Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or James Blunt's lyrics to the song "Goodbye My Lover"
A/N: This is a birthday gift to my good friend Isa. Happy birthday!
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun
Dear Hermione,
I'm sorry for telling you like this, but it had to be done. I'm sitting at our table and I can hear you sleeping, hear your breathing and see your body curled up to the spot where I was sleeping. I'm sorry for leading you on; for letting you think this would be something forever, something we would be always. I don't think you'll ever know how sorry I am, but I am. So sorry.
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
I know I'm breaking your heart. I had blinded you to my faults and now you can't see my real persona. I can't hide myself from you, I tried, but I can't anymore. So even though I'm leaving I know I'm dragging you out with me, throwing your soul into the mire that lines the unseen world, leaving you behind in the gutters.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart, you touched my soul.
I know once you read this letter, you'll hate me forever. I want you to know that I won't ever hate you, I can't. Your presence burns my soul making me free from every concern, from every restraint. You'll always be in my heart and no one else will ever be able to fill that spot. I love you and I always will.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
When I really, truly met you, I couldn't withstand your charisma. I left what I had been pursuing for so long, abandoned my duty, duty that I had promised to do for my life. I can't forget that. I can't leave it forever. This time with you has been the most precious thing I've ever had, you should know.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Touching your skin for the first time, I'll never forget. We were in that seedy bar on the edge of town and you were nervous so I stretched my hand out and touched your fingers so lightly, when all I wanted to do was take you back to my flat to kiss you all night long, sweetly, gently. I cannot imagine how I'll make it without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
So I'm writing to you so you can get one last goodbye, the one I couldn't provide in person, the one that I couldn't give if I was still to leave. I don't have the strength to say goodbye to your face and still leave. I am not as strong as you think, my darling.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I don't know why I ever thought we might work. We have the love, I know that. But the other things, the little things, we differ so completely in. I have a duty that leads me one place; you have one that would set you as my enemy. I can't stay here while I know this. I can't face you every day and know that one day you might be called to end my life – for I know that even if I was ordered to end you, I could not, not for anything. Remember me as I was the past year. Not how I left, I beg of you.
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I remember at the funerals for the people who died in the Hogsmeade massacre you couldn't stop crying for ages and just let me hold you until you fell asleep in my arms. Nothing in the world can ever bring that feeling of ultimate contentment back to me. Nothing will ever come close to the feeling you bring me. Tell my son that I love him.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
I know that in the beginning you doubted me, doubted my intentions. But rest easy my love, I won't tell anyone any of your plans, or any of your friend's plans. I love you; I would not betray your trust so. My life will not be complete without you.
I am sorry to leave you in this way, and I know I've said this already, but I am sorry. I love you. So much. Forever. For eternity.
All my heart,
Draco
He waited for the ink to dry before putting it into an envelope and sealing it, placing the letter on the breakfast table. He gathered up his bags and placed a feather-light kiss on his love's cheek and touching her belly, swelling with their unborn child, before Apparating away.
Hermione stirred and awoke once he Apparated away and sat up, looking around.
"Draco?" she said. She looked around for him and began to walk through the flat, calling his name. Finally she saw the letter and sat down to read it. She sat and cried for the rest of the day.
A year later, both were in a battle, fighting against each other. She was running from a masked, cloaked figure and was finally trapped in a dead end. Huddling in a corner, she sobbed as the figure came closer.
"Please," she cried, "please no. My son… he'll be an orphan. Please, don't. Don't kill me."
The figure stopped about five feet in front of her and slowly removed its mask. "I won't kill you," said the hoarse voice of her lost love. His pale gray eyes stared at her. "But you have to kill me."
"Draco?" she asked, sobbing even more. "No, Draco, no, don't make me…"
He knelt by her and kissed her cheek even as she flinched away and stroked her bushy hair. "No my love. You must do this; you must do this to remain alive. You must, for Ralph. Stay alive and be his parent. Tell him of me, if you must, but never tell him this. Never say you saw me die." He held her shoulders and forced her to look at him. "Promise me this."
"I promise," she whispered shakily. Gulping, she asked, "What do you want me to do?"
He handed her his wand. "I'm going to stand over there, and then you have to kill me. You have to, Hermione. This is not a choice. It is the only way, the only way you can live a normal life."
She nodded and as he got up she clutched him to her for a moment before letting him go and struggling to get up afterwards. He stood by the opposite wall and stared straight into her eyes and she said softly, "Avada Kedavra!" There was a rush of green light, screaming and then nothing. When she blinked the tears from her eyes, she saw his lifeless body slumped by the wall, still staring at her.
"Oh, Draco," she breathed, touching his smooth, pale face once more. "Goodbye, my love."
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.