vow to severely maim my father sometime in the near future. Another dozen apple flavored soy nuts explode in the area where my feet had just left the tile of a hapless roof that likely never hurt anyone in a life cut all too short. Thinking back on the last few moments I resolve to maim Tatewaki too.
Looking back over my shoulder I see that the heir of the Kinechuren School of Martial Arts Vegetarianism is still going strong and for a brief moment a possible lifestyle change seems in order. I shake my head and run faster since that last thought indicates that her soy nut grenades have been releasing some sort of gas. Sure enough as I move further ahead I once more feel the return of my craving for sukiyaki, the craving that started this whole mess today. Mmmmmm sukiyaki.
"Stay still so I can kill you and avenge the honor of my clan!"
The girl chasing me has been spouting such nonsense for the past hour, and I'm kind of tempted to just stop and see what she'd do if I actually did stop running. But then again I've had a lot of experience resisting temptation. Instead I won't dignify her insanity with a response.
"How dare you flick me off you, animal murderer you! For this fresh insult I shall hunt ..."
Or at least a verbal response. The outraged girl's ranting is finally starting to blend into the background giving me some relief at least from the pounding headache that I managed to pick up somewhere along the way. Probably got it when the girl was explaining how my old man took their milk cow as a dowry payment for her hand in marriage seven years ago. Which certainly explains where he got all that beef that time when we were particularly down on our luck. I take some small comfort in the fact that she no longer wants to marry me since I'm an "animal murderer" and all. How was I supposed to know they didn't serve sukiyaki in their restaurant? That old man down the street told me that it'd be a great place to order killer sukiyaki.
Yeah, okay, so I admit it. I do feel like a total rube right now. And that old geezer has been thrown on the to-be-maimed list right under Pop and Tatewaki. Gotta remember to tell Ryoga that the man called his mother a sow. Yeah, that'll teach him to point unsuspecting young men at previously unknown fiancés. As if I didn't have enough problems already with Mr. Tendo screaming at me day and night for allowing his baby girl to get put in traction. As if I had any control over the stupid girl's inability to get out from in front of a semi. Of course that memory of, "I'm a martial artist to...urk!" will remain dear to my heart for a very long time. Just as will the phone call from Nerima General about the condition of my other three fiancés. The Traction Fairy has been very kind to me this year.
An almost absent toss of my head I dodge the large block of tofu that hadn't been prefaced with a cheesy, longwinded name. Looking back over my shoulder once more I see the girl falling way behind and decide to make my move.
"Look, I'm sorry bout everything but if you really want to kill me I live in Zimbabwe!" I despise lying but how else am I supposed to ever get some peace in my life. Quickly I dash around the corner and use Pop's Umi- sen-ken Body Defense Shooting Star Cloth technique to fade from view. As the Kinechuren girl runs past I silently beat myself over the head for using the technique. I'd sealed it away for a reason and if I use it the old man could do the same. I stretch out with my senses for any other martial artists in the area and sigh in relief when I realize I'm alone. Good another day that the old lech won't find out the secrets of my family's forbidden techniques.
I run quickly towards Nerima for several minutes before dropping the technique. There's no reason to keep it up any longer and many reasons not to use it. The rest of my walk home is silent and slow the only sound I hear the loud complaints of my stomach. I really wanted that sukiyaki. You'll pay for this Pop. "You'll pay!"
"Mommy, why is that person laughing like that?"
I see the little girl get pulled along by her mother. "Come along. It's not nice to point at the insane, Reina."
Yes it's true. Some days it really doesn't pay to get out of bed
~~~
It's almost dinnertime when I get to the dojo and I'm still extremely hungry. Everyone always wonders why I eat as fast as I do. It's because all too many of my meals get ruined before I can even eat them and the ones that don't are stolen by my old man. Trust me after missing four meals in a row because someone from the school of Martial Arts Dentistry has a grudge against your father you'd eat faster too. Which of course reminds me that I have an appointment with Gondo-sensei in a week to look at the crown on the right rear molar. I think that fight with Saffron knocked it loose. Either that or one of those stupid pineapple bombs.
As I round the corner of the street I freeze sensing something's unusual. Then it hits me. Figuratively speaking for once. Everything's quiet. I look up and sure enough I'm on the right street. It's so strange that looking down I realize that I've gotten into a defensive stance. Oh yeah. The Traction Fairy. I'd almost forgotten about that. It's amazing how quiet things get when no one's actively 'courting' me.
Things look great inside. Kasumi and Nabiki together have done a great job of calling in contractors to do all those little repairs that we haven't been able to get done. Like replacing the shoji and retiling some of the roof. Of course they did save some money by having me do some of it. Damnit Pop you didn't have to tell them I'd mastered Martial Arts Carpentry at the age of twelve. Now I'll have to fix all the holes Akane punts me through. At least Nabiki paid for a stonemason to come in and redo the koi pond. It's really been bothering me each time when those poor fish stare at me through the inches of water that separate us. I know I've accidentally stunned a couple of them and they deserve better. Besides I think they really like their new underwater grotto. I don't think they ever leave except to get food, which considering how often I end up in the pond is probably a good idea.
"So how was your day Ranma-kun?" Kasumi's voice comes out of nowhere and it's all I can do to prevent myself from jumping twenty feet into the air. If Pop hadn't met this girl after he'd seal away the Umi-sen-ken I'd have sworn he'd based it on her. That's the only reason I can think of that she can sneak up on me every time.
"Oh my day was...busy, Kasumi. How was yours?"
"Quite calming really. I'd never realized just how stressed I'd been these past few months until all that stress just went away." With I just stare as she walks into the house. Kasumi was stressed earlier? Oh wow. Things had been worse than I'd thought.
This time I sensed the person trying to sneak up on me, or rather hiding just around the corner. Nabiki's always thought she's had the upper hand with me and it's true that she has on occasion, but come on just how stupid does she think I am. I know over forty different style of martial arts intimately enough to be ranked as a master in them and am at least acquainted with the basic principles of hundreds more. So what if I don't do well in regular schooling! You'd fail tests too if you had to fight off ninjas trying to lure you off into ambushes by stealing your test sheet.
As it is I'm at least as qualified as Ms Hinako to teach English, and my computer skills are probably good enough to hack a Cray. Four words: Martial Arts Industrial Espionage. History? Please! You hear about three thousand years of Amazon culture day in and day out and you'll probably agree that it's a great incentive to learn. Same with literature, biology, physics, and architecture. I don't think I need to mention Phys. Ed. So I let Nabs think she's smarter than me. It's one of the basic tenets of my school. Thou shalt make thy enemy underestimate you. My phrasing. Pop's just kept hitting me till I got it right.
"Well Saotome, just where have you been this afternoon? Off gallivanting with some of your admirers perhaps?"
She's sticking out her hand to me this time. I wonder what she thinks she has on me. "Nope just reflecting on what a good thing it is that I don't live in Zimbabwe. I'd ask you where my old man is, but you'd charge me for it."
"Moi? I'd never do such a thing."
Her hand is out again. Why is her hand out? That's getting really annoying now and it's also getting hard to keep from letting her know that I'm about to graduate at the same time she is. And that is something I wish to avoid at all costs. Hell, I think only the guidance counselor and the vice-principal know that I've already passed the test for Toudai. Me and Nabiki going to the same school? I think not! Which of course brings me to the fact that Nabiki wants money for some reason. Maybe if I just push past...No she's now shoved her arm between me and the stairs. It's probably best to play oblivious.
"What's up Nabs?" Cool, that's a pretty interesting shade of puce, gotta remember that one.
Nabiki glares at me. "Just for that, Ranko, I'm charging you double to keep a certain phone call secret."
Okay now she's starting to irritate me. And thinking back I've been letting her slide a little too much. Economic Martial Arts first dan? Hardly a challenge for someone who's recently had the motivation to rise to fourth.
"I don't know, Tendo-san?" Step one: show weakness to lure the opponent off balance. "That doesn't really sound fair to me." Step two: draw opponent into an unconsciously analytical frame of mind. "I've always thought that the equal exchange always freed one from further obligation. To be specific your usage of a nickname for me has placed you in a situation that has actually removed any need for me to pay you double since those circumstances arose from me giving you a nickname." Step three: defeat your opponent using their own rules and values in such a way that they will doubt their own skills.
It was rather interesting listening to Nabiki sputter for a couple of minutes but I really need to return things to the status quo. "Are you alright Nabiki? Do you need some water?"
I can almost see the gears turning in her head. It's taken her a couple of minutes but she's slowly coming to the realization of what I've done. "Ranma, just where did you learn that?"
It's the perfect opening for me to completely devastate her self-esteem and thereby ruining what little power she thinks she has over me and practically crippling her for life. It'll only take five words. Five words that I can practically taste as they roll around on my tongue.
"Dunno, just heard it somewhere."
Yeah, that's right I couldn't do it. The correct five words would have been Economic Martial Arts fourth dan. I am such a softy it's disgusting. Though I must admit having to watch Nabiki completely revamp her view of me twice in as many minutes is doing great things for my ego. It'll also be good for her. Keep her on her toes and the like.
A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction
By Prospero Hibiki
http://prospero.anifics.com
hell_frost@hotmail.com
Disclaimer:
Were I anything but a poor college student I would ... well I don't know what would happen since I doubt that this situation will change in the foreseeable future except if I fail out of said college. As it is I'm not making any money off of these characters and any character that you don't recognize from Takahashi Rumiko's Ranma 1/2 series is mine. And the truly sad thing is I'm not even making money off of them.
Prologue:
The drums beat with a steady rapping, and unconsciously I match my steps to their motion. I notice myself doing so and do a slight shuffle step to break up the rhythm. My efforts bring no smiles forth from my escorts though; instead they only tightened their grips on my bound arms as they escorted me to the looming scaffold. I'm vaguely disappointed but only vaguely for I don't know these men and they don't know me so what do they care. It was this indifference that hurts the most for I'm a person that is used to eliciting a response of some sort from everyone be it good or bad.
This is a totally alien experience for me and for once I'm faced with the real possibility of my death. Sure everyone always says they're going to kill me, but rarely am I ever placed in a situation where I can't even run. The archers lining the battlements surrounding this courtyard have so far persuaded me to stay on my best behavior. Still it's all I can do to keep from lashing out at my guards with my feet and making my way to freedom. I don't even know if the scaffold is for me or if they are just trying to ... well that idea's out the window altogether because their hangman is measuring me for one of the caskets that is laying against the wooden platform. As they lead me up the steps and tighten the noose around my neck, one thought moves through my head repeatedly. Ranma Saotome, you idiot, what have you gotten yourself into this time?
Chapter 1:
Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed. Sure I've thought this many times before so the thought itself isn't new, but perhaps the circumstances themselves are. Oddly enough my day was going, if not perfectly, rather well. Or at least it was, was being the operative word in that sentence. As I run from rooftop to rooftop through downtown Yokohama I reestablish my vow to severely maim my father sometime in the near future. Another dozen apple flavored soy nuts explode in the area where my feet had just left the tile of a hapless roof that likely never hurt anyone in a life cut all too short. Thinking back on the last few moments I resolve to maim Tatewaki too.
Looking back over my shoulder I see that the heir of the Kinechuren School of Martial Arts Vegetarianism is still going strong and for a brief moment a possible lifestyle change seems in order. I shake my head and run faster since that last thought indicates that her soy nut grenades have been releasing some sort of gas. Sure enough as I move further ahead I once more feel the return of my craving for sukiyaki, the craving that started this whole mess today. Mmmmmm sukiyaki.
"Stay still so I can kill you and avenge the honor of my clan!"
The girl chasing me has been spouting such nonsense for the past hour, and I'm kind of tempted to just stop and see what she'd do if I actually did stop running. But then again I've had a lot of experience resisting temptation. Instead I won't dignify her insanity with a response.
"How dare you flick me off you, animal murderer you! For this fresh insult I shall hunt ..."
Or at least a verbal response. The outraged girl's ranting is finally starting to blend into the background giving me some relief at least from the pounding headache that I managed to pick up somewhere along the way. Probably got it when the girl was explaining how my old man took their milk cow as a dowry payment for her hand in marriage seven years ago. Which certainly explains where he got all that beef that time when we were particularly down on our luck. I take some small comfort in the fact that she no longer wants to marry me since I'm an "animal murderer" and all. How was I supposed to know they didn't serve sukiyaki in their restaurant? That old man down the street told me that it'd be a great place to order killer sukiyaki.
Yeah, okay, so I admit it. I do feel like a total rube right now. And that old geezer has been thrown on the to-be-maimed list right under Pop and Tatewaki. Gotta remember to tell Ryoga that the man called his mother a sow. Yeah, that'll teach him to point unsuspecting young men at previously unknown fiancés. As if I didn't have enough problems already with Mr. Tendo screaming at me day and night for allowing his baby girl to get put in traction. As if I had any control over the stupid girl's inability to get out from in front of a semi. Of course that memory of, "I'm a martial artist to...urk!" will remain dear to my heart for a very long time. Just as will the phone call from Nerima General about the condition of my other three fiancés. The Traction Fairy has been very kind to me this year.
An almost absent toss of my head I dodge the large block of tofu that hadn't been prefaced with a cheesy, longwinded name. Looking back over my shoulder once more I see the girl falling way behind and decide to make my move.
"Look, I'm sorry bout everything but if you really want to kill me I live in Zimbabwe!" I despise lying but how else am I supposed to ever get some peace in my life. Quickly I dash around the corner and use Pop's Umi- sen-ken Body Defense Shooting Star Cloth technique to fade from view. As the Kinechuren girl runs past I silently beat myself over the head for using the technique. I'd sealed it away for a reason and if I use it the old man could do the same. I stretch out with my senses for any other martial artists in the area and sigh in relief when I realize I'm alone. Good another day that the old lech won't find out the secrets of my family's forbidden techniques.
I run quickly towards Nerima for several minutes before dropping the technique. There's no reason to keep it up any longer and many reasons not to use it. The rest of my walk home is silent and slow the only sound I hear the loud complaints of my stomach. I really wanted that sukiyaki. You'll pay for this Pop. "You'll pay!"
"Mommy, why is that person laughing like that?"
I see the little girl get pulled along by her mother. "Come along. It's not nice to point at the insane, Reina."
Yes it's true. Some days it really doesn't pay to get out of bed
~~~
It's almost dinnertime when I get to the dojo and I'm still extremely hungry. Everyone always wonders why I eat as fast as I do. It's because all too many of my meals get ruined before I can even eat them and the ones that don't are stolen by my old man. Trust me after missing four meals in a row because someone from the school of Martial Arts Dentistry has a grudge against your father you'd eat faster too. Which of course reminds me that I have an appointment with Gondo-sensei in a week to look at the crown on the right rear molar. I think that fight with Saffron knocked it loose. Either that or one of those stupid pineapple bombs.
As I round the corner of the street I freeze sensing something's unusual. Then it hits me. Figuratively speaking for once. Everything's quiet. I look up and sure enough I'm on the right street. It's so strange that looking down I realize that I've gotten into a defensive stance. Oh yeah. The Traction Fairy. I'd almost forgotten about that. It's amazing how quiet things get when no one's actively 'courting' me.
Things look great inside. Kasumi and Nabiki together have done a great job of calling in contractors to do all those little repairs that we haven't been able to get done. Like replacing the shoji and retiling some of the roof. Of course they did save some money by having me do some of it. Damnit Pop you didn't have to tell them I'd mastered Martial Arts Carpentry at the age of twelve. Now I'll have to fix all the holes Akane punts me through. At least Nabiki paid for a stonemason to come in and redo the koi pond. It's really been bothering me each time when those poor fish stare at me through the inches of water that separate us. I know I've accidentally stunned a couple of them and they deserve better. Besides I think they really like their new underwater grotto. I don't think they ever leave except to get food, which considering how often I end up in the pond is probably a good idea.
"So how was your day Ranma-kun?" Kasumi's voice comes out of nowhere and it's all I can do to prevent myself from jumping twenty feet into the air. If Pop hadn't met this girl after he'd seal away the Umi-sen-ken I'd have sworn he'd based it on her. That's the only reason I can think of that she can sneak up on me every time.
"Oh my day was...busy, Kasumi. How was yours?"
"Quite calming really. I'd never realized just how stressed I'd been these past few months until all that stress just went away." With I just stare as she walks into the house. Kasumi was stressed earlier? Oh wow. Things had been worse than I'd thought.
This time I sensed the person trying to sneak up on me, or rather hiding just around the corner. Nabiki's always thought she's had the upper hand with me and it's true that she has on occasion, but come on just how stupid does she think I am. I know over forty different style of martial arts intimately enough to be ranked as a master in them and am at least acquainted with the basic principles of hundreds more. So what if I don't do well in regular schooling! You'd fail tests too if you had to fight off ninjas trying to lure you off into ambushes by stealing your test sheet.
As it is I'm at least as qualified as Ms Hinako to teach English, and my computer skills are probably good enough to hack a Cray. Four words: Martial Arts Industrial Espionage. History? Please! You hear about three thousand years of Amazon culture day in and day out and you'll probably agree that it's a great incentive to learn. Same with literature, biology, physics, and architecture. I don't think I need to mention Phys. Ed. So I let Nabs think she's smarter than me. It's one of the basic tenets of my school. Thou shalt make thy enemy underestimate you. My phrasing. Pop's just kept hitting me till I got it right.
"Well Saotome, just where have you been this afternoon? Off gallivanting with some of your admirers perhaps?"
She's sticking out her hand to me this time. I wonder what she thinks she has on me. "Nope just reflecting on what a good thing it is that I don't live in Zimbabwe. I'd ask you where my old man is, but you'd charge me for it."
"Moi? I'd never do such a thing."
Her hand is out again. Why is her hand out? That's getting really annoying now and it's also getting hard to keep from letting her know that I'm about to graduate at the same time she is. And that is something I wish to avoid at all costs. Hell, I think only the guidance counselor and the vice-principal know that I've already passed the test for Toudai. Me and Nabiki going to the same school? I think not! Which of course brings me to the fact that Nabiki wants money for some reason. Maybe if I just push past...No she's now shoved her arm between me and the stairs. It's probably best to play oblivious.
"What's up Nabs?" Cool, that's a pretty interesting shade of puce, gotta remember that one.
Nabiki glares at me. "Just for that, Ranko, I'm charging you double to keep a certain phone call secret."
Okay now she's starting to irritate me. And thinking back I've been letting her slide a little too much. Economic Martial Arts first dan? Hardly a challenge for someone who's recently had the motivation to rise to fourth.
"I don't know, Tendo-san?" Step one: show weakness to lure the opponent off balance. "That doesn't really sound fair to me." Step two: draw opponent into an unconsciously analytical frame of mind. "I've always thought that the equal exchange always freed one from further obligation. To be specific your usage of a nickname for me has placed you in a situation that has actually removed any need for me to pay you double since those circumstances arose from me giving you a nickname." Step three: defeat your opponent using their own rules and values in such a way that they will doubt their own skills.
It was rather interesting listening to Nabiki sputter for a couple of minutes but I really need to return things to the status quo. "Are you alright Nabiki? Do you need some water?"
I can almost see the gears turning in her head. It's taken her a couple of minutes but she's slowly coming to the realization of what I've done. "Ranma, just where did you learn that?"
It's the perfect opening for me to completely devastate her self-esteem and thereby ruining what little power she thinks she has over me and practically crippling her for life. It'll only take five words. Five words that I can practically taste as they roll around on my tongue.
"Dunno, just heard it somewhere."
Yeah, that's right I couldn't do it. The correct five words would have been Economic Martial Arts fourth dan. I am such a softy it's disgusting. Though I must admit having to watch Nabiki completely revamp her view of me twice in as many minutes is doing great things for my ego. It'll also be good for her. Keep her on her toes and the like.